The Element of Surprise
by Abskii
Summary: A girl gets pulled into MiddleEarth. She doesn't want to be there, and does not join the Fellowship. No MarySue. Now being revised.
1. Camping Trip

Disclaimer: All characters, places, and names that pertain to the Lord of the Rings trilogy do not belong to me, they are the property of the genius J.R.R. Tolkien. I just want to stress that I do not own anything, with the exception of anything you have never heard of before, then that is naturally mine.  
  
A/N: Okay, I got the disclaimer done, now I need to explain a few key points before I begin my second story.   
  
One: This is not a self-insert, I just decided to write this in first person narrative. My other story is in third. I think I might use some third person, but not much. I have found you can develop certain character emotions more in first person narrative.  
  
Two: I did take the idea of a girl getting pulled into Middle Earth, but she does not join the Fellowship, I repeat, she does not join the Fellowship!  
  
And Three: I am going to make this as interesting as possible, but as of right now I have no idea what is going to happen. I am coming up with the story line as I type. I also don't have any idea how long it will be in between up dates.  
  
Now, that's out of the way. I really hope you enjoy reading my story and I will look forward to seeing your reviews.  
  
Enjoy!

-----

I'm going to share my story with you. Don't run away screaming yet. I swear on all that is holy and isn't that it did happen just as I am telling it to you. Each word that is written here is exactly as it happened.  
  
After you finish reading this, then you have my permission to run away screaming. But until then, please just listen...

-----

I had just moved to a new town, I was what you would call a "newby"; fresh out of college, deciding to strike out on my own. I had managed to rent a small apartment across the street from where I was employed, "Wildlife Dream" magazine. I was the top photographer, I was making a name for myself. What more could a girl ask for?  
  
To add to my already perfect life, twenty miles south of the town there was a wildlife preserve. The perfect spot to start my shooting. This was going to be big!  
  
My boss had come up to me the fateful day this all began with an idea; she told me that the magazine was doing an exclusive on the flora and fauna of this particular preserve, and they wanted me to take the pictures!  
  
Naturally, I was thrilled. I was no more than a year out of college and I was already working at as a solo photographer. The only damper on my newfound plans was I was only going on a scouting mission. I was only supposed to take a small camera and take a few pictures to show to the boss, she had to okay them before we went into any major shooting. Needless to say, I was still excited. My first real shoot!  
  
"Emily! I need those pictures as soon as possible. I want you to get out there this evening!"  
  
That's my boss, lovely woman isn't she?  
  
"All right! _All right_! I'm going! See, I am now walking out the front door!"  
  
As I was walking out of the door, a small man grabbed my shoulder and swung me around.   
  
"So, do you think that you need any help? You know, I could always carry your equipment for you."  
  
"No, thank you Lester. I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure? You might hurt my feelings if you say no."  
  
"Good-bye Lester."  
  
Lester had the luck to be one of the ugliest and slimiest men on the face of the planet. Hell, I don't think the aliens even have something that is comparable.  
  
Ugh! How I hate that man, always hanging on me! Why won't he leave me alone? Its not like I'm anything special to look at; if he wants that he should go check out the receptionist, Cherisse. That chick has enough boob for the both of us!  
  
But honestly, I am not that pretty. I have shoulder length, straight, brown hair. Brown, boring eyes, and I'm almost five feet nine. Pretty much the only thing I have going for me looks wise is that I am really athletically built. Seriously, I look like I spend all of my time working out or something. But other than that, I am just boring, plain and simple. I guess I get my figure from all of the running I do. In high school I was the track star; sadly that's all I have to brag about, if you hadn't already picked up on it I'm not exactly beauty queen material.  
  
Lester still wasn't giving up on me. He just wouldn't go away.  
  
"Lester! Will you leave me alone?"   
  
"Ah, but why would you want that?   
  
"Because I think you are an annoying, despicable person. For the last three months you have done nothing but hound me for a date! Leave me alone!"  
  
"All right. I will, for now." With that he winked at me and walked away.  
  
"Thank God I'm going to be gone for the weekend, I don't know how much more I could handle of this," I muttered.  
  
"Emily! Why aren't you gone yet? Time is money, and money is time!"  
  
My lovable boss again.  
  
"Ms. McArthur, I think I'm going to need Saturday off, that is if I want to get these pictures done and developed."  
  
I looked up from sorting through my camera equipment and came face to face with a short middle-aged woman who thought she was a big time executive.  
  
"All right, but you know I'm not paying for the extra time off?"  
  
"Yeah, I figured as much."  
  
"What does that mean?" she snapped.  
  
"Ahh, nothing," I said quickly. "It's getting late, I still need to find a camping spot for the night. I better get going."  
  
"My thoughts exactly."  
  
"All right, I'll be in on Sunday afternoon."  
  
"Morning, Sunday morning. Time is money."  
  
"All right, Sunday morning. I'll make sure these pictures will blow your socks off."  
  
"I hope so, I need those. Now _get_!"  
  
Doesn't she just radiate love? Argh.

-----

Finally got the trunk of my little Dodge Neon packed. Let me tell you, that was no easy task. I had decided that I needed a weekend alone, so I was in other words milking Ms. McArthur for as much money as I could. I was supposed to be on "business." Well so what? I like camping, and I knew I could get these pictures early in the morning so I might as well get an extra day to relax right? I mean, it only makes sense.  
  
But, oh, my luck was not with me tonight.

By the time I finally reached the perimeter of the park, it was eight at night. _Major_ rush hour traffic. Then the guy at the entrance booth of the park wasn't going to let me in, something about too many wild animals for only one girl to handle. Yeah, right, I am not a three-year-old; I think I can handle some birds and raccoons. I mean, do I look _that_ pathetic?  
  
Oh, don't even get me started on setting up the stupid tent. That took me close to an hour. The stupid thing that I bought, brand-new mind you, didn't come with instructions! So here I was in the middle of the woods, (I had picked the most secluded campsite that I could find) fighting this tent like it was a wild animal. Needless to say, we fought, but I won, (barely). When I finally fell into my sleeping bag I was exhausted and excited about the "shoot" tomorrow. My exhaustion won, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

-----

When I awoke the next morning, I found that besides all of the trouble I had had yesterday, I was glad beyond all measures that I was here. It was a perfectly calm, bright day-chilly, but not bad. Besides it was still early, it would warm up eventually.  
  
Seeing that someone up in the sky was agreeing with me, I hurried to get dressed in my "camera clothes" as I fondly called them. Khaki carpenter shorts, hiking boots, and a white and blue striped tank top. I tied my favorite red sweatshirt around my middle and grabbed my little knapsack. You never know what you might need. I had everything you could possibly think of in that bag: first aid kit, obviously my camera, extra film, map of the park, compass, matches, water, energy bars (lunch), etc. It was actually pretty heavy, but my track days made me pretty damn strong I'm proud to say. The coach was a slave driver.   
  
I crawled out of my tent, stood up and stretched as many bones cracked and popped-that tent is really cramped inside. I went over to my car and checked that everything was out of sight, I didn't want anyone breaking in. Seeing that everything was in order, I decided I was ready to go.   
  
I had just hiked out to the gravel road that led to the other campsites, when I saw a little trail that caught my attention. I also noticed that it wasn't marked as a "real" park trail. I figured that was a good thing-fewer people that traveled it, the more animals that probably used it. It was my lucky day! I started to walk.

-----

This is getting really ridiculous.  
  
I had now been walking for roughly five hours. No animals, no signs, no people, and worse yet, no more _trail_. Guess what? I was lost.  
  
Oh, don't get me wrong. It's not like I intentionally lost the trail, no, I didn't do that. I just happened to see some deer tracks and decided to follow them, what can I say? I was bored out of my mind by then. Then wouldn't you know it, the next time I looked up from the tracks, they had disappeared, I was in the middle of a forest with no trail. Remember when I said it was my lucky day? Yeah, well scratch that.  
  
After I had finally calmed down enough to think a little, (I had been running around in circles screaming, "The birds or raccoons or the deer are going to eat me! I'm going to die!") I remembered that I had a map of the park and a compass. Maybe my situation wasn't as bad as I had originally thought.  
  
I dug them out and sighed in frustration.  
  
Nope, it wasn't as bad as I had originally thought.   
  
It was worse.

At the park's visitor's center, I didn't grab a map like I thought I did, I had grabbed a flyer advertising the new and improved bathrooms in the park! Someone just shoot me!  
  
_'Okay, Emily just relax. This is not the end of the world; you are not going to die. All you need to do is walk in a straight line. I mean, how hard can it be to find a service road or a highway anyway?' _I thought to myself.  
  
Needless to say, I didn't try and think about the fact that the park stretched for miles and miles in all directions. That's just a small technical difficulty right?  
  
Anyway I had gotten my compass out of my pack and was on a course of straight east. If my memory was correct, I believed that was the closet of the park's borders. I started walking.

-----

As of right now, I had been walking for close to six hours, run through my entire vocabulary of swear words, and was _very_ pissed off.  
  
Suddenly, right in front of me, was a faint outline of an old road, or at least it was a break in the trees. It looked like the trees had almost been cut back, as if for a service road, a long time ago.  
  
"Booyah!" I shouted.  
  
I started out jogging at a fast pace. Up ahead, a short way, the road curved to the right sharply. I would have probably noticed the sound of others walking if I hadn't been so immersed in my own congratulations.  
  
_'Way to use your head Emily! You did it! I'm going to get out of here ali-'  
_  
Just as I rounded the bend in the road, I came face to face with a group of four normal sized men, what looked like four children and one very short and very hairy man.  
  
I was stunned. I was just about to say something, when I noticed that all of them had weapons. (Swords, bow and arrows and for all I knew, bazookas behind their backs.) Even the kids had weapons and worse yet all these very sharp and pointy weapons were aimed at me.  
  
I stood motionless, stunned, for a moment and then I did what every life-loving creature would do at a time like this.  
  
I ran.

-----

A/N: Whew! That was a long one. Well tell me what you think. You know should I continue this, is it interesting. That sort of thing.  
  
Thanks bunches!  
  
-A-


	2. The Chase

A/N: Wow! I'm only into my story one chapter and I already have three reviews begging for more! I'm so happy, thanks for making my day guys!

On with the story…

-----

I usually pride myself with my grace, but what is grace if you get yourself killed when you use it?

As I was running through the trees, I was anything but graceful. I was in a full out sprint wheezing and sputtering. I was moving fast.

If you have ever had an adrenaline rush, you know a fraction of what I was feeling. I was totally pumped and I was flying. No pacing, just running like the Hounds of Hell were on my heels. Sadly enough, for all I knew, they were.

Finally I slowed down; I really needed to catch my breath. In high school, I used to be able to complete a mile in less than five minutes, now I'm lucky if I get under six. Yes, I know, that is good, really good for some people. But for me that is almost pathetic; I push myself very hard. I was dearly wishing, at that moment, that I had continued all of that vigorous training. Ever heard the phrase, "…with old age comes laziness…"? Well, all I can tell you is it is too true.

Anyway, I finally stopped to catch my breath. When I actually got my breathing under control, I heard the sound that was the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Footsteps, coming my way!

They were following me!

I grinned to myself, _Ah, so the Robin-Hood-lookalikes want to play? Well this is going to be one_

hell of a game.

I started running again, but at a pace that I could maintain for quite sometime. I wanted to see how badly these guys wanted to catch me. Yeah, I know, I was stupid. I mean after all they _did_ have weapons, but I was in over my head already; why not have a little fun while I was trying to find a way

out?

Suddenly a very large, very gnarled tree appeared in front of me. I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but not only am I a had-been track star, but I could seriously climb trees. All of my childhood friends called me "Squirrel." I don't really know if they called me that because of my looks, or because of my climbing skills; I like to tell myself they meant my climbing abilities. But you know how kids can be.

As I neared the tree, I saw this was going to be only too easy. As I ran under it I grabbed onto a limb overhead and using the momentum that I had built up, I swung my legs up to another branch. Then, I let go of the other branch and used my gut muscles to pull myself up into the tree. When I had gotten up far enough into the tree to not be seen by the "Merry Men," I sat and waited.

I sure didn't need to wait very long, not even five minutes later the tall blonde guy came up and stopped under the tree. He wasn't even breathing hard.

Damn! This isn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be. Oh well, you only live once.

Even though I sounded brave, I was a really shaken by the fact that the guy could very easily out run me. This just isn't my day.

A few seconds later, two other men came up to the blondie, one had dark hair and the other sandy brown.

(Excuse the descriptions of the men based only on their hair. For crying out loud, I was up in a tree! It wasn't like I could see anything else! Give me a break!)

The dark haired one then spoke to the blond guy, "Where did she go? Did she disappear like she appeared?"

At this I just had to laugh, I mean how pathetic can you get? Never mind, I mean they were in tights, a girl can't expect much from guys running around in tights.

As I thought this, I started to snort with laughter. I tried to cover my mouth, but my hand wasn't quick enough. Just as my little giggle escaped, all three of the men under my tree looked up directly at me.

"Shit!"

I leapt to my feet and started to run along the branch I had been sitting on. Behind me, I could hear someone climbing the tree, very quickly. I looked down to the ground and saw the two brown haired guys standing there watching with swords in hand.

Oh great, a guy in long blonde hair and tights is chasing me up a tree. I think I would have better luck on the ground now. To think, I was actually enjoying the view too, oh well.

With that, I ran to the end of my branch and leapt into thin air-not a moment too soon, I might add. Just as I hit the ground and started to roll, I saw, for only a fleeting second, the blonde guy standing on the branch I had been occupying a minute before.

As I finally rolled to a stop, for I had rolled quite a way, I saw the two guys with swords hurrying over to me.

Ha! You think I'm just going to give up? Not on your life, or mine for that matter!

I was on my feet, although I did stumble a little bit, in a couple seconds and running for all I was worth. Then my feet decided this was the perfect time to fall asleep, I swear it's a conspiracy!

My feet did slow me down, but not that much. I saw a break in the trees up ahead of me and crashing footsteps behind me. Hmmm, what direction should I take?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

As I came up to the break of the trees, I saw I was on the edge of a very, very, _very_ tall cliff. One word would sum up what would happen if I had not regained my balance and actually fallen.

****

SPLAT!

Happy thought isn't it?

"Oh! My! God!"

I was just standing there, looking at my toes and the half-inch of empty space under them. Then I came out of my daze as I heard the steps come to a stop. I turned around and saw all three of the men, the brown haired ones were about ready to fall over, and the blonde guy wasn't even sweating. I really need to learn that guy's secret.

I just turned to run again, when the guy with the lighter brown hair panted, "There is no need to flee, we shall not harm you."

I looked at him and laughed, "Yeah, right buddy, what ever you say."

With that, I gave him the birdie and ran back into the woods.

I heard him saying something to the other men, I didn't hear it very clearly, but I think it was something like, "Not again, I do not believe I shall be able to suffer it. Gandalf demanded we apprehend her, so we must." He finished with a heart rending sigh. Poor, out of shape guy…

Oh, great, these guys were only minions. I still have to deal with the big guy. Yeah for me.

Once again I turned my full attention back to my "escape."

Yes, don't remind me. I know I had no idea where I was or where I was planning on going, but when you have three very weird guys chasing you, wouldn't you call that escaping?

Anyway, I had been jogging for a while, when all of a sudden I saw a group of people in front of me. I was saved!

As I got closer, I saw they were none other than the old fart, the hairy guy, and the munchkins. I had gone in a giant circle!

You know when I keep saying, "I'm saved?" Next time I say that, just slap me. Plain and simple, just

slap me; I promise I'll need it.

"This is so _not_ funny!"

I then wheeled around to see that the three other guys were now blocking my only path of escape.

The old guy chose that moment to start speaking, "There now child, no one shall harn you, just relax. We only wish to aid you."

"Ha! Yeah right, some crackpot old fart, a bunch of munchkins, a very hairy guy, two guys that are so out of shape its not even funny." I stopped to take a breath. "And one guy that I don't even want to know what he's been smoking, and it must be something illegal because I have never seen someone with that much natural stamina want to help me? And let me just repeat, you all want to help me. Hmm, let me think about this. Not a chance, buster!"

I then spun on my heel, shoved the dark haired guy in front of me over, and took off running. I only got about three steps away, when I was suddenly two feet in the air and _not moving!_

"Okay, big guy, I'll give you three seconds to put me down or I can guarantee you will_ not_ be having children."

The guy that I had shoved out of my way was now holding me around the waist and off the ground so I could not go anywhere.

"Nay, I apologize, I cannot do that. What is your meaning? 'Not be able to have children'?"

This guy really was slow!

I grinned demonically, "Here, my good fellow, let me enlighten you to your current situation."

With that I brought my foot backwards and kicked him where it counts, very hard. Needless to say, he put me down very quickly. When I finally got off my butt, I noticed that I could not move again.

Against my will, my body was slowly being turned back towards the other freaks. I also didn't feel anyone touching me, so I became very worried.

When I was finally facing the other ones, (What more can you call them?) I saw that the old guy had his walking stick out and was pointing it towards me.

"I have had enough of your behavior! Because of your own ignorance, I have been forced to take these hasty actions!" With that he slammed his staff down on the ground and there was a rumbling sound and a blinding flash of light, well I think that's what happened, that was the last thing I saw anyway. Right after that I slipped into a vast sea of utter blackness.

Note to self: _Don't piss off the old guy!_

-----

A/N: In my opinion, that was a rather rough chapter. Another thing I would like to tell you is that Emily, my character, has never read Lord of the Rings. She has no idea what is going on, who anyone is, and she is **NOT** going to help the Fellowship by telling them what is going to happen. Please tell me if I lead you around too much. I look foreword to hearing from you!


	3. Munchkins?

A/N: Wowza! This is completely and utterly amazing! I am practically swimming in reviews! Thank you so incredibly much, you guys are the best! Here's a little note to Windrider:

I know where you are coming from with the speed and all. But you kind of have to realize this chick is scared, all out terrified. Think adrenaline, times ten. Another thing, if you hadn't noticed at the moment she really doesn't have much going for her other than her tree climbing ability and her speed, I had to give her something! But I am pleased that you picked up on that, you're very observant.

All right, that's all I really wanted to say. I didn't mean to sound too testy with you, Windrider. Sorry, bad day. Okay, I have officially stuck my foot in my mouth and swallowed. Well then, I'll continue with

where I left off!

-----

"Oh," I mumbled, "I have one hell of a headache. Aspirin, _aspirin_, oh God, I need some aspirin. Whoever got me this drunk is so going to die. Wait a minute, I don't even drink." I was officially puzzled.

If you hadn't already noticed, I had an awful headache. I was lying on my right side with my knees up to my chin and my arms pulled behind me, not the world's most comfortable position. To add to my discomfort, I was sitting against something-hard, rough, and there was a lump that was working its way up my butt.

"Argh, okay just sit up. All right, I can do this," I started to cheer myself on. _Pant, pant. _I wasn't moving anywhere; it actually felt like I was stuck.

"Damn it! I can't."

I slowly opened my eyes. _Big_ mistake.

"Ahhhh! Too bright, _too bright_! Someone shut the window! Pull the shades, for the love of God!"

When I finally pried my unwilling eyes open again, I saw what I was dreading. I was looking at the blue, clear, sky with a hell of a lot of trees surrounding it. That is definitely not my bedroom, no matter how big of a mess is in there. It hasn't gotten so bad that I have trees growing out of the garbage, yet.

Okay, relax, obviously you are out in the trees. God! Now just answer this question, what am I doing here? I faintly remember running through a forest, I was being chased… strange guys in Robin Hood get-ups…that was some dream. Too bad I couldn't finish it. Oh, well, I'll just go back to sleep now. Good night…

I slowly closed my eyes again and was just drifting off to sleep when I heard voices.

"Holy _shit_! It wasn't a dream!"

I tried to sit bolt upright, but I only got to just above lying. I finally figured out why I was in such an uncomfortable position; I was slumped on the ground with my feet tied in front of me, my hands tied behind me and I was tied to a tree! A tree of all things! The nerve!

(Just for those that are wondering, the lump going up my butt was a tree root. Just thought I should share that with you.)

When I opened my eyes for a third time, I saw eight mismatched people all staring down at me, yes even the munchkins were staring down at me. This is not a good thing, nope it definitely isn't.

To make matters worse, the seriously psycho old fart was walking towards me.

Great, just what I need, another chance to piss him off. Maybe I can get him to break one of my legs now. Or wait, better yet, maybe he'll give me cement shoes and I get to go swimming. Oh, goody.

By now, I had figured out he was the cause for my headache. This guy is really scary; you don't just go running around like your Merlin, it's not right.

"Ah, I see you are finally awake. I apologize for the ropes. I took this precaution so I would be able to speak with you before you scurried off," the old guy smiled at me gently.

I just looked at him blankly. _I do not scurry! _So he wants to talk to me? Yeah right.

Hmmm, to piss him off or not to piss him off? That is the question. Choices, choices, it's not like I have anything else to do and I highly doubt I'm going to get out of here alive anyway. Oh well, mwhahahaha.

I then smiled at him sweetly, "Oh, so you wanted to talk to me? Why didn't you just say so?"

"Oh, well, I wasn't quite sure you would agree to my request. But you do now?"

I smiled at him again, and honked a lougie right into his face.

"Oops, silly me. I do apologize for that. That always happens to me when some deranged old fart knocks me out. I really need to get that fixed don't you think?" I smiled innocently.

3…2…1…Blast off!

"Why, you little…I should…I should just…" he sputtered while he was wiping off his face.

"Come on, let it out. My psychologist says it's not good to have any undue stress or rage inside. It never does any good. That a boy, there now don't you feel better? All warm and tingly inside?" I know, I know, I'm evil. What else was I going to say? I mean, I was about to be killed in about thirty seconds. Might as well have a little bit of fun.

But just then one of the little munchkins turned to another one and asked, "Hey, Merry, what's a 'psychologist'?"

"I dunno Pip, ask Gandalf."

Okay, not only was the dark haired one slow, but the munchkins also had something wrong with them. Well, maybe I shouldn't blame the poor kids, I mean they were tramping around a national park with a group of idiots. How much could they know?

"They're people that help you with your emotions, they make you feel better after you talk to them, sweetheart," I answered the little guy.

"Merry," he whispered. "What's a 'sweetheart'?"

"Okay, that's it!" I once again lost my temper. "You guys are a bunch of _idiots_, plain and simple! Now…_LET_…_ME_…_GO_!"

Well that got their attention.

The old guy was obviously still pissed at me, go figure. "Oh, no you don't! You are going to sit there, as you are, until you are willing to speak to me as an adult. That is final!" he then stalked away.

Yep, definitely still pissed. I thought only little kids threw tantrums.

The rest of the freak-shows stood around and stared at me a little longer.

"What? You've never seen a girl tied to a tree before? You people seriously need to get out more."

They still just looked at me.

"Hey! Buddy! How's the merchandise doing? Like I said, I am going to be very surprised if you ever have kids. That even hurt my foot! Oooohhh, don't want to think about what it did to you!"

The dark haired guy glared at me, but I noticed that he was turning a satisfying shade of purple. He, too, turned and stomped away; eventually everyone else trailed away after him.

Honestly, I was really surprised that no one had just killed me yet. Jeez, I really need to work on my people skills.

-----

Slowly, I had managed to pull myself into a better position. I was no longer sitting on a tree root at least. Sadly enough, it had take me most of the day. The old fart still wasn't even looking at me, the dark haired guy was still a nice shade of purple, and everyone else was ignoring/avoiding me.

Man I'm good!

I had also noticed that while I was out cold, someone had taken my sweatshirt off my waist, taken my backpack off my back and I was getting _very_ cold. As it was getting darker, I was starting to shudder ever so slightly. By the time full darkness had descended, I was in an all out shiver.

Then my butt decided it was high time to fall asleep. I seriously have problems with my body parts falling asleep-conspiracy. As I was shifting my weight around, my butt hit another lump. I was just about ready to start swearing about the lumpy ground when I realized what it was.

My Swiss-Army knife key chain. I had completely forgotten that I had placed my car keys in my back pocket when I started out on this little chaos spree called a hike. I was sav- uh, savagely hungry? Whew, nice save by me.

Obviously, whatever idiot it was that tied me up, didn't take the time to check my pockets. Oh well, no great loss of mine, only theirs.

Finally I maneuvered it out of my back pocket and it then decided to drop onto the ground behind me. So, then I spent roughly the next twenty minutes trying to pick it up again. _There! _I got it, now I had it in a death grip; it wasn't going anywhere soon.

Crack!

I whipped my head up and came face to face with one of the little guys. He looked at me quickly and then he just said, "Oh, I believed you to be asleep, were you?"

"Nope. How am I supposed to sleep when I'm tied to a tree and freezing off what is left of my awake ass?"

"Oh. Um. I brought you a blanket if you would prefer to use it. I believed you to be cold without a cloak or tunic."

"Uh-huh, well, thanks. Could you just kind of drape it over me, I'm kinda all tied up at the moment."

He failed to see the humor in that.

"Aye, I see that. Strider bound you before you awoke."

He stepped up to me and just kind of threw it over me. Well, at least I wasn't on the verge of hypothermia anymore.

"Thanks kid, your okay."

He just grinned at me, then he got a weird look on his face.

"Why do you call me 'kid'? I am not a goat."

Okay, he was slow too.

I sighed, "It's another word for munchkin."

"'Munchkin'? I am not acquainted with that word."

Okay, now it was my turn to get pissed off.

"Child, young one, that sort of thing. That's usually what you call someone that is obviously younger than yourself."

At this his eyes got really wide, "You have seen more years than I?"

"Um, yeah, I believe so anyway. How old are you?"

"I recently passed my fiftieth year," he stated proudly.

I swear my jaw dropped to my lap.

He then grinned at me, "You really do not appear to be that old. Are you an elf?"

Elves? Kids that are older than my parents and _are not to be considered munchkins?_

I really had a lot to learn.

A _lot _to learn.

-----

A/N: Okay, well that's now completed. (I think) Don't get mad at me if anything is wrong, currently it is rather late at night and I am falling asleep at the keyboard. I figured I owed you guys a chapter, it has been awhile since I up dated after all. Oh well, you use what you have to work with.

Toodles!


	4. Royal Insults

A/N: Thank you so much for all of the reviews I have been receiving! I absolutely love them!

There is one thing though, this is for alex: Are you trying to tell me something? I think you are trying to give me a hint, but it's just not hitting home. I just had to get that out of my system, I love being sarcastic; can you tell by my story?

Oh! For all of you sick minded people out there, (I should talk, I was the one that wrote it!) it was Aragorn she kicked where it counts. Since later he marries Arwen, I figured he was the most likely candidate for having children. Yes, don't worry it was only me being sadistic again.

All of you people that have to have a fanfiction story based almost completely on the original with only minor plot twists, _LEAVE! THERE'S THE DOOR! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! _It is _my_ version of the story, not Tolkien's. Yes, I am not going to argue, more than likely Tolkien's original is a whole lot better than mine, _BUT THIS ONE IS STILL **MINE!**_

There, I now feel a whole lot better. I figured I was going to get something like that sometime, I might as well dispel them before they actually happen. I'm already getting the whole "Mary-Sue" kick. Ask yourself this question: Do I care?

Sorry, I'm getting off on a tangent. Thanks for hearing me out at least.

Alrighty then, on with my amazingly loved story and sense of humor! (I am seriously having too much fun right now.)

-----

"You are an elf?"

God, now I'm dealing with elves. What next? Wait! Don't answer that, I probably don't want to know.

"Yeah, sure, I'm one of Santa's little helpers, didn't you notice? I mean the bells on my feet and the pointy hat I'm wearing must be a dead giveaway."

The little guy, (I guess I have to stop referring to them as munchkins now) just stared at me, "Who is this Santa fellow?"

"Never mind, it's not worth the time or the effort to explain it. By the way, I didn't catch your name, care to share it?"

"Oh! My! Forgive me, that was incredibly rude of me!" He gave a little bow, "I am Frodo, son of Drogo, resident of the Shire." He straightened up, "May I ask what you are known by?"

I gave him a lopsided grin, "Yeah, no problem, I'm Emily, nice to meet you, how do you do, yadda yadda. So now that we are friends, you aren't just going to let your new lady friend stay tied to a tree all night, are you?" I smiled sweetly at him again.

"I apologize, , milady. I can not do what you have requested. I would be in terrible trouble if I did so. It was nice to meet you Lady Emily. Good night."

With that, he just turned around and walked away towards the others. Of course why would he want to stay here all night and chat to his "Lady" Emily when he could go sit by a nice, toasty warm fire? Well at least he said 'lady'. I guess I am getting some respect around here.

Just then, I figured I might as well know whom the heck I was dealing with. Or I might at least learn some names, that way I would have something else to slaughter.

"Hey, um, Frodo?"

He stopped and slowly turned back to me.

"Aye?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me a little about your other buddies. I guess I'm just a little bit curious about the people that decided I would make a nice tree ornament."

He paused, then he turned and took a few steps towards the fire. Obviously he thought better of it and started to turn back to me, then he started to turn again. This was quickly becoming ridiculous.

"Are we having a bit of indecision?"

He stopped long enough to answer me then he went back to his pacing.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out except a tiny squeak. After that, he quickly shut it again.

I could see the poor guy was really flustered, so I gave him a few moments to compose himself. When he finally started to complete his previous thought he really surprised me.

"I do not believe I am able."

"What? I mean, what the heck does that mean?"

"Well Gandalf said—"

"Is Gandork the old fart that is still pissed at me?"

"Aye, that would be him. But it's Gandalf, --dalf."

"Okay, got it. But why does he say what you can and cannot tell me?"

"He is our leader. He also spoke to me when I made the decision to bestow this blanket. He requested that I tell nothing to you, seeing as he would be more capable at it.

"Oh. So, he's a control freak?"

" 'Control freak'?"

"Never mind, it's not worth it. But, why do you think you have to listen to him?"

"He is a wizard; he's much more powerful than I will ever be."

"That, my height-impaired friend, is where you are wrong. I have seen how everyone is coddling and pampering you, you are important to them, I just haven't figured out why."

"What do you mean? I am not important. I carry nothing."

He winced and gave himself a mental kick. I mean what did he say? I now know that he must be carrying something of value, but what? Hmmm…

"Frodo," I looked at him sympathetically, "You can tell Auntie Emily, I will listen to you."

Okay, bad move! Now the guy looked like he was about to start crying. This guy was sensitive, with a capital 's'!

"I cannot," he sniffled, "I would like to, but it is not safe. I would also break Gandalf's trust."

Suddenly the strangest feeling came over me. The whole time I had been pestering Frodo, he had slowly been moving closer to me. With the last sentence he plopped himself down right beside me. But when he did that, I could not concentrate on his words; I was drawn to his chest. Now I want to dispel all thoughts I was hitting on him, this guy had nothing for pecs. He was skin, bones, and absolutely no height. Definitely not my type, friend but nothing more. Got it?

But I still couldn't tear my eyes from his chest, something was drawing me to him! Suddenly I yanked myself upright, while I had been looking at his chest I had slowly been sliding towards him. As of a couple of moments ago, my nose was approximately three inches form his chest.

"Eep!"

With that the little guy high-tailed it out of there. By the time I had realized what had happened, he was already back at the campfire having what looked like a very heated discussion with Gandorf, no Gandalf.

Now what did I do? Of course, the way my luck has been going, in about three minutes I will be having one of his heart-to-heart talks. I can hardly wait.

-----

Okay, I was off. Obviously the whole discussion took a lot longer than I thought. Somewhere along the way, I had fallen asleep. Suddenly I felt a hand roughly shaking me awake.

"You! You there! Girl! Are you awake?"

"Now I am," I mumbled, I hate being waked up. "Goddamn, you people give lousy wakeup calls."

I slowly opened my eyes. (I had learned.) What met my eyes, really surprised me. It was still dark and a very serious Gandalf was leaning over me, shaking me very hard I might add.

"Whaddyouwan?"

"We must talk, _now._"

"Why now?" I was just about to launch into my next tirade, when he covered my mouth with his hand.

"Shh! Please be quiet. I must speak with you privately, this is the opportune moment.

I struggled to sit up, I wasn't going anywhere. Gandalf reached down and grabbed me under my arms and hauled me upright.

"Thanks."

He nodded at me, "Are you ready to talk? Or are you planning one of your childish tantrums?"

"Will it help me get out of this?" I motioned with my chin to the ropes.

"Aye, in time. The tantrum will not, however."

"All right," I sighed, "It's not like I have anything better to do at the moment."

"Frodo was telling me you seemed to be drawn to his chest and that you nearly drew out of him our carefully guarded secret."

"Okay, listen, I need to clear up some misunderstanding here. First off, I was _not_ taking advantage of him, he looked like he need to talk, so I offered. Second off, if you really don't want to tell me what the 'secret' is, you don't have to. I have secrets of my own. Finally, third off. Why did you tell him that he couldn't tell me about you guys?"

"I feared that he would disclose valuable and dangerous information.

"You need to have some faith in the poor guy. By the way, does he and the other three have malnutrition or something? Because that is definitely not a normal height."

"Nay, they are what we call Hobbits, or better known as Halflings. That is their normal height."

"All right, thanks, but it's all Greek to me."

"I am not familiar with your word 'Greek'. Could you explain yourself?"

"Are you serious?"

He nodded his head.

"It's a language that is spoken in Greece."

"Where is 'Greece?'"

"Um, never mind, it's a long story."

Right about now, I was getting very worried. What kind of person does not know what Greek is? Or better yet, Greece itself? This is just a little weird here…

"Now, as you were saying? You wanted to learn about us?"

"Yeah. Um, please?"

"The dark haired man, the man that you kicked, um…down…there, is Aragorn son of Arathorn, the heir to the throne of Gondor."

Uh-oh! I kicked a future king. I think I have some very nice apologizing to do in the near future.

"A-all right, continue please."

"The other dark haired man is Boromir, son of the Steward of Gondor."

Shit! I gave the birdie to a steward's son!

"The dwarf—"

"The what?"

"The dwarf, or as you called him, 'the short, hairy man,' is Gimli son of Gloin."

"Well, at least he isn't royalty or anything like that, then I could have insulted him even more."

"That means nothing to him. If I recall correctly, he was prepared to chop off your head.

"Ookkay. Note to self: Steer clear of the blood—thirsty dwarf in the future."

At this, Gandalf laughed heartily. Or as heartily as you can laugh in the pitch of right above a whisper.

"Let me continue, or we shall never get done. The blonde one is the elf—"

"_ELF_!"

"Shh! Aye, he is an elf. Now, will you cease interrupting me?"

I nodded my head.

"He is Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood."

"Great, I accused a prince of doing drugs. I'm on a roll."

Gandalf cleared his throat and gave me a sharp look.

"Oh, right, sorry."

"The Hobbits are Sam Gamgee, he is the slightly heavier one, the one that does the cooking. Peregrin Took, or Pippin, is the one that asked you about the psychologist. Meriadoc Brandybuck is his cousin and the one that answered him. Finally, you already met Frodo."

"All right, there is Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, Sam, Pippin, Meriadoc, Frodo, and you the world renowned Gandalf. Did I get that right?"

"Aye, you did, but now will you share your name with me?"

"But I already tol--." I paused for a moment, "Oops, that was Frodo. I am Emily, I would shake your hand but I'm kinda stuck at the moment."

"Ah, the ropes. I am terribly sorry, my dear, but as you can see it would be nearly impossible to untie you in this dark. I am afraid you will have to wait until dawn arrives to be untied."

"Oh, that's all right. I completely understand." For all of you that are wondering, no, I was not brainwashed. If my plan succeeded I would not be here to untie come morning.

"It has been a pleasure to speak with you this night. But, these old bones need their rest. I will see you in the morning."

"Yup. G'night!"

"Good-night."

As he was walking away from me, I started to weasel the Swiss Army knife out of my back pocket.

While I was talking to Frodo, I had quickly stashed it there.

When Gandalf got back to the fire, he gently shook awake one of the Hobbits, I think it was Meriadoc.

Meriadoc got up and started to walk around the campsite while Gandalf laid down.

Okay, all I had to do was wait until Meriadoc fell asleep and I was out of here!

I started sawing away at the ropes that were binding my hands anyway. By the looks of it, I wouldn't have to wait long.

-----

I was right, just a few minutes after my hands were free, I noticed the poor Hobbit was no longer moving, but now he was snoring softly.

I threw off the blanket and started to saw through the rest of the ropes. When I finally got through them, I realized that my butt and my legs had lost almost all feeling in them. Damn!

Finally, I got the feeling back. I had jogged in place silently for a few minutes. I furtively skirted the edge of the camp and was just about to take off running, when I noticed my sweatshirt and backpack just sitting in a pile not far form the campfire. Well I certainly wasn't leaving with out them, now was I? I slowly crept up to them and snatched them up. I walked a little ways away before I repositioned them on my body. I was _now_ ready to go.

I picked a direction haphazardly and started to jog as silently as I could. I hadn't been running for more than three minutes when all of a sudden, my world was turned brutally upside down.

"**_EEIIAAHHHH_**!"

I was hanging by one-ankle, approximately ten feet off the ground. I was really praying that the rope wouldn't decide to break; that would be one nasty headache!

I had finally become what was my fondest dream.

I had become a side of beef…

-----

A/N: I apologize for the length in between updates. I have really been busy and I wrote this chapter over three days. I think this is now the longest one that I have written. Make sure when you leave your reviews that you tell me if you got that last line, I'm not sure everyone will. Prove me wrong!


	5. Anatomy

A/N: Booyah! Twenty reviews! How sweet is this?

Okay, I'm done.

*~*~*

"I can't see, I can't see. Everything turning red blood's rushing to head. Passing out, passing out…"

"I can see I was correct in my assumption you would not stay with us until morning."

"Argh, get me down. Whomever you are, just get me down!"

I heard a lot of snickering. I started to squirm and I was finally starting to spin slowly. When I was facing the speaker I saw exactly who I figured it would be…

Gandalf and the rest of the mentally challenged individuals.

"Great. You caught me. Now how about one of you cut me down and we all go back and I'll fix us a nice cup of jo?"

They all started laughing at me, then I think the one called Pippin, (I couldn't be sure, it was still really dark,) leaned over and asked the other Hobbit beside him, "What's 'jo'?"

"Coffee, sweetstuff. Or if you prefer tea I can also do that."

Gandalf turned to the rest of the group, "What do you think? Should we cut her down or let her try and get out herself?"

Finally the dwarf spoke up, "I say we let the wench cut herself down."

There were some other murmurs of agreement. I guess I really didn't make any friends. That dwarf is really starting to scare me. And wench! Wench this!

"Oh boys!" I said in a singsong voice. "Do you realize that if this sweatshirt should somehow become untied form around my waist that you will witness one of the more private parts of a woman's anatomy?"

When I said that they all started to blush. Ha! I got my point across.

Gandalf just laughed at me, "Here let me help you."

He pointed his staff at me and suddenly my sweatshirt was _very_ much secured around my waist. Like as in can't breathe!

"Damn! Will you just let me down and we will go our merry ways?"

They all shook their heads. Even Frodo! I thought he was my friend…

"Fine," I put as much venom into that word that I could muster. I think it really surprised them. But not as much as what I did next.

I started to swing back and forth until I could grab the rope that was holding me captive. As I grabbed it I hauled myself upright and started to climb the rope. I got to the branch that it was tied to and sat down on it and took out my handy-dandy key chain. I absolutely love that thing! I cut the rope around my ankle and cut the other end that was attached to the branch. I then coiled it up neatly and got as gracefully to my feet that I could. I stood there for a few moments and jumped.

I landed low, in a crouch. They all took a step back from me. I guess I can't blame them, I mean I must have looked pretty animal-like right then.

I slowly stood up and I threw my carefully coiled rope at their feet.

"What do you know? I'm not as helpless as I look, now am I?"

They all dumbly shook their heads. Seeing that I had got my point across, I was just turning to walk away when I heard Gandalf speak.

"Please, child, Emily. Will you not stay with us until we can find someplace that is safe for you?"

I whipped around and stalked up to him until our noses were almost touching.

"So that's what this is all about? Just because I am a woman you think I can not handle myself out here? Well guess what buddy, I would rather die out here than travel with you anywhere," I said this is a deathly whisper that only he could here.

He turned his eyes away from me, "But where in Middle-earth will you go? There is no where for you here."

"Precisely my thought, there is no where for me here or anywhere for that matter. But what do you mean 'Middle-earth'? I believe the term you are looking for is 'Where on Earth.' Or am I sadly mistaken?"

"I do not know what this 'Earth' is, but here we call it Middle-earth. We are in the middle of the wild, there is no where you could even survive. You need us."

I was furious, "That is where you are wrong wizard. I do_ not_ need you, I need no man. I am fine on my own, even if I am in what you call 'Middle-earth.' That is final, now I bid you all good day."

Through out this whole skirmish the sun had slowly risen until it was just peeking over the horizon.

Aragorn caught my shoulder. I tried to shake him off but he held fast.

"Do you remember what happened when you man-handled me last time? That is about to happen again if you do not unhand me this instant."

He ignored me; "Do you know how to survive in the wild?"

"Nope."

"Do you know anything about survival?"

"Notta."

"Then where are you planning to go?"

"I don't care where I go, but I am going to try and get home. Wherever that may be."

With that I shook off his hand and I walked into the trees.

What had I gotten myself into? I was soon to find out.

Damn my stubborn pride. 


	6. Benji From Hell

A/N: Thanks bunches guys!

*~*~* 

I pushed myself into the unyielding trees. Just as I was about to turn to go around a giant rock I heard the guys talking about me. So I slowly turned around and crept closer to them, what can I say? I am one curious little bugger. I crouched down, I wanted to see the show.

"Should we go after her?"

"Why should we bother? She is a foolish girl nothing more. She deserves what is coming to her."

That would be my biggest fan, the dwarf. I just realized something. I know can put my finger on what he reminds me of. This has been bugging me since I met them. He looks like an electrocuted cat! Don't you all agree?

I think the hobbits then started to voice their opinions. It was getting so loud it was becoming very annoying. Obviously Gandalf thought so too.

"That is enough! We must let her go her own way. We have no power over her. But my instincts tell me we will meet her again, but under what circumstances I do not know."

The rest of them mumbled in agreement and slowly moved off to the camp. All except the blonde guy, or I should say elf. He turned and looked to exactly where I was crouched and raised his eyebrows and then turned and walked away.

Weird.

I cautiously got up and started off. To where I don't know, but I was off.

*~*~*

I was about all walked out. I was exhausted. Suddenly a part of a song by Shakira popped into my head. I was really big on music, a music junkie you could call it. I was constantly singing something. Some people said I have a good voice, but I just love to sing. Personally I think my voice is pathetic. But that's just me.

__

This is pathetic and sardonic

It's sadistic and psychotic… 

"Shakira, baby, you have no idea how right you are."

I was what you could call hopelessly lost, but since I had no idea where I was even attempting to go, you could call it major boredom.

"Damn my pride, I should have stayed with them!"

*~*~*

Water! Water! Thank you God!

I had been walking for almost three days and I was completely out of water, my canteen was bone-dry. The only high point was that I had gotten a couple of good pictures of some animals. Not many though. I had put the camera around my neck since the first-aid kit was scratching it up pretty badly.

Amazingly I came across a clear running stream that ended in a small waterfall. I knelt down and filled my canteen and then stood up to look at my surroundings more closely while I packed the canteen back into my backpack. I had not yet been on the other side of this stream so I figured what the heck? I slung the backpack over one shoulder and looked for a way across.

Just my luck to, there was nothing that even resembled steppingstones. I would have to wade across, and it was cold!

I took off my hiking boots and pulled off my socks and tucked them into the boots. I made sure my sweatshirt was well tied and I stepped into the frigid water. Although the water didn't look like it was moving fast, under the surface it was flying. The water reached up to just above my knees so I really had to struggle to keep my balance.

"Ahhhh!"

I hit an especially slippery rock and lost my footing and went face first into the stream. I came up sputtering and when I finally wiped the water from my eyes I saw my backpack with all of my supplies floating on down the stream and over the waterfall. I was doomed.

I pulled myself to my feet and took a look at myself; I was definitely a lost cause. I had my hiking boots, socks, sweatshirt, penknife, and the clothes on my back. That was it. 

I struggled over to the opposite bank and sat down hard. I sat there for quite a while, how long I don't know. When I finally got up and moving it was already getting dark. I wasn't exactly going anywhere for the time being so I decided to stay there for the night. I pulled my exhausted butt over to a tree and leaned against it. I was just drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden I heard an eerie howl. It was not of this world, I can tell you that much.

"What the hell?"

I heard it again. 

"Okay. I am definitely not going to sit around here and become a buffet for some thing's supper. Not gonna happen."

I struggled to my feet and looked to the only place where I could possible spend the night in relative safety. Oh, yes, you only had to look up and see it. Back—pain city. A tree.

I slowly climbed up into the one I was leaning against. I found a semi—comfortable position and drifted off into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

*~*~*

I awoke the next morning, still alive, still in one piece. Cool.

I stood up and stretched and took a look around at my surroundings a little more closely. I might as well know where and what that thing was last night, human nature.

I walked to my left a couple of paces when I saw a sight that chilled my blood in my veins. I few feet from where I slept last night there were a ton of absolutely huge foot prints. Picture this, I could put my foot in one of them, shoe and all, and it was still bigger. Remember that I'm 5'9'', I don't exactly have tiny feet. Even worse, the prints looked like an animal made them, an animal from the canine family that is. Benji from Hell.

"Okay, this just really made me want to go home and lock all of my doors and my neighbor's doors, hell, the entire city's doors. I want to go home!"

I was just slightly hysterical if you haven't noticed yet. After a while I managed to get a hold of myself, partially that is, and I thought over my current situation. I was alone, out in the woods, weaponless, foodless, and I finally realized the whole thing was utterly pointless. 

"Let's see, the only way to fix my dilemma and get out of here is to fix my minor problems. If I fashion some kind of weapon maybe I'll get luck and stab something edible. Killing tow birds with one stone. No! Birds are also to be considered food, too hungry not a good idea!"

I sat down again to sort out my thoughts when I sat on a very large stick.

"Yeouch! That hurt!"

I had leapt to my feet rubbing my butt. 

"I really hope that thing didn't leave a mark. It's sharp. Sharp? Sharp? Sharp!"

No I did not lose my mind, stay with me here.

"What if I used my knife to make some sort of a spear? Sure it won't be worth a damn, but I could use it in a threatening manner and hope whoever hassles me will back off. I think I'll feel a little better if I have something tonight. Just in case."

So what? I talk to myself; I was out in the woods alone. I had to talk to something and the trees sure won't answer. Then again, here in this godforsaken place anything could fly. I seriously am going to need some therapy when I get home. 

I stood up again and picked up the offending stick for a thorough observation. Yep, it's long, thick, straight (Get you minds out of the gutter!) it could definitely work.

*~*~*

"Damn stick!"

Well it sort of worked. If you tilted your head to the left and squinted your eyes if kind of resembled a spear. Oh well, I had some sort of a weapon, I mean it was sharp. That has to count for something.

I was no longer a damsel in distress.

I was a girl that was wielding a stick and had no idea what the hell she was doing.

I was making improvement!

A/N: From now on, I have a feeling I will be using bits and pieces of songs in my story. I just want to stress that I do not own them, the wonderful artistes who wrote them do. I will tell you if I own anything other than Emily, but at this moment she is all that I own. 


	7. Inedible Trees

"Argh! This is completely and utterly ridiculous! Has anyone else noticed that? Or am I just the lucky idiot?" 

I was still trying to master the art of throwing a spear—it wasn't working too well. So far I had spent the last day and a half trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to be doing. Let me comprise a list for anyone that is interested. I had a spear, I had no idea how to use it, I was starving, and I had _awful _aim. When I say _awful_, I use the term lightly. To sum up my position right now, I could just say I was walking around one hell of a big forest chucking a piece of wood at anything that moved. Well, wait, in the case of that tree, not everything was moving. What? It was pissing me off. 

Anyway, I was down to chewing on leaves, acorns, and almost worms—I still couldn't bring myself to do that yet. But let me tell you this, it was getting too close for comfort. I had been on my own a total of about five days, I think. Aw, hell I don't know. It was a long time all right? This whole time I had managed to eat the leaves, acorns, and once I got lucky and I stumbled, no literally, I _did _stumble, over some berry bushes. Yummy! Thanksgiving!

I had been entertaining myself by walking around chucking my "spear" at anything that moved and cussing. Oh, yes, I have quite the vocabulary. Some of it is not exactly appropriate so I think I will just have to leave out all of the "juicy" parts. 

"Right about now I could use nine egotistical guys that have _food_! _I want some food, Goddamnit! IS that so wrong? I am seriously considered chewing on my arm right now, but then I wouldn't be able to throw my technologically advanced spear! Oh dear! Whatever shall I do?"_

I'll have all of you know right now that I have a very good set of lungs. I think it is safe to say that everyone in Middle-earth and Belgium for all I cared heard my screeching. Oops, my bad.
"I can't do this. I need some help. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this…"
Little did I know that as I was walking I had been chanting. I was also so absorbed in my own self-misery that I didn't see the rocks until I barked my shins against them.
"YEOUCH! That was bloody brilliant, Emily. Hmmm, let's see. I am already half starved, why not take my legs off at the knees while I was suffering. It's not like I am going to be able to use them anymore after I starve to death and the deer and raccoons are going to eat me and I really think I need a drink and I don't even drink and I want some food since I am so hungry and screw the water since I have plenty of that I just want the bloody food, but I don't actually want the food bloody because that would just be gross but I think I was just using—oh!"
As I had been rambling, yes I think you can safely call that rambling, I had climbed up on top of the rocks and was staring out across the horizon. There was nothing there.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Trees, but technically that is nothing. Now a Bonanza or a McDonald's or an Applebee's, that's something. Trees, uh-uh.
I climbed up higher but it was just the same. Oh! Wait! No I think I can see some flat, bare plains on the other side of the inedible trees. 
My knees went into instant pudding. No bad! Get mouth away from knees! Chewing on knees bad! 
My knees collapsed leaving my sitting on the ground, stupidly staring at the horizon. I slowly started to cry, at first I didn't even realize what was happening, all of a sudden I just noticed the tears streaming down my face.
"It's hopeless. I really _am_ lost, in another world. I'm all alone. I have no one with me, I am going to die alone."
As I said this I started sobbing from the very bottom of my heart. I was going to die alone. For as long as I can remember that has been my greatest fear--to be alone.
Once again I decided I really needed to get myself under control. Singing had always made me feel better, so I started to sing the first song that popped into my head, an Avril Lavigne song.
__ I'm standing on the bridge

I'm waiting in the dark

I thought that you would be here by now

There's nothing but the rain

No footsteps on the ground

I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't someone come take me home?

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand?

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are but I

I'm with you

I'm looking for a place

I'm searching for a face

Is anybody here I know?

Cause nothing's going right

And everything's a mess

And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand?

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are but I

I'm with you

I'm with you. 

I let the last note fade into the air. That song was written especially for me. 'No one likes to be alone.' I despise it, I dread it, and I am terrified by that factor.

I slowly brought my hand up to my face, my tears had started a fresh when I heard it.

Someone was behind me.

Oh goody, maybe they could just kill me and put me out of my misery.

I whipped around and came face to face with Gandalf and the rest of the guys.

"What the hell?! How long were you standing there?"

Gandalf smiled at me, "Long enough my dear. Oh! By the way, you have a very lovely voice."

"What are you doing here?"

"We have been following you for three days."

"Damn."

Typical egotistical males. Always have to be difficult.

A/N: I apologize for all of the swearing, the rude comments, the singing… I know the singing is going to dig me a nice ten foot hole, but I felt the need to put it in and get used to it, I am going to do that more than once. I'm sorry for all of the male swipes, but I can't seem to help it. Please do not take offense, my male readers, that is if there is any…

Anyway, thanks to all that have read this far. I know I draw stuff out and that it takes me forever to make a point. But if you hadn't already noticed, this story has no point at this time and place, I can not do much about the length of the chapters. The chipmunks in my head control that. I can't help you there.

I know I have a sadistic, sarcastic, and sometimes annoying sense of humor and I would just like to thank anyone and everyone that has read this far in my story. Thanks for sticking by me. I am not going to beg for reviews. If you want to, that will be great, you will be set upon an altar and worshipped for all of time. If you don't, thank you for reading my story.

I'm sorry that took so long. I'm long winded what can I say?

Thank you for everything!


	8. Berry Bushes

"So you are trying to, never mind you actually did tell me, that you and the Merry Men have been following me for three days?"

Gandalf walked over and sat down besides me and replied, "Yes, I believe that to be correct. Boy, am I bushed!"

I swung around to see that he was trying not to laugh, the hobbits weren't even trying to hide it.

"You saw that didn't you? Damn bush." Needless to say right about now you can pick the brightest color of red you know and that about sums up the color of my face. I blush very easily and I was just slightly embarrassed by the comment. 

Now all of them were laughing at me, and I stress the 'at' part. I sure wasn't laughing. "So for the last three days you have been following me and I assume that you have seen every stupid thing I have done, right?"

Boromir straightened up for a brief moment to answer my stupid question, "I especially loved the part when you were saying the deer and raccoons were going to eat you." He then dropped to his knees since he was laughing so hard.

"You know, don't you," I asked the now rolling man, "That you are leaving yourself open for a very painful experience? Just ask Aragorn, he can answer you first hand, can't you?"

I don't think I have ever seen a human being moved so fast. That boy was on his feet in seconds, and may I mention very defensively bent over? Score one Emily!

"That's better. Now if you haven't noticed I am half starved here. By the way, how long since we parted ways?"

Gandalf thought a moment and then answered, "I think it has been about ten days."

Shit, that blows my five day theory all to hell.

"Have you realized that since I left your company I have had only to eat: some berries, courtesy of falling flat on my face into them, some bark, it was willow, but don't even go into the aspirin point of view."

One of the hobbits asked, "What is aspirin?"

I just looked at him, "Something that I need very, very badly right now. Moving on… Then I think I have been chewing on some leaves too, but I could have been delirious form lack of food!"

"Well we do apologize for not helping you, but I seem to remember that you said that you could take care or your self perfectly well," Aragorn stated.

"No, I did not say that. Hey, no interrupting," Boromir was just about to let his big mouth open up, " What you heard was entirely different form what I was actually saying. I was merely implying that I could take care of myself. You should have known better than to let a poor defenseless maiden go out on her own. You bad, bad, men," I scolded teasingly. This was going to be good.

Aragorn dropped to one knee before me and hung his head in shame; "We are very sorry Lady. We should have known. Please except our humblest apologies."

I looked up and the rest of the Fellowship and even Gandalf were looking very remorseful at what they had done.

"Oh for God's sake! I was joking you when I just said that. If you would have tried to stop me I would have made sure all of you would be quite unable to have children, maybe even move," I said. I then added so they couldn't hear me, "I think."

I grabbed Aragorn and hefted him to his feet, which was no easy task might I add. That is not one small man!

Gandalf said, "You are a very strange Lady to be able to 'joke' as you said, about what you just went through. Most maidens would not have been able to do it."

I just smiled at him sarcastically and answered, "Yes I know, it was very difficult. The chucking a piece of wood and cussing out very existence does qualify as difficult. I'm so happy I could prove you wrong." I then rolled my eyes at him, I think he got the point.

The hobbits were positively falling over on themselves they were laughing so hard. "You know," I said to no one in particular, "I think I am really starting to like those guys. They recognize a good joke when they hear it. Even if they do act a little high when they do. But then again, can you blame them? They are walking around with you, you must have rubbed off! The horror!" I suddenly lost my balance and fell off the rock that I was previously standing on, and fell right into the arms of the guy standing under me--the blonde elf prince person.

"Oof! Thanks, I guess. You can put me down, I think I have now communicated with my feet enough for them to hold me again. Sorry about that."

He nodded and set me on my feet again. I hate feeling weak and the whole maiden in distress bit just makes me sick. Women, in a sense, can take care of themselves just fine. Except for brute strength I like to think we are evenly matched. But that's just me.

Finally the blonde guy spoke, "Even though you have told us this, you are in danger of collapse, from lack of food. You also weigh next to nothing so I would suggest that you eat something."

I raised an eyebrow at him and replied, "Sure thing. I'll just run right over to the nearest McDonald's, a McValue meal, a number nine I think. Yep, there's one now, I think I can just make it in my delirious state."

They all just stared at me.

"Whatever. Haven't you noticed that I have been complaining about chewing on leaves and here you are telling me I should eat something? Elementary, my dear Watson."

I flopped down on the rock behind me just making it, but I could care less at this point. 

I noticed that the dwarf, Gimli I think, was turning a slow shade of red. All of them were for that matter. I looked down and just rolled my eyes. "Yes, don't you just love what I have done to my clothes? I think it really makes my eyes stand out."

My clothes were in tatters. A few incidents with a river, roots, sleeping in trees, and berry bushes will do that to you. One of the straps on my tank top was missing and the fabric had been ripped off at the mid-drift exposing my stomach. Yes, I know, the berry bushes did have thorns and they did get the best of me. I was also scratched all over, nothing serious, but yeah. My shorts were slowly developing holes and my sweatshirt was non-existent. I think I lost it in a tree, what can I say? I'm a space cadet. My hiking boots were okay for the most part, a little worn but not much else. 

I was also freezing. As we had been talking it had slowly been cooling down and a bitter wind out of the north, I think, had started up. Here I was, in barely and clothes and I had goosebumps all over me. Not a pretty sight let me tell you. 

Gandalf finally found his voice once again--the windbag. "I think we can find some clothing for you and some food. But only if you will accept the help that we are giving you freely."

Okay, so he saw the glare. I'm a very open person, what can I say?

"Alright, I accept. But let me tell you I would rather not rely on you for anything. I don't like this one bit." I slowly stood up once again on the rock. But this time I believed I would be able to keep my balance. I was wrong.

Once again, being the klutz that I am, I fell off of the rock and right into the blonde guy's arms, his name is Legolas I think.

I just stared up at him, "You're pretty good at this you know that?" He cocked an eyebrow at me.

With that I went into a faint.

I hate being a damsel in distress.

A/N: Yes, I know this is short, but I really can't help it. This story has almost, almost no plot line so I'm working with what I have. Nothing more! Please tell me if I am doing an okay job with the humor. Being the author I find this funny but I'm not sure that anyone else does. I would really appreciate the feed back. 

Always the sadistic minded author,

Abskii


	9. WPS

I jerked awake suddenly. I don't even know what woke me.

"Food!"

Okay, never mind. I did know what woke me up. I smelled food or at least I think it was food, but it smelled good and as long as it didn't move, too fast that is, I was planning on eating it.

I slowly sat up and my vision swam. Wicked! It looks like I'm underwater! Yes, I know, I'm an idiot. When I finally could see straight, I once again tried to stand up, my balance had obviously not returned yet.

"Oof! Not the butt again! I don't think it can handle much more!" I had fallen flat on my butt. I stood up again and actually stayed up right. It is a miracle!

Everyone was spread out on the rocks that I had been on. Frodo and the chunky hobbit were making some kind of food. I almost jumped them but then I realized there were some clothes right by me. Being the single minded individual that I am, I quickly bent down to investigate. I mean what kind of a girl does not love getting new clothes?

"Yikes! Beverly Hillbillies meet Austin Powers!" They were honestly that bad too. There were some green tights, yes tights, a big-assed brown shirt thingy that had fringe or something on it, a giant blanket that I think was supposed to be a cloak, slippers and I don't mean Cinderella kind, and a sword. A sword! I didn't have to use my technologically advanced spear anymore! What a shame…

I changed into the clothes, if you can call them that. Whoever picked these out should be drug out into the street and shot. I looked like a clown that had a fight with a cowboy and then had a horse shit on me to top it off. I was ready for the runway! This summer's style is to look like a complete dork, and man was I pulling it off!

I walked out from behind the rock I had been laying under and looked around. Like I said the chunky hobbit and Frodo were making lunch, Aragorn was smoking a pipe (I sure hope that that is tobacco!), Gandalf was talking down, literally, to the dwarf, Legolas was hoping around from rock to rock looking like a moron, and Boromir was attempting to take off the other two hobbits' hands. Oh! Excuse me! He was teaching them to sword fight. Same difference. 

As I was walking around the rock to go over to the old fart I bashed my foot against an outcropping of rock. When I use the term "bash" I use it lightly. I shouted a word, which I cannot repeat right now, so loud that I think aliens on Mars heard me. Everyone whipped around and just stared at me. I had my mouth firmly glued together so I just held up one finger and slowly limped around to the other side of the rock.

"OOOOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHHH!" Then I just gave another nice long scream for good measure.

I limped back around to the others again and said tightly, "Okay, I'm better now."

The hobbits were once again rolling on the ground laughing and even the two men and Gandalf were trying not to laugh. Gimli the dwarf, looked like someone just shoved a skunk under his nose and Legolas completely ignored the rest of them.

"Is anyone else here having a bad day? Or is it just me? I'm just really curious, that way I know if I should go throw myself off the nearest cliff or just wait out the day."

This time the hobbits stopped laughing and just looked at me.

"I'm not serious you little hairballs."

Almost instantly all four of them started laughing and two of them, Merry and Pippin, I think, fell on top of Boromir. Then those three started wrestling. Hmmm, male bonding that has just gone a tad too far…

Gimli and Gandalf were in a very heated conversation about Moria, which must be some girl to have those two arguing that hard. I mean what kind of a girl would like those two? A very hairy little man and an old fart. Oh well, who am I to judge?

Anyway, I was just in mid-eye roll when something coming at us caught my eye. It looked like smog. But, since we were in the middle of now where I highly doubted the existence of smog at this point and time. Give the place a few thousand years of evolution and then maybe, just maybe. I figured it was my duty as the only intelligent one of the group to say something.

"Um, boys? I think we are having some current air pollution. But to me that just seems a little out of the ordinary since we are in the middle of the largest forest I have ever seen."

They all stopped what they were doing and looked at me quizzically. I cocked my head in the direction of the "smog."

"What is that?"

The thousand dollar question, Johnny.

"It's just a wisp of cloud." That was Gimli, obviously Moria was a hot chick to have him just scoff something like that. That's his life, scoffing others I mean.

"But it's moving fast, against the wind," Boromir added. Oho, we have a genius in our midst!

Suddenly Legolas, who was leaping around like a cat shouted, (and scared the shit out of me in the process…) "Crebain from Dunland!"

"Hide!" I guess we have another genius…or was that Boromir?

Someone ran up behind me and grabbed me around the waist and shoved me under my favorite rock. It was Aragorn. He tumbled in behind me pretty much crushing me.

"A-air…"

"Shhh!"

A very massive cloud of very large crows suddenly swooped over us and wheeled around in the air for a moment before heading back in the direction they came from. Slowly we all crawled out of our hiding places.

"Okay, does anyone care to explain why Nature Boy threw me under a rock? And then fell on top of me, currently I cannot feel my toes, I think the blood supply has been permanently cut off. That is not one light man." I rubbed my stomach for emphasis.

"Spies of Sauroman." I see Gandalf managed to scrape himself off the bottom of his rock. 

He turned to look at the giant snow-covered mountain behind of him. "Our passage south is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras."

One guess at what that is…

"That's the mountain right?"

In a very tired voice reserved for toddlers, Gandalf answered me, "Yes, Emily, that would be the mountain. Now I suggest we all pack up and get moving. Night falls quickly on top."

"Okay, well good luck."

Gandalf looked up sharply, "You are coming with us, are you not?"

"Hehe… not."

"But you do realize now that you cannot survive on your own don't you?" 

"Well, lately I have been hoping I will live to see my twenty-fifth birthday, but if I go up there I won't see tomorrow. I made it for what? Ten days on my own with a tree branch! I think I can make it now since I have some decent clothing and I have…da, da, da…a sword!" I completed my drum roll and looked up, I had been staring at my feet. All nine of them were looking at me as if I should have been in a psyche ward. But who am I to say that I shouldn't be?

"But on a serious note, how about I just meet you…somewhere. I mean even if I don't find you, you do have a wizard in your midst." I turned to Gandalf, "If worse comes to worse you can just wave your staff and chant and you will find me right?"

Gandalf sighed and nodded.

"Great! Now that I have my own WPS I can be on my way."

Pippin looked at me, "What's a WPS?

I looked at him and grinned, "Wizard Positioning System."

A/N: I really hope that everyone got my last crack. I think that it's my best one yet. Maybe this is the best chapter so far? I don't know. Maybe you all should go and shed some light on it for me, review! Thank you to everybody that has so far. I just want you to know that I read each and every one of my reviews many times. I'm just too lazy to give each one of you a note. Just know that I really do appreciate it! I'll have the next chapter up soon, or so I think…


	10. Igloo?

A/N: Guess what? I now have an email address where you can contact me at will. How cool is that? Anyway it is at abskii_79@hotmail.com. Throw me a line, I am up to anything. Email me to tell me that my story is the best you have ever read, to tell me it sucks and I should burn it, or to tell me what you think should happen next. Pretty much anything you don't want to say in a review. (Besides, I have had this email address for over a week and all I have gotten is junk mail! It kinda makes you want to sit and cry!) 
I also just saw The Two Towers, and all I can say is that if you have not yet seen it **WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR**? Point made…
I also apologize for the lack of updates, I have been having some pretty rough times and I was swamped. Anyway, I think I can get some more out, but it may take a while. Damn writer's block!
*~*~*
I was looking up at the mountain in front of me and thanking everything holy that I was not up there. I saw what looked like a few black specks just plodding along on the side.
"I am so glad that I stayed behind, all alone." 
I looked around me; I was still at the group of rocks where I re-met the Fellowship. What can I say? I am one lazy bugger.
"Hmmm, I think my inner intelligence is trying to tell me to move on. What is that Henry, I can't quite make it out. Oh yes it is now coming to me very clearly. Move Your Damn Lazy Ass!"
Henry, my inner intelligence, can be quite pushy at times, the nerve! I hauled my self up to my feet and stretched.
"Let's see, where to go? I got it!"
I walked to the middle of the gathering of rocks and spun very fast in place. I suddenly fell down on my butt and was facing to the right of the mountain.
"Ahh, I see Henry wants to go that-a-way. Well who wants to argue with him? I also know why I no longer play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Yeouch!"
I once again got to my feet and rubbed my butt. I gathered the clothing and little bit of food that they had given me. The little fat hobbit didn't want to part with any food but the old fart made him give me some. I guess I could learn to like the old guy. Like, love is still too strong of a word.
When I had it all in a pile I grabbed one of the cloaks they had given me (they gave me two). I made a little bundle out of all of the stuff and hauled it up to my back.
"Ha! Instant tote bag! Who needs a real one, when you have the state of the art Emily bag!"
Right then the bundle decided it didn't like me and the bottom ripped out and everything fell out.
"How did I know that was going to happen?"
__Crack!
I glanced up at the sky and was amazed to see a mess of very ominous looking clouds.
"How did that happen? I just was looking up at the mountain and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. One minute and I can't see the—uh-oh!"
I could no longer see the guys up on the mountain. All I could see was a very large cloud covering it from view and a butt-load of snow.
"Yep, definitely not good. I am seriously thinking that they should go Eskimo. Gandalf in an igloo, that would just make my day!"
I shouldered my remade pack and turned in the direction my fall had pointed out to me.
"Well, I told them that I was not going up there and I am certainly not going now. Nope, nu-uh. They can just go make a bunch of snow angels for all I care. I think… My God! I actually care about them!"
I stopped dead in my tracks. It was true! I actually cared about what happened to the weirdoes! This is seriously not good anymore!
"Okay, deep even breathing. That's that key there Emily my dear. Let's just talk a walk onto the other side of the mountain and see what we can see. Hey that rhymes!"
I turned and started to walk down the embankment singing at the top of my lungs.
__A sailor went to sea, sea, sea
To see what he could see, see, see
But all that he could see, see, see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea…
*~*~*
A/N: I apologize immensely. That was so weak, that right now I am seriously considering not posting it. Please don't kill me. Oh! And if anyone can think of ideas or punchlines for the story, PLEASE EMAIL ME!
I also apologize for the Eskimo comment. I know that is not how they live. But it was too perfect to pass up. Please forgive me! 
    I also have very little of an idea of when I am going to post again. I just can't seem to get anything out of my head anymore, other than useless babble, and when I do churn something out it is just a pile of crap (kinda like this). Welcome to my life…
I could also use a beta reader, I think. So I have made the suggestion…. Now what?


	11. The Chase Part II

A/N: I apologize for the last chapter. Man, that was one nastily written piece!

*~*~*

I had been walking for quite a few days, I have once again lost count, and I was no longer able to see the guys on the mountain. Not only was I unable to see them, I was also currently bored out of my mind. And I was so sick of "A Sailor Went To Sea," that if I never heard it again it would be too soon.

I shivered, as I had been getting closer to the base of the mountain it had been getting colder by the minute. I was in the Austin Powers clothing, but I was still freezing my ass off.

"I knew these clothes were not worth it! Gawd, I wish I would have packed some of my own clothes! At least they would have fit me!"

Yeah, I was in a bad mood. Could you tell?

Suddenly I heard a crack of lightening and it started to rain, except this wasn't a nice spring rain. No, this was a damn downpour!

"This just is NOT my day. You know I really would like to go home. Man, I am thinking hot tub; three weeks at the nearest spa ought to do it. Yep, I can see it now."

Suddenly I heard something up ahead. I looked off to my left and noticed I was still following the broad expanse of rock that seemed like my only companion. I stopped so I could listen a little better. Yep, just like I thought. Voices. 

Just then I got a simply splendid idea, I mean this one should go in the hall of fame baby! I slowly, ever so slowly started to move ahead again. The pouring rain masked all of the noise I was making so I figured I could get pretty close.

I had just gotten so I was right behind a tree that was what I figured pretty close to the voices. I was just about to leap out and scare the nine of them to death when I heard something that made me stop in mid-jump.

"I smell man-flesh! One is near!"

Uh-oh! Last time I checked no one, not even the fat the hobbit Sam, was that hungry. I think something is telling me that that is not the nine guys. Yep, definitely not. Time to make a graceful and quick exit. But, not before I see who these fellas are. There goes my damn curiosity—again.

I slowly peeked around the tree and came face to face with tall dark and ever so ugly. But, the scary part was if you turned your head to the left, squinted up your eyes, and imagined him shorter, he almost looked like Lester. Go figure, just can't get away from him, can I?

"Um, hi, I was just looking for the nearest bathroom. Nope, not here? Well, sorry to bother you. I hope you have a good day." I flashed one of my brightest smiles—and took off running as fast as I could.

"Fresh meat is back on the menu boys! Catch her!"

I was once again running full out. Has anyone else noticed that since I have gotten "here" all I have done is run for my life? Not to mention from a bunch of weirdoes to add to it. I love my life…

I turned around and panted over my shoulder, "You wouldn't like me, I am just all skin and bones. I swear!"

Yeah I know, that's what everyone says, but I figured what the heck. It was worth a shot, the only thing I had to lose was my life and that is no big thing, right?

Argh.

I was really starting to flounder around. All of the rain had made the ground into a virtual mud bath. To top it all off, I was tired so I could not run that well as it was and it sure didn't help that I was battling through ankle deep muck. I shot a glance over my should and at first I didn't see anything, but then I saw the ugly guys were still following me and then I started to hear wolf howls. All of a suddenly a giant wolf-thing leapt out in front of me. I gave a glass-shattering shriek and wheeled in the opposite direction. I would rather take the ugly guys than that mountain of fur.

I ran a few steps and then I noticed that the ugly guys were gaining too fast, I didn't have a chance either way. So, I wheeled a sharp right and started running towards the mountain. I know, not very smart, you do not exactly want to get caught between a mountain and man eating monsters, but I think my brain was just not working then. Suddenly I felt this racking pain on my back. I glanced over my shoulder and saw nothing but teeth. I screamed again and kept running. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I was not outrunning that wolf-thing. It was playing with me. At first I was just hoping that it would jump on me and get it over with, but finally what it was doing sank in. It was doing the age-old classic—cat and mouse. Except this was terrifying wolf-thing and running girl. Maybe not quite the classic…

It was also succeeding in giving me the false sense of hope. It was making me work harder, thinking I could get away, so when it got bored with chasing me I would be too tired to fight. This thing was smarter then it looked. But, obviously, because I was going along with it, I was not.

Some time ago I had started to cry, I could almost not breathe. I kept choking on my own sobs and that was slowing me down too. But, the thing was not done playing yet, every time I started to slow down it would swipe at me with its claws, making me run faster. My legs were rubber and my lungs felt like I was breathing acid. All of my muscles were seizing up on me and I was on the point of just giving up.

I looked up ahead of me and could not believe my eyes. A light! At first I couldn't quite comprehend it, I was still running of course, but I was thinking it was the "light at the end of the tunnel." As I got closer, I snapped out of my stupor. It was a campfire; there was someone there. Maybe they could help me! Maybe I won't die!

Just then I got another vicious clawing on the back of my legs. Except this one was deep. I gave another one of my blood-curdling screams and started to stumble. The thing brought one of it's paws up between my legs and supported me so I would not fall on my face and then started to growl and gnash it's teeth at me. I don't think it was quite done playing with me yet. I ran on, I was close enough to the light to see the outlines of many people. I started shouting, or panting out words in my case.

"Help! Help me!"

The beast didn't like my shouting so it bit me…on the butt! The indecency! I screamed again just for good measure.

Suddenly arrows started raining down around me. They were going to help me!

I think they were shouting at me, but I'm not sure, all I could see were their arms beckoning me to run faster. I suddenly got a burst of adrenaline and I remember thinking 'it's about time', that's me…ever the sarcastic one!

I was running full out and then I tripped, I went flying and rolled to a stop right by the campfire and immediately let my body take over. It was shouting at me to sleep so…I did.

*~*~*

I was going to just stop and make you wait for the next chapter, but I feel like I owe you guys for that last chapter so I'm going to continue. Feel lucky!

*~*~*

I slowly regained consciousness again and the first thing I felt was someone was running their hands over my back and legs. That jerked me wider-awake then coffee ever would have. I leapt to my feet as best I could and turned to the person.

"What the hell do you thin—Aragorn?"

I looked around the fire, it was still night, and there were all nine of them. So they were my saviors, I was not going to live this down.

"So, you heard all of my screaming and got rid of big, bad and ugly?"

Gandalf stepped forward, "Yes, we got rid of 'big bad and ugly' as you put it, and all of the others and the orcs that were following."

I heard this and I almost fainted, except Boromir held me up. My legs were not yet able to take this. I looked up and I saw Boromir looking down at me with concern etched on his face.

"Do you need to sit down, Lady?"

"Um, yeah that could certainly help. But, I can't feel my legs anymore. I don't think I can move them either. So, I think I am stuck standing for the time being."

Suddenly I was cradled in Boromir's arms and he was walking over to a log and placed me down gently.

"Okay, never mind. Thanks!"

The rest of the guys came over to sit by me, or in Pippin's case, on me. I looked down at the little guy that was sitting in my lap. "Make yourself at home," I told him with a wink. He did too, he snuggled right down and started to fall asleep.

I shook my head in amusement, and looked at the others.

"So, what were those things?"

"Wargs," Legolas informed me, "And the men like creatures were orcs. You are very lucky to be alive." He walked over and patted me on the back.

"OUCH!"

It would have been quite funny if I wouldn't have been in that much pain. The poor elf jumped about a mile high and then looked very sheepish.

"I apologize."

"That's fine. I just wish the warg, as you put it, would have chosen someone else for a chew toy." I grimaced for emphasis.

Aragorn butted in, "Maybe you should let me look at them again, I was only looked in for broken bones, I did not get the chance to look at the wounds themselves."

"I'd love to let you, but I can't."

He gave me a questioning look.

"I currently have a snoring hobbit using me as a bed."

This caused everyone to start laughing. It was true, for such a little guy, he sure could snore!

"Um, guys, I think he is starting to drool!"

A laughing Boromir came over and removed the hobbit from my lap. Yep, he was drooling. Everyone was laughing at me, or actually at the wet spot on the middle of my shirt.

Once Aragorn caught his breath again, he started playing doctor. "Now, Emily, I need you to lie down on the ground on your stomach and more then likely this is going to hurt."

"Great! Well doc, take it away."

I was lying on the ground and all I could see was their shoes, I wonder what they would look like in Nikes? Well, that is certainly something to think about…

Then I felt the most welcome feeling in the world, cool water running down my back. Then Aragorn started to pull my shirt up, I mean I was still covered but yeah. It's a little disconcerting to have eight guys, not counting Pippin he was still snoring, looking down at you.

When my shirt was pulled up enough, they all gave a collective gasp.

"Let me guess, I look like I was ran through a food processor right?"

"Lady, I do not know what a food processor is, but you are scratched up very badly. I need to put some cleaner on it and this is really going to hurt. I am sorry."

"Ah, that's fine, it can't hurt worse then peroxide." (A/N: That stuff does hurt! But than again I'm a major wuss.)

Suddenly it felt like liquid fire was making its way down my back. Now, I am not going to make you believe I was all warrior-maiden like, you know how they never cry out in pain. Hell, I was screaming bloody murder!

"Oh God! That hurts worse than peroxide! Make it stop! Ahhhh!"

Finally Aragorn doused it in cool water again. 

"Ohmygod! That hurt, why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I did."

"Oh, yeah you did. Oops, sorry."

I looked around at the rest of the guys and it was actually kind of funny. Gimli was pointedly not looking at me anymore, I could not see Legolas at all, Boromir was trying to comfort the terrified looking hobbits, I think Merry was actually crying and Gandalf had hold of one of my hands. I looked up and he was too red in the face. I looked down at his hand and saw why. My nails had dug into his hand and he was bleeding and it looked like I almost broke his hand.

"Oops, sorry about that. How about you just get me a stick or something?"

He nodded without a word and walked off. I noticed he was wincing whenever his hand swung. At this I just had to grin evilly.

Then I noticed that Aragorn was trying to pull up the pants on my leggings to get at my legs. He struggled for a while then he looked at me ashamedly, "Lady, I need to ask you to remove them entirely. I cannot get to the wounds on your legs and …backside while they are on. I apologize profusely for making you go through this shame, but it is the only way."

I was blushing very heavily, "I guess I do not have a choice do I?"

He shook his head.

"All right, but do they all have to see it too?"

Aragorn jerked his head up, "Of course not. Boromir! Gimli! Would you please leave us for the time being?"

They nodded and headed off into the darkness.

"Well, I guess I don't even need to ask if this is going to hurt do I?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Well, let's get on with it," I gritted my teeth. "I'm ready."

*~*~*

Aragorn called into the darkness, "You may return now. We are finished."

Slowly the eight others cautiously made their way back into the firelight.

Pippin ran up to me right away, "Did it hurt as much as you made it sound?"

"Let's just say Aragorn was lucky I was on my stomach, other wise he would NOT be having children at all."

Aragorn bowed his head and was just about to speak but I cut him off.

"Don't apologize, it had to be done. Thank you. I have a feeling I needed that." I rubbed my butt and the hobbits all laughed.

Gandalf then spoke again, his voice tight with pain, "Aragorn, could you also look at my hand? I think Emily may have done some lasting damage to it."

I blushed, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was squeezing that tightly. Please except my heartfelt apologies."

He just shook his head and gave me a weak smile, "Completely unnecessary my dear."

I smiled at him. "Good."

Boromir then broke in, "We should all get some rest. I will take first watch."

Legolas shook his head, "No, I will take it. I do not think I will be able to sleep for quite sometime, I have suddenly gotten an awful head ache."

Oops, I had forgotten how good elf hearing was. Yeah, my screams had to damage something.

"Sorry."

"It's all right."

I then turned to the hobbits, "Well little buddies, should we get ourselves some shut eye?"

They all nodded eagerly, except for Frodo, he just yawned.

We walked over, or in my case hobbled over, to the blankets that were set out by the log I was previously sitting on. I sat down and leaned up against the log. Amazingly, after the pain of the cleaner was gone, so was the pain of the scratches. Too cool.

The hobbits gathered around me and slowly got situated. Pippin once again claimed my lap while Frodo snuggled up on my left side with Sam on his other and Merry took my right. Actually it was pretty comfortable and warm!

We sat like that a while until I noticed not a one of them was asleep.

"What's the matter? Shouldn't you guys be asleep?"

They all looked at me then each other, Merry piped up, "We can't."

Pippin then asked an amazing question, "Would you sing us a song?"

"What?"

Sam then spoke the most he's ever had to me, "Would you sing us a song? When we are unable to sleep we sing songs, hobbits always have and always will."

I was just about to ask why me, when he answered for me.

"We want you to because the day we snuck up on you at the rocks we found out what a beautiful voice you have. Please?"

He then promptly went into the dreaded puppy-face.

"No not the face! All right, but only one. Now which one?"

I quickly did a mental inventory of all the songs I knew and picked one of them my mother always used to sing to me. Elton John's Levon. I had always loved that song. I took a deep breath and began to sing.

Levon wears his war wound like a crown __

He calls his child Jesus 'cause he likes the name

And he sends him to the finest school in town.

Levon, Levon likes his money

He makes a lot they say

Spend his days counting

In a garage by the motorway

He was born a pauper

To a pawn on a Christmas day

When the New York Times

Said God is dead and war's begun

Alvin Tostig has a son today

And he shall be Levon

And he shall be a good man

And he shall be Levon

In tradition with the family plan

And he shall be Levon

And he shall be a good man

He shall be Levon.

Levon sells cartoon balloons in town

His family business thrives

Jesus blows up balloons all day 

Sits on the porch swing watching them fly

And Jesus, he wants to go to Venus

Leave Levon far behind

Take a balloon and go sailing,

While Levon, Levon slowly dies.

And he shall be Levon

And he shall be a good man

He shall be Levon.

I let the last note fade away and looked down at the little guys. All four of them were fast asleep. I then looked up at the rest of the group and was surprised to see they too were all asleep, that is except for Legolas. I grinned at him and he gave his slight smile back.

"'Night Blondie."

He looked surprised and then answered, "Good night Lady Emily."

I gave a great yawn and said, "Just Emily."

"All right, good night Emily."

I then closed my eyes and fell into much deserved sleep.

Maybe this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Then I felt the wet patch starting to spread on my shirt.

Maybe I was wrong, but even though I fell asleep with a smile.

*~*~*

A/N: How did you like that? I hope it didn't get too cutesy for you but I had to do that. For those of you wondering, there will be absolutely no romance, just friendship. I also apologize if I single Legolas out too much. I just want to you to know that Emily is not falling for him. Sorry ladies!

This is the longest chapter I have ever written so please, take the time to leave a review. It will be much appreciated!

Until next time, (and when I can get the feeling back into my fingers)

~Abskii~


	12. Click

A/N: That was the longest chapter I have ever written and guess what I have just started on the next one and it hasn't even been an hours since I posted. I'm getting good!

Well, I certainly hope that the last chapter made up for the really bad chapter ten. That one was only written and posted because I had not posted in a while and thought I owed it to you guys. Well, like I said I hope I successfully redeemed myself.

I can not stress how happy I am with all of the reviews, I already have sixty. And to think I just started writing this when I got an interesting idea. As of right now I still have no idea where this is going but I think I must be doing something right!

*~*~*

I slowly woke up. I didn't want to but the sun was not going to let me go back to sleep. I opened my eyes and then clamped them shut again. Yep, it was bright.

This time I didn't start shouting profanities about being drunk. I could actually remember what was going on and what had happened. I shifted around, the hobbit on my lap had made my legs fall asleep and then I realized how damn sore and stiff my back was. The only high point I could think of was that my back got it worse than my butt and legs so I could walk and more around just fine.

As I was shifting I must have groaned because everyone but the hobbits, they were still asleep, were staring at me.

"Are you alright Lady?" asked Boromir.

"Yeah, I'm fine just really sore and stiff. Oh! By the way, it's just Emily, none of that Lady stuff."

"All right La—Emily."

"Thanks. Good morning to you too. Oh! Gandalf, how is your hand today? Not crippled are you?"

He grinned a little at this, "No, Emily I will be fine. But, thank you for your concern."

"No problem there."

I struggled into a better sitting position and then noticed how damp my shirt was. I looked down and pretty much the entire front of my shirt was damp. Damn Pippin could drool! Then I noticed both of my arms were soaked through. Frodo and Merry drooled on me too! I looked over to where Sam was leaning on Frodo and Frodo was just fine and dry.

"Great, the only hobbit that does not drool decided he didn't want to sleep by me," I muttered. But obviously louder than I had intended. All five of the 'men' were laughing at me, again.

I looked down at the hobbits who were still sleeping peacefully, I didn't want to wake them up. But, then Pippin snorted and out came this giant wad of spit, right onto my shirt. This just got the men laughing harder at my look of utter revulsion.

"Okay, that is it! Everyone up!"

All four of them leapt up from where they were sleeping. This gave me the chance to stagger to me feet and peel off the soaking wet shirt and chuck it away.

"That is really disgusting. If I wrung it out it would fill a swimming pool! I think I'm going to sleep in a tree from now on, just to be safe! Ugh!"

I looked up at the guys to see how they were taking it and all I saw were nine backs. 

"What the hell? I was talking to you. This is not how you show someone respect!"

"Yes it is," answered Aragorn.

"Not unless the customs here are hay-wire, you do not turn your back on someone when they are talking to you!"

"Yes you do if the someone is a lady that has just thrown off her shirt!"

I looked down at myself and started laughing.

"Turn around," I managed to gasp out.

"No, we will not bring you shame," came the answer.

"Turn around!"

Slowly the hobbits turned around and started to laugh and then the rest of the Fellowship did. 

"There now don't you feel foolish?"

Needless to say all of them were extremely red in the face. They were looking at me and saw I had been wearing my old tank top underneath the tunic. I was completely covered, if not rather messily. I noticed they would not meet my eyes so I figured I had to do something.

"But it does make me feel better to know that I am in the company of such honorable men as you nine."

Eventually they went on with their tasks and I was just reaching for the discarded tunic when I noticed my abdomen and arms were quickly becoming sticky with left over hobbit spit.

I stood up and asked no one in particular, "Is there anywhere I can take a bath? I'm beginning to feel sticky," I held a hand to my arm and then pulled it away, it made a sucking noise as I did, "literally."

"Yes, there is actually. When I left last night as you were screaming I came across a pond with a waterfall and very cool fresh water. I think it should suit your purposes nicely. As a matter of fact, we should all use it."

"Good, I was really beginning to feel filthy. I think I should get the Academy Award for Understatement of the Year on that one, don't you?"

They all just looked at me.

"Ookay…Never mind."

*~*~*

It was after breakfast and Gandalf just announced that there was going to be no traveling for the day—and everyone should spend the time bathing. When he said this I noticed he was looking pointedly at Gimli. Score one for the old fart!

"I think that is a great idea, but who is going to go first? Woman or men?" I asked as I was secretly praying they would let me go first.

Gandalf grinned at me, "Well I guess we can let the lady go first, but you should consider yourself lucky. Had the hobbits been present you would have been over-ruled and forced to wait."

I gave a mock sigh of relief. The hobbits had disappeared right after they had finished breakfast; Merry had claimed he had found some mushrooms. "Good, as it is I think I am going to need to burn these clothes when I am finished."

Gimli just looked at me, "Why would you want to burn perfectly clean clothes?"

I looked at him and then the others, whom were all trying not to laugh, "Um, it's a girl thing. Just leave it at that."

"All right, but it still makes little sense to me. So does bathing in general, why wash away perfectly good dirt? As you know dirt is good for many things. My cousin Balin always says that if you have no dirt…"

I just slowly started walking away. I don't think I needed to be dealing with that right now.

"Moving on," I said sarcastically once the five of us were out of ear shot, "So where is this pond. My pours are begging for release!"

Legolas cocked an eyebrow at me and beckoned us to follow him.

When we got to the bank of the pond we all gasped in amazement. It was absolutely stunning! There was a sandy beach almost all the way around the medium sized pond and where the beach-ended trees took over. Then beach wasn't even muddy from last night's downpour. It was picture-perfect. The water itself was crystal clear and it looked very welcoming. Then to top off the fantasy pond, there was a waterfall on the opposite of the water.

"Okay boys, this is mine for the time being. Skidaddle!" I made a show of shooing them away.

"We should post a guard for you, in case the orcs return."

"Sure, whatever works for you."

Gandalf glanced over the men, "Aragorn, would you be so kind as to watch over the woman?"

"Of course."

"Anyway, I am going to take this bath with or without you here."

I turned my back on them and started to undo my boots, I got as far as pulling off my socks when I heard the distinct footfalls of men moving off—very quickly.

"Jeez, I don't smell that badly!"

Aragorn, who had his back turned, answered for me; "They want to give you privacy, that is all."

"Yeah I know, I'm only kidding."

Seeing as how I was in the company of nine men, I decided going buck probably was not a very good idea, even if they all were honorable. Better to be safe then sorry. I took off my pants and was stripped down to my old shorts. When I was redressing last night I took the opportunity to replace them when I noticed you could see straight through to skin where the beast bit and clawed me. I then removed my torn tank top until I was in my bra. That should be good enough.

So I started to walk into the water. I gave a little shriek.

"What is it?!" Aragorn demanded.

"Nothing, it's just cold." I could have sworn I saw him roll his eyes by his body movements. I had to do something.

"I saw that."

He slumped his shoulders sheepishly. Yep, I thought so.

I walked into the water a little further, until it was up to my waste and then dived in.

I came up and floated on my back. Man! That felt good!

I swam out a little ways and treaded water. Then I went to the waterfall and walked underneath it. I felt along the back of the wall and didn't see anything. I had always wanted to find a hidden cave behind a waterfall, which just sounds too cool to be true. Obviously today was not my lucky day. I swam back over to where Aragorn was still standing with his back to me.

"Hey, Aragorn, how deep would you say this it?"

"I cannot say, I have not had an opportunity to study the water."

"Well you know you can turn around and check. I am covered."

I swam back into the shallows and stood up. He turned around and just stared. Finally he must have realized he was still staring and turned his back on me again.

"What's wrong?"

"You are not properly covered."

"Aragorn, where I come from this is being overly covered in some places. Besides, I feel comfortable with it so why should you not?"

He turned around again slowly and studied me more closely. I turned all the way around for him.

"See, nothing hanging out, unless I am sadly mistaken."

"How are your injuries?"

"As fine as can be expected. I think…"

He nodded his head and then started to walk around the pond, or maybe I should be saying lake. It was probably too big to be considered a pond. And it was deep too!

Finally after some time Aragorn came back to where he started and answered my question, "My best guess would be about fifteen feet in the center." (Forgive me if you believe that they should not be using feet in measurements, it is all I could think of!)

"Okay, thank you."

Aragorn settled down on a rock nearby and lit up his pipe and just stared off into space. I was once again floating on my back when all of a sudden all hell broke loose!

Four very naked hobbits came running out of the bushes and into the water laughing and screaming. When they saw I was already in the water, their screaming became shrieking and they ran back into the bushes. I was almost drowning I was laughing so hard.

I could hear some distinct swear words coming from the bushes, most of which I could not repeat. Even Aragorn was still sitting on his rock laughing. Pretty soon our outrageous laughter brought the other members of the Fellowship to see what was going on.

Legolas was first, "What in the name of heavens is going on here?" Then he saw me and turned a violent shade of red and whipped around to face the other way. "My sincerest apologies!"

That got me laughing again so I was not concentrating on where I was standing and fell over off of a drop off. I came up spluttering and choking and that just got everyone laughing harder. I walked out of the water to where my clothes were and grabbed my cloak and tried to dry off my face but I kept coughing too hard to do much. Finally it subsided and I managed to stand up straight again, only to see their backs again and Aragorn's silent laughter.

"Okay, obviously I am going to have to do this again. Turn around! I am completely covered like I showed Aragorn."

They turned around again. Boromir was just starting to speak when I cut him off.

"Yes Boromir, where I come from many women where this or even less. I am completely comfortable in this. Don't worry."

Just then the hobbits came scurrying over to me and then turned their backs on me.

"Turn around for God's sake! If I have to go through this one more time I am going to kick some major ass!"

They turned around and looked at me. Pippin then said something that I swear my eyes popped out.

"Oh, I see you are completely covered. What was the big deal?"

I gave a scream and ran at him grabbed him under my arm and chucked him into the lake. "Take that you little…"

He wasn't coming back up.

"Let me guess, he can't swim can he?"

The hobbits shook their heads and looked at me terrified for their friend.

"Shit!"

I dove into the water and started swimming down; I had chucked the little guy off of the drop off! I saw him still sinking, he saw me and started to struggle up towards me. I grabbed him and started swimming up as fast as I could. It didn't help that he was so scared that he would not stop clinging to me so he was really hindering my movements. Finally I broke the surface and swam over to the shore. I set Pippin down on the ground and flopped down beside him. 

"Don't you-gasp-ever-gasp-scare me like that-gasp-again! Do I make myself clear?"

He just nodded.

"Are you all right?"

He nodded again.

"Just a little shaken up?" I asked him.

"Yes."

That's when I noticed all of them were in different arrays of clothing. Boromir and Legolas were without their shirts (keep your minds on the story ladies!) and Aragorn was working on his boots. Gimli and Gandalf were sitting nearby laughing at them and the hobbits were doing the Reuniting bit. I sat there and looked at the expressions on their faces and then reached over to where I had my bundle of clothing and grabbed my camera.

Click. 

"Now that I have that for posterity's sake…"

Legolas looked at me while he was straightening out his shirt, "What was that?"

"It's a camera, it takes pictures and then imprints it in the film inside of it."

"What does that mean?" asked Frodo.

"That means, my dear hobbit, I am going to have the look on their faces forever and ever."

All three of them groaned while the others laughed.

Boromir pretended to glare at me, "I'll get you back."

"Whatever, now that we have had our excitement for the day…"

I stood up again and started to walk back into the water. 

"Does anyone have any soap?" 

I was promptly hit with three bars of it.

*~*~*

A/N: Man! You people had better feel very special right now. I have done two of the longest chapters I have ever written in one day. I wrote both Chapter Eleven and Chapter Twelve all today. I need a break…

Please review!

(Does anyone think this is a Mary-sue? Just a thought…)


	13. Practical Jokes

A/N: Back by popular demand! LOL! But, I am serious on the popular demand comment, I already have seventy two reviews. I am astounded! Thank you so much, I never thought I would actually get this far, but I guess dreams can come true!

I am also very glad some of you are thinking this is not a Mary-Sue. I have been trying very hard not to make it like one, because I know how much many people hate them. Even if I do not mind them that much, (please don't hurt me!)

In answer to Europe's question: "Why would a party of men think to take soap with them?" I will answer that question in this chapter and hopefully everyone will enjoy the answer….

So, read enjoy, and most of all…**leave a review!**

*~*~*

I was once again floating on my back enjoying the most enjoyable feeling of the water moving over my shredded back. Aragorn tells me that it looks a little better since he fixed it up last night, but he refuses to tell me if it will leave scars. He says that a lady should not worry about such things. Ha! Like I'm lady!

Suddenly a rather large wave drenched me out of my thoughts. I looked up at the rock to my left and I see the hobbits have learned the art of cannonballs. Go figure…

"Do you mind? There is someone down here that was just about to doze off. I mean come on guys!"

Sam looked down at me and grinned, "Then we have just saved you from a horrible death."

"Huh?"

"You surly would have drowned if you had fallen asleep, would you not?"

"Um, sure, whatever you say there, daddy."

I got the funniest look from him and then he flew into the water, making a giant splash that of course drenched me again. He popped up and then started to flounder. Great, so he couldn't swim either.

I swam over and grabbed him under the arms and yanked him back to the shallows.

"There, no stay over here so I don't have to play lifeguard all of the time."

He gave me a dirty look and then told me scathingly, "You could have just pushed me over to one of the logs, that way I could have stayed over by Mister Frodo."

I gave him an equally cold look and said, "I could have left you to drown." I then gave him a grin.

He grinned back and then started yelling at Merry, the only one of the hobbits that could swim. "Oi! Merry! Bring one of them logs over here. I can't get back over to the rock if you don't!"

Merry came over and helped Sam position himself on the log and started to push him back towards the rock. I turned away a little and dove back in. I can easily say that I have never had more fun in the water.

After I had been hit in the head by the soap earlier, the hobbits decided why should I have all the fun in the water and wanted to join me. Pippin figured since he was already wet he could just swim in his breeches, as he so put it. The other hobbits were ecstatic at the idea and promptly went running into the water, where they almost all drown. 

We had quite a problem on our hands for a little while until Aragorn got the idea of throwing logs in for them as floatation devices. It actually worked well. Score one for Aragorn!

I looked over to where the rest of the 'men' were getting pestered into the water by the little guys. Merry and Pippin were practically dragging Boromir into the water and Frodo and Sam were doing the puppy face to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf. No one was even trying to get Gimli into the water, he promptly refused at even the inclination. His loss…

I sat and watched the 'circus' for a little while. So far the hobbits could not get anyone into the water and they all looked very crestfallen at the idea of having to play alone. I then got another one of my brilliant ideas. Even though my last "brilliant" idea found me being a chew toy to a warg, I thought this one should be okay.

I swam over so I was a short distance away from all of them and lazily shouted to the hobbits, "Oh, just leave them be guys." The men all gave me gracious looks, but then I continued, "They are all afraid of the water, they just don't want to admit it. Don't worry about it, we understand."

Uh-oh!

The little guys all stepped back and then Pippin asked Boromir, "If you were afraid of the water, you should have said something. We won't make you come in." They then all started to walk back to the water.

All of the big guys glared at me. I'm telling you, if looks could kill, I would have been dead four times over. It was really funny. But, then knowing me, you all know that I cannot keep my big mouth shut.

"Aw, are the likkle men afwaid of a likkle wawa? Poow babies…"

With a roar of rage all four of them started to strip down to their pants and run towards me. I screamed and dove under the water and started swimming. I came up for breathe and saw Gandalf was still having issues with his clothing but all three of the others were coming after me full-tilt.

"Ahhhh! Help!"  
Boromir laughed, "There is no one to help you now."

"My that was cliché. Ahhhh! Gimli! Help me!"

He just sat there chortling, "I cannot, it would take all their fun away." 

"Sam! Merry! Frodo?"

They were laughing so hard they could barely keep from drowning.

"Pippin! I let you drool on me!"

He just shook his head and continued to laugh.

"Damn you all!"

I had finally reached the waterfall and I turned around. They had all fanned out behind me so I could not swim away. Even Gandalf was there, how he got here that fast I do not know. Damn wizard…

"Come on guys, let's think about this. You don't want to go hurting a lady."

"But you have told us not to call you 'Lady', so in other words you are not one then." Boromir reasoned.

I was still backing up and finally my back was being hit by the spray off the waterfall, "Well I know you all pretty well and I know you would never hurt me. So let's not do anything rash…"

"What? Is likkle Emily afwaid of a likkle wawa?" laughed Aragorn.

"Hey! That's my line!" I cried indignantly. 

They had finally reached me and I was back all the way so I was standing underneath the water of the waterfall. If only there was that hidden cave here now. 

"Haha, this was pretty funny guys. Let's go see what the little guys are doing?"

They all just shook their heads.

"I love you?"

They dove at me.

*~*~*

Boromir reached me first and grabbed me around the waist and threw me into the deeper water. Once I was clear of them I started to swim towards shore as fast as I could but someone grabbed my ankle and pulled me back. I glanced back and saw a grinning Legolas now attached to me. I started to kick on the surface of the water as fast as I could and completely blinded him, not to mention drenched him. He let me go and then I swam straight into Aragorn's waiting arms. That's when I finally noticed the pendant he wore around his neck.

I was still struggling in his arms while the others advanced on me. I looked up into his face and I managed to gasp out, "The woman that gave you that necklace would not be happy if she knew what you were doing to me…"

He loosened his grip on me and looked at me, "How do you know about Arwen?"

I squirmed away from him and started swimming, then I called back over my shoulder, "I don't!"

I was nearly to the shore when all of a sudden I was violently shoved underneath the water. I struggled around and pushed back up to the surface. Gandalf was firmly attached to my waist. I tried to kick him off or at least knee him a good one, but I could not.

"What the f—"

Gandalf clapped one of his hands over my mouth, "Silence, there are hobbits present."

I looked at the four of them and they all looked rather shocked I would try and use such language, so I took the opportunity to get loose from Gandalf. I slipped out and slid underwater and took off towards the three of them that had been watching. I got to the nearest foot and grabbed it and yanked as hard as I could. 

A blonde head dunked under the water. Ah, Legolas, one down three to go. I grabbed the next ankle and yanked them under, gray hair. Yep, that would be Gandalf. I then had to go up for air. I popped up and then back under as quickly as possible, that way they may not have seen me. No such luck.

Two of the pair of legs swam over to where I had gone up for air. I grabbed a leg from each pair and started to swim down. After I held them for a moment I let them go and shot to the surface. When I had cleared my eyes of all of the water I looked over to where the hobbits were laughing. I gave them an evil smile and started to swim towards them. They all gave shrieks and started to paddle towards shore as fast as their logs would take them—not very fast if you ask me.

I reached Frodo and spun his log so he fell off the other side. I then reached under and grabbed him under the arms and pulled him up onto the log again. Amazingly he was still grinning. I gave him a lop-sided grin and then turned away from him. 

"Oh Pippin! I think I need to pay you back for all the drooling you did!" he gave a startled shriek and took off. 

This was going to be fun.

*~*~*

Soon all nine of us were laughing and splashing each other. I then got another one of my 'brilliant' ideas. Okay, so maybe they haven't been quiet so brilliant in the past, but practice makes perfect right?

When Aragorn swam at me to splash him I motioned him to not to. He looked at me curiously and then I leaned in and dunked him. He came up spluttering. He glared at me and then made a move to shove me under I grabbed his shoulder and whispered my plan into his ear. Aragorn looked at me and then grinned wickedly and nodded slightly. He then shoved me under and took off after Boromir.

Soon all nine of us knew what I was planning. I made a big deal of swimming towards the shallows and then stood up.

"Ugh, look at this! I'm getting all pruny!" I whined.

I glanced over to Gimli and didn't see him even look at me. Normally he would never pass up the chance to act condescendingly towards me, so this could mean only one thing.

He was asleep. 

This was good. Oh! This was good. Almost too good to be true.

I looked back at the others who were watching me and motioned them over, then I put a finger to my lips. It was imperative that we did not wake him. I looked over to where the hobbits were all sitting. All four of them were now sitting on Merry's log, but they were in the shallows so I still don't know why they were on it. They were all silently shaking and every now and then a giggle would escape. I gave them one of my dirtiest looks, which only set them off again. I was about to head back into the water and shut them up, when Legolas reached over and gave their log a good spin. They all flew into the water and promptly shut up.

I smiled at Legolas and silently mouthed 'Thank you' and rolled my eyes in the hobbits' direction. He gave me a grin back. Now, on to more pressing business.

Aragorn, Boromir and I all crept up to Gimli as silently as we could. But, any noise that we did make was easily masked, as Gimli's snores were about three times louder then Pippin's are or ever will be. This was too easy! Each of the men grabbed Gimli under one arm and started to carry him towards the water. At first I thought the jostling of the walking would wake him up, but I was sadly mistaken. That dwarf could sleep like one of the rocks he so very loved. It was amazing!

When we finally made it down to the water, Legolas pushed the now vacant hobbit log over to us. Both of us held it steady while the men positioned Gimli on top of it. Once that was down I started to push it out to the middle of the lake and swim behind it. We didn't know if he could swim or not so we figured someone should follow just incase. He just floated there for what must have been close to half an hour. By this time everyone was getting rather bored so I figured I should do something.

I swam up so I was right beside him and started to flick a few drops of water onto his sleeping face. He just snorted and kept sleeping. I then flicked a few more droplets onto his face and finally he started to wake up. 

"Wha…?"

He tried to sit up and straddle the log but then noticed his feet were touching water, (just barely).

"What! Where am I? Aragorn! Gandalf!" he started to roar.

I then swam into his view.

"You!" he sputtered.

"Yeah, it's me. At least I think it is. What do you think guys?" I turned to look at the other members of the guilty party.

They were all nodding and trying no to laugh.

"Get me off of here!"

"Why can't you swim?" I asked innocently enough.

"Yes, I can swim, but that is beside the point. I do not like water!"

"Oh, I see. So what if I just did this?" I started to slightly move the log back and forth.

"No! Stop!"

"All right, I will. That is if you stop constantly badgering me about not being strong enough because I am a woman."

"Why should I lie to you about the truth?"

"You know I really do not appreciate that wench remark that you gave me when I was hanging upside down…" I gave the log another rough push.

"All right. All right!"

"So what are you not going to do anymore?"

"I will not remind you that you are a woman and there for weaker than I."

"Wrong answer!" I gave the log a very hard shove and it started to sway dangerously.

Gimli then turned towards Aragorn and the others on the shore, "Aragorn how could you do this to another one of you party? We are supposed to trust one another! I would not guess this coming from one of you!"

"Then you guessed right. Not a one of us had any part in the creation of this. The 'wench' did!" He then started to laugh outrageously.

Man! That guy was good!

Gimli then turned towards me, "You?"

"Yes, me. I thought we had already been through this?"

He nodded slowly, "I would not expect this from you."

"Yeah well welcome to my world."

It looked like he was still in awe of the whole situation; "You have my respect. I would not think something of such devious nature could come from a woman."

"Aw, stop! You are making me blush!"

He then shook his head at me. 

Wait! Was that a smile I was seeing? A smile from the dwarf that wanted to leave me! This was too good to be true!

"I really wish I had my camera right now. Do you know that this is the first time I have seen you smile at me?"

The smile immediately left his face, but not his eyes, "Well that is too bad now isn't it. Will you please take me back to shore now?"

"Yeah, I suppose I have to. Just when I was starting to have some fun too…"

I slowly started to push the log back to the shore. When we finally reached about waist deep water I pretended to trip and I shoved Gimli off of the log and into the water.

"Oops! Oh dear! Are you all right?"

A very wet and very soggy looking dwarf stood up from the water. There looked to be almost a murderous glint in his eyes.

Uh-oh!

He then laughed and shoved me over into the water and climbed out himself. I stood back up and wiped the water from my eyes. Well that was unexpected.

"It's starting to get late. I suppose I had better start on that soap, huh?"

Gandalf nodded his head, "Yes, we had all better be down before darkness falls upon us."

We all then climbed into the water, (minus Gimli, he said that he already took his bath) and spread out. I then noticed that I was the only one that was using the soap that the guys had given me.

"Here, you guys can use some of your own soap you know." I offered.

"No, that is quiet all right. The lady should use it first," Aragorn told me, but he was laughing too.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing is funny. Please continue your bathing."

"Okay…"

I went back to lathering up my hands. This soap was rather odd to tell you the truth. I mean it's not like I was expecting Dove or Ivory. But, it smelled almost—well—leathery! I continued to wash with it and watch everyone out of the corner of my eye. Everyone was laughing.

"Okay! That is it! What is so damn funny?"

Boromir finally spluttered out, "The soap you are using! It is saddle soap!"

"So?"

This stopped them all dead.

"You do not know what it is used for?"

"Uh, to clean saddles?"

"No, it is used to soften leather. It is not for human use."

"Urhg!" I dove under the water and started to try and rinse it off of me. But it left a slimy coat on my skin. I finally came up for air and I rubbed at my skin, it was shinny and had the distinct smell of leather. This was bad.

"You assholes! Why did you give me this when I asked for soap?" I screeched.

"You never specified what kind of soap you wanted," answered Legolas.

Damn elf! He was right.

"But I didn't know I had to specify!"

They all just shrugged and laughed harder.

"Whose idea was it to give me the saddle soap?"

They all started to laugh harder and there was a unanimous shout and pointing, "GIMLI!"

I spun around and sure enough there was the damn dwarf sitting there on the log laughing at me. I mean this guy was almost crying he was laughing so hard.

"How did you know I was going to ask for soap?" I asked slyly. I had found a loophole in his perfect plot!

"You are a woman! All women need soap to bathe!"

He got me there. 

He's good. To add to that, I now smelled like someone's boots.

Maybe I should just go rub my boots all over me, I mean they do need a shine….

This was pathetic.

*~*~*

A/N: I know not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but I needed this as a transition point. I hope you all realize that and are not too disappointed in me. Well at least I made it rather long right? Not all bad!

Does that answer your question Europa? I hope it did. I also realize that it was not all that funny, but it was the only kind of soap I could think of that a group of men would have on hand. I hope you at least found something funny in this chapter.

Tell me what you think of this!

~Abskii~


	14. Emily, A History

A/N: I'm back! I also can tell that this is going to be a rather long author's note. Be prepared! But please do read it, everything I write has a purpose—amazingly enough.

Has anyone else noticed the noticeable drop in reviews. I mean not that I am complaining, I mean I do have 76 terrific reviews. But, I just find it odd that I am writing and updating faster than I ever have and my chapters are much longer than usual and not too many people are reviewing! I mean wow, talk about backward.

But, this just makes me appreciate those of you that do review that much more. I love you guys! Thank you so incredibly much! 

I would like to take this time and dedicate this chapter to two of my readers—Empress and LeopardDance! Both have become rather sick over my story and you have no idea how much that makes me feel loved. LeopardDance has threatened to send me a doctor's bill for all of the damage that I have caused. Mentally I believe. Empress was reading my story while she was sick and now I am assuming that it is not exactly helping. Maybe I should cut you off for a while to let you recover. The laughing can NOT be good for a sore throat. Thanks to both of you and everyone else!

Now, don't go getting down on me for the title of this chapter, I know I ripped it off of Harry Potter. Shamelessly I might add. Well, duh, it is supposed to be funny and I thought that this was a very fitting title to this chapter. History-wise and all. I have my reasons for everything that I say that is not very intelligent and I have my reasons for those few and far between moments when I do say something that can be considered intelligent. (Evil mastermind laugh here…)

Anyway, here's another one of my oh so perfect chapters. Let's see what trouble Emily can get into again, shall we? Muhaha, its called writer's prerogative my dears! I think those are now my two favorite words….

*~*~*

A rather large shadow fell across my sun, and I was not happy about it.

"Hey! Move ya ass! This is my piece of sun, get your own!"

After I had finally gotten most of the shine off of my body, (damn soap!) I went back to shore and flopped out on the beach. I decided this was definitely the best way to dry off, just lying in the sun and letting it do the work. Ahhh…

But then, being the people that they are someone decided to go stand in front of my sun and what? THEY WERE DRIPPING ON ME! The humanity!

I leapt to my feet and saw that it was Pippin that was taking my sun away.

"What is the meaning of this, pipsqueak? I was relaxing minding my own business and then you decide to drip on me!"

He looked nervous and then said in a nervous voice, "Gandalf told me to tell you that soon we will have to get out of the water and if you wanted to swim again that this was you last chance to do so." He gave me a tentative smile.

I looked at him, "Oh, well why didn't you say so? All right, I will be in shortly. I just want to go check something out." He nodded and turned to run back into the water, "Pippin!" I called.

He turned back and faced me, "Do me a favor, dunk the geezer for me!"

Pippin giggled evilly and went tearing into the water. Watch out old fart, Pippin is on the loose!

I glanced over at the waterfall and tried to figure how high it was. While I had been dozing, I had gotten a brief idea that I should go see what was on top of the waterfall. You know shits and giggles.

I finally figured that it was roughly about twenty-five feet of stone wall. Not that big of a deal. I walked over to it and looked, sure enough! On either side of the actually falls the stone was chipped up, so there were tons of handholds. This was going to be fun!

I bent down and rubbed sand onto my hands. I had actually never been rock climbing. The closest I had ever gotten was the climbing wall at the gym back home. But, I had climbed trees, so maybe that would help me?

Well, my hands were dry so the only place left to go was up! I reached above me and grabbed the nearest handhold and levered myself up and kept going. I was about half way up when the guys finally saw me.

"Emily! What in the Valor are you doing?"

I glanced back over my shoulder and almost threw up. It is true. You don't want to look down.

"Um, falling to my death if you don't shut the hell up!" I said this last part a little hysterically. But, they didn't say anything to me either.

I finally reached above me and felt grass. I looked up and saw that I was at the top. Go me! I carefully climbed up and stood up. I glanced back down at the guys and they all started to clap. I did a few mock bows and did the 'your too kind's. I then turned around and looked to see what I had come up here for. I think I literally need to pick up my jaw.

It was the same stream and obviously the same waterfall that my backpack went over! I had walked in a complete circle! But, then I got another idea. Maybe all of my stuff was in my backpack at the bottom of the lake—where I could get to it!

I scrambled back to the edge and started to climb down a lot faster then when I was going up. I finally got to the bottom and the instant my feet hit the beach I was running for the water. I got to the water's edge and ran in and dove. Just as I was about to hit the water I saw that all of the guys were staring open mouthed at me. Great, now they think I am crazy!

I pushed that out of my mind and dove still further down into the water. I swam around for a moment but I still didn't see anything. I was running out of air fast so I pushed off from the bottom and shot to the surface. I took a whooping breath and dove once again. This time I tried slightly off to my left and went down, still nothing.

I surfaced again and tried to the right. The first thing I saw was a very large mass of weeds. They were everywhere. I was seriously going to be pissed if my backpack was in there! Those weeds really creep me out. Ugh!

I didn't see anything again so I went to the surface. I stayed up there for more than a split second this time. The lack of oxygen was making me feel severely lightheaded. I was just about to go back when someone grabbed my arm.

"What are you doing?" asked a very puzzled Boromir.

"Give me a minute and I can hopefully show you." With that I dove again. This time I was rewarded. There it was in all its soggy glory!

Damn!

There was my backpack, just as I figured. One itty-bitty problem though. It was seriously tangled in the weeds. You just can't win!

I swam over to it while I was trying to ignore the weeds' slimy touch. Yuck! I finally got over to it and I was once again out of air so up to the surface I went. My head broke the surface and down again. Is anyone else sensing a pattern?

I pulled and pulled I even tried shoving the damn thing over to the sides. Nothing, that thing was stuck tight. All because of those goddamn weeds! I feel an idea coming on here…

I went back up and looked at Aragorn, "Do you have a knife I can use?"

He nodded and swam back to the shore. When he came back he handed me a little knife.

"Thanks, I'll be right up."

I went back down and started to saw at the nasty weeds. One after another they fell to my sword! After I had finally vanquished my 'foes' I grabbed the so-called treasure and lugged it up with me.

"Booyah! What do you say to that?" I shoved the bag in all of their faces and all I got for my trouble was curious stares.

"Well?" asked Aragorn.

"What! You mean to tell me that after tying me to a tree and hanging me upside down that you do not recognize my backpack?!" I screamed.

"So that is where it went, I was curious to its fate when you found us the other night."

"Damn you!" I swam to the shore and hauled the back up after me. When it was water logged that thing was heavy!

I plopped down and started to fight with the zippers. They were so tangled up with weeds that I had to claw my way into the stupid bag. After I finally opened it I got to get up to my armpits with stale water. What fun…

(A/N: There are extra things in the bag from what I said earlier in the story. Sorry!)

The first thing I pulled out was the first-aid kit. I opened it up and drained out all of the water. The only thing that I would possibly be able to salvage was the case it's self and the gauze, if I could dry it out. I wrinkled my nose and kept digging.

I pulled out a bunch of very soggy energy bars. I just tossed those aside. Next was my canteen. That I could use! I set that off to my left where I had started a pile of everything that I could use. 

Here came the compass, I looked it over and sat deciding for a moment. The glass was cracked in places and it did have a lot of water in it, but after you drained out the water it might be usable. I put it off to my left.

Next came my hairbrush! Thank God! That was definitely still usable! Someone was looking out for me!

I then dug out my car keys, yeah I suppose I will have to keep those. I put them to my left and saw that Merry promptly picked them up again. As I had been digging through my stuff, all of the guys had come out of the water and were now watching me intently. I just ignored them and continued on my quest.

I came across the matches finally and man were they soggy! I shook open the box and every single one of them were beyond use. Well, I guess I would worry if some of them were dry. I mean the entire bag was under water for about a week and a half!

I reached in again and pulled out this slimy, shapeless blob. Hence, the park map! I didn't even need to think about not being able to not use it. That was just disgusting!

The last thing in the bag at the very bottom was an old sweatshirt I threw in there just incase I got cold. I opened it up and wrung out all the water that I could. It was a soggy muddy mess.

"Oh, yeah that's hot." I said to no one in particular with a grimace. But, never the less, I did put it off to my left. I may get cold. You don't want to throw away good clothing for nothing.

I looked up at the group that was surrounding me, "Well, tha-tt-tt-t's all folks!" I did my best impression of Porky Pig, hoping for a laugh. They all just stared at me like I was crazy.

I tried again, "That's all I have in my bag and the only things I can use again are the sweatshirt, the compass, and part of the first-aid kit."

"You forgot about these!" Merry held out the car keys to me.

"Ha! I highly doubt I am going to need those anytime soon."

"What are they?"

"My car keys." They all just looked at me. "They start my car at home, it's a transportation device that we use."

They all just nodded, they still didn't have a clue but they weren't going to admit it.

"What's this?" asked Frodo as he pointed to my key ring.

It was a purple heart with a picture of my parents and my standing together under a tree in our back yard when I was fifteen.

"It's just to make sure that I don't lose my keys."

"No, I mean who are these people?"

"Me, my mom and my dad when I was younger."

"Oh, where are they now?"

"Dead." I said shortly.

"I'm sorry I didn't know." He said sympathetically.

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it."

"How did they pass?" asked Merry.

"Car accident. Another good thing about cars, you can use them to kill others. It was a couple of years ago. I didn't still live with them, but you know, it still hit hard."

"How was their death caused by a 'car accident'?" Boromir wanted to know.

"Some asshole that was so drunk that he didn't even know his own name ran a stop sign and broadsided them. My dad was killed instantly, the guy hit them on the driver's side, and my mom died two days after him. She was in a coma so she didn't even know that I was with her." I stopped and blinked back tears.

I took a deep breath, "Well, that's enough of that. Let's get going, I'm hungry and it is getting dark."

In fact it had gotten very dark while we were going through my bag and now everyone's stomachs were practically roaring. We all started to head back to our camp.

"Do you think that Gimli started a meal for us?"

"I certainly hope not, he can't cook at all," Legolas informed me. "We made him cook once and almost were poisoned for his troubles. You are better off with some of Sam's cooking later then some of Gimli's now."

"Ugh, sounds like my roomy from college. She couldn't even boil water with out that burning."

Sam looked at me, "I thought that was impossible, to burn water I mean."

"Well, she sure succeeded with it. It is going to feel so good to be in front of the fire!"

It had slowly been getting cooler and now almost everyone was shivering, they were all still damp. That is, except for Legolas.

I looked at him, "Damn elf!"

He just laughed. Aragorn came up beside me, "When we get back to the fire we had best look at your injuries. I am still concerned about them."

"Sure."

"I was also going to ask you, why did you not use your sword that we gave you against the beast instead of running?"

I looked at him, "Well, for starters, I barely know what end is sharp and what is not on a sword, let alone how to use it. And, I was panicking. When you are panicking you don't just think 'hey, I think I will grab my sword that I don't know how to use and slay the thing that is chasing me.' I mean it is just not practical."

Aragorn looked at me very surprised, "So you mean to tell me that we sent you off with a sword and you did not even know how to use it?"

"Yep, that about sums it all up."

"We must teach you how to wield one, for your own safety."

"Emily, Warrior Princess, here I come!"

*~*~*

A/N: Well tell me, how was it? Am I loosing my touch?

I hope that was sufficient to all of you that wanted to know about Emily's past. I wasn't going for the whole guilt thing. But, I just wanted to let all of you know that for other than the people that she works with, she is alone in the world.

In other words, no one is going to be looking for her that much. In other words, more time for my story to take place in.

I love the way I think!

Abskii

PS:

REVIEW!


	15. Temptation

A/N: I am so incredibly sorry that this has taken so long to get out! I have had a wee bit of writer's block—nothing that any of you need to worry about, I have now fixed it. But wouldn't you know it, fanfiction has updated their system and my Internet has not let me on to the sight at all! I mean do you believe my rotten luck? So I have had to update my entire Internet connection just to post this! Argh…

I really appreciate you guys sticking with me for this long! But, I just want to warn you, there is no ending in sight. Not even a pit stop! This, more than likely, is going to go through all of the books and then maybe a sequel…. So hang onto your butts! This is going to be one loooong ride!

*~*~*

I sat back with a content sigh, "That, Sam, had to be the most fatting meal I have had in about three years. Not to mention the best meal! Damn! You are good!"

"Thank you. Although this is just a travel meal, you should try some of my cooking when you are at my home. Ah, so many taters and veggitables. My mouth is watering just thinking about…"

I just kept grinning at him and leaned back on the log and looked up into the sky. It was really amazing how many stars there really were. I mean I don't know if it was so different because I was in a different world—I mean I would kinda think that some things would have to change. But, then again living in the city there are always so many lights that it is very difficult to see any stars even the brightest ones. It really was awe-inspiring. I gave another long sigh, I think just to hear myself and what do you know? I let out a very long and a very loud belch!

I sat straight up and turned a violent shade of red, "Um, see that's what good food will do to a person! Excuse me…"

I hung my head and then glanced up at the others through my curtain of hair. All of them were staring at me as if they had never seen me before and then broke into outrageous laughter.

I grinned a little; "It was funny. Okay, very funny!" I joined in with that laughter and pretty soon we were laughing so hard we were crying. "Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny…" But, then again, over the past I have not had much to laugh at, other than my own unavoidable stupidity.

I stood up amid the gales of laughter and stretched, "I think I am going to go check on my stuff."

I wandered over to the bush were I had flung my now-found supplies. Seeing as they were still soaked, when we had reached camp again I had flung them over the bush to dry. All of the guys had looked at me very strangely.

"What? It's easier to scrap the mud and grime off if it is dry. That way you don't get a muddy mess—only a dusty one. Duh!"

I walked over and grabbed my backpack. Yep, still soaked. Soaked enough to still be dripping all over my somewhat clean pants! I quickly placed it back on the branch. I grabbed up the old sweatshirt that I had found for further inspection.

As I turned it over I first noticed that it was the long-lost college sweatshirt that my roomy had lent me and then forgot about. Oops… I had grabbed it by the bottom and that's when I noticed that it was a hooded sweatshirt with a pocket stretching across the front.

You may be asking yourself right now, "What is the big deal with the sweatshirt? I mean it is just a grubby old sweatshirt right?"

Wrong!

Well, I mean partially wrong. Yes, it was a grubby sweatshirt with a pocket—with a pocket! Or more precisely, with something in that pocket that I could use!

I reached in and started pulling crap out. First came the candy wrappers, then the Kleenex (disgusting! They were all soggy like the park map and impossible to tell if they had already been used!), then came the film canisters, (these I could definitely use!), and finally the greatest of all…the Mace!

Every girl that lives in the city's best friend! You never knew what kind of a weirdo is going to take it upon himself to make you his new obsession. Yikes…

Anyway, I grabbed the can out of the pocket and what do you know? Another one falls out. So here I was, in the middle of no where with two cans of Mace and a load of very ugly things that wanted to rip off my head. Hmm, this could definitely be entertaining.

"Who needs a sword? Well, actually I do, but that is besides the fact. I should go back and get some sleep."

Just as I said that I finally noticed that when I turned around that the campfire where every one was at was along ways off. So yeah now I need to change my current situation. 

I was now in the middle of no where in the middle of the night with two cans of Mace and a bunch of butt-ugly creatures that wanted to eat off my face.

There, much better.

*~*~*

"Time to get up!"

I rolled away from the hand and dove back underneath my blanket.

"Leavemelone," I mumbled.

"I am going to give Pippin your breakfast."

"Fine, I don't care, just five more minutes. I don't want to go to work today; I want to stay home, Mommy. Just—wait a sec. Pippin?"

I sat up and looked around.

"Oh, yeah, I'm here. I kinda forgot."

I looked up at Boromir. So, now we find out who was waking me up, eh? Well, I have my ways. That man wasn't going to sleep for a week! Who says revenge isn't a sweet thing?

"What's the matter?"

"Come, we must move on. We cannot dally here any longer."

"Yeah, sure, just give me a couple cups of coffee and I will do just fine. But, until then, watch your back!"

He gave me a puzzled look and walked over to where Sam was packing up Bill, the cute little pony.

I groaned and rolled over onto my side and stretched a couple of times. I staggered to my feet and stretched a few more times, just for good measure. My hands caught my attention; they were still pruny from yesterday. Argh. 

I walked over to where Pippin was clinging to Boromir and Merry was leaping around him.

"What's going on?"

Boromir shoved Merry to the ground where Pippin promptly fell on top of him. "When I was trying to awaken you, do you remember when I threatened to give Pippin your breakfast?"

"Yeah, keep going…"

"Well, he thought I was serious and is now demanding that I 'Give up the food or else.' Yes, I believe those were his exact words."

"Oh, that's it? Well, he can have my breakfast. I'm still too full from last night."

I glanced at the sausages, bacon and chunk of cheese sitting on the plate.

"Besides, I think my waist line will thank me for it."

Boromir handed the plate to Pippin, where Merry instantly tried to get his greedy little paws on it. It was actually quite funny. But, then our fun was cut short.

"We must leave! Follow me!" called Gandalf.

And the Calvary was off.

*~*~*

"So, let me get this straight. You want to teach me to shoot a bow and arrow?"

Legolas nodded his head, "Yes, I believe you would be able to do that. Besides, Aragorn and Boromir will still teach you the art of the sword."

"Yeah, I know they will. But, it's just that I'm a little afraid of the whole archery aspect."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "Why ever are you afraid of it?"

"Well, no matter how much I try and explain this, there is no way you are really going to understand. But, um, well, there's this movie from where I come from—"

"What is a 'movie'?"

"See, I knew this was going to happen. It's a moving picture; it has people acting in it. You know, like a play."

He just nodded, I could see he still didn't have a clue.

"But anyway, in the movie, it's called 'Ten Things I Hate About You', there are a bunch of girls in gym class—"

"What is 'gym class'?"

I rolled my eyes, "My, aren't we just full of questions today!"

"I apologize."

"Nah, don't worry about it. But it's a class where you go so you can get your physical activities in for the day. Anyway, in this class the teacher is teaching the girls archery and one of the girls, well, she miss aims her arrow—well this is a little difficult to say. Um, she shoots the arrow right into the instructor's butt!"

"Oh, I see. That shall not happen to you. You will not be on the receiving end of the arrow if it is miss aimed. You will be the one shooting it."

"No, no, no! I meant, that I am afraid that I'm going to nail you right in the butt or something even worse."

Legolas just threw back his head and roared. I think the poor guy was crying he was laughing so hard! When he had finally calmed down enough to actually speak intelligently again, he said, "That will not happen. I will be behind you; there is no chance that you will be able to 'nail me in the butt.' Do not worry yourself."

"All right, if you say so. But, can you just promise, that if by chance I do hit you, that you won't like be bent on killing me or something?"

"Yes, Emily, I promise."

"Good, that's a load off my mind."

I walked ahead of the still chuckling elf to Frodo and Sam. I don't really know why I did, I was enjoying Legolas's company, but something just started to draw me towards Frodo.

I finally came even with the two talking hobbits. But, that wasn't enough. I kept leaning in and down towards Frodo. 

Suddenly someone yelled.

"Emily!"

I jerked up. All nine of the fellows were looking at me, Frodo, as if he was afraid of me. I looked down at myself and saw that my hand was reaching towards his chest. I yanked it down and started to back away. All of a sudden, I could hear almost a whisper in my ear.

Emily! Emily! Reach for me!

It was like the buzzing of a fly. It would not leave me alone! I leaned back towards Frodo slightly, bent upon reaching his chest. When suddenly I realized I was doing it again!

I shook my head and continued to back away again. I turned and started to walk again—away from the rest. I just stayed a respectful distance from everyone, off to one side, by myself.

No one came to walk with me.

Good one Emily, now you have suddenly became the Wicked Witch of the West!

As I was walking, wrapped in my own thoughts, or you could call it self pity. I just couldn't get Frodo's look out of my head. He was afraid of me! AFRAID of ME! I shook me head to try and get rid of the awful feeling that I was having. But, it just wouldn't leave me alone. Finally, I realized what it was.

I wanted to go home.

*~*~*

A/N: I know, it's not as long as the others or as funny. But, you will realize it was something that had to be put in there.

I still feel just awful about leaving you guys hanging like that. But, it is nice to know that I have that many faithful readers that would hound me for more. Thanks you guys!

I'll see ya next time!

~A~


	16. Scars

A/N: I just want to say that I am thoroughly amazed! I have over 120 reviews! I think I need CPR! Air!

I want to apologize for the last chapter being in Italics. I really don't know what happened, but I think it is time for my computer and I to have a heart to modem talk…

Keep up the stupendous reviews! I love every single one of them and I think I want to print them all out and use them for wallpaper! What do you think? The new fashion craze! I could be famous! 

Moving on…
*~*~*

I was still walking a little apart from the rest of the guys. It had been like this for over half of the day so far. I really don't know what I did. They all refused to talk to me. I mean they were shunning me!

It really hurt too. Over the past days I had begun to think of them as some of my better friends, but as everyone well knows, good friends don't shun others. Scratch that idea.

I just kept facing straight ahead. If they didn't want to talk to me, well poop on them! Yes, I know, I am old enough to act more mature, but my maturity was joining my nine now lost friendships on a very long trip—all the way down the shit tube.

At first, I had to fight back tears, but over time I fell back into an emotion that was more becoming of me. I have a scary ability to hold grudges. Get on the wrong side of me and I will remember you to my dying day. I'm serious, I mean I know that isn't very socially acceptable, but to hell with society anyway! It's not like it really enjoyed having me in the world. 

I never was one for having very many friends. I was more of the person that just had a couple very close friends and a hand full of "acquaintances." Give me a good book and I was fine. Let others do the partying—right? 

Great, this was perfect. Now I have suddenly fallen armpit deep into the 'rediscovering what is inside yourself' frame of mind. I was in the middle of no where with nine guys that didn't like me and I was rethinking my past social choices. Yes, I think I need to schedule an appointment with the nearest shrink.

I sighed and then glanced back at the others and up at Gandalf. I had taken to walking to the far left of the others and roughly in the middle of the parade. 

Gandalf was concentrating on what was ahead of him and the others were holding quiet conversations amongst themselves. No one was even sneaking glances at me.

I don't even want to mention the tension. It was getting so thick, I could have cut it with a knife, spread it on a piece of toast and called it peanut butter! Every once in a while, I would feel eyes on my back, but when I would turn around to see who it was, no one would be looking at me. It was enough to make anyone lose what was left of her sanity!

We had been walking for what felt like an eternity. I think I actually was close to losing my mind! I started to hum under my breath. That should keep my mind grounded, at least for a little while. If not, then I would just be a humming psychopath.

I don't even know how it happened. I did know that I did start humming, but when it finally graduated into full-fledged singing…I don't have a clue. I had been humming for quite sometime; I think I was trying to drive them insane. I mean insanity is just the gift that keeps on giving!

So, as I was walking, I was singing 'Away From The Sun' by 3 Doors Down, and I didn't even know it. Scary how my mind works, isn't it?

"It's down to this

I've got to make this life make sense

Can anyone tell what I've done?

I miss the life.

I miss the colors of the world.

Can anyone tell where I am?

Cause now again I've found myself so far down

Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place

I'm so far down away from the sun again

Away from the sun again

I'm over this

I'm tired of livin' in the dark

Can anyone see me down here?

The feeling's gone

There's nothing left to lift me up

Back into the world I know

And now again I've found myself so far down

Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place

I'm so far down away from the sun

That shines to light the way for me to find my way back into the arms

That care about the ones like me

I'm so far down away from the sun again

It's down to this

I've got to make this life make sense

And now I can't tell what I've done

And now again I've found myself so far down

Away from the sun that shines to light the way for me

And now again I've found myself so far down

Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place

I'm so far down away from the sun

The light that shines down and takes me back into your arms

That care about the ones like me

I'm so far down away from the sun again."

I finally finished the song, and then I finally realized that I was singing!

"Oh, shit!"

I turned my left and saw that they were all staring at me. I quickly turned away, blushing horribly, and continued to walk—berating myself the whole time.

This is just great; here I am singing like a retard. Yeah, that will make them feel better about me. At least they now know that I am insane, not just partially! 

I just continued to walk, but much faster. Maybe if I walk away, I won't suffer the embarrassment! Idiot!

*~*~*

We had been walking for quite a while, it was now getting dark. Even though, I was still up to my ear lobs in self pity. I would have just kept walking, I was that deep in thought, if Sam wouldn't have said anything.

"Emily! Stop!"

I stopped and turned around, "What?"

"We are stopping for the night. I think Aragorn and Gandalf want to talk to you."

"Oh, so now they want to talk to me? Well tell them to go screw themselves!"

Sam just looked at me and then shrugged, "If that is what you wish." He walked back to the two that we had been talking about.

I was screwed.

I turned my back on the group and kept walking. There was no reason to stick around after all, I mean all I was doing was causing everyone a major pain in the ass.

I heard Gandalf's voice calling to me, but I ignored it. Finally I heard him really let out a yell. I suppose I should see what he wants…

"Yes?"

"We have much need to talk to you. Please come back so we can discuss this like adults."

"No." I turned and started to walk again.

"You will come back and we will talk!" he roared.

I turned to them and just looked at them, I wasn't even angry with them, just tired of all of this.

"Listen, I really appreciate what you have done for me. I really do, but I don't think I am welcome here right now. I'll go my separate way, and maybe we will meet up somewhere along our ways. But, as of right now, I don't want to have to deal with you and I highly doubt any of you want to have to deal with me. So, for now, good-bye and I hope to see you later."

I turned around and finally walked out of their hearing or calling range.

*~*~*

"Damn Emily! Do you always have to be so bloody stubborn? They actually wanted to talk to you and you run off like the little girl you are!"

What? I was beating myself up? Do you have a problem with that?

It had been two days ago that I left the company of the guys. If you hadn't realized already, I was just slightly regretting it right now.

"Well, at least I have the Mace, but I wish I could use this damn sword! I mean what is the point of carrying it around. Sure, there is the chance that someone may see it and not bug me because of it, but the way I'm carrying it, I highly doubt it! I can't even tell which side is sharp."

I then did the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I grabbed onto the blade to see what side was the sharp one. I grabbed on and immediately snatched my hand away and let the sword drop to the ground.

Both sides were sharp.

Yes, I was a complete idiot! I mean my God; here I was grabbing a sharp instrument, after my mother and every mother that ever was and will be have drilled it into their children's heads not too! Just to see if it was actually sharp! I think as I have been here my intelligence has slowly been leaking out of my ears or something. No one, not even an idiot, would do something that dumb.

I slowly opened up my clenched fist. I looked down at the palm and gulped. My entire hand was red with my blood. I had a very neat and a very deep cut running the length of my palm. I flexed my hand and almost screamed!

Not only did it hurt like a mother, but it also started squirting blood anew. 

"Fine, let's just make my experience here even better huh? Now, let's just get me so infected I have to chew off my own hand! That would just be typical of my luck!" I had been shouting this up to the sky. I don't even know what I was thinking. I guess maybe I was hoping someone would just smote me and be down with it!

I tried to take off the sweatshirt one handed; it wasn't going to damn hot, I'll tell yea that! After I finally wrestled that thing off I started on the tunic. That took even longer, the tunic wasn't as baggy as the sweatshirt. Then once that was off, I got to the tank top that has seen better days. I drug that off me, so I was just standing there in my bra again.

"Damn it to hell if this doesn't work!"

I then started to wind the very shredded top around my hand. I got it to stay well enough, it stayed even better if I slightly clenched my hand around it. Even though it hurt like hell, I still figured I should make it bleed. I mean, it has been a while since I have had a tetanus shot. It's always better to be safe than sorry later and I'll be damned if I am going to die out in the middle of no where because of tetanus!

I finally got that situated onto my hand. Next, I was faced with the problem of redressing again—not an easy feat. It took almost twice as long to get everything back on, but now at least I wasn't in danger of bleeding to death. But, then again, I am not a doctor, so for all I knew I was! Typical…

"Why do I get the feeling that _this _cut is going to leave a scar?"

*~*~*

A/N: Yes, I know this one wasn't terribly funny either, but Emily had to have some self-pity somewhere in the story! She is only human after all.

I promise that more of the new chapters will be funny, but this is incredibly important to the plot. So, just wait, you will get your laughs!

Besides, Lothlorien is right up ahead. I think Emily will be having quite a bit of fun in the near future…

Always the evil author,

~A~


	17. Take Me To Your Leader

A/N: Okay, I think this chapter should be a wee bit funnier. I'll certainly try my best!

*~*~*

"I can't feel my hand anymore! This cannot be a good sign!"

It had been about three days since I had wrapped the tank top around my mutilated hand. At first it had really hurt, then it burned, then slightly throbbed, and now it was numb. The wrapping was so crusted with blood, that I couldn't even flex my hand even the slightest bit. My hand was stuck.

I was really tired too, to top it all off. I had not been sleeping well. Every time I would doze off, I would wake up again screaming. I was having horrible nightmares, and the bad part was they seemed real. One of the reoccurring ones, was that I was racing through the forest and the wargs were chasing me again. Or, an even worse one, the orcs caught me and were roasting me over a fire. I have just an incredible imagination. Can't you tell?

But, my hand was really starting to worry me. I didn't want to become a cripple before my twenty-fifth birthday, for crying out loud! I just kept getting these thoughts running through my mind.

__

What if my hand gets so infected they have to cut it off? What if I_ have to cut it off? What if no one finds me and I die a horrible death and the raccoons and dear eat my dead body? What if I am hallucinating this whole experience?_

The last thought was really picking at my sanity. What if I wasn't even in Middle-Earth and I was just wandering around a national park thinking I was in another world? What if I had actually _lost my mind_?

I stopped my walking and just stood in thought for a while. It's not like I was really making head way anyway. I mean the trees kept getting thicker and thicker and they seemed to move around me. But, then again, that could have been my lack of blood.

I slumped to the ground, "I just don't know anymore. What if I don't see the guys again and I just die? Ha! At this point in time, I think dying would be a good thing. End my misery once and for all!"

I laid back and just stared at the trees and open blue sky above me. To fly, just fly away from all my worries. A bird…yes a bird…not a sparrow…no…something beautiful…or dangerous…a hawk…what if…

I blacked out.

*~*~*

I slowly woke up. I mean this time, for once in my life, I didn't just sit straight up and demand to know what the hell was going on. I just lay there for a time and tried to place where I was. It was dark; I must have been out longer than I thought. Even worse, I could definitely hear something talking, or at least making noises like talking. But, I didn't want to sit up and get eaten right away. We all know how that goes. You do not want to surprise something until you know what the hell it is. I found that out the hard way.

I think I was finally thinking straight. I mean if I was still delirious, I highly doubt I would be thinking I should sit still and listen. I would probably jump right up and demand that they play hopscotch with me! At least I was somewhat myself.

Yes, there was someone talking. I think it sounded like at least two people, if not more. 

I don't think it sounds like orcs. Their talking sounded like they were grunting. This sounds more gentle, musical almost. Should I sit up? 

I was still debating about what I should do when I felt someone's hand on my forehead. 

Lay still! Don't move! Breathe…breathe…nice and even…there you go girl. Make them think you are still asleep. 

Suddenly I heard a soft voice, "Open your eyes little one. We will not harm you."

Damn! Okay, they know you are awake. Not only do they know, but they also know you can't act to save your life! Literally! 

I still kept my eyes shut, but I tensed up my body. My good hand crept to the pocket of the sweatshirt—to the Mace. I finally got one in my hand and managed to pop off the top. I wasn't going to take any chances. Just because these guys didn't sound like they wanted to eat off my face, doesn't mean they wouldn't think my skin wouldn't make a nice rug on their living room floor.

"Small one, open your eyes. We know you are awake."

Small one! Little one! Kiss my ass buster! 

I opened my eyes and whipped out my hand. I hit the spray button and let out the Mace. I got at least three of the guys standing around me and leapt to my feet. The rest backed up a safe distance and aimed their bows and knives at me. I think I was out numbered by only about ten. I could take them…

"Eat that!"

The three that I did get were rolling around on the ground clutching their faces. Not only does Mace burn the hell out of your eyes; it also works on the skin. I gave the guys a dose all over their faces.

One of the guys that I didn't hit walked cautiously up to me. As he was walking towards me, I started to back away.

"Stay back, unless you want to share your friends' situation. I'm warning you!"

I was still backing up when I hit someone. Immediately they pinned my arms to my sides and took the Mace out of my hand.

"Let me go! Damn it! Let me go!"

They just held onto me harder until it felt like my ribs were going to break. I could barely breath; I started to see spots on the edges of my vision.

"Can't…breathe…let…me…go!"

Ever so slightly the arms loosened up around me and I could breathe again. But, they didn't let go entirely and I felt a knife pressed into my back painfully.

I slumped into the arms. If they really wanted to hold onto me that much, well, they could hold me up too. I let the person hold me up and took great whooping breaths. When I finally was seeing straight again I looked over my shoulder at my assailant.

I could see next to nothing. The only thing I could see was that _he_ was tall, yes, male, and there were more behind him. I tried to catch him off guard and run forward, but he then just tightened his grip until I couldn't breathe again.

"What do you want? Just leave me go! I don't have anything! Nothing!"

I felt one of the hands holding me captive slam over my mouth. I then heard a voice hiss in my ear.

"Do not speak until spoken to, witch."

What? They think I'm a witch? Why…the Mace! 

I tried to bit the hand but he still wouldn't let go. 

Fine, you want to fight dirty? 

I stuck out my tongue and slobbered all over the hand. Instantly it was whipped away and I was shoved forward. I landed hard on my hands and knees and instantly rolled to my side to try and get my weight off of my hand. It hurt so much! It obviously was no longer numb. It now felt like someone had set it on fire, was poking it with needles and doing a tap dance on it—all at once!

I started to sob—a woman's best defense. Just start to cry and instantly most men will go to mush. There is almost not a single man in the universe that can stand to see a woman cry. Yes, I know it was dirty, but it wasn't like I was faking it! My hand really did hurt!

I tired to sit up, but I was pushed down again. But, the odd thing was, it was a gentle push, I wasn't slammed back to the ground. I glanced up through my tears and saw that most of the people were facing me were looking down. I think most of their looks were directed at my hand. Ah, now I know why.

I drew a shaky breath and started to beg, "Please, I am not a witch. Please, don't kill me! I'm too young to die! I want to live! Help me! Not hurt me!"

Yes, I know it was cliché, but my mind had shut down for the time being and all of the old movies that I have seen, just seemed to kick in. Even more amazingly, it seemed to work. 

Two of the guys grabbed me under my armpits and gently hauled me to my feet. I started to fall again, so they stayed to hold me up. I was so terrified that I don't think I could have blinked!

"You are not a witch? Then how did you shoot liquid fire at my companions?"

I was shaking visibly. Just thank God that my parents had really potty trained me, other wise I would be watering the weeds right now!

"It's…Mace," I hiccuped. "It's to harm any…attackers."

"I see. Come, we are to show you to our leader."

Oh great! I come in peace! Take me to your leader! Idiots surround me! 

"Will this…Mace…blind?"

"I dunno, read on the can."

The guy looked at me quizzically.

"Turn the thing in your hand over and read the little itty-bitty words printed on the back," I told him exasperatedly. 

"Unic! Bring the torch here!" he ordered.

The guy that was standing to my far right walked over and positioned the torch so the guy could read. That's when I finally got a look at the guy that I had licked.

He was very tall and had white-blonde hair. In fact, all of the guys that were around me did. They all had bows and arrows, not to mention daggers and knives. But…

I was in complete shock.

No! It couldn't be! Not another one! Damn it! One's enough, thank you very much! 

"Holy shit!"

He turned to look at me.

"You're a bloody elf!"

"Yes, we all are. Have you never seen an elf before?"

I snorted, "Nah, I've seen one before. I just really didn't want to see another one that's all. The one I know is really annoying. Kinda like the rest of the people I know, now that I think about it."

"What elf did you know? There are many of our kind that are bad examples of us."

"Aren't there always? But, anyway, Legolas Green-something or other. He's the prince of something Wood. Can't remember right now, give me a little bit."

All of the elves began to talk loudly in their language.

Okay, what did I say? 

"You know Legolas Greenleaf, of Mirkwood?"

" Oh, Mirkwood, that sounds about right? Yeah, I know the guy. He can be really annoying at times. Kinda like the hobbits and wizard."

At the mention of 'wizard' all of the elves became very solemn.

"The group you talk about have ventured through this realm not half day past. Come, we will take you to Galadriel."

"Gala-wha cha?"

"Galadriel, she is the Lady of the Golden Wood."

"Right, didn't know why I didn't know that! Must have slipped my mind. Damn memory!"

I guess it is time that I meet their leader… 

*~*~*

A/N: There, was that funnier than the last chapter? I certainly hope so!

Leave a review and tell me what you think! It's hard to believe I am in Lothlorien already! I'm almost done with the first book! Can you believe it?

~A~

P.S.

Feel free to throw any ideas at me. I am a very open person with new ideas. Who knows, maybe I would use your idea. I would also make sure I credited it to you. I mean what would be the point in giving me an idea anyway? Duh! To see your name!

My intelligence astounds me!


	18. Names

A/N: I really appreciate all of the reviews that you guys have given me! It really makes me want to go at this story full tilt!  
  
By the way, you know I mentioned using the reviews as wallpaper? Well, I consulted with a fashion designer and I believe the exact words I got were, "That was so last year!" So, I don't want to disappoint anyone, but I don't think I will be using them after all!  
  
Okay, well that is enough insanity. On with the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Are we there yet? Can I drive? I'm hungry!"   
  
I had recently made it my passion in life to be the biggest nuisance to them all that I possibly could. That, and Rocket Man was always one of my favorite movies... But that is not the point.  
  
"Will you please stop that incessant whining?" asked Unic.  
  
"I'm not whining! I am insulted that you would think some of my very simple questions and requests would be considered whining!"  
  
"I am sorry, Lady. I did not mean to shame you."  
  
"My God! What is with you people! Can't any of you take a little bit of teasing? I mean for crying out loud my neighbor would laugh at that and she does not have a sense of humor! Take out the sticks that are shoved up your asses! Live a little!"  
  
Unic looked at me and then glanced over at the other Elves and gave them a look that plainly said, 'stay away from the crazy lady.'  
  
Damn elf. But, you know, now that I think of it, he may have a point. I have done nothing but whine since they decided to take me to the 'All knowing person that I cannot pronounce her name.'  
  
We continued to walk for awhile, when Unic, who was still walking beside me asked, "What is that around your neck? If you do not mind me asking, that is."  
  
"Nah, it's all right. It's a camera. If I hit this little button," I showed him the shutter button, "it will flash and then imprint the picture in some paper-like material inside. In other words, whatever I point this little baby at and hit the button, I will have that picture forever. Do you understand?"  
  
"No, I do not think so."  
  
"Finally! A male that has enough, or maybe I should say, not enough pride to say something when he doesn't understand! It's a miracle!"  
  
"Could you please explain yourself, dear Lady?"  
  
"Sure. What I mean is that whenever I would explain anything 'weird' to the rest of my group, they would just nod and act like they knew what was going on. But, in reality, they didn't have the foggiest idea. They just wanted to act like they did know, because they didn't want to have to say that they did not understand something. All I meant by what I said, was that you are the first male, which I assume you are," he nodded in conferment, "in this world, to actually say that they did not understand something. I was just acting all amazed. So, do you understand now?"  
  
"Yes, Lady, I do. Thank you for that, er, rather informative explanation."  
  
I blushed, okay, I did warn you I was wordy. "Sorry."  
  
"There is no need. I did ask, after all."  
  
"True. Well, since you asked me a question, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Yes, please do."  
  
"Alrighty. I couldn't help notice that your name was Unic, not that anything is wrong with the name," I said quickly. "But, I was just wondering, why is your name so different from other Elf's names. I mean the normal ones seem to be words that I would never be able to pronounce. I have even wondered if the Elves can actually pronounce some of those. I mean, whoo-eeeh!"  
  
"Yes, I agree, some of the Elves' names can get very length and difficult to pronounce."  
  
"Good, I was wondering if I was the only one that noticed that. But, I guess when in Rome, do as the Romans do!" I said brightly.  
  
"What is 'Rome' and who are 'Romans'?"  
  
Great, it starts again!  
  
"Erm, never mind." I said quickly. "But, how did you come by a name like 'Unic'?" Unic looked at me suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, don't get me wrong, I really like your name. But, if you knew me more, you would realize that I can never keep my mouth shut."  
  
"I see. But, my name. You have already realized that my name is not a normal Elvish name. You are correct in that assumption, it is not. My name is actually that of a human's. You see, my father was very good friends with a human man. He was one of the few Elves that would actually befriend the 'savages.' But, if you have not already guessed the name of my father's friend was Unic and my father named me Unic in tribute to his greatest friend, other than my mother of course."  
  
"Of course," I agreed. "So, that is it? That's how you got your name?"  
  
"Yes. It is highly unusual for Elves to name their children after a friend. I am one of the very few."  
  
"Hmm, I didn't know that. I was named after my grandmother. Her name was Emily Ann. I'm Emily Lynn. So, yeah, you aren't the only one!" With that I started to sway violently. Unic leapt lightly to my arm and supported me until I regained the little balance that I possess.  
  
"Are you all right, milady?"  
  
"Sure, I think so anyway. But everything is going fuzzy and it feels like I was just spinning for a very long time. But, I wasn't. So what happened?"  
  
"I do not know."  
  
I brought my wounded hand up to my head. "Ugh, I just have this splitting headache to top it off. I don't suppose you would have any Tylenol or Aleve on you, would you?" I looked over at Unic and saw that he was staring at my mutilated hand.  
  
"Yeah, well I have been getting that a lot. Is it just me, or is it turning green around the bandage?"  
  
Unic looked up at me, "Can you not feel it? That should be hurting you horribly."  
  
I laughed, "Hell, I haven't been able to feel it for, what? About three days? I figure it's a perk. I mean why would I want to feel the pain? Besides, I am seriously thinking that is turning a nice shade of green, and a body part that is green has got to hurt like a mofo. I mean it's nature!"  
  
I think I was just a wee bit delirious at this point. But, then again, that could just be me...nope, delirious!  
  
"Come," Unic started to pull on my arm, "We must get you to the healer! You have lost too much blood. Hopefully they will be able to save your hand."  
  
"Yeah, me too. But you know, I've heard they can do wonders with prothstetics these days." I just followed him as he began to push his way up through the group of Elves. Finally what he had been saying sunk in. "What the hell do you mean? They had better save it! Other wise I am going to kick their asses until they turn seven shades of blue!"  
  
"Yes, yes, I believe that you would. Come now. Follow me," He then started to call up towards the beginning of the line. It sounded something like, "Haldir! Haldir! We must get the woman to the healers! She is fading quickly!" I think that is what he said, but I can't be sure, at this point I was just on this side of insane.  
  
I felt tugging on my arm, but I just threw an ill-aimed punch over in the general area. Nope, didn't hit anything.  
  
"Lady Emily Lynn, we must get you to the healers. Please, do not fight me!"  
  
"Why are you calling me 'Emily Lynn'? It's just Emily!" I mumbled almost incoherently.  
  
Unic looked at me, puzzled. "I thought you said that your name was Emily Lynn?"  
  
"Nah! Lynn is my middle name. You don't use that when you address someone informally or hell even formally. People just tack it on to their names for it to look pretty!"  
  
"I see."   
  
We were still moving at a fast clip through the woods. I was barely staying on my feet. Finally after the seventh time I tripped and almost fell flat on my face, Unic stooped slightly and picked me up.  
  
"Oh! I didn't know you cared! You big brute of a man, you!"  
  
Unic's brow furrowed with worry, "Lady, please, fight it! You must stay conscious, at least until the healers can look at you!" I started to stick out my tongue and cross my eyes at him.  
  
He slapped me lightly on my face, "Look at my face. Concentrate on it! What is your name?"  
  
"Well duh! It's Emily! I've gotten Lady, ass-hole, bitch and a few others that I can't say right now for fear of scarring you for life and your prissy little-pointed ears, but yeah, that's what I have been called."  
  
"I will ignore that last statement. What is your middle name?"  
  
"My aren't we inquisitive," I giggled at my choice of words, "Why do you want to know?"  
  
"I must keep you concentrating on the present. It could become very dangerous for you if you were to lose consciousness."  
  
"Alrighty then. No need to get all pissy on me."  
  
"I was not getting 'pissy' with you. I am merely concerned for you. Now, what is your middle name?"  
  
"What's a middle name?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well? What did you think? I hope that is funnier, I certainly tried!  
  
I would just like to let everyone know right now that if you would like a specific song put into the story just let me know. More than likely I will be able to work it in somewhere along the lines. Besides, I would really like your guys' imput, you have no idea how much that helps me out.   
  
Well, this really sucks. I know that I was going to mention something else right now, but I can't remember. So hopefully I will remember by the time I post next. Other wise, who knows? The world could end!  
  
Well, maybe not...  
  
Read, enjoy and REVIEW!!  
  
~A~ 


	19. Buttons

A/N: I know the last few chapters have not been that funny. But, you do all realize that I need that, it all leads up other better stuff. I promise, scout's honor and all that...  
  
Thank you to all of my stupendous reviewers! I'm still working on that wallpaper...  
  
*~*~*  
  
The past few hours had been nothing but a blur. When Unic had to repress his dignity and pick me up, I think I was almost completely gone. All I remember was there were people, or Elves I guess.  
  
"Lady, wake up please." A gentle voice whispered.  
  
"I don't wanna. My head hurts and I am going to hurt the next person that talks to me."  
  
"No, you would not. You are much too weak. But you have been abed for far too long. Up!"  
  
I felt the covers being yanked off from on top of me. I was all warm too, that was a very fluffy comforter....comforter?  
  
I sat up in bed...bed? What the hell was going on? I sat up and looked around. As it turns out, I was in a bedroom in a giant bed and there was a lady standing in front of me frowning very heavily.  
  
"Hey there. Um, can I help you? Or wait, better yet. Can you help me?"  
  
"Yes, I am able to help you. I have already for many days, but I suppose once more shan't do much." She answered with a resigned sigh.  
  
"Okay, yeah that works. Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, WHERE THE HELL AM I?"  
  
The woman jumped and clapped both hands over her ears; her pointy ears.  
  
"Oh, shit. Sorry. I have a rather healthy set of lungs."  
  
"Yes, you do, milady. Now please stand up and I will fix up the bed."  
  
I stood up automatically and stood there like a good little girl until the woman began to start fussing about with the bedding. I snapped out of my stupor and bent down to help her. As I was tucking in a loose corner of a blanket I saw my lightly bandaged hand. I stood up straight again and started to inspect it.   
  
The bandage was not the filthy remains of a tank top that I remembered putting on. No sir-y Bob, this was a very fine linen bandage, very soft and rather expensive by the looks of it. Not only was it very nice fabric, but it was no longer sloppily applied. No again, this was applied by someone that knew what they were doing. Unlike me...  
  
I felt someone watching me so I looked up and met the eyes of the woman across the bed. I looked into the crystal blue depths for a moment and then finally voiced what was running through my head.  
  
"Thank you."   
  
She looked at me, puzzled, "But, milady, it is only a bed."  
  
I smacked my head with my good hand, "That's not what I meant. I meant for my hand." I gestured at my very nicely bandaged hand. "That must have taken some time and effort and I thank you for your efforts." I smiled at her.  
  
"She chuckled lightly, it was pure music to my ears. "Do you think that if I could do the job of a healer that I would be making beds? That is the work of the palace healers. You have been resting for three days since the bandage was applied."  
  
"Three days! My God! Why don't I remember that?"  
  
"Well, the healers had to give you a draught to make you sleep. You would not lay still. You kept insisting that 'the next person that makes me try to sleep is going to turn seven shades of blue from the ass kicking I am going to give them'."  
  
"You know, that sounds strangely like me. Hmm, well I'm sorry for all the trouble I obviously caused. Is anyone's hearing permanently damaged from my rantings?"  
  
"Nay."  
  
"Well that has to be a good sign. Oh! I'm sorry! My name is Emily."  
  
"Good day, Lady Emily."  
  
She just stood there after that. Damn, I just had to be the mediator....  
  
"And you are...?"  
  
"My mother would be furious if she knew I forgot my manners! I am called Maydenia, Lady Emily. I shall be your Lady's Helper while you are here."  
  
"Um, sure, whatever works for you. Just out of curiosity, how old are you?"  
  
The woman couldn't have been more than seventeen, if that. Jeez, only late teens and already serving others. You gotta commend her efforts.  
  
"I am one thousand nine hundred and three years old, Lady Emily."  
  
Damn wrong again...  
  
*~*~*  
  
"My God! Doesn't she ever leave!"  
  
I sat with my back to the bathroom door. I couldn't take this anymore. After I had finally woken up enough to do the whole intelligent thought thing, I asked Maydenia where I could take a bath. Man, I stink!  
  
Anyway, one thing led to another, and pretty soon I had her following me into the bathroom. She just wouldn't leave me alone! Every time I walked anywhere, there she was, right behind me, asking if I 'needed anything.' I was toeing the line to just yelling, "Yes, I need something! For you to leave me the hell alone!"  
  
But as satisfying as it would be, my mother raised me better than that. I mean manners and all....  
  
"No, Maydenia, I don't need help with my bath."  
  
"Are you sure?" Came the anxious reply form behind the wood of the door.  
  
"Well, as sure as I ever will be. So don't worry, if I'm not out in about three days, then send out a search party. But, until then, I will be just fine. I'll let you know when I get out and if there is anything else you can possibly help me with. All right?"  
  
"If that is your wish milady. I shall work on my other duties, just pull the cord by the bed. That will summon me."  
  
"Sure, thing Maydenia."  
  
I got up from the door and inspected the already filled bathtub and its surroundings. This was paradise, pure and simple. The bathtub was absolutely huge and there was windows surrounding it on all sides. There was so much light that the place was dazzling. The soap and towels were already set out for my use, (Maydenia again...).  
  
I stripped off my clothing. The Elves hadn't bothered to change my clothing. I think they were afraid for their very lives, from what Maydenia has told me about my behavior. But then again, I have said that each and every one of them is a giant narcissist.  
  
I sank down into the water and let off a giant sigh. It was pure bliss! I dunked my head under the warm water, if I could have had gills I would have stayed down there forever. But, the little thing called breathing made me come back up for air.   
  
I started to scrub myself and just laze around in the water when I finally realized that there was something odd about the water. It never got cold, actually it never changed temperature at all! How weird is that? But, then again, I mean I am staying in an Elven palace, that kinda has to take the top spot on the weirdness scale.  
  
Reluctantly I finally got out of the tub. I mean I was starting to think that my three days were up and an army would come and bust down the bathroom door! I must have been in the water for at least two hours, but no prunes! I'm serious! My fingers, toes and other appendages did not become pruny at all; they stayed as smooth as the day I was born!  
  
I wrapped one of the towels around my body after I had dried myself and stepped out of the bathroom and looked around. Thank God! No sign of Maydenia. I know she means well, but honestly, I'm a big girl, I can wipe my own ass.  
  
I walked over to the bed; I was going to flop down, but stopped just in time. On the bed was a beautiful blue gown with matching slippers.  
  
"Oh wow! Uh oh, no one does this stuff for nothing. This Gala-person is going to charge one hell of a bill!"  
  
Even though, being the girly-girl that I am, I picked up the dress and held it up to me. I spun around a few times and giggled. Then, realizing what I was doing, I slapped myself, not mentally. Physically, very hard too I might add.  
  
"Okay," I said, while rubbing my stinging cheek, "Maybe that wasn't one of the brightest moves. Emily, focus, you are in some person's palace and normal people don't give out this much charity for free. I mean I know, I'm a good looking girl and my public loves me, but this is getting ridiculous!" I rolled my eyes at my last comment. I slay me...  
  
I let the towel fall off from around me and slipped the dress over my head. It fell perfectly around my body. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a dressy sort of person, but this was too good even for me. But, the strange part was that everything fit me perfectly! It was like everything was tailored for me, not my second cousin, me! I mean my God, even the shoes fit perfectly and my feet could rival Sasquatche's!  
  
I turned to the full length mirror across the room. I was breath-taking. I turned around and looked over my shoulder. Well, maybe I was wrong. You can only be so breath-taking when the back of your dress is hanging open and your ass is on display for all to see.  
  
I fumbled around with the little buggars that these people call buttons. I couldn't even get one fastened. Buttons, the bane of my existence. I started turning in circles trying to reach the back of the confounded dress. I still couldn't get it. I started to get dizzy and then I fell onto the bed. Man, I hope these people have irons, my dress was just a wee bit wrinkled after the little Icecapade show I was putting on, minus the ice of course.  
  
I looked over at the window and then I saw the cord Maydenia was talking about.  
  
  
I started to crawl over to the other side of the bed towards the pull-cord. I mean how dense could I get. Here I was, trying to help myself, when help was just a yank away!  
  
I gave the cord a hard yank and then stood up and tried to smooth out my dress somewhat. Roughly five minutes later, Maydenia came jogging into the room.  
  
"Does milady require my assistance?"  
  
"Actually I do. Are you busy or could you help me just for a few minutes?"  
  
"Nay, Lady, I am never too busy to help you."  
  
"Great. Could you do me a favor before you help me?"  
  
She nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"Maydenia, don't call me 'Lady'. That just drives me nuts. I am not a lady of any sorts. I'm just a girl that doesn't know what is going on half the time. All right?"  
  
"If that is what you wish."  
  
"Yeah, that is what I wish. Thanks."  
  
She waved aside the thank you, "Now, what can I assist you with?"  
  
I just turned around and presented her a magnificent picture of my backside.  
  
"Maydenia, I think I may be feeling a draft. Is there something wrong with my dress?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Yes, that is all that I needed Maydenia, thank you again. I don't know what I would do without you?"  
  
"Walk around without your dress buttoned?"  
  
"Yeah, that sounds about right... Well, I guess I had yanked you away from your other duties, so if you need to go, I won't hold you here anymore."  
  
"Thank you...Emily. I must go now."  
  
"See ya later."  
  
"Yes, you will. Later tonight I am to send up an escort to take you to the Lady Galadriel, she wishes to speak with you. Than we shall have a feast in honor of yourself and the Fellowship."  
  
"Oh! Yeah, I knew they were here! Oopsy...."  
  
"You shall see them tonight. The Lady's only wish is that you stay in your rooms until someone can show you around. She fears you may become lost."  
  
"She knows me too well. I have a habit of becoming tragically lost when I am in a strange place. What can I say? It's a hidden talent of mine."  
  
"I must leave now, good day."  
  
I nodded as she walked out the door and softly shut it. I stepped in front of the mirror again, I still couldn't believe that it was me looking back.  
  
Not only had Maydenia buttoned my dress, after she had a good laugh or course, she also insisted upon doing my hair. It was actually quite pretty. I mean it was something I would never manage to do; I'm all thumbs. The sides were pulled back and braided down to the end, but wrapped around inside the braid was a sapphire ribbon. It was very becoming, but considering I have a hard time brushing my hair, I highly doubt I will be doing anything like that in the near future. Hell, even in the far future.  
  
I walked over to one of the bookshelves along the wall and pulled out a random book. I flipped it open and came face to face with a bunch of gibberish. Okay, next book.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"I don't believe this! What kind of people are they?"  
  
Every single book was in some language that I could not speak. I mean it was a conspiracy against me! The only good thing about it was that it had taken me the better part of an hour to flip through all of the books. The 'escort' should show up at any moment. Good, I am thinking 'death by book' would be a good alternative to the boredom that I was faced with then.  
  
I dropped the book I was holding and walked out to the balcony. Yes, I had a balcony! I don't even have a balcony on my little apartment. I mean my God! The balcony was bigger than my entire apartment! A homeless family could live in it, and I am not talking a small family either!  
  
Anyway, I walked to the railing and looked down. Yep, it was a very long way down. I leaned down on the railing, (after making it was sturdy, of course). It was really a beautiful view. It was slowly becoming dark, so lanterns were being lit all over the expanse that I could see.   
  
I turned from the balcony and then looked down at my hand. That's when I realized what the dress reminded me of! A wedding dress! If it had been white it would have passed off as a very expensive and very nice wedding dress!  
  
I grinned a little at the thought and then started to hum a song. It slowly progressed into full out singing and soon after that I started to dance around in my room. After being bed ridden for three days I had just a bit too much energy.  
  
So, I was singing at the top of my lungs bouncing around my room like a ball out of control.  
  
I made it through the wilderness  
Somehow I made it through  
Didn't know how lost I was  
Until I found you  
  
I was beat incomplete  
I'd been had, I was sad and blue  
But you made me feel  
Yeah, you made me feel  
Shiny and new  
  
Like a virgin  
Touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin  
When your heart beats   
Next to mi-  
  
I was spinning around the room when all of a sudden it felt like I was being watched. I stopped and turned to the door.  
  
Uh oh!  
  
There was Maydenia and another elf, and right behind them was Unic. They were all staring at me open mouthed.  
  
I gave a little laugh. "Um, well you know after being in bed for so long I decided that I needed some physical therapy. Yeah, therapy." I gave them a wide smile. They still just looked at me.  
  
Maybe I should think about mental therapy. They think I'm insane!  
  
I was starting to become even more flustered. I started to fidget and pick at my dress. Then I got an idea.  
  
I gave them a winning smile.  
  
"Who's hungry?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: There! For all of you that don't already know, the song was "Like a Virgin" by Madonna. Quite a few people had been asking for Emily to sing that so...what the hell?   
  
I hope everyone enjoyed that chapter! I really have been slaving away on it. I think in total it took me about four days to get it right.   
  
Next chapter is going to be Galadriel, this should be a hoot!  
  
Read, enjoy and review!  
  
~A~ 


	20. Outta My Head!

A/N: I know this is a really long, long author's note, but please read it, I have some topics in it that need to be read. Thanks guys!  
  
Well, I hope everyone found that last one funny! I still can't believe that I have a whopping 168 reviews! I just can't believe it! I'm going to faint.... Well, maybe not.  
  
I want to apologize for the lack of italics or bold face, or even different font in my story. My computer is being a complete ass and it won't let me do any of the special formatting. So, I would really appreciate it if you can just ignore that irritating glitch.  
  
StarryStarryNight: Holy shit! I have my own groupie! Oh my God! Of course you can be one! I am so happy that you like it so much!  
  
The Wolf Child: Not a problem, I'll try to keep the link in the update notice. That has gotta be a big help! Thank you for your input!  
  
Emily: Sorry I forgot to credit you. I put it in at the end of the chapter. I'm still beating my head against the wall for that one! Thanks for all the compliments in the review, I always get a warm and fuzzy feeling when I read your reviews!  
  
LeopardDance: I rock? My story rocks? No, no dear, you got it all wrong. You rock!  
  
Europa: I hope this chapter gives you the low down on what Emily thinks of Galadriel, I wrote it with you in mind!  
  
Cassie-bear01: I'm glad that you love my story so much. I just love it when I get reviews like yours. Thanks for making my day!  
  
KindCalypso: So, I had you laughing? Well that just doubles the enjoyment of writing the story. Keep reading and I'll keep writing!   
  
WeasleyTwinsLover1112: I'm so happy that you thought that the chapter was...interesting...I try to make them as funny as possible. Thanks for telling me I succeeded!  
  
Zecorda: I'm so glad that you think my story is awesome and I am updating as quickly as possible!  
  
Okay, I think that is everyone that reviewed on the last chapter!  
  
Yes, I know. I have never done this before; list all of my reviewers, I mean. But, I have this disease, it's called complete lethargy. I know I'm not the only one with it! But, anyway, I figure I should do this. That way, all of my reviewers feel as if I am making contact with them; they'll feel closer to the author and will want to give back input more.   
  
I am in desperate need of songs that Emily can sing. I am running out of them! Please feel free to e-mail me at abskii_79@hotmail.com with your ideas. More than likely I will use them and I promise that I will credit they idea to you. Scout's honor!  
  
Okay! All you artists out there, time to shine! If you would like to do drawings of scenes from this story and have me add them into the font, I certainly could do that. I am thinking that this story needs illustrations! But, being an artist myself, I'm not sure that you would like to spend that much time on a piece and then just have it in a story. But, then again, free publicity! (Do I even need to add that your name will be plastered all over the chapter in tribute if you do? I thought not...)   
  
I know it is kinda a gay idea, even though, I think may start on a picture, see if it will work out. But, if it strikes somebody as something they would like to do, well then hell, more power to you! Just e-mail me and we can talk it over, decide what you are going to do, what chapter it will appear in, etc. (If you have a picture that you would like added into an older chapter I will be more than happy to repost.)  
  
I have no idea if Fanfiction has any ability to back this sort of thing, but I will certainly try it out. So, like I said drop me a line if you are interested!  
  
If this doesn't work out then here comes a web page! (Insert evil laugh here.)  
  
Anyway....on to the story before I get anymore off the wall ideas.  
  
*~*~*  
  
All four of us, (I had learned that the other elf with Maydenia was named Haldir,) were walking down to the feast. As it turns out, Haldir was Maydenia's betrothed and Unic was to be my escort to the function. (Okay, ladies, all of you that adore Haldir, please don't hurt me!)  
  
We had been walking down brightly lit corridors for some time now, but Unic had yet to say a word. I looked up at him and saw that his lines were pressed together in a thin line.  
  
"So, how are you doing?" I just couldn't not say something! I mean it was just too uncomfortable! But, then again, whenever I am nervous, I turn into a complete chatter box! It just can't be helped.  
  
"I am fine."  
  
Okay, well someone has a very bad case of PMS.  
  
"That's it? Fine? No more?"  
  
"I am fine." He repeated.  
  
"Okay Mister Pissy-elf. Kudos to you too." I turned away from him, but not before I saw his face turn a nice shade of pink. I looked over at Maydenia and Haldir.  
  
"Which one of you put him up to this?"  
  
Both pointed at the other.  
  
"Well, that was intelligent. Now, let me try again. Which one of you made him take me to this feast? I mean isn't it obvious that he would rather play Mister Squeaky for some Warg?"  
  
Maydenia finally spoke, after she got over her enormous fit of giggles. "It was Haldir's idea. He decided that since Unic was quite taken with you when you were coming here, that it was a perfect opportunity for you two to meet up again."  
  
I rolled my eyes at the two of them, "Okay, no one wanted to go with the 'dirty human girl'?"  
  
Haldir shook his head, "Many of the male elves are now harboring ill feelings towards you after the liquid fire incident."  
  
"I'm telling you it was not 'liquid fire'! It was Mace. All it is, is a pepper spray. It's supposed to temporarily blind an attacker to let the victim get away. I just thought that you wanted to eat me. It's not like I run around, 'I don't like you, eat Mace! Nope don't like you either!' I'm not that kind of person."  
  
Haldir nodded in understanding, "I shall explain that to the others."  
  
We walked on in silence for a while. It was getting really boring. Haldir and Maydenia were so wrapped up in each other that it was hard to get a word in edge wise, and Unic was still not looking at me. I think that 'Pissy-elf' comment struck home.  
  
'You are worried child.'  
  
I whipped around and started to look in all directions. I had heard a voice. It wasn't like the other voices that I had been hearing lately. No, this one was filled with power, yet it was gentle and elegant. It wasn't like someone was talking even. It was like someone had written the words and I was the only one that could read them. It was very odd.  
  
I noticed that the other three were looking at me funny. I gave them a questioning look.  
  
Unic finally decided to speak to me, "You yelped and clapped your hands over your ears. What is wrong?"  
  
Thinking quickly, I answered, "Nothing, I heard something and I reacted. I must be hanging around you Elf people, I mean your rubbing off on me. When ever I hear a noise now I slam my hands over my ears. What are you doing to me?"  
  
I continued to walk and they hurried to catch up.  
  
That was close. They are already questioning my mental stability. Telling them that I am hearing voices is going to do absolutely nothing for me. Hearing voices is never good, no matter what world you are in.  
  
'I have longed to meet with you Emily. Come, we have much to discuss.'  
  
I turned all the way around and started to walk back the way we had just come. I was checking all of the darker corners when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around and came about three centimeters to punching out Haldir.  
  
"Sorry. Reflexes, they get the best of me every once in a while."  
  
"I see. You have been very wary lately. Are you feeling all right?"  
  
"Maybe you should stay in bed. You cannot be properly healed after only three days. Come, I'll take you back to your room." Maydenia said and she grabbed my hand and started to pull me back to my room.  
  
Not bed! I am not going to lay there and do nothing for the next few days. If you think I'm insane now, wait until I get out of there then!  
  
"No, Maydenia, I'm fine. It's just that after fighting your way through the wilderness for what seems like forever, you learn to rely on your instincts. I guess I just haven't turned them off yet. I'm perfectly all right. Don't worry about me." I smiled widely and looked at her pleadingly.  
  
She sighed, "If that is the way milady feels."  
  
Good, she bought the bull shit.  
  
Off to dinner!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally we reached a set of very wide and winding stairs.  
  
"What's this? I thought we were going to go fill our faces?" I asked.  
  
"The Lady of the Woods would like to hold audience with you before the feast shall start. She is waiting." Haldir beckoned up to the top of the stairs.  
  
"Okay, so we should just go up. She knows we are coming?"  
  
"We are not going with you. She has requested that she sees you alone. Now, go, she is waiting."  
  
"I don't suppose there is an elevator on the other side or something is there?"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"Never mind. Gotcha. Ascending the stairs, I am going up now! Look at me go! I just can't seem to get going fast enough! I'm faster than the wind! I-"  
  
"Lady, what are you doing?"  
  
I looked behind me at Haldir. "I'm hyping myself up for the visit. I mean for all I know, this Galadribble is an axe murderer in disguise! I have to get my courage up!"  
  
I turned away from them and placed my foot on the bottom step again.   
  
Well, Lady Galadribble, here I come!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"What the hell were these people thinking? By the time they reach the top of the stairs they are to tired to hold a decent conversation!"  
  
It was true, it was virtually impossible to talk right then. I was panting to hard to even think! I had counted the stairs as I was climbing them. Even though I had lost count somewhere in the middle, I was thinking there were about three hundred and ninety five stairs. I was just a little bit tired.  
  
I got to the top and leaned up against a wall and put my head between my knees. I stayed like that for a good five minutes. I straightened up and promptly fell back against the wall with a scream.  
  
"What the hell! Why are you just watching me? You scared the shit out of me!  
  
A woman was standing not ten feet away from me, staring at me intently. She radiated power and wisdom, but she really made me uneasy. I don't know what it was. She was dressed in a magnificent white gown and had beautiful long, long blonde hair. Okay, I was wrong, she was really freaking me out!  
  
"Um, hi. Uh, I was supposed to meet Lady Galadribble up here, but I don't think she is here right now, so um, bye?"  
  
I started to walk away from the lady, but, I suddenly heard/saw that damn voice again.  
  
'I still desire to meet with you, dear child. Wait.'  
  
"Oh God! I'm still hearing voices!" I moaned. "This can't be good."  
  
'Do not worry yourself. You are of sane mind.'  
  
"I am really losing it! The voices inside my head are trying to tell me that I'm not crazy! That is the ultimate insanity!"  
  
I looked up at the lady, just to see how she was taking my little relevation. But, she was still looking at me intently, but I was starting to see a slight smile play around her lips.  
  
"Oh, right, so you think this is funny? Well it isn't! Here I am, contemplating my sanity, and you are laughing at me? That is not very nice at all, in fact, it's down right rude! I demand to speak with Lady Galadribble, right now!"  
  
Finally she spoke to me, "She is called Lady Galadriel."  
  
"What? Oh right. Please tell her Imperial Highness that I apologize for mutilating her name," I drawled.  
  
"I forgive you."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I am Lady Galadriel, I have desired to speak with you. We shall be but a moment and then we can arrive at the feast."  
  
'For I know how much you love to eat.'  
  
"What the hell! That's you in my head!"  
  
"Yes, child, it is. I apologize for any unease I may have bestowed upon you."  
  
"What? Oh, no, screw all the insanity checks. Can you teach me how to do that?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
As it turns out, Galadriel and I hit it off pretty well. I mean she was rather like a stick in the mud, but that can be expected. No one here really appreciates my kind of humor, other than the hobbits.  
  
But anyway, Galadriel wanted to play 20 questions with me to find out how I got to Middle Earth. So, being incredibly hungry at that point, I told her everything that I could and then asked if I could leave.  
  
"Are you so worried about food, that you no longer ponder your return route home?"  
  
That stopped me in my tracks.  
  
"Well, I guess I do want to go home, but I think I am in over my head here. Do you know what I mean?"  
  
"Nay, I do not."  
  
"Well, what if you did that little invading my head little trick and I could show you? But that is all the inside the head looks you are going to get. I am not going to run around with a 'No Trespassing' sign nailed to my forehead. Got it?"  
  
"Yes, that would be much easier. Relax."  
  
*~*~*  
  
'Now, open your mind to me. Relax and think about what has happened to you.'  
  
I closed my eyes, I mean you have to get the effect of major concentration. I ran over all of my memories. At first I got the ones that had just happened to me, I mean the ones that revolved around my Middle Earth time. But, then I started to pull up more personal ones. My parents watching me at one of my track meets, me splashing in the YMCA pool with a bunch of my teenage friends, my graduation, with my mom laughing and crying at the same time while my dad sat there looking like a peacock all puffed up with pride. Then, some of my most painful memories filled my mind's eye: when I heard about the car accident that killed my father, sitting beside my mother's hospital bed, seeing her hooked up to numerous tubes that were fighting to keep her alive, watching her as she took her last breath, my parent's joint funeral. It was too much.  
  
I snapped my eyes open and broke my 'link' with Galadriel.  
  
"I think that's enough invading my mind space. You got the drift of what I am up against, right?"  
  
I turned away from her and looked out over the woods of Lothlorien, as I now learned they were called. As stealthily as I could, I wiped away the rogue tears that were pooling in my eyes. Normally these memories didn't affect me as badly as they did just now.  
  
"I see why you think you cannot leave just yet. You are, how you put it, 'in over your head.' You must finish what you have unwillingly started. You must see this quest through. But you will be able to return to your home, there is one that can help you."  
  
"Uh, that is great and all. I mean I have always wanted to do the whole quest thing, but um, maybe it would help to tell me what the quest is. I think that would be a key point, because as of right now, I don't have a clue what I am doing here, or what my purpose is. And who is this person that will be able to send me home. I mean I know what you are doing, going all secretive on me, but as much as I agree it really makes everything dramatic and all, you should tell me about this stuff in a little more detail. I don't think I will be fulfilling any quest if all I can do is run around the country side trying to figure out what the hell I am doing there and trying to find a person that I don't know to send me home. Um, yeah that should go over well."  
  
"That you must discover yourself."   
  
"Yeah I figured you would say that, but can't you throw me a hint at all? I mean is the person that can send me home a person I know?"  
  
"It is a possibility."  
  
"What a minute! It's Gandalf isn't it? I mean it has to be, he's the only magical person that I know!"  
  
Suddenly Galadriel became very morose, "Child, I must bestow upon you more misery than your heart should carry. Gandalf has fallen into shadow; he is no more."  
  
"Oh God! What about the rest of them? Are they okay?"  
  
"Aye, it was only Gandalf that has fallen. But do not bury yourself in your sorrow, hope remains."  
  
"Well, I'm sure it does, but at the moment you sound like one of my teachers; Pandora's box and all. But shit, this just does absolutely nothing for the mood I am in. First I learn that some weird Elven lady is in my mind, then I have to go over all of my old memories, then I learn the old fart is dead! I should have stayed in bed!"  
  
"Come, let us eat. It is meaningless to stand here and keep the rest of the guests waiting.  
  
  
"Alrighty then."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Being the lucky person that I am, Galadriel and I arrived at the feast as everyone else was just finished seating themselves. We were the center of attention. I hated it.  
  
Galadriel didn't wait for me as she descended the short flight of steps to the heavily laden tables. She walked up to the head table and took a seat beside a handsome blonde elf. I stood there for a few moments, contemplating my next move, when Galadriel decided it for me.  
  
"Come, child. There is no need to stay hidden in the shadows. Join me for the meal."  
  
Great, just great. As she said that everyone that was seated looked up at me. I mean I can't blame them, but I was really wishing that the floor was suddenly desperately hungry and would just swallow me in one bite.   
  
I guess I just wasn't lucky. I wasn't swallowed.  
  
I walked up to the first stair and slowly started to descend. I was going slowly because I was afraid if I went any faster I would fall on my face in the damn dress, not because I wanted to make an entrance. I got to the bottom of the stairs and then looked around for a seat.   
  
No luck there either. The only seat that was open was beside Galadriel and between a bunch of people that I didn't recognize, on the head table, where everyone would see me and watch my while I was eating. As for the people that were going to sit around me, I didn't take much time to look, it was more of a glance, if that.  
  
I suddenly lost my appetite.  
  
I strode across the room quickly, only tripping once, and slide into the seat. I swear that my face was about three degrees shy of spontaneous combustion. I don't think I ever blushed that hard.  
  
Finally, when I was done inspecting my hands, my plate and the table cloth, I looked up to see who I would be sitting with. When I saw I almost dropped my teeth! But, then again, I think I fit in perfectly with the rest of my company.  
  
To my left was Gimli, Aragorn and Legolas sat to the other side of him, and the hobbits and Boromir were sitting in front of me, on the other side of the table. I suddenly heard a low chuckle. I looked over to Galadriel and saw that she was watching the little mouth hanging with great amusement. Actually, I think everyone in the room was enjoying the little show.  
  
"What the hell! You planned this! Why didn't you tell me? I mean did you just want to make my friends and I look like idiot? That is about ten times worse then your little invasion of my mind's privacy-oh! Food!"  
  
To my horror, that got even more laughs, but it surprised me so much that I lost my train of thought. Hell, I lost the whole damn station!  
  
But, the food that was being brought in and set in front of me was utterly amazing! There was anything you could possibly think of!   
  
Suddenly my stomach made a very loud noise that roughly resembled a cat being disemboweled. But don't get me wrong! It's not like I know what that sounds like, purely a speculation on my part!  
  
I was mortified. The entire room heard it, I was sure! Almost instantly the everyone looked over to me. When I said that I was close to spontaneous combustion before, I think I may have actually combusted at that!  
  
I tried to think how I could possibly cover that up, but nothing incredibly intelligent came to mind.  
  
"Well, um, there is only one thing to say about something like that. Let's eat!"  
  
Amazingly, everyone raised their glasses to me and started to eat!  
  
I looked at everyone that was sitting by me at the table.  
  
"Well, who saw that coming?"  
  
*~*~*  
A/N: That was a really long chapter! But, I think I did pretty damn well! What do you think?  
  
I was just reminded by her, but when I said that last chapter with the 'Like A Virgin' song was suggested by many reviewers, but Emily was the first, so I would just like everyone to know, that it was not my idea, it was all her! Sorry it won't happen again, I'll remember to credit next time!  
  
Please someone give me feedback on my little illustration idea! I would really like to know if it is a complete waste of time, or if it is something worth pursuing.  
  
I'm awaiting anxiously your reviews (hint, hint)  
  
~A~ 


	21. Humpty Dumpty

A/N: Okay, I promise this won't be as long winded as my last Author's Note. I just talk a lot so it carries over into my writing.  
  
Okay, this is where I thank all of my reviewers....  
  
Range: I'm glad that you think that my story is interesting and I try to give my made up character, Emily, as much depth as possible. I'm just still working on Tolkien's characters...  
  
Asrielle: Yup, your right. The feast is going to be great. Read down and...ta da! The feast! Thank you for the song idea, I will definitely try and use it!  
  
WeaselyTwinsLover1112: Hmm, you know, maybe I should put a warning on this story or something. I can't have you suffocating! I would never be able to live with myself. But I am ecstatic that you are laughing to damn hard at my story, I feel honored. No joke!  
  
kurleyhawk2: Well, all I can say is that I am updating as fast as possible. I'm only human after all! But I will try and work in the song, but like I have said to others, I can't promise you anything. Thank you for reading!  
  
LeopardDance: I think by now you have already gotten my email, so there is not a lot left to say other than I still owe you for all the compliments you have been giving me! Thanks bunches!  
  
Fraz: I absolutely love your mini essay! You have my permission to write me one every time you review! I admit that I am not a big Buffy fan, but I will still look into that song that you recommended. I also recognize your advice about Emily singing at a feast or something, and yes, that is definitely major Mary-Sue territory, but as I am seeing that most people don't consider this story to be one, I think I will take my chances. Thank you for your concern nonetheless!   
  
Mendy: I know, as I have been rereading my story, I have too noticed that Aragorn seems a bit slow. Oh well, I will have to fix that somewhere along the lines, but thank you for pointing it out for me!  
  
bulldogchik05: Well you aren't the first person to tell me that a relative or friend is questioning your sanity over this story. Don't feel bad, I get it all the time! But thank you for taking the risk and reading, I appreciate it!  
  
Cassie-bear01: I'm glad you are still loving it, I try!  
  
moon scar: Thank you for the compliment.   
  
Well, I didn't necessarily lie, per se, but it is a long Author's Note! I would still like feedback on my illustration idea. Please give me some!  
  
Thanks for dealing with my ramblings, now the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I still couldn't believe it. Everyone was eating like it was no big deal. But then again, I tend to make a mole hill into a mountain, one of my hidden talents...  
  
I reached over my plate and grabbed a particularly juicy apple that was sitting there. I was going to sit here and stuff myself so full that the Elves would have to roll me back to my room. Not only have I never seen that much food, but over the past while I had had next to nothing to eat. I was Porky Pig's namesake!  
  
As I reached for the apple, I gave Gimli a perfect view of my bandaged hand. I looked and then he did a double take. It was hilarious.  
  
"Do you see something that interests you? I just couldn't help but noticed how quickly your neck is able to do a ninety degree angle."  
  
"What did you do to your hand?" he asked gruffly.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You must have done something, for there is a bandage around it. The Elves do not readily waste their supplies unless one is in dire need of it. Now, what did you do to your hand to warrant such a bandage."  
  
He got everyone's attention at the table with his little speech, now they were all looking at me expectantly.  
  
"Iwantedtaseethesharpsideofmasword. Happy?"  
  
I turned back to my plate and started to chow down again.  
  
"I could not understand a word that you were saying and I highly doubt that anyone else could either."  
  
"Well, now you know what it feels like to talk to, now don't you?"  
  
"I will not sit here and be insulted by some woman!"  
  
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean! Just because I am a woman I can't insult you when you desperately need it? You goddamn sexist chauvinist pig!"  
  
Gimli's face immediately went a beautiful cherry red and he started to growl deep in his throat.  
  
"What? Speak up. I can't understand a word that you are saying!"  
  
With a roar like a mad bull, Gimli lunged at my throat. But, luckily, Aragorn saw this coming and grabbed Gimli in a choke hold and deftly switched seats with him. That way Gimli would have to climb over Aragorn to get to me. I wasn't complaining, I mean that man desperately needed some anger management therapy.  
  
"Well, I'm happy to see that you have taken my side on this matter. It's about time."  
  
Aragorn looked at me; his eyes were burning with supressed rage.  
  
"Oh shit, not you too."  
  
"You forget your manners, Lady. Please show respect in the presence of our gracious hosts." He then turned away from me and tried to glue together Gimli's shattered ego.  
  
I started singing under my breath, just enough to let Gimli and Aragorn hear,  
  
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,  
  
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,  
  
All the king's horses and all the king's men,  
  
Couldn't put Humpty together again."  
  
Suddenly the entire room started to chuckle and titter. What the hell? Did I miss something. Well, I'll be damned...  
  
Obviously Elvish hearing is as good as I was told. They all heard everything I just muttered. I looked around me and smiled slightly. Galadriel and her husband (or at least I assumed he was) were chuckling softly, the hobbits were falling over themselves they were laughing so hard, Boromir and Legolas were guffawing together, and even Aragorn and Gimli were laughing. Damn, I'm good.  
  
I stood up and gave a mock bow, "Thank you, thank you, you are all too kind." I took my seat and finished with the food on my plate. Just as I swallowed the last bit, four Elves entered the room through a side hall. I also noticed that all of them were holding some sort of a musical instrument. Dinner and a show!  
  
The instruments caught my attention and I studied them as much as I could. Two of the Elves had lyre-like looking instruments and the third had a sort of tambourine, while the fourth had a bongo type contraption, peculiar....  
  
They situated themselves in a half moon and started to play an incredibly mournful tune. I leaned over to Aragorn and asked, "What are they playing?"  
  
Without taking his eyes off of the quartet, he answered, "It is a lament for Gandalf."  
  
"Oh." There wasn't much more to say to that. I bowed my head and just let the music wash over me; it really was astounding. When it finally ended, I noticed I wasn't the only one whipping away tears.  
  
Slowly, couples got out of their chairs and started to gather at the center of the room. The males, I noticed took it upon themselves to push the tables away to the walls, leaving a large dance floor. All I can say is that I hope I don't have to dance...  
  
The 'band' then struck up a semi-lively song and the couples were off. I mean even if they were Elves and their music taste wasn't quite as lively as I prefer, damn, could they dance! Soon, all that one could see were spinning blurs, it was amazing!  
  
Finally the number ended and the couples stopped the insane spinning. They weren't even breathing hard! If I would have done that, I would have been in need of a new heart! Coronary arrest baby! Insanity, pure insanity.  
  
I felt someone bump the back of my chair and I looked over my shoulder. I saw Legolas in deep conversation with the Lord and Lady. Hmm, I wonder what that is about? He then straightened up and headed back to his seat, but not before he gave me a mischievous smirk.  
  
Oh shit!  
  
I started to push my chair back from the table and stand up, I mean maybe no one would notice me until I was gone. No such luck. Just as I was standing, the Lord too stood and made an announcement.  
  
"Prince Legolas of Mirkwood Forest has just informed me that one of him companions would like to perform a song for us." He then turned to me, "Lady Emily, would you do us the honors of hearing your voice?"  
  
Oh double shit!  
  
"Well, I would love to, but I don't think anyone would like my voice or songs, you see they are rather...different...then what you are used to. Trust me."  
  
Then Gimli, the goddamned dwarf, spoke up, "She is too modest for her own good. Her voice rivals the beauty of the Lady herself. I have had the pleasure of hearing it."  
  
The rest of my 'buddies' agreed wholeheartedly. Damn them.  
  
"Will you Lady Emily?" Galadriel's voice peirced into my mind.  
  
'I doubt the dwarf is lying and it has been long since we have heard new music. Do not fear, child.'  
  
Well who could worry with reason like that?  
  
"I seriously need to get a 'No Trespassing' sign," I muttered.  
  
I then turned to face the Lord, "I would be honored, Sir, Your Highness, Your Lordy-ness. Um, yeah, I would be honored."  
  
As I was walking by the now grinning Fellowship, I ran my pointer finger across my throat and glared at them. This just got them to smile wider.  
  
I got to the front of the head table and started at the crowd in front of me. Shit, I did not want to do this, but wait! I didn't have to!  
  
I turned to the Lord and Lady again and stated rather smugly, "It is my deepest regrets to say that I will be unable to sing for you. I have no accompaniment, I don't think I would be able to hold a not very well with out it. It truly is a shame."  
  
I then grinned at the Fellowship. I won!  
  
"That is hardly a problem," stated Galadriel. "Rendies!"  
  
One of the lyre players stepped up in front of me and stood staring.  
  
"Rendies is our best musician, simply hum your song and he will be able to accompany you effortlessly."  
  
Now the Fellowship looked just a bit smug. Damn them all!  
  
"Let's see, what should I sing?" I muttered to myself. I couldn't get out of this one, might as well make the best of it.  
  
'Would you care to sing something in honor of Gandalf, dear child?'  
  
I heard/saw Galadriel. She was good!  
  
I nodded and started to hum a bit of a song that I thought would be fitting. Immediately Rendies got the drift of it and started to play with me perfectly.  
  
I waited for the right time in the music and began to sing,  
  
"Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong  
And carry on,  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven.  
  
Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven?  
  
I'll find my way  
Through night and day,  
'Cause I know I just can't stay  
Here in heaven.  
  
Time can bring you down,  
Time can bend your knees.  
Time can break your heart,  
Have you begging please, begging please.  
  
Beyond the door,  
There's peace I'm sure,  
And I know there'll be no more  
Tears in heaven.  
  
Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong  
And carry on,  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
Here in heaven."  
  
I finished the song and looked out at everyone that was listening. I could polite applause, I mean I wasn't expecting a standing ovation, but it still made me angry that they were all so aloof when I had to swallow my pride and sing for them. Oh well, everybody's a critic.  
  
I returned to my seat and right away the hobbits started to congratulate me.  
  
"That was beautiful!"  
  
"Even better than your other ones!"   
  
Galadriel turned to me, "You know more songs?"  
  
Pippin answered for me, "Oi, Lady, she knows buckets full!"  
  
The little fuzzy-footed fiend just got me in deeper! Goddamn it!  
  
"Would you bestow upon us another one?"  
  
Hmm, should I really give them one? Make their hair stand on end? What the hell! This was going to be fun!  
  
I walked over to the musician with the tambourine thing, "Would you mind if I borrowed this?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Thanks buddy."  
  
I walked back to Rendies and started to hum a rather fast song. He struggled for the first few notes, but then again he got it down pat.   
  
Get ready for the show kiddies! I then flew into a rather spirited rendition of 'Gonna Getcha Good' by Shania Twain.  
  
Yeah, I certainly got a few more stares after that one.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I flopped down on my bed, completely exhausted. It was rather late in the night and I was of very short temper right about then. All eight of the guys had finally cornered me about what happened to my hand and they wouldn't let me leave until I told them. It wasn't pretty.  
  
The only good thing that came of the whole thing was that Aragorn and Boromir said that they wanted to teach me how to defend myself with the sword. I guess it's not that bad then. But, I don't think Gimli is going to let me forget that anytime soon.  
  
Just then Maydenia walked into my room to help me get ready for the night. I noticed that she was humming 'Gonna Getcha Good.'  
  
Ah, my work here is done...  
  
A/N: I know, it is a little like a Mary-Sue this time, but like I said, it had to happen sometime. I also know there was little or no point to this chapter, but it had to get out, I promise that the next chapter will move things along. Soon Emily is going to be leaving again....  
  
~A~ 


	22. Mister Ed

A/N: Well, it is official, I now have 196 reviews! Can you believe that? Well, I guess you should believe it, I mean you guys are the ones that are giving them to me...duh!  
  
Okay, I am only going to just go through and thank the reviewers, and then I am done! That's it! No more Author's Note and just story! I can do it!  
  
Fraz: I'm really glad that you liked the Humpty and humming bit. I really tried on that. But to your question, I plan on having Emily there through all three books (this story) and if I still want to write after I wrap that up, then I will drag out the sequel. I hope that cleared it up for you!  
  
Cassie-bear01: Well, here's your more, more, more! I hope you are enjoying those two songs, I know I do!  
  
StarryStarryNight: Yes! I have my own groupie! I'm very glad that you are back, I hope this chapter meets your approval!  
  
Selene: Oh my God! That had to be mortifying! I would have died three times over, easily! Did you actually get out of that in one piece? No one had to come and mop you off of the floor? I now forbid you to read my story in a situation like that! It's dangerous to your health! No more! Only if you are alone or you are not compromising your sanity, then you can read my story! Thanks for the review though.  
  
Emyreal: So is it safe to say that you have not exploded? I would have to say that would be very painful! Ahh! So please, don't explode! Thanks for the review!  
  
KindCalypso: Well, I don't know if she is staying or not. I guess you will just have to keep reading and leaving your terrific reviews!  
  
Emily: I'm really glad that you love the last line, that is the line that I struggle on the most. I always try to leave it on a good laugh. I guess I have succeeded. Thanks for the songs again, but as of right now I am virtually swamped in them, but I will make a note of it for later reference. But thanks all the same!  
  
WeaselyTwinsLover1112: Do you really think there should be a warning? Hmm, that is definitely something to think about!  
  
Europa: Yeah, I know they did say that they were going to teach her to use a sword before, but she ran off before they did. So I think we will finally see some metal swinging on her part! What do you think? Thanks for your awesome reviews, I always love them!  
  
Okay, I think that is everyone, but if I missed you, you have my sincerest apologies. I didn't mean to!   
  
WARNING: This warning is courtesy of WeaselyTwinsLover1112. Do NOT read this story if your sanity is being checked by the people around you. Well, actually do read it, then when they are looking at you funnily, then just look at them and say, "Oh! I'm sorry, its just that my aunt really has a strange sense of humor. Do you have a problem with that?" Then, turn away from them and keep on reading!  
  
Story starting in 3...2...1...Action!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Touché! En guard!"  
  
"What?"  
  
I stopped and looked at him, "Never mind, its something you are not going to understand anytime soon. Just let it go."  
  
"Alrighty."  
  
Oh my God! What have I done to the poor man! He's starting to sound like me! This is kinda cool...in a wrong sort of way.  
  
"Anyway, let's just get on with this. It's starting to get dark and I guess I'm leaving again in the morning."  
  
"If that is what milady wishes."  
  
"The whole 'Lady' bit is not going to fly with me today."  
  
"Aye."  
  
Aragorn then ran at me and started to swing his sword. He wasn't bent on taking off any main limbs, but it was nerve racking. Not to mention Boromir's shouting advice at me was not helping my concentration. Just then the hobbits walked around the corner and into the clearing.  
  
"Oi! Emily! What are you-"  
  
Just then I took the moment to look away from the swinging sword and I felt a stinging pain on my hand.  
  
"For the love of God! I look away for a second and I lose my finger!"  
  
I held up my hand except I kept my middle finger tucked into a fist. Actually it looked like my middle finger had been cut off, I know it was mean, but you know I just had to!  
  
"Oh! Milady I am so sorry! Oh how could I have done that to a defenseless lady?"  
  
I walked over to him and smacked him across the face, not hard but just a little tap.  
  
"First off, screw the lady title. I can not handle that anymore! Second, what the hell were you thinking coming at me that fast when I could have been distracted? I mean that is an accident waiting to happen! Thirdly, well I don't know because I don't have a third point and I didn't realize that when I started to talk!"  
  
They all just looked at me.  
  
"You mean you have not lost a finger by my actions?"  
  
"Nah, but I thought I would teach you a lesson."  
  
"So you mean you had me apologizing for nothing and you slapped me because of it?"  
  
"Yep, that's about it."  
  
"I think I am going to cut off more then just a finger this time."  
  
With that he dove at me.  
  
Oh shit.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Are you alright Emily?"  
  
"Yeah, give me a few more minutes and I should be sufficiently drowned."  
  
After Boromir and the hobbits had yanked Aragorn off of me, I returned to my rooms. I seriously needed to clean up. I was pure dirt from head to toe.   
  
I leaned back against the tub and sighed.  
  
This is it, the last night here and then I'm blowing outta here. That is really hard to believe, I only just got here. But, I don't think the way home is just going to pop in for lunch someday. I just hope this doesn't turn out to be a very tiring hunt for absolutely nothing. Oh well, I guess staying here forever wouldn't be that bad, but I still miss my automatic coffee maker!  
  
I grinned at the thought. It was certainly a refreshing one.  
  
"La-Emily! The Lady Galadriel wishes to speak with you before you retire for the night. You must hurry!"  
  
"Damn. All right, just give me a minute."  
  
I slowly pulled my soggy butt out of the tub and reached for one of the towels sitting by the edge. I quickly dried off and wrapped it around my body. I then walked out of the bathroom and stopped short. There sitting on the bed was a bunch of clothing. But, amazingly, all of the clothing looked like something I would actually wear! There were shorts, T-shirts, tank tops, everything I would need!  
  
I looked up at Maydenia and grinned, "How did you know that this is what I wanted?"  
  
She shook her head, "I didn't, but the Lady Galadriel saw it in your mind. She believed that the clothing that you were wearing was no longer decent or suitable. So, she took it upon herself and her handmaidens to make you some new ones."  
  
"Oh my! Thank you so much! I don't have to run around like a hill billy or half-naked anymore!"  
  
"Come! You must get dressed! The Lady awaits!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally I was dressed in my new clothes and headed off to talk with Galadriel.   
  
I wonder what she wants? Hmm, maybe she just wants to see if I am not so much of a barbarian that I can actually thank someone for something...It's a thought.  
  
I got to some-sort of a throne room. The guards standing outside of it gave me the evil eye, but I just smirked.  
  
"What? Do you think that I'm going to go and wreak havoc in there just because I'm a human?"  
  
Needless to say, as soon as I said that they suddenly looked away and became very interested with what was in front of them.  
  
Booyah!  
  
I walked inside and saw both the Lord and the Lady waiting for me.  
  
"Um, you wanted to see me?" Let me just say, whatever you think I did wrong, I did not do."  
  
"Child we do not think you have done anything wrong."  
  
"Okay, in that case, what did you want to see me for?"  
  
The Lord stepped forward slightly and started to speak.  
  
"We both realize that you are going to be leaving up tomorrow at dawn-"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't say dawn, I mean I can barely get up in the morning but I think somewhat early," I interrupted him with.  
  
He just raised and eyebrow and continued to talk, "Galadriel has already told me how you like your other gifts, but we would like to give you one more."  
  
"You were in my head again? Damn it! Maybe you could give me a permanent marker so I can write 'No Trespassing' across my forehead!"  
  
"I apologize, but I could not help it."  
  
"Alright, but please, don't do it again. That really creeps me out."  
  
She's gonna do it again!  
  
I smiled at her and thought with all my power, 'STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!'  
  
She quietly gasped and stepped back slightly. Yep, she heard me.  
  
The Lord looked at me and then his wife, Galadriel just nodded slightly and smiled at me. Hmm, this was a new turn of events.  
  
"As I was saying, we wish to bestow upon you another gift. Come, tell me, what do you wish to have?"  
  
"Okay...well this is an interesting question. Um, let's see. Uh, how about some mode of transportation, I mean I'm really tired of walking."  
  
"A boat then?"  
  
"Well, you see, I don't really like boats all that much. The whole thing of sitting on a bunch of water is a bit disconcerting to me. Do you have a horse? That I could deal with."  
  
In fact, that is what would be the best for me. In high school, one of my very close friends had an uncle that owned a farm not too far away from us. Every other weekend we would go out to the farm and race horses, or occasionally help round up cattle. Actually I got quite good at riding, but since I hadn't been on a horse for a while, I didn't know how good I was then. Oh well, you never forget, right...?  
  
"A horse? That can be arranged. Haldir!" The Lord called out.  
  
Almost immediately Haldir stepped out of a side door and bowed to the Lord and Lady.  
  
"Haldir, take Emily down to the horses so she may choose one. Then take her back to her rooms, she must rest for tomorrow."  
  
He bowed again and beckoned me to follow him.  
  
I looked back over my shoulder and waved at the two Elves standing and watching me. Hmm, a horse? With Elves raising them, they were probably magical. Great, a magical horse!  
  
Argh.  
  
(A/N: Quick note, I know that they didn't have horses in Lothlorien, but work with me people!)  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Here we are."  
  
I looked around. Wow! You would have thought. There were about twenty horses milling about in an enclosed corral-like area. The horses were all as beautiful as the Elves that took care of them. Why do I get the feeling that they won't listen to me?  
  
"So, uh, do I just choose one now?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Okay, is there anyway I can go check them out? I mean I do want to know the personality you could say."  
  
He nodded and gave a high whistle. Almost immediately, all of the horses came trotting over to us. Gracefully, Haldir vaulted over the fence and walked into the bunch of horses. I clambered over after him and slowly approached the waiting horde.  
  
They were beautiful, every single one of the horses was perfectly formed. There was not a horse that was sporting a flaw.  
  
Wait a minute.  
  
One of the horses had stayed over at the other side of the fence. It was looking on with almost scorn, that is if a horse could show scorn.  
  
I tapped Haldir's shoulder, "What's wrong with that one?"  
  
He shook his head, "We found her grazing on the edge of our lands and brought her here. It was about a week before you came to us. She has failed to join the other horses, she will not answer to our calls, she just keeps to herself."  
  
"Hmm, that's odd."  
  
"Aye, it is. Normally, all animals enjoy the presence of an Elf, but not her."  
  
Just to see what she would do, I gave a low whistle. She looked at me and shook her head at me, then she turned around and presented me with a fine view of her backside.  
  
"I like this horse! Has an attitude problem, but that's what we all have. Haldir," I turned to him, "Cover your ears."  
  
He just looked at me and then clapped his hands over his ears. As soon as I was sure they were covered, I brought my hand to my mouth and gave a piercing whistle. Haldir still winced, even with the hands covering his ears. Oh well, it can't be helped.  
  
The bitchy horse just looked at me and slowly walked over to me. She made it look like it was a huge chore and she was doing me a great favor. I really like that horse.  
  
She reached me and just looked into my face. I slowly reached out a hand to stroke her face and she tensed up. I laid my hand across her face and she snuffled my shoulder. She then looked at me and shook her head.  
  
Hmm, she likes me, she really likes me! (Can you sense the sarcasm?)  
  
Galadriel's soft voice reached my ears, "Do you like this one?"  
  
I turned around and saw her standing on the other side of the fence, watching me.  
  
"Yeah, you know, I actually do. I think we compliment each other nicely. What's her name?"  
  
"She has remained nameless while she has been here."  
  
"So, it's up to me to name you, huh?"  
  
"Hold still and let me help you with you decision."  
  
Suddenly I felt a very light feeling in my mind and then 'saw' a flash of blue light. When I could see again, I looked back to Galadriel with a questioning look.  
  
"Say something to her."  
  
I raised an eyebrow and looked at the horse, "Hmm, you know you are a really big bitch. I think we will get along nicely."  
  
'Likewise, I'm sure.'  
  
I leapt back and stared, "What the hell? It's Mister Ed from hell!"  
  
It was like when Galadriel was talking in my mind, I could hear the horse, but not with my ears. I was bonkers!  
  
I heard a soft chuckle coming from behind me, I looked at Galadriel and saw she was laughing to herself.  
  
"What did you do to me? I want to know right now!"  
  
"Settle down dear child. I merely mind-linked the two of you. I know you are going to choose this one. I can see it in your eyes, this will make it easier to travel together."  
  
"Uh huh. Sure it will. I'm sure everyone doesn't think it is in the least bit weird to see someone talking to their horse and then acting like they were answered."  
  
"I shall leave you two to acquaint yourselves. Come Haldir."  
  
With that both of them swept off and left me alone with a talking horse.  
  
What fun.  
  
I turned to the horse and looked at her thoroughly. She really was a beautiful creature. She had black stockings on each of her feet, but other than that, she was completely gray. It was an amazing coloring.  
  
"Well, I guess we need to give you a name."  
  
'I do not see the reason.'  
  
"I don't think that calling you 'Horse' is very nice. What did all the other horses call you? You mother even, she had to have a name for you."  
  
'The other horses pay no attention to me, the way I like it. My mother would call me 'Young One.' I have no name.'  
  
"Well that makes it easy doesn't it?"  
  
She just shook her head at me and began to look at the other horses that were still crowded around us. She stamped her feet and snapped her teeth at them. They all walked off rather quickly and gathered on the other side of the paddock.  
  
"Hmm, some one has an attitude problem."  
  
She snapped at my shoulder.  
  
"Whoa! Take it easy! Okay, what about Stormy?"  
  
'Nay.'  
  
"Stop right there, no more 'Nays' and 'Ayes' all right. If you don't like it's 'No', if you like it, it's 'Yes'. Got it?"  
  
'Yes.'  
  
"Dotty?"  
  
'Never!'  
  
"All right, touchy! Um, Lady? Queen? Bitch?" I said the last one as a joke.  
  
'No, no, and I refuse to give you an answer on the last one.'  
  
Damn, she was good.  
  
"Well, I don't know Babes, I can't think of anything else."  
  
'You lose interest quickly. What was that? The name that you called me.'  
  
"Babes? Oh, it's just something I say to people. Sorry."  
  
'Don't be, I like it.'  
  
"So, Babes suits you for a name?"  
  
'Yes.'  
  
"Well whatever works for you. Hmm, I better be getting back, I need my rest and I think you should get some too, we leave in the morning."  
  
'Finally, I can't take these people anymore. It's about time I got out of here.'  
  
Like I said before, I really am going to like this horse.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: I know Babes is a bit, um,...odd, but that's how I think Emily would like her. I think I'm going to make her as informal as possible. So please, please, give me feed back on it.  
  
I will try and get the next chapter up quickly, but I don't know. My computer ate this chapter three times, that's why it took so long. Damn thing, I hope it gets indigestion.  
  
~A~ 


	23. Bonding

A/N: I am amazed at how many reviews you guys give me! Wow! And all this started with a mindless brain storm! Go figure!  
  
songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: Those are the three points that I have been striving for! I did it! Yeah!  
  
StarryStarryNight: For some odd reason I thought you would like Babes, I was right!  
  
jillian: I'm glad that you like the personalities, it's actually kinda tough to get them to be believable. Thanks for the encouragement.  
  
Fraz: I got another mini essay! You rock! Anyway, I know the whole Aragorn and missing the finger thing probably shouldn't have worked out, but you know I had to. I guess I was shooting off of his honor towards women, I don't know, did I pull it off? Even though you think it may not be a good idea, I still think that I'm going to go with one long story. I think it would be easier for people to follow it instead of having to hunt down three different stories. I think I'll give it a shot like that, see what happens. Thanks for all of the critiques, they really help! Thanks for the congrats too, I know I can't believe it, 200!  
  
Meethril: I hate to break it to ya, but I think I'm going to cut out the boats for Emily. Remember she said she didn't like them. But don't worry, I know what I'm doing! It's going to be good, even without the boats. By the way, don't you think the Babes thing is creepy too? That's just nuts.  
  
SapphireRose: Man, I feel sorry for you. If 2K is anything like Babes then she really must be a mean horse. But oh well, there have to be perks to that. Thanks for the feedback.  
  
coolgirlchic16: Yeah, I completely agree, you should have the computer in your room. Use that as your argument, I mean who can say no to logic?  
  
The Lady Sorcha Of Sevenwaters: I'm glad you found it funny. I mean that's why I'm writing this after all! I will definitely try to work in the 'I hate you all' part. Just for you, so keep a look out for it!  
  
LeopardDance: Thought I forgot about you huh? I didn't! Guess what? My computer stopped eating the chapters! But the bad part is it's now pissed off at me and I could get more done on a computer from thirty years ago. That's how slow it is all of a sudden. It's a damn conspiracy. But you know, I think it's afraid of you, that's why it stopped acting up. Hmm, just a thought!  
  
Selene: Well, I'm glad that you got out alright. I was expecting feed back from a smoking puddle! Hold on to your butt! Emily and Babes are going to get into a lot of trouble...muhaha!  
  
Crystal: I'm sorry there wasn't enough Haldir for you. But, I'll have you know that I wrote him in there just for you. At first I was just going to make up someone. So feel special! I'm really sorry, but I don't think there will be any boats and all. It's either Babes or the boats, and I have become rather emotionally attached to Babes. Thanks for the feedback!  
  
Europa: Everyone is loving Babes! I must have seriously done something right for once! Thanks for the review!  
  
Kiku: I don't think you have reviewed before, but that's okay. Just make sure you review from now on! I'm glad you love it.  
  
Vana Everyoung: I love that theme song! Thank you so much for singing it! Keep on enjoying the story!  
If I missed anyone you have my apologies, I can never remember everyone. Bain of my existence!  
  
Just to set everyone straight once and for all, all of the talking going on inside these little buggers, "...", is what is actually being spoken aloud. But, when they are like this, '...', then it is inside Emily's head. More than likely it will be Babes, but if it is someone else, I will make sure to make note of it. Also, if there are no markings around the words, then it is just Emily's narration. Get it? Got it? Good.  
  
On with the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I rolled out of bed the next morning and promptly crawled in again. Yes, it hurt and yes it was that time of month again. Damn it all...  
  
I groaned and got to my feet again, clutching my abdomen.   
  
"Just make it stop!"  
  
Maydenia walked into the room and saw me doubled up with pain.  
  
"Emily! Whatever is the problem?"  
  
"Time of month, damn cramps. Midol!"  
  
She started laughing at me then. Do you believe it! I mean I have heard that the Elves are considered to be cold and aloof, but my God! This was toeing the line to cruelty!  
  
"Come, we shall get you something from the healers. It is their special remedy. A female has only to take it once every ten years and then they are guaranteed that the next ten years of their cycles are pain free."  
  
"You have got to be kidding?"  
  
"Nay, it is but the truth."  
  
"They should market that stuff. Do you have any idea how much someone would pay for that? Hell, I'd give my right arm for some right now." I winced for emphasis.   
  
"There is no need to give up a body part. We shall give you some for free, you are our guest after all."  
  
"Well that is reassuring."  
  
*~*~*  
  
We twisted and turned through the paths until we saw the infirmary up ahead of us.  
  
"Thank the Lord! Salvation awaits me!"  
  
Just then, Aragorn and the hobbits came around one of the corners and spotted us.  
  
"Emily, how are you this fine morn?"  
  
"Let's just say that I have had much, much better. Owie!" Another especially sharp cramp hit me then.  
  
"What ails you? I could be of service to you."  
  
"Aragorn, as much as I love you, I highly doubt you can help me with my cramps."  
  
"I have had many horrible cramps before. I know what it is like."  
  
"Take my word for it on this one, no you don't."  
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Believe me, no man has ever had these kind before."  
  
"Oh? Oh. Oh!"  
  
"Yeah, there you go buddy."  
  
The poor man was blushing seven shades of red and once again the hobbits were rolling around on the ground laughing. Aren't they predictable?  
  
"Maydenia, come on! I need some Miracle Cramp-Away, pronto!"  
  
I practically drug the Elf woman into the infirmary after me. I wanted relief and I wanted it now!  
  
*~*~*  
  
We were finally on our way!  
  
"It's nice to get away finally isn't it?"  
  
'Damn straight.'  
  
Is it just me or am I rubbing off on that horse?  
  
It had been three days since we left Lothlorien. I still couldn't believe it, I was on my own again!  
  
'No. You are not. You still have me, and I am not leaving.'  
  
I keep forgetting the damn horse can read my mind, the same way that I can read her's. It's so I don't look insane when I am talking to her around people. All this reading the poor defenseless girl's thoughts are really getting old.  
  
Anyway, we set off shortly after I was given instant relief and we had been on the move ever since. Sadly enough, nothing even remotely interesting had happened. Nothing, notta, zippola.   
  
'Do you hear that?'  
  
"Huh?"  
  
'Obviously not. I hear water.'  
  
"I hate to break it to you, Babes, but we have been following a river since we left. I mean I know this is a recent development and all..."  
  
See, we compliment each other nicely. Don't you agree?  
  
'No you fool. I hear falling water. We are near the legendary falls. I do not know the name that you people give them.'  
  
"What do you mean 'you people?' Isn't that used in a derogatory way? I'm taking offense to that."  
  
'Stupid human.'  
  
"Bitch."  
  
*~*~*  
  
As it turns out, Babes was right. It was an incredibly large falls. I couldn't believe it.  
  
"All right, I get it. You were right and I was ignorant. Are you happy now?"  
  
'Ecstatic.'  
  
"So, I don't know on this one. What do you think? Should we stay and sleep here or do you think that we will find something better farther on? I'm leaving this call up to you."  
  
'Oh goody. I think that it would be in our best interests to stay here. Besides, I see some especially tasty grass over there.'  
  
She gestured with her head over to a clearer meadow area. I would have to agree, if I ate grass I would have to say that that looks pretty damn tasty.  
  
"All right. Let's get this stuff off of you. I would hate to have to eat with this stuff on my back. It can't be light."  
  
'I agree, it is not right. But, it is nothing that I can't handle. Thank you for removing it.'  
  
I took off the saddle bags and the blanket that was resting under them. I didn't have to deal with a saddle though; Babes completely refused to be caught dead in one. Actually, when you got past the attitude, we were getting to be incredible friends. I had caught her a couple of times walking carefully over debris, as to not jostle me when she thought I was dozing. It was quite touching.  
  
"Hang on. You aren't done yet. Let me rub you down with some water. You are all sweaty so you will attract flies that much more."  
  
'I can take care of it myself.'  
  
"I'm sure you could."  
  
Even though she sounded against it, I still noticed her leaning into the blanket when I was rubbing down her back.  
  
'Ahhh.'  
  
She shook off the excess water and pranced around a few steps.  
  
'That felt nice. Thank you again. I must eat now, I think my stomach is rebelling.'  
  
Did you know that when a horse is hungry it's stomach will sound like a lion? I didn't either.  
  
"Yeah I know, I'm damn near starving. I wonder if this lembas is any good."  
  
'I can't answer that for you. If it helps any, I saw some Elves actually eating it, so it won't kill you.'  
  
"You are so helpful you know that?"  
  
'I've been told.'  
  
*~*~*  
  
Actually the lembas was really good. I mean Elven Wonder Bread!   
  
After I had finally gotten done eating, I started up a fire. Nothing big, but you know, just enough to keep the creepy crawlies away.  
  
"Think that's big enough?" I motioned to the fire.  
  
'Considering it's big enough to burn down half of Middle-Earth in one night, I would have to say that it may be on the small side.'  
  
"I'm sensing an outstanding amount of sarcasm directed at me right now."  
  
'Do you really?'  
  
"Yeah." I let off a yawn. "Okay, well that's enough for me. I'm hitting the hay. Are you going to stand up again? Or are you going to two-legger it?"  
  
It was our now running joke. I always teased her about quadrapeding it, and she two-leggering it towards me. It was actually quite funny, I mean coming from a horse and all.  
  
'I am not sure.'  
  
"Well here, I have an idea."  
  
'Oh goody.'  
  
I grabbed the blanket that was on her earlier and spread it over her back.  
  
"There, now if you don't want to stoop to my level tonight, you can at least stay somewhat warm without the fire."  
  
'What about you?'  
  
"Like I said, I have the fire. Besides if you decide to join me later on, I will just steal back my blanket."  
  
I walked over to the fire and sprawled out on the ground.  
  
" 'Night Babes."  
  
'Good night Emily.'  
  
Later that night I felt something lay down behind me. I leaned back and propped myself up on Babes's stomach.  
  
"You know," I mumbled sleepily, "You make a pretty damn nice pillow."  
  
'I resent that.'  
  
"No you don't. Other wise I would be ass over tea kettle on the cold ground."  
  
'Point taken.'  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, wasn't that just heart warming? Babes and Emily are finally getting along!  
  
I don't have much more to say, so please just leave me some reviews telling me what you think about it so far! The next installment won't be long in coming, I promise!  
  
~A~ 


	24. Mighty Warriors'

A/N: I have over 230 reviews! I still can't believe that! It's unbelievable! I mean it really is! But, enough of that, I'm just going to go onto the thank you's and then on with the story. By, the way, this is an important and action-ish chapter!  
  
LeopardDance: I know, the last chapter was a bit weak, but I hope this makes up for it!  
  
WeaselyTwinsLover1112: I'm glad that you like that last phrase. It seems I use it a bit too much, but that is okay! Thanks for reading!  
  
Cassie-bear01: I hope the 'sickness' didn't claim you. That would be horrible! Keep reading though, I think you will like this one!  
  
Europa: Thank you, I was going more towards 'cute' for that chapter.  
  
Meethril: Now if I told you, where would the fun be in that? Keep reading and it will unfold with time!  
  
Kiku: I'm glad that you love it so much. But you can never have Babes! She is mine and mine alone! Muhahaha! By the way, thanks for reading!  
  
Selene: Oh you know it will be funny for us. But, for those poor guys that have to deal with her, its not going to be pretty. Not one bit!  
  
corrina: I am really sorry for any bruises that I have indirectly inflicted on you! Didn't your mama ever teach you not to fall on the floor? But, thank you for all the wonderful compliments.  
  
Crimson Moon: Wouldn't we all dear? But, like you said, it is fiction. Oh well, keep dreaming!  
  
katie: Thanks for the input!  
  
StarryStarryNight: Can you think of the marketing possibilities for something like that? Can you say millionaire! But, sadly, its not true...yet!  
  
Empress: I'm glad you liked that bit so much, it seems like most people did!  
  
Emily: Thank you for that! Don't worry, I know what kind of 'love' you mean. ;) I hope you like this chapter!  
  
The Lady Sorcha Of Sevenwaters: Don't worry, I don't take offense to that. But you do have a good point, unless you like my story there is no reason to be reading it right?  
  
songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: You are one really weird person, funny but weird. No wonder we get along so well? Birds of a feather, flock together! Keep reading! You will enjoy this chapter!  
  
Marie: Here's your chapter! Enjoy!  
  
mellon: That's what most people say about her. Talk about a universal personality! You will like this chapter, promise!  
  
Like I always say, if I missed anyone please excuse me.  
  
On with the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Whoa!"  
  
'It is odd is it not?'  
  
"Took the words right out of my mouth! I mean wow! This is really weird, trees one minute and plains the next!"  
  
In front of us was a vast plain scattered with rocks. Behind us was a dense forest. It looked as though someone came through with a scythe and hacked away the trees, that's how sudden the tree line was.  
  
"Do you still have that bad feeling?"  
  
'Yes, it is there. But not nearly as strong as it was before.'  
  
We had decided to move on all night instead of our regular stop. It was two days since we came to the enormous waterfall. Getting around that sucker was a feat in itself, let me tell you!   
  
But, anyway, last night Babes woke me up and relayed that there was something wrong. Immediately we moved on, but I still caught her tensing up at every noise. She said it was something that she had never encountered before, a completely foreign feeling.  
  
"Do you know what it is yet? Or as you as unsure as you were earlier?"  
  
'If I knew, I would tell you. But, I think it has passed us by. I know it was evil, pure evil, but I do not know what it was. I also heard feet, many, many feet.'  
  
"So did I," I muttered.  
  
It was true, although we never say them, we heard them moving. I have no idea what they were, but I don't want to find out either. Somehow I don't think they would ask me how my family was doing...  
  
'We should move on.'  
  
"Are you sure, there is no cover once we leave the trees. We will be completely in the open."  
  
'It doesn't matter. Throw the cloak that the Elves gave you and you will not be seen. These are the lands of the Horse Lords. I don't matter here.'  
  
"I hope your sure, because I really don't want to get up to my armpits in this and find out you are important if you get my meaning..."  
  
'Loud and clear.'  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Damn it's hot!"  
  
'You're not the one with someone on their back.'  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
I slide off of Babes's back and landed rather roughly on my feet. I whipped the cloak off me and stowed it in one of the bags.  
  
"There, that's better. I can actually breathe! Oh sweet, sweet air!"  
  
'You really are an idiot.'  
  
"Yeah I am. By the way, you are funny when you are joking around."  
  
'Who said I was joking?'  
  
"Got me again, didn't you?"  
  
'Well, what did you expect? You cannot win against a master-'  
  
I noticed Babes's ears suddenly pricked up and she started to get spooked.  
  
"Whoa! Babes, what's going on?"  
  
'Hurry! Get on my back!'  
  
No questions asked there. I scrambled onto her back and for the first time, Babes went into an all out gallop.   
  
"What's going on!" I shouted into the wind that was whipping my face mercilessly.  
  
'Danger!' was all she would answer me.  
  
"My aren't we articulate today?"  
  
'Shut the hell up.'  
  
"Fine, but tell me what is going please!"  
  
'There are men hunting us! We must flee!'  
  
I turned around from where I was sitting and saw that she was correct; there was a massive dust cloud following us. It was not a pretty sight.  
  
"Run!"  
  
'No shit Sherlock!'  
  
"Stop!"  
  
Another group of very tough looking men were coming at us from the front.  
  
"Turn! Go! Go! Go!"  
  
'I'm going!'  
  
Babes wheeled around and ran to the left. Once again our getaway was hampered by a group of the men.  
  
"We can't get away!"  
  
'I'm not giving up yet!'  
  
With that, Babes kicked up her heels and ran straight towards the new group of men. They at once moved out of the way, but then circled around us.  
  
There was no escape.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Umm, hi, we are just passing through so could you give us the best route to get through? We come in peace. Uh..."  
  
One of the men came forwards and took off his helmet. He then grabbed his spear from his side and pointed it at my throat. The other's spears soon followed his example.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Do I get any lifelines?"  
  
He pressed his spear into my throat until I could feel a droplet of blood start rolling down my neck. This was bad, oh, this was bad.  
  
"I am Emily and this is Babes," I motioned to her, "We mean you no harm and just wish to pass through."  
  
"Why is a woman passing through these lands by herself with only a horse for companionship?"  
  
'I'm going to take offense to that.'  
  
I kicked her in the side and she was quiet again.  
  
"I am headed through here. No one is accompanying me because I don't want them to. Now, please, let us by."  
  
The men around us started to whisper among themselves.  
  
"What woman would travel alone?"  
  
"She must be a witch."  
  
"Listen to how she talks, that is not the proper way for a woman."  
  
"A spy for Sauramon?"  
  
"She's a witch and a spy!"  
  
"Silence!" the man with the spear to my throat roared.  
  
"Yeah shut up!"  
  
He shoved the spear into my throat harder, "I meant you too."  
  
"Oh, right. I am shutting up now."  
  
"As I was saying, a proper woman would never travel alone. You are not a normal woman."  
  
"Where did you get that idea?" I rolled my eyes at him.  
  
'Yeah, where could you have possibly gotten that idea? My God, humans are idiots...'  
  
I thought back at Babes, 'I heard that fuzz face.'  
  
'Just shut up and listen to tall, pale and ugly.'  
  
I tuned myself back in to what was going on around me. Uh oh, this was not good. It seems while I was having my mental pissing match with Babes, these guys had decided to not trust me to continue on my merry way.  
  
"We shall take her with us. Even though we are now in exile, we shall not let sway our protection of Rohan. Bind her!"  
  
"Whoa! Let's not and say we did! Come on fellas, you know you don't really want to do that."  
  
Three men had gotten off their horses and were headed towards me with rather long lengths of rope in their hands. One guess at what they were going to do...  
  
Babes could also sense what was going to happen and started to panic. She kicked out her heels and started to whinny as loud as she could. Her eyes were rolling and she was starting to foam.   
  
'Babes, come on now! Don't do this, relax. You are going to hurt someone. We really don't want to make them even more angry. Shhh, come on now.' I thought to her.  
  
'You really are an idiot. Do you really think I would panic like that? Intelligent beings would never approach a panicked horse.'  
  
'Okay, well may I just say that you are very convincing?'  
  
Unfortunately, all shows have to come to an end. Pretty soon Babes was too tired to continue like that and had to stop. Her sides were heaving horribly and she had a sheen of sweat covering her. But that did not stop the men from throwing lassoes over her head, binding her to their horses on either side. Then they wrapped a length around her mouth after she had tried to bit one of the men. She was trapped.  
  
Once they had finished with her, they moved onto me. They tied my hands together and then tied them to Babes neck. After that, because they thought I could still get away, (yeah right), they tied me to her back by running rope around my waist and then around hers, many times over.  
  
Finally they stepped back to admire their handy work. There was more rope binding us then there was necessary to rig the sails on a sailing boat. Yeah, it was rather uncomfortable.   
  
The leader of these Neanderthals then spoke, "Now you shall not get away."  
  
"Nooo, ya think?"  
  
But, that was okay, I guess anyway. I mean I would have my sweet, sweet revenge after all.  
  
I took a deep breath and started the most irritating song there is or ever will be.  
  
"Oh! This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on my friend! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they will keep on singing it only just because this is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on my friend! Some...."  
  
And they call themselves warriors.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Yes, I know this is just a lot of talking, but I promise, it is important! Just deal with it for now, it will get better!  
  
The next chapter is very soon in coming. I have tapped my creative juices again! Hurray! 


	25. News

A/N: Once again I am swamped with reviews. This is great! Keep it up folks!

Mellon: Thank you! I appreciate it!

WeaselyTwinsLover1112: I would love to let you tap some of my juices, but I may run dry! But thank you for reading!

scichan: I am trying to make her as realistic as possible. Thank you for reading.

KindCalypso: Hehe, I think a lot of people would have done something like that! Thanks for the comment!

The Lady Sorcha of Sevenwaters: Well, I feel honored that you would read my story after not really liking humor stories. I have tried to make this one as original as possible. Thank you very much, that comment has just made my day!

Europa: Yeah, I know it is cruel. But, I just had to!

butterfly: I think you have already gotten my e-mail, but if not, yes, you may. Please send me a link to the page though!

Asarielle: I hope this will be like what you were expecting. I have tried to make it as good as possible!

LeopardDance
: All I can say is read down. *Waggles eyebrows* 

Cassie-bear01: I am very happy to hear that! I hope you like this chapter!

Jessi8996: Here's your update!

Empress: I'm glad that you told me there is no such thing as TOO much humor. I don't want to over do it! But keep reading you should like this one!

songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: Wow, only 93 bottles? I hope you at least kept humming! ;) (Sounds like some people I know too!)

katie: Thanks for leaving a review! But you better keep some Kleenex beside you, it's only going to get funnier!

Selene: I'm glad you like the sarcasm. Keep reading! It only gets worse!

Morgaine of Ithil: Here's the next chapter!

Meethril: *Blushes* Aw, now I'm all flustered! Thank you!

Makura Koneko: Here's the next fun one!

StarryStarryNight: I was wondering if anyone was going to notice that! When I wrote that part in my story that's what I was thinking of! Very observant of you.

little-lost-one: That they did! Thanks for reading!

If I missed anyone, just tell me and I will put you in the next one. It certainly wasn't intentional!

I apologize to anyone that is bothered by the very off timeline that I am making. I know there is way too much time between some events and between others there is not nearly enough. But like I have said, and will say again, writer's prerogative, my dears!

Story time kiddies!

*~*~*

"This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Some people, that were complete retards might I add, started singing it not knowing what it was. And they will keep singing it only just because they are idiots...."

'Are you finished yet?'

'I dunno, should I be?' I mind-asked Babes.

'Yes, I suppose it would be best if you did. It looks like they are about to kill you.'

'Well in that case I guess they deserve an encore presentation!'

"B! I! N! G! O! B! I! N! G! O! B! I! N! G! O! And Bingo was his name-o! There was a farmer that had a dog and Bingo was his name-o! B! I! N! G! O! B! I! N! G! O! B! I! N! G! O! And Bingo was his name-o! Sing it with me!"

Needless to say, no one joined in my festivities. 

Finally I must have hit a nerve or something. The leader of the scary men all of a sudden wheeled his horse around and came right at me! He came to an abrupt stop and leaned into my face. Tic-Tac?

"If you wish to keep your tongue, I suggest you stop your infernal singing!"

"Alright, fine, I admit I was being a bit selfish. Does anyone have a request?"

"Gag her!"

This was just embarrassing. One of the men shoved a piece of cloth into my mouth, effectively gagging me. Let me tell you, I was hoping beyond hope that that cloth was not someone's underwear.

"There. Much better."

'Easy for you to say. Now I'm the only one that she can bug!'

'Babes, shut the hell up!'

*~*~*

I ended up sitting like that for about two days; not talking to anyone except Babes until it was finally twilight on the third day. They refused to give me any food, barely any water, and only let me _relieve_ myself at daybreak and sunset. On the third night, I managed to attract the attention of one of the guys. Amazingly he understood my dysfunctional sign language and pulled out my gag.

"What's going on?" I croaked and motioned towards the men that were conversing urgently.

"A scout has spotted a group of Uruk-Hai ahead of us. We shall do battle before the night is over."

"Oh goody!" I said sarcastically. "What are you going to do with me while you go kick some ugly butt?"

"We shall tie your horse to a tree and give you a club of sorts to defend yourself if need be."

"So you mean to tell me that you are going to string me up in a tree and leave me to defend myself with a Whack-A-Mole bat?"

"I do not understand what you mean."

"I'm going to be a God damned piñata! Minus the goodies inside, but you know I don't think they will mind my guts all that much!"

"Relax. They shall not harm you. After all, you both serve the same master, Saruman."

I let off a string of violent curse words; "I am not a damn spy! I just want to get through this place in one piece and get my ass home! I! Am! Not! A! Spy!"

"Eucleides! Gag her again!" the leader roared out. "She is compromising our position."

Eucleides shoved the rag back into my mouth and tied Babes to a nearby tree. Suddenly a man and horse came galloping into the midst of us.

"The Uruk-Hai! They are over the next ridge!"

With that all of the men around us ran and leapt onto their horses. They were gone before I could blink. 

*~*~*

Luckily, I never had to try my luck against one of them. But, even though I saw no battle, I heard everything.

From what I heard, it was a bloody, bloody battle. It was horrible. I could hear the inhuman shrieks of the dying Uruk-Hai, but in the mix, I could also distinguish the sounds of men. Every once in a while, I could also hear the screams of the injured horses as they fell. This is what really got to Babes.

She stood there under me shaking and breathing in gasps. It was horrible to watch. No doubt she could understand the last thoughts of the dying horses. 

Through out the night, we listened to the sounds of the carnage and death. I felt like I was dying with them.

*~*~*

Around dawn, I found that I had pitched forward onto Babes and had some how fallen asleep. I awoke to find that both of my arms were numb and I could not swallow.

One of the men came around by my side and untied us from the tree. He was streaked with blood, but I don't think it was his. I motioned for him to remove the gag.

"Did we win?"

"No, the Uruk-Hai were slaughtered."

"You idiot! I meant did the humans win?"

"Yes, we did, but not without losses."

"How many?"

"Twelve."

"What did you do with the dead Uruk-Hai?"

"We have piled them and burned them. They are smoldering as we speak."

Ah, so that wasn't bacon.

He roughly shoved the gag back into my mouth. "We continue to ride."

Why with all this riding do I not feel in the least bit like John Wayne?

*~*~*

'How are you doing Babes?'

'I am fine. It has just been a very long night.'

'That it has.'

By now the sun had risen to mid morning. I was starting to get quite warm it was almost impossible to breathe with the gag on. I also was forced to ride at the back of the pack so the dust was not making my breathing any easier. I had not had anything to eat or drink for almost three days and they had not given me my bathroom break. But, all in all, I was okay; just very, very weak from lack of food and movement. (If you can call that okay!)

Suddenly the men went into the spinning turn that they had used on Babes and I the other day. Man, they would do nicely in a circus!

All of the men lowered their spears to the inside of the circle that they had formed. I couldn't see who/what was inside the circle. There were just too damn many people around me.

The leader dude then spoke, "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"

Elf? Dwarf? Man? Oh my God! It was those three! It had to be!

"Give me your name, horsemaster, and I shall give you mine," a gruff voice stated.

It was Gimli! The smelly, bad tempered old dwarf! I couldn't believe it!

Suddenly the leader got all pissy, "I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground."

'Someone should really kick that guy's ass. He is really getting on my nerves.'

'Tell me about it, Babes. I would love to do the honors, but I highly doubt I could even tickle his ass let alone kick it—too weak.'

'Point taken.'

"You would die before your stroke fell!"

'I guess the elf beat us to it, huh Emily?'

'Yeah, damn.'

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin and Legolas from the Woodland realm. We are friends of Rohan and of Théoden, its king."

'Believe me, buddy. You don't want to be friends with these guys.'

'I completely agree with you. These guys scare me and this gag is really pissing me off!'

'Shh! I am trying to listen to this!'

'Well excuse me! You haven't been sitting for close to seventy-two hours!'

"Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe," he paused for a moment. "Not even his own kin."

'Did you hear that Babes! His own relative exiled him! Booyah!'

Suddenly, with an unspoken order, all of the guys pulled their spears back from the center of the circle that they had made.

The leader still was speaking, (do you realize he still hadn't mentioned his name?), "Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and has claimed lordship over this land. My company is those loyal to Rohan and for that we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets. In fact, we managed to catch one just the past day."

"We are not spies. What was this spy that you have captured?" Aragorn asked.

"You need not concern yourself. It is a trivial matter."

Trivial matter be damned!

'Babes, we need to get their attention!'

'You got it! Hang onto your ass!'

'I thought we had already been over my ability to grapple with an ass?'

At that instant, Babes managed to surprise the guys on either side of us (and me) and began to scream and kick around. I started to flail as much as I could and make as much noise as possible.

"What is that?"

"The spy. She is very troublesome mind you."

"_She_?"

"Yes it is a woman."

Come on Aragorn! Put two and two together! It's _me_!

"A woman you say?"

"Yes, she was traveling alone. She was the oddest woman I have ever seen."

At that moment, Babes managed to get loose from the guys holding us and bolted towards the center of the circle. She ran straight through. The men scattered.

We got to the center and Babes still was kicking around. The men tried to over power her, but they had yet to succeed. Suddenly, the ropes that were holding me to Babes back all snapped under the pressure. I fell hard to the ground. I was so weak that I couldn't move. 

I tried to roll away from Babes, in case she stepped on me. But I couldn't even do that. I just lay there with my eyes squeezed shut.

Finally I heard her start to settle down again. I chanced opening my eyes and saw that they men had managed to tie her down again.

__

I'm not dead! Thank you Lordy!

I tried to roll to my back at least, but I could not manage at all. I lay were I had fallen. I was curled into as much of a ball as I could get into. I could barely breathe with my hair spread over my face as it was and my arms were pinned under me. Comfort at it's finest!

I still had the gag shoved into my mouth, so I couldn't even start to cuss Babes out. The whole mind-link thing is great, but it does not give off as much satisfaction as screaming at the person.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched and tried to pull into myself even more. It didn't work.

I was gently turned over and the gag was removed. I tried to speak, but all that came out was a croak. That damn dust really does dry a person out let me tell you!

Suddenly something cold and quite wet was poured over my mouth. Water! Praise be! I gulped down as much as I could without turning into a fish and then tried to speak again.

"When—I –get—my—hands on the leader—of this half-assed circus—I am going to kill him."

I heard Aragorn above me; "She is all right!"

I opened my eyes and glared at him, "I will be even better if you can get me off the ground and untie me!"

"I was just about to, do not worry."

"Oh, no. How could someone worry when they are lying in the dirt tied up? I do this everyday!"

'Just shut up and hold still. As nice as it would be to see him actually slip, I have seen enough blood to last me a lifetime.'

"Shut up Babes."

Just then Aragorn slit my bounds and lifted me to my feet. I tried to stand by myself but my knees started to go on me. Damn, I hate being the weakling. It does nothing for your ego, believe me.

Aragorn waited a few moments and then set me on my feet again and stepped back. This time I lasted all of ten seconds before my face went down to kiss the ground. Luckily, Legolas was standing beside me and grabbed me under the arms before I made contact. He held me with one arm across my waist, letting me gain my balance again. It worked actually. Slowly, I gained back my balance. I was still very shaky and weak mind you, but I was better off then at first.

"You know this woman?" asked the leader.

"Damn straight they know me!"

"Then you are not a spy?"

"Where ever did you get that idea?"

"If you are friends with such honorable—"

"I was being sarcastic. I wasn't looking for an answer."

"Yes, milady."

"So that's how it is now! When you first met me you had me bound and gagged, but now that you know I have friends in high places, you are all buddy-buddy! Well you can kiss my ass!" I was now yelling at him, or at least as much as I could. Through out the whole tirade, he just sat there and looked at me levelly. "Are you not even going to respond to that? Or are you too high up on the social scale to talk to a lowly woman? I mean my God! You own family won't even have you anymore and you are still lording over others—"

I was cut off mid-sentence by a rather sharp spear to my throat.

"My kinsfolk are no concern of yours." He said in a deadly voice.

Okay, the only way to get out of this is to bluff. I hope I'm right…

"Why is it none of my concern? Because I am a woman?" I pressed.

"You shall hold your tongue!"

"Or you will do what?"

"Part your head's company with your body!"

"I would like to see you try! Then what? You could go around and tell people, 'Oh! Yeah, I got all pissed off at a woman that was making fun of my family so I chopped off her head! Look at me! I killed a poor defenseless woman! I am one hell of a manly man here people!' Is that what you are shooting for?"

"No, I—"

"Oh, get off your high horse and come back down to earth, er, Middle-Earth. You wipe your ass just like everyone else. You have no right to lord over me. I am a free woman and I will do what ever the hell I want! Got it buster?"

"Forgive me, milady. I was completely wrong. I should not have said what I said to you."

"You're right, you shouldn't have."

He slid off his horse and bowed to me. He then took my hand and kissed it.

"I seek your forgiveness, dear Lady."

"You will have it as soon as you let go of my hand. I am getting just a little freaked out here. I mean whoa! Talk about schizophrenia! One minute you are giving me death threats, the next you are kissing me. This is just a wee bit wrong, if you don't mind me saying."

"Yes, you are right. Forgive me, milady."

"Yeah, by the way, what is your name? I never did catch it. I mean that is understandable, I was tied up and riding in the dust, you were out killing Uruk-Hai—"

"You have witnessed a band of Uruk-Hai passing here?" interrupted Aragorn.

Immediately, he ignored me and turned to Aragorn. "Yes, we slew them last night. As we speak they are burning."

"But there were two Hobbits, did you see two Hobbits with them?" asked Gimli frantically.

"They would be small, only children to your eyes," Aragorn added.

"No, we left none alive."

"They are dead?" asked Gimli to no on in particular.

All three of them hung their head. Okay, something wasn't right here. What weren't they telling me?

Aragorn motioned to the distance, "Is that where they lie?"

"Well it sure isn't a family reunion barbecue." I rolled my eyes at him.

Suddenly the leader whistled into the midst of the men and called, "Arod! Hasufel!"

Just as he finished speaking, two gorgeous horses came trotting up to him. I saw Babes straighten up and stood still for once. I guess I wasn't the only one that noticed their good looks…

"May these horses bear you to better fortune then their former masters. Farewell. Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands."

He turned away from us, to his riders he shouted, "We ride north!"

With that he and his men left us. We stood there for a few more moments when I started to talk again.

"He's wrong, you know." They all looked at me. "Well, he is. If hope has forsaken these lands, then explain to me why you found me? I was hoping it was you, and what do you know? The instant that you start letting the world yank you down, it will suck you down like quicksand until there is nothing left. I'm not giving up hope, I don't know about you."

I let them digest my little piece of wisdom before I sprung my next question, "Now, who are the two Hobbits, and where is Boromir?"

They looked at me with much pain in their eyes. Gimli walked up to me and put his hand on my arm. I stared back at them before it dawned on me, "No. No! Not another him too! No."

"It is the truth. I am sorry."

"Thanks Gimli. How did he—how did he," I couldn't get the last part out.

Gimli understood my pain and answered for me, "He fell with honor. He took many enemies with him to the Dark Halls. He is at peace."

I nodded and rubbed my eyes vigorously. I still couldn't believe it, another friend, gone. I was not even there for the last moment. I am always in the wrong place at the wrong time, but in a different way then they mean.

I gave a sharp laugh at my thought, "I am just one hell of a screwed up individual. What about the Hobbits? Frodo?"

"I let him go," answered Aragorn. Even though I still didn't know what these guys were doing out here, I understood that what Aragorn did, took much inner-strength. 

I nodded, "What about the others?"

"Sam decided to accompany Frodo. But, Merry and Pippin—"

"Oh God! They aren't—dead—too!"

"No! No. We are not sure. At Boromir's last battle, the Uruk-Hai took them when they fled. They are the Hobbits we were talking about."

I sunk down to my haunches and buried my face in my hands. I laughed bitterly, "If they managed to stay alive through that blood bath, then they really are super-Hobbits."

"What do you mean?"

"I was there! There is a slim chance that they made it through it, but I highly doubt it. It was awful. Awful."

"Battle always is."

"Yeah, it is. We should go. At least if they are…dead…then we should give them a burial at least. They should not burn with that _scum_."

They nodded. Aragorn walked over to Hasufel and swung up onto his back. Legolas went to Arod and talked softly to him for a moment before he too swung up. I walked unsteadily to Babes and she bent her front legs so I could clamber up onto her back. I then dug into my pack and found some lembas. Ah, nourishment!

"Thanks," I patted her neck.

She just shook her head.

"Come, Master Dwarf, you shall ride behind me," called Legolas.

"Dwarves were not made for riding a horse! I shall walk!"

"Gimli, do I need to come over there and kick you butt? Just get on the damn horse and let's go!"

He looked at me and gave me a small grin before walking over to Legolas and offered an arm to him. Legolas grabbed the arm and swung Gimli up behind him. 

I heard him muttering something about 'tossing Dwarves.' Obviously an inside joke.

"Are we ready to go yet?"

"Let us go!" called Aragorn.

Babes had been waiting for this. As soon as he said that, she reared up and tossed her head a few times. It was actually fun. Babes had this planned, I could tell; when she bucked a few times, she twisted her body to make sure I would stay on. She reared a few more times before she took off running towards the pillar of smoke. This was the second time that I had seen her running like this. It was invigorating!

I looked back over my shoulder to see that Aragorn and Legolas were gaining fast. But, not fast enough! Babes was flying!

'Is it just me, or are you trying to impress someone?' I mind-asked her in a singsong voice.

'Is it that obvious?'

'Painfully.'

*~*~*

A/N: Sorry that took longer than I told everyone. But, as you can see, it just kept growing! If you hadn't noticed, I am now up to my armpits in The Two Towers. So if anyone has a 'vision' about what should happen next, drop me a line at **abskii_79@hotmail.com**

Much obliged! 


	26. Little Red Riding Hood

A/N: I am swamped in reviews! 300 baby! I think I am going to have to go sit in a corner and try and get my breathing back to normal again! This is just nuts!  
  
Marie: Here's your chapter, sorry it took so long!  
  
pururon: Okay, I am officially freaked out. Just kidding. But you will have to read some more to find out!  
  
levanna: Thank you. Good thing you could hold it in other wise you would have had an irate brother on your hands!  
  
emily: I haven't heard from you in a while! But, I know, isn't it just too cute?  
  
LeopardDance: Man, you are really hung up on that Madonna song aren't you? It's great! Anyway, I was thinking about that too, how will Emily handle Eowyn? Muhahaha. Anyway, you are completely right, why can't she look? But don't expect anything else, not that I think you are, I just cannot write romance. It is really pathetic. So don't worry. By the way, a MAN! That is just plain freaky-deaky!  
  
Rana: Thank you, I try to make it as realistic as possible!  
  
Songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: I know I was thinking about that. But, I don't know if I will be able to fit the Ents in, but if I can, I certainly will use that!   
  
Beth: You are right, they will either hate each other or like it together. But I still haven't decided which. Guess we both will have to wait and see! Thanks for reading!  
  
Selene: You are right, you were babbling. But that is okay, I love it when people babble, it is the funniest thing in the world, no offense. Anyway, that is too bad that you are having problems with your stories, I know the feeling well. But thank you for reading. (By the way, there will be some ass kicking sometime or another, but it is going to be the last person you expect. Shhh, don't tell!)  
  
Aranel: Yikes! Writing! I'm writing! Thanks for reading!  
  
Hana: So am I getting the drift that you like my story? Hehe, sorry. But yeah, Saruman+Emily=total chaos!  
  
baru-chan: I think you have very good grammar. Put it this way, English is my mother language and you have better grammar than me! But I will try to work that song in, but I cannot promise anything. I feel sorry for you, did you tell that classmate to shut up? I would have ended up drawing blood!  
  
Aithril the Elf-Maiden: I feel honored! But I am really glad that you like it so much, I life to serve!  
  
The Lady Sorcha of Sevenwaters: I promise I will fit that 'I hate you all' comment. I have a use for it coming up...More than likely she will screw up, just to let you know.  
  
MaverickGirl: Don't worry, my comp crashed for a while. I know all about difficult computers!  
  
Laurelasse Goldenleaf: So you normally don't laugh out loud for stories, but mine made you do that? That is great! That is completely what I am aiming for! Ooohhh, that is a good song....muhahaha.  
  
Fly Without Wings: Thanks, I tried to make her really sarcastic.  
  
rangishran: *waggles eyebrows mysteriously* Just wait and see, my dear, wait and see.  
  
Europa: I know me too, but it was a tight miss.  
  
Cassie_bear01: Don't worry, you didn't write awful. I'm sorry you are in school, but here is another chapter to keep your mind off it!  
  
Tough Cookie: Wow! This is your favorite story! Neato!  
  
Norie Ape: Woah! That was a long long review! But I think I will have her do some fighting, but I can't tell you any more than that. Just read and wait!  
  
Maraena: Yup, wizard (moment of sarcasm), battle (moment of sarcasm), oh, this is going to be good!  
  
WeaselyTwinsLover1112: Believe me I know, muhahaha, I know!  
  
Tam Lynne: Hmmm, Broadway, it has its advantage. Thanks for reading!  
  
Black Jaguar12: Yeah, I know, but I am trying to balance the serious and the funny. But I am really glad that I could give you inspiration!  
  
Crimson Moon: Me? A genius? Ahh, you are making me blush! But yeah, he kinda was out of character.  
  
Makura Koneko: Yup, I always keep my promises, and by the way, it is only going to get more fun.  
  
Asarielle: Wow! Thank you!  
  
x-silver-saffire-x: Well then it is definitely about time isn't it? Thanks for reading!  
  
Moon scar: Don't worry about it, but I know how you feel. But I am glad that you got it up and running again!  
  
Morgaine of Ithil: Hmm, it's definitely a thought! But yeah I know, all of the other stories I have read have never had someone yelling at Eomer. Guess it is about time right?  
  
KindCalypso: Haha, I thought everyone would like that! I have gotten more comments on her crush then anything else. Thanks bunches!  
  
Katie: See I told you, you would need them! But do you really think that is my best one yet! Wow, my head is swelling!  
  
Like always, if I happened to miss anyone, it was completely by accident. It is nothing personal, trust me!  
  
Let the story commence! (My, that was stuffy...)   
  
*~*~*  
  
'Do you think I am trying too hard?'  
  
'Nah, you are still probably okay. But you don't want to throw yourself at them too much. By the way, which one has caught your eye?'  
  
I felt Babes shift nervously under me, 'Actually, I like both. They are damn fine looking horses.'  
  
I glanced back at the two that were racing to catch up with us. It was hard to do, we were still running full tilt, but I managed to get a good look at them. Arod was running quickly, but it was in a graceful gallop. Hasufel on the other hand, was pushing himself beyond what he should be able to do; he wanted to win! Strangely, the animals' behavior reminded me strongly of the men that were riding them. Except for Gimli, I still don't know where that guy is coming from!  
  
I leaned over Babes's neck to make the running easier for her.  
  
'You're right, they are fine looking horses.'  
  
'Bet I could handle both at the same time too.'  
  
'Player.'  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally Babes slowed down enough that the other guys caught up to us. Right away I started getting a butt chewing by the resident Dwarf.  
  
"Thanks to your foolishness, missy, I have lost about ten years off my life span! I am not made for a horse but yet your antics put me in the midst of a rampage!"  
  
I rolled my eyes, "Shut up, you know you were enjoying it. I seem to recall a certain someone was shouting over the noise, 'See Master Elf, I told you that riding a horse would be great entertainment!' Sound familiar?"  
  
Legolas and Aragorn started to laugh at this and the Dwarf looked rather sheepish. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off, "Don't worry. I know the feeling; sometimes you just have to chew on someone. I get it all the time." I winked at him and he gave me a slight grin. I think someone is starting to like me!  
  
I brought Babes to a walk and Legolas and Aragorn maneuvered their horses onto either side of me.  
  
"Emily, what made your horse so anxious for a run? I noticed it was not you that provoked her into doing so."  
  
I looked over to my left where Legolas was looking at me, waiting for me to answer his question.   
  
"Yeah it wasn't me. Damn horse is having an overbalance on the hormones."  
  
Gimli then spoke up, "I am not sure I understand what you are implying."  
  
"To put it bluntly, Babes is trying to get your horses to notice her. It's great. She's a mooning teenager!"  
  
'I do not need you to state my private affairs to everything that has ears. Just feel lucky that Arod and Hasufel cannot understand you.'  
  
I gave her a sharp kick in the side and she lunged forward because of it, but then stopped herself with a snort. "Ah, so now you are on a first name basis with them?"   
  
She just shook her head and then started to make 'puppy eyes' at Arod.  
  
"Pathetic."  
  
I noticed the guys around me were trying not to start laughing at our antics. Yes, I know, I am just too damn hilarious for my own good sometimes....  
  
I brought a hand up to my face and shaded my eyes. We were getting very close to the column of smoke now, but luckily we were still downwind of it. Suddenly I felt Babes start prancing around and stamping underneath me. Then, she wouldn't go any farther. She just stopped and started to shift around and swing her head.  
  
"Woah! Girl, what is wrong with you?"  
  
'This is where we were last night.'  
  
I looked around and sure enough, there was the tree that we were tied to last night. It didn't really bother me, but then again, I wasn't the one that had heard the last thoughts of the dying horses. Why do I get the feeling that Babes is going to need some major therapy sometime in the near future?  
  
I kept my thoughts to myself and tried to get her to settle down enough so she would move on closer to the smoke.  
  
Aragorn called to me over the noise of Babes's snorts and whinnies, "What is the matter?"  
  
Babes then started to turn in any direction to get away from here, so we ended up spinning in tight fast circles. Finally Legolas seized Babes's head in his hands and Aragorn positioned Hasufel at our side so Babes could not spin anymore. Babes's eyes were still rolled up in her head.   
  
"We were tied up here over at that tree," I pointed to it, "Last night when the battle was going on between the men and orcs. Babes was able to hear the dying thoughts of the horses, but was unable to help them. She has been deeply troubled by that."   
  
While I had been telling this to Aragorn, Legolas had been muttering to Babes in Elvish. I think it actually helped her.  
  
'Get this crack pot out of my face right now Emily, or I swear I am going to lose it!'  
  
"Uh, Legolas?"  
  
He stopped the muttering and looked at me, "Aye?"  
  
"For your physical safety and Babes's mental stability I suggest that you stop that and move away. But thank you, I think it did help to settle her down."  
  
Legolas nodded and stepped away, "How do you know this?"  
  
"I just got a rather vivid death threat in my mind."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You could say that. Here, hang on a sec."  
  
I then turned my thoughts inside and checked on Babes, who was still shivering underneath me, but not nearly as violently as before.  
  
'Are you okay, hun?'  
  
'Yes, I am better.'  
  
'Can you go on? We really need to check and see if we can find the Munchkins. Can you handle that?'  
  
There was a long pause and what could be described as a sigh, 'I shall manage. But anymore or that highly annoying muttering and I will not be accountable for my actions! Do I make myself clear?'  
  
I laughed out loud, "Crystal clear, my dear."  
  
I rubbed a hand across my face and shook my head. I then looked over at the guys that were staring at me, waiting, "She says that we can continue, but if there is anymore Elvish muttering she will not be accountable for her actions."  
  
Gimli looked stunned, but then started to guffaw loudly, "Did the Lady Horse really say that?"  
  
I motioned to Babes with my head, "Ask her yourself."  
  
Gimli looked skeptical, but asked none the less. "Dear Lady, did you really say that about the Master Elf's chanting?"  
  
Since she could not communicate with words, Babes started to shake her head in what one would interpret as 'yes'. It was priceless.  
  
After everyone was finished laughing, even Legolas was enjoying the moment, Aragorn motioned for us to continue up and over the ridge. Legolas leapt onto Arod and then both of the horses walked over to either side of Babes and pressed into her, giving her reassurance. Even though both Aragorn and Legolas tried to make them move away to give us some breathing room, they refused to move. So, we had to walk up and over the hill like that.  
  
It was not very comfortable, mind you. I was squashed in between the two horses too, but that was not even the bad part. Since they were squeezing into Babes so firmly on both sides, I had to bring my legs up and set my feet on the back of Babes's neck. Oh yes, the picture of grace.  
  
It was also incredibly hard to balance like that. I kept falling into both Aragorn and Legolas, so it got to the point where both of them had to ride with an arm around my shoulders and waist respectively.  
  
"Can't you move the bloody horses away? Even a little bit?"  
  
Aragorn smirked, "I cannot move Hasufel, he refuses to respond to anything."  
  
"Blondie?"  
  
"Nay, Arod will not."  
  
"Damn."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally we got to the top of the hill and Hasufel and Arod moved away from Babes. I even managed to not fall off on my butt when they moved away and I could finally sit in the orthodox manner again. But when we crested the hill, I suddenly wished I had fallen, very very very far away from here.  
  
The sight was horrible. All the way around the pile of smoldering bodies, there were Uruk-Hai heads on pikes. As if that was not rank enough, the stench of the burning flesh was enough to gag a maggot.   
  
I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach. I slid off Babes's back and bent over to put my head between my knees. That worked for about thirty seconds and then I started to toss my lembas all over.  
  
When I finally finished, I straightened up and looked over to where the three were standing. Legolas gave me a sympathetic look before Gimli commanded his attention again.  
  
"It is one of their wee belts." He said dismally. Gimli had been digging through the charred bodies. Crazy Dwarf...  
  
Legolas said something in Elvish and Babes suddenly started to move towards him with a snort.  
  
I looked at her, "Oh for God's sake! Stop it! It was not directed at you so why don't you just go back to your admirers? It's not like you give a damn anymore!" I turned away from her and I felt the tear slip down my cheek.  
  
I heard Gimli say in disbelief, "We failed them..."  
  
Aragorn then gave out a horrible yell. He was a royally pissed off man. I jumped and whirled around as an Uruk-Hai helmet narrowly missed taking off my head.  
  
"Will you watch where you are kicking that thing! You are not the only one that is having a hard time with this, Mister All-High-And-Mighty!"  
  
But Aragorn was not listening to my ranting, he was too busy inspecting the ground for him to listen to me.  
  
"What? Did you find an interesting pile of bird shit?" I asked sarcastically. If you hadn't noticed, when ever I get in a bad mood, I tend to take it out on everyone. I was in a horrible mood too, the Hobbits...They were gone....  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"Dwarf! Don't you dare 'shh' me!"  
  
Suddenly Aragorn started to speak without looking up from the ground, "A Hobbit lay here, and the other." He was pointing to the ground, but I sure didn't see anything. But if he wanted to go all delusional on us, who was I to stop him?  
  
He started to move all hunched over, never taking his eyes off the ground, "They crawled." He pointed to the ground that must have told him that. Nope, still not seeing it.  
  
"Their hands were bound."  
  
Walk a little bit further, still looking at the ground.   
  
"Their bonds were cut. They ran over here and were followed." He then straightened up holding two pieces of frayed rope. What? Don't look at me! It's not like I doubted him or anything...  
  
Aragorn dropped the rope and looked into the forest that was previously behind us, "The tracks lead away from the battle, into...Fangorn Forest."  
  
"Fangorn! What madness drew them there?" asked Gimli.  
  
"Maybe the desire to live?"  
  
Gimli shot me a dirty look. Well it sounded legitimate to me.  
  
"So, ah, what do we do now?"  
  
"We follow the tracks," answered Legolas like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He was already following Aragorn into the trees and Gimli was close behind them.  
  
I turned to Babes, "You guys just going to hang here?"  
  
'That's the initial plan.'  
  
I turned away and rolled my eyes. Hormones, go figure.  
  
I jogged up to Gimli's side and we entered the forest.  
  
I looked around and shuddered. It really wasn't very pleasant in here. The trees were extremely thick so they didn't let that much light in and they were not growing straight up and down. They were all very gnarled and reminded me of mean old men. Don't ask me where that came from. If that was not enough, they were also swaying and groaning as if they were actually talking. It was creepy.  
  
"Why do I feel like Little Red Riding Hood walking into the jaws of the waiting wolf?" I said under my breath. Legolas must have heard me because he turned around and gave me a weird look. I just ignored him.  
  
"But the million dollar question is: Where is the wolf?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Not a lot happened in that chapter, but believe me when I say it was necessary. Just sit back and relax, more is coming. Don't worry.  
  
Sorry for the long delay folks, but life reared its ugly head again. Like I said in the beginning, I have no idea how long it will be between updates, but I certainly try my hardest to hurry things along! So I apologize, but it can't be helped.  
  
Just one more thing and then I am done. To all of you that happen to celebrate it, Happy Easter!  
  
~A~ 


	27. The Cockroach

A/N: Wow! Tons of reviews again! I know this is normally where I thank everyone individually, but I went through the last chapter, and sadly, there were more thank you's than actual chapter. So, I have made a life altering decision, I will just do my little spiel and then if you have an actual question about the story, give me your e-mail address in your review or send me an e-mail. (Look for the address in my bio. It's there, I swear!)  
  
Well, I think that about wraps this up. This is the shortest Author's Note I have had in quite a few chapters. Hmmm, I should learn from it.  
  
Story time kiddies!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Gimli! You do not swing an ax around like Jason in a very magical forest for God's sake!"  
  
As we had been walking through the creepy trees, Gimli had been getting progressively more ax happy. Pretty soon he was doing little pirouettes and holding his ax in the air with a very disconcerting glint in his eye. That is a major no-no if you are in a very magical forest, especially if it looked like the trees had not put down roots.  
  
Aragorn turned around to see what I squawking about. He looked at Gimli and gave me a look, "Gimli!"  
  
He looked at Aragorn, "Huh?"  
  
Oh boy! We have an articulate Dwarf in our midst people!  
  
"Lower you ax!"  
  
"Oh!"  
  
When Gimli lowered his ax, he spotted something on the leaves and ground around him. He bent down and stuck his fingers in it and then straightened up with it. He then held his hand up to what little light there was and studied the dark stain that was on them. Gimli then shrugged and stuck his finger in his mouth and promptly spat out whatever was on them.  
  
"Orc blood!"  
  
"Oh! Oh! That is just nasty! My God boy! Didn't you mother ever tell you, you don't just run around swiping crap off the ground and eating it? It is not right! Yuck!"  
  
Gimli just looked at me and then rolled his eyes and walked over to Aragorn and Legolas. I followed him; it's not like I had anywhere else to go after all.  
  
Aragorn was once again bent over the ground studying it. I should just go out and dig up and chunk of land for his next birthday.  
  
"These are strange tracks."  
  
I looked closer, "What tracks?"  
  
All three of them gave me a dirty look. Fine, I mean I went through my whole life being told by people that I need to get my head out of the clouds and concentrate on the things going on around me. To tell you the truth, I like the clouds better than this.  
  
Legolas must have given up on the 'tracks' because he was walking around us looking up into the trees with a wondrous expression on his face.  
  
"This forest is old. Very old. Full of memories...and anger. The trees are speaking to each other."  
  
I raised my eyebrows at him, "And this is supposed to be normal?"  
  
"I do not know."  
  
"I am officially creeped out now. First talking horses and now talking trees. What's next? A talking beluga whale?"  
  
Suddenly both Legolas and Aragorn lapsed into Elvish, needless to say I couldn't understand them. It was only a few short words, but by the tone of their voices, I could tell it was urgent business.  
  
"The White Wizard approaches," Legolas stated.  
  
"Well that's good right. I mean if he is white then he must be a good guy, right? Right? Right!"  
  
They all ignored me, but that was okay, I don't think I was even looking for an answer to tell you the truth.  
  
"Do not let him speak. He will put a spell on us! We must be quick."  
  
I noticed all of their hands were snaking to their weapons. I grasped the handle of my sword that was dangling from my waist. Yes, I know I would not be able to do much with it, but ever hear of a security blanket? When in an evil forest the best security blanket is something that is very, very sharp.  
  
In a blink of an eye, all three of the warriors swung around and readied their weapons. I was a little slower on the draw, I couldn't even get my sword out of the damn scabbard. But even though the guys were fast, they were still beaten. Both Gimli's ax and Legolas's arrow were deflected and Aragorn's sword glowed red with unexpected heat. He dropped it was a cry of surprise. I looked down to see why the damn sword would not come out of the damn scabbard and saw that the same force that had effected my buddies had fused the sword in the scabbard. See! It wasn't my fault!  
  
From right before us, a blinding white light became present. It was almost too bright too look at, but you could just see the form of a person inside of it.  
  
A deep booming voice addressed us, "You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits." It wasn't a question. There is just no privacy in this world anymore. Can't even track your two kidnapped, hairy-footed, friends anymore without the entire world knowing it.  
  
"Where are they?" demanded a rather peeved off Aragorn.  
  
"They passed this way the day before yesterday. They met with someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"  
  
"Um, not really. If they met with the local Welcome Wagon, then that is all good. But if they met you? Nope, no comfort there buddy."  
  
"Your tongue, woman, will be the death of you."  
  
"No way! You're a fortune teller too! That is just crazy!"  
  
Legolas creeped up behind me and clapped a hand over my mouth. I can take a hint, obviously they were worried I was going to piss off the psycho with my unmatchable wit and humor.  
  
"Who are you? Show yourself!"  
  
Slowly the light dimmed until we could see who was standing there. I couldn't believe it! It was Gandalf, but instead of the dirty gray clothes, he was dressed in pure white!  
  
Legolas had taken his hand from my mouth in his surprise, I took the opportunity to open my big mouth.  
  
"Someone fell into a vat of bleach."  
  
"It cannot be! You fell!" an aghast Aragorn stammered.  
  
"Into a bottle of bleach," I muttered.  
  
"Through fire and water," corrected Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf then told us about how he fell through the center of the mines but ended up on top of a mountain and then beat the shit out of the Balrog, whatever that is, and then died but someone told him he wasn't finished on Middle-Earth yet and sent him back. To tell you the truth, I am still trying to figure out the whole 'fall through center of mountain but end up on peak of it.' Too much for me to handle.  
  
"Gandalf."  
  
"Gandalf? Oh yes. That's what they used to call me. Gandalf the Gray. That was my name."  
  
"Gandalf!"  
  
"Um, yeah, we kinda already covered that aspect of the conversation there Gimli."  
  
"I am Gandalf the White now. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide."  
  
"Woah! Deep. But personally, I think you should call yourself Gandalf the Cockroach. You just don't die!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
We had been walking in silence for sometime when Gandalf finally started to talk again. Here I thought he was mad at me about the cockroach thing!   
  
"One stage of the journey is over another begins. War has come to Rohan. We must ride to Edoras with all speed."  
  
I digested that information for a moment and then added to it, "Why should we help those guys?"  
  
"Why should we not?"  
  
"Oh, off hand I can think of a few reasons."  
  
"What are they, pray tell."  
  
"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that for three days they had tied me to my horse and gagged my because they thought I was a damn spy! But then again, that could just be me."  
  
I stormed ahead of the group. Even worse I heard laughing behind me, they were all laughing at me!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally we got out of that hell hole that people call Fangorn Forest. We walked out and saw our horses were there, waiting for us.  
  
"Hey Babes, what's shaking?"  
  
'Notta.'  
  
I walked over to her and rubbed her nose.  
  
"That was less than fun in there."  
  
'Really? I thought walking through a haunted forest would be great fun.'  
  
"Bitch."  
  
I turned from Babes and saw that Gandalf was watching the exchange with much interest.  
  
"This is my horse Babes. When we were in Lothlorien, Lady Galadriel mind linked the two of us so we could communicate. She is a complete bitch too, Babes I mean, not Galadriel."  
  
"I see," chuckled Gandalf. "It is nice to meet you, Babes."  
  
'Emily, tell the white guy same here.'  
  
"She says same here."  
  
He nodded at me and then turned out to look at the empty plains. He then pursed his lips and whistled in a way that I thought my ear drums were going to shatter. Suddenly a gorgeous white horse came galloping into view.  
  
"That is one of the Mearas, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell," said Legolas in awe.  
  
The horse finally reached us and put his head on Gandalf's shoulder. He was huge! He was probably the most beautiful horse that I have ever seen.  
  
"Shadowfax. He's the lord of all horses and has been my friend through many dangers."  
  
We all nodded our heads to Shadowfax, even the horses.  
  
"We must ride!" announced Gandalf.  
  
All five of us clambered atop our horses and took off. I noticed Babes was staring at Shadowfax.  
  
I leaned over her head and said into her ear, "Down girl."  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Done! Gandalf has returned once again! Well the next few chapters may not have a whole lot of action, but they will have a whole lot of Emily-humor! And that is a promise!  
  
~A~ 


	28. A Chance Meeting

A/N: Once again I want to thank all of you for the lovely reviews I keep getting. I absolutely love it when I open up my inbox and it is filled with them! It makes my day!  
  
I just want to let you all know that I am not abandoning you. Since summer got here, all of my activities are increasing a tenfold. I will continue with the story full force, but it may be a little while between updates.  
  
That said, on with the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I was bored.  
  
There was no getting around the fact. I was bored out of my ever-loving mind. It wasn't my company that was boring; it was everything else! A guy can only talk about his fall into evil and then back out again for so long before you start wanting to bash his brains in with the nearest rock. Trust me on that. But what was even worse, was the fact that all of the other guys were hanging on his every word! And remember, this was not the first, second or even the seventh time we had heard this! Think twenty-seventh!  
  
I was also pissed off at my lack of film. When I left the studio, I had only grabbed about twelve canisters of film. I had already burned about two and a half of them before I met up with the misfits; now I had only about three canisters left. I had been going shutter happy for a little while. Every time a branch shook in the wind, CLICK! It was sad.  
  
Even Babes had stopped answering me; she was too enamored with Shadowfax.  
  
I snapped my fingers in front of her eyes, "Hey! Sweetheart! I'm up here!" I then bunched my fingers into a fist and knocked on her head, "Yoooooouuuuuu whoooooo! Anyone home in there?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
Notta.  
  
Wait! Wait! No, no, never mind, she just sighed.  
  
"Damn horse."  
  
'Shhhh!'  
  
"Oh, so now you answer me?"  
  
She didn't answer me then either. It's a damn conspiracy!  
  
I called to the other guys, "Hey! Where are we going and when are we going to get there?"  
  
Gandalf looked rather pissy since he had to stop his twenty-eight reiteration of his story, but he did answer me. "We are traveling to Edoras. We shall be there before too long."  
  
"How long is 'before too long'? I need it in standard dumb American English."  
  
"What is this 'American English'?"  
  
"It's like a dialect. You know, with the slang in it and everything. There is English English and American English. The English English is all proper and crap and the American English doesn't care what you say as long as you get your point across. You could start squealing and grunting as long as you get someone to understand you."  
  
"I see," answered a bemused Gandalf. "There are many languages where you come from?"  
  
"There's no question about it. Last time I cared to check, there were over six hundred languages spoken all over Earth. Or wait, is that dialects? I dunno. But there are more languages and dialects on Earth than anyone could learn in a life time."  
  
I looked at Legolas who had raised an eyebrow at that statement, "Well except for freaky boy over there. He could learn them all and then some; but it would take over three hundred lifetimes."  
  
"I think I understand. Your Earth is very different, am I correct in that assumption?"  
  
"Blondie, you would be bowled over by a heart attack if you ever got the chance to see it. It is the most amazing place. Everywhere you turn man has managed to leave his mark; be it for good or not. There are giant machines that fly and others that will traverse the deepest oceans. There are billions of people residing on the one planet of Earth; and yet with all those people, we still manage to kill each other. You would think enough of us would have some sense to stop the fighting before it kills us all. But, what can you do, right? There are so many crazies in the world that the few people that actually have enough common sense to do something about them would not stand a chance if given one. It is a beautiful place but so backwards that it is amazing we even survive on it." I stopped to take a breath, but before I could continue, Gimli cut in.  
  
"Is there all that you say there is?"  
  
"That and more, that and more."  
  
"I should very much like to see this Earth," stated Aragorn.  
  
I gave a short laugh, "You and me both."  
  
After that no one really talked. We all just minded our own business, but as you know me, I cannot keep my mouth shut for any length of time.   
  
Since I was so bored, I figured might as well entertain myself by singing. What the hell!  
  
I'm just a simple girl  
  
In a high tech digital world  
  
I really try to understand  
  
All the powers that rule this land  
  
They say Miss J's big butt is boss  
  
Kate Moss can't find a job  
  
In a world of post modern fad  
  
What was good now is bad  
  
It's not hard to understand  
  
Just follow this simple plan  
  
Follow your heart  
  
Your intuition  
  
It will lead you in the right direction  
  
Let go of your mind  
  
Your Intuition  
  
It's easy to find  
  
Just follow your heart baby  
  
You look at me   
  
but you're not quite sure  
  
Am I it or could you get more?  
  
You learn cool from magazines  
  
You learn love from Charlie Sheen  
  
If you want me let me know  
  
I promise I won't say no  
  
Your intuition  
  
It will lead you in the right direction  
  
Let go of your mind  
  
Your intuition  
  
It's easy to find  
  
Just follow your heart baby  
  
You got something that you want me to sell  
  
Sell your sin. Just cash in.  
  
You got something that you want me to tell  
  
You'll love me. Wait and see.  
  
If you want me  
  
Don't play games  
  
I promise   
  
it won't be in vain  
  
Uh-uh-uh  
  
Your intuition  
  
It will lead you in the right direction  
  
Let go of your mind  
  
Your intuition  
  
It's easy to find  
  
Just follow your heart baby  
  
'Shadowfax enjoyed your singing.'  
  
"Well Babes," I drawled, "You can tell him that I am just so incredibly pleased that he liked it."  
  
'He meant well.'  
  
"Ask yourself this: Do I care?"  
  
I heard her grumbling to herself. It sounded suspiciously like 'bitch' but I couldn't be too sure.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn was riding beside me. He must have dropped back while I was singing.  
  
"You have a wondrous voice, Emily."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
We just sat in silence for a while, but it was not the bad oh-my-god-what-should-I-say silence, it was more of the I-enjoy-your-company silence. Finally, I just had to break the silence, even if it was an amiable one.  
  
"Hey Aragorn, I was going to ask you. How do you always have that designer stubble but you never shave? I mean shouldn't you have a beard like Gimli's by now?"  
  
"What do you mean? I do not understand you're meaning. My beard merely grows to this length and then stops."  
  
"Hmm, yeah I'm sure."  
  
I was going to have to stay awake at night just to see if he really does shave. Personally, he is too perfectly rugged not to do anything at all to it. It just doesn't happen.  
  
Obviously he did not appreciate my comments, he abruptly changed the subject on me. Damn man.  
  
"You greatly wish to return to your Earth, do you not? I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"You hit the nail on the head. I really do want to go home, but I don't know if I can. I feel like I am in too deep here to leave even if I could. Besides, I don't even know if there is anyone that is capable of sending me home."  
  
"Do not lose hope. You shall return someday."  
  
"Thanks, I appreciate that."  
  
"You are welcome Emily. I must go, I shall speak with you later." He nodded his head in respect towards me and then rode out ahead of us to scout. He really is a strange man, sweet, but strange all the same.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I had been riding by myself, dozing off and on, when I realized that I really should talk to Gandalf. I had to find out if I would be able to go home again. I mean don't get my wrong, I would miss the guys horribly, but I just had to get back to my life. I felt like I had overstayed my welcome by a few weeks.  
  
I was just going to ask Babes to speed up a bit when my vision clouded over at the edges. All of a sudden, I was viciously assaulted with the image of a fiery eye. It did not have an eye lid, but it merely stared at me with all the evil it possessed, and let me tell you this was no Care Bear.  
  
'So you wish to return? You have yet to serve my purpose, oh young one.'  
  
The words blasted through my mind with an explosive force. The words were thrust into my mind the same way Babes's were, but with the power increased a thousand fold. I felt like my head was going to explode and then the pressure let up abruptly, but only to be replaced a second later.  
  
'Take the Ring! The Ring! Bring! Me! The! Ring!'  
  
Suddenly the power in my head spread to my chest and virtually crushed the breath from me.   
  
'I could snuff out your insignificant life with a fraction of the power I possess. You shall forever be under threat. Your companions shall never be safe. They will fail! Fail! And you with them! Remember little maid, YOU! ARE! MINE!'  
  
With the last forceful word, I fell from Babes's back and landed hard on the ground. Moments later my breath returned enough to allow me to render an ear shattering scream. Oh yes, that got their attention.  
  
All four of them raced to where I lay on the ground shaking with both terror and shock. Gandalf reached me first and tried to push my over onto my back, but I would not yield. I staid on my side curled up tightly in the fetal position, shaking and sobbing with all my terror. Finally, with the help of both Aragorn and Gimli, they managed to get me to sit up. I was still shaking so hard that my teeth were chattering, but I had calmed down enough to actually realize I was safe.  
  
A few moments later, I was able to speak and was immediately drilled as to what happened.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Are you hurt?"  
  
"Did you see something?"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Slowly, after their questions sank into my numb brain, I answered the questions.  
  
"I do not know. I am not hurt. I s-saw a-an eye. It was r-re-d and star-red unblin-kingly at me. It saw in-to m-my sou-l." I managed to hiccup out.  
  
They all starred at me with wonder and worry.  
  
"What did it say to you, dear?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"It tol-d m-me to bring it the R-ring, but I don't k-know what it meant. Then it told me that you would fail and that it had the power to crush me and it would not hurt me yet because I had not brought it the Ring. Oh God! The Ring! It kept going on about the Ring!"  
  
Much to my mounting embarrassment, I could not stop myself from breaking down again. It was just too awful, and then I had to relive it moments after it happened.  
  
"There, there dear. It's gone, it cannot harm you. You are safe, child," soothed Gandalf as he patted my hand. Aragorn had an arm wrapped around my shoulders and Babes had wandered over to nuzzle at my neck. Legolas walked over to me and threw a blanket over my shoulders to try and rid me of my shaking, but I didn't bother to correct him that my shakes were not from the cold.  
  
I was finally calmed down enough to be able to listen to them converse around me and actually heard some information that helped me piece together the growing puzzle.  
  
"It is a good thing that Frodo is no longer with us. There is no telling what Emily would do to gain control of the Ring. Boromir succumbed and she is much more weak then he was."  
  
"Was it really Sauron that she witnessed? The Dark Lord himself?"  
  
I just couldn't let this moment get away from me with out making some kind of nasty remark.  
  
"Well it sure as hell wasn't Mary Poppins."  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well hmmm, isn't that an interesting meeting? I wonder where it will go with this? Sad that I am the author and I don't even know huh?  
  
By the way, the song was 'Intuition' by Jewel. I thought it fit the moment that Emily was talking about Earth and Jewel is singing about a digital world. I don't know, maybe I am the only one that sees that connection. Oh well....  
  
I cannot tell when the next update will be, but I will try and be as quick as possible.  
  
Until next time,  
  
~A~ 


	29. Strong Revelations

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys. I am still totally loving them! And see, it hasn't been that long between updates....I don't think so anyway.  
  
I think you guys are going to like this chapter. It could easily be described as a turning point in the story and it is the child of one of my demented dreams. So thank that if you truly do enjoy this one. I really want feedback on it. I'm kinda nervous about it; not knowing if it is going to push someone's buttons or not-maybe it could even be considered controversial. (*gasp!*) So please, please let me know what you think of it. I'm on pins and needles waiting!  
  
So here we go...  
  
*~*~*  
  
After I had finally calmed down and explained who Mary Poppins was, Aragorn picked me up and put me on Hasufel and then climbed on behind me. I looked back at Babes and saw that she was a bit disgruntled with the change of riding arrangements; but she was happy to be rid of the weight, she could show off better.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked Aragorn over my shoulder. "I'm fine now."  
  
"No you are not. You are still shaking and are in no condition to be riding on your own."  
  
"Whatever." I was actually only too happy to oblige. Lately I had not been getting enough sleep and with Aragorn guiding the horse, there was little need for me to stay awake.  
  
But, before I gave into the urge to sleep, I wanted some questions answered.  
  
I looked over to Gandalf and raised an eyebrow, "Care to explain why my brain was nuked by some eye's thoughts?"  
  
"I do not know child."  
  
"Oh, I get it, now we get to play '20 Questions'. This should be entertaining."  
  
"Please explain yourself."  
  
"Nope, you are going to answer every question that I ask you."  
  
"And if I refuse?"  
  
"Don't. For starters, who is this Sauerkraut guy?"  
  
"Sauron. Sauron is the Dark Lord and he is the reason that we are all here, other than you my dear."  
  
"Don't hold your breath," I mumbled.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing, continue."  
  
"He wants the Ring and Frodo is the Ringbearer."  
  
"All right, I think I get that. But now what is the Ring, other than a movie?"  
  
"Movie?"  
  
"Never mind! Just what the hell is the Ring?"  
  
"Sauron the Dark Lord forged the One Ring. In it he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all. With the One Ring, none would be able to stand against him. All would fail."  
  
"Whoa! Deep. So, what's the big deal? Just hide the Ring or something. Bury it."  
  
"Sauron can sense the Ring. He would merely dig it back up. He has many servants that serve him. I believe you have met some of them already."  
  
"Are you serious? I have met some of the psycho's cronies? You're shitting me!"  
  
"I shit you not. You have had encounters with both Orcs and Wargs, have you not?"  
  
"Ugh! Don't mention that! I would rather forget those creeps."  
  
"That is what Frodo faces until he can destroy the Ring."  
  
"Well, then how come he doesn't destroy it? I mean are you people all that dense?"  
  
"What do you believe the purpose of this quest is? All nine of us were on a mission to reach the fires of Mount Doom when we came across you. Frodo is on his way there with Sam."  
  
"All right. Kudos to him and Chubbs. But honestly, is it that hard that it takes nine people to get rid of a piece of jewelry?"  
  
"It is no mere piece of jewelry. All of Middle-Earth would like to get it into their own possession. The Ring beckons. It's power is nothing to turn from. I believe that you have even experienced it once."  
  
I thought back to when I had been tied to that damn tree the first night I was with the guys. I had been talking to Frodo and had unmistakably been drawn to him. But it wasn't him that I had been drawn too, it was the Ring!  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
Gandalf nodded sadly, "No one can stand against its power. That is why Boromir fell. The Ring poisoned his mind."  
  
"Oh no..." I bowed my head and no one spoke for a moment.  
  
Finally I found my voice again, "So why are you guys running around the country side when you should be destroying the Ring?"  
  
"Dear child, I keep forgetting you are completely ignorant in these matters. The Ring cannot be destroyed by any means we here possess. The only way we can truly be rid of the cursed thing is to drop it into the flames where it was forged-Mount Doom."  
  
"All right....and that takes nine of you?"  
  
"Mount Doom is home to the Orcs, Goblins, Wargs and the rest of The Dark Lord's servants."  
  
"Holy shit! And you only sent two frickin' hobbits there!" I squawked.  
  
"We had no choice. The Ring was eating at all of our reserves. He decided to go, we let him," stated Aragorn.  
  
That cooled my temper considerably, "That is so sad. I had wondered why Frodo was so timid and distant from us. Wow... He has my prayers."  
  
"And ours."  
  
*~*~*  
  
After I had finally stopped mulling over these new revelations, I fell into a deep sleep. Well, about as deep as you could sleep while galloping over fields. After a while, I felt Hasufel's rhythmic gallops slowly fade to a walk.  
  
I opened my eyes and groggily asked, "Are we there?"  
  
"Look," said Aragorn.  
  
I did look, give me some credit. But I think I gawked more. There in front of us, was a huge Kingdom built completely on a hill. It doesn't sound amazing, but the architecture sure as hell was. The 'castle' was beautiful and even the huts that sat around it were eye catching.  
  
"Wowza..."  
  
"Edoras and the Golden Hall of Meduseld, King of Rohan, whose mind is overthrown and Saruman's hold over King Théoden is now very strong," stated Gandalf with a resigned voice.  
  
"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. But why are we here if he is in league with Saruman? I mean that is the Dark Lord after all."  
  
"No, no, dear child. The Dark Lord is Sauron, Saruman is a wizard, he used to be the head wizard of my Order. But Sauron has him now."  
  
"Oh. Right."   
  
"We shall reach it shortly. Come!"  
  
With that we were riding again. Oh goody...  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here."  
  
"Uh, Gandalf? Are you serious? I was expecting a huge shebang. I mean where are the streamers, the balloons, the Welcome Wagon?"  
  
They just ignored me, but Gimli added to the conversation with his outstanding wit, "You would find more cheer in a graveyard."  
  
"Nah, trust me on this one Gimli, the company in a graveyard it just dead."  
  
They just ignored me again. But who could blame them? I mean everyone had stopped their work and was staring at us. The other four were just ignoring them, but I was gawking again. What the hell, why not play the tourist?  
  
"Think they have any gift stores? 'I Came, I Saw, I Was Killed By Death-Glares' sounds like a good motto."  
  
Argh, tough crowd.  
  
*~*~*  
  
We finally passed by all the town's people and reached the 'castle'. There, we got off of our horses (after I had to deal with being lifted down by Aragorn) and walked up the huge stone steps to get to the door of the place. When we got there, we were met by some guards that I immediately was wary of. But Gandalf sure as hell wasn't.  
  
He stood there while they were coming towards us grinning from ear to ear. Yeah he snapped.   
  
"Ah."  
  
"Cat got your tongue?"  
  
I was ignored.  
  
"I cannot allow you before Théoden-king so armed, Gandalf Grayhame... By order of - Grima Wormtongue," a guard stated arrogantly.   
  
" 'Wormtongue'? Damn, that's one name I am happy not to have. But seriously, 'Worm-tongue', couldn't his mother have come up with something else? I sure as hell hope that his wife kept her maiden's name at their wedding. But, oh! Wait! How could he get a wife with a name like that?"  
  
The guard looked ready to slice me in half. In fact, he already had his sword unsheathed. The rest of my buddies wanted to help me but Gandalf had stopped them with one of his 'looks'.  
  
"Be silent wench of things your puny woman's mind could never comprehend," the guard snarled.  
  
I looked at him calmly and then brought my hand up to my mouth, kissed it and then slapped it down onto my butt. Yeah, he got the picture. I then put on my blankest stare and acted like nothing was bothering me.  
  
Almost immediately he lost interest in me. Figures...  
  
Gandalf was frowning at me, but at the moment I was past caring. Then with a nod from him, everyone else started to unbuckle and hand over their weapons. I figured I had to go with the flow of it, so I unbuckled my sword from around my waste and gave it to the guards. They then gestured to my camera that was around my neck. So yeah, I had to give that up too. What they thought I was going to do with it, I don't know. I suppose I could have tried blinding someone with it...  
  
Finally everyone was weapon-less, but they still wouldn't let us pass.  
  
"Your staff." The guard gestured to Gandalf's staff. I just rolled my eyes.  
  
"Hmm? Oh. No, you wouldn't part an old man from his-walking stick?"  
  
Wily old coot. He was good, you have to admit that much.  
  
The guard just sighed and beckoned us to follow him. Gandalf suddenly looked like his age; he was heavily leaning on Legolas's arm and was even doing a bit of a limp. A little over kill, but whatever works for the guy is fine by me.  
  
As we entered the Hall, I first noticed the incredibly old guy that was sitting on the throne at the end of the room. I mean this guy looked like death warmed over. And then there was another really ugly guy sitting beside him whispering in his ear. I immediately did not like him, he reminded me of a snake-and someone else that I could not place.  
  
"The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Théoden-King," said Gandalf dryly.  
  
The smallish ugly man sitting beside the king was still whispering but I over heard him this time, "He is not welcome."  
  
I did a double take and then a few steps closer, then it clicked.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here Lester?!"  
  
He shot up from his sitting position and stared at me unbelieving what he was seeing, "How can this be! How can this be! You should be with Sauron! The Orcs should have captured you that night! The Warg was almost on top of you! I gave them strict orders..." Suddenly he must have realized what he was saying, because his mouth slammed shut with an audible click.  
  
"YOU DID WHAT?" I thundered.  
  
He was now cowering and I was storming towards him, "Answers! NOW!"  
  
"You were not supposed to come here. It was a mistake I had to right," he sniveled. "When you went out for your shoot you took the wrong film canister with you. I tried to get it from you, but you left before I could."  
  
I thought back to the day he was talking about, and everything clicked. Right before I had left, I went into the back room and filled my camera bag with a couple handfuls of film. I even remembered thinking that one of the film canisters looked odd, it had this funny gold marking on it, but I figured it was a manufacture's flaw. Then shortly after that, I noticed that Lester went in the same room and came out very quickly. Suddenly he couldn't wait to help me to my car, help me carry my equipment.  
  
"Lester, what was in that film canister?" I asked calmly.  
  
He must have gotten a second wind of bravery or something because his answer made me see red, "Why the hell should I tell you?"  
  
That was it! Within a flash, I was on top of him. Later, I learned from Gimli that I made a rather admirable flying tackle onto the little worm.  
  
I then leapt to my feet and landed a solid kick to his groin and then a punch to his nose. I heard my fingers crack and immediately my hand started to throb. That was when I noticed all the guards racing over to where I was standing over the whimpering Lester.  
  
I looked at them and they stopped their headlong race, "Take one more step towards me and I will castrate you with my bare hand. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Suddenly no one was too eager to get near me.  
  
I then turned back to the more pressing matter of beating the shit out of Lester, trying to get him to answer me. But, even if I was stronger than Lester, I still couldn't help but catch a few of his blows.   
  
I pinned him down beneath me and hissed, "Tell me what was in that canister or you are going to have a broken finger." I grabbed him pointer finger on his right hand and started to bend it back for emphasis.  
  
Lester turned his head to the side to spit out some blood and teeth and then answered me, amazingly. "The canister was how I was getting from Earth to Middle-Earth. I was spying for Saruman, after Sauron took over Middle-Earth, Saruman was going to help him take over Earth. The canister also was how I was transferring information between worlds."  
  
I was stunned by his information, but I didn't want him to realize that, "All right genius. If that is the case, then how did you get here after I took the canister? Hmm?"  
  
"Stupid woman!"  
  
"Hey! You are not in a position to be calling names." I gave him another sound blow to his stomach to show him.  
  
After waiting a few minutes for him to get his breath back, he answered my most recent question, "The film canister was merely a convenience for me to travel between worlds. When I used that I did not have to trouble Saruman to bring me to and from Earth. When I told him I lost it to a woman, he was furious."  
  
I cocked an eyebrow, "Do I give a damn? Now why does Sauron want me?"  
  
He struggled a bit to get out from underneath me, but I held him in place.  
  
"He believes you will be able to help him take over Earth."  
  
"Right... How does he think that I will be able to help him? Tell me!"  
  
"I do not know! No one knows!"  
  
"You are full of shit! Tell me now!"  
  
I started to punch him more and in turn he started to claw at my face. Finally the guards decided that was enough and came forward, but Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn took them out before they even got close enough to do anything. I think they were enjoying this little spectacle.  
  
I completely lost control of my rage at this point. I hauled Lester to his feet none to gently and slammed him into the nearest wall, hard.  
  
"TELL ME!" I roared.  
  
"EMILY! That is enough, dear child. Besides, your efforts would be wasted anyway."  
  
I looked, and sure enough, my last little bought with Lester had knocked him unconscious.  
  
Suddenly a feeble voice reached my ears, "Gandalf-Stormcrow you are not welcome nor your wench. Leave my Halls."  
  
Gandalf whipped out his staff and immediately the king started to cower. At this point Legolas and Aragorn came and drug me off of Lester and Gimli took over the position over him.  
  
"That is enough, Emily." I sagged against them, too tired and overwhelmed to do anything but watch the scene that was unfolding.  
  
"Théoden, Son of Thengel. Too long have you sat in shadows," established Gandalf.  
  
With this, Lester came to consciousness again and Legolas had to hold me back, I was ready to jump right back in and continue my 'interrogation.'   
  
"Hearken to me! I will release you from the spell."  
  
You would have never thought that Gandalf could be that, well, scary.  
  
"Hahahahahahahaha! You have no powers here Gandalf the Grey. Haha! Ah!!"   
  
Okay, so Gandalf was no longer the crazy old guy, the king definitely was.   
  
"I shall draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound."  
  
Holy shit! Saruman was in the king? This is just too much like 'The Exorcist' for my liking.  
  
Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I saw a woman dressed in a white dress try to run up to Kind Théoden, but Aragorn stopped her.  
  
"Wait," he muttered.  
  
Amazingly, the woman complied.  
  
I then tuned back into the showdown going on, suddenly the king started talking in a completely different voice.  
  
"If I go, Théoden dies."  
  
"You did not kill me, you will not kill him."  
  
He had a very valid point there, you have to admit.  
  
"Rohan is mine!"  
  
"Be gone!" ordered Gandalf in a strong voice.  
  
Théoden then lunged at Gandalf with a crazed look in his eye, but Gandalf shoved him back into his throne with his staff. Then as suddenly as Théoden moved, he sagged forward into his seat. The woman broke free of Aragorn's grasp and ran up to him, pushing him back into the seat before he fell out. He was still alive, but panting, then all of a sudden, his face changed, it seemed to be melting. By the time it finished its transformation, it looked like the king was about thirty years younger.  
  
He looked at the woman beside him and said, "I know your face." He said it like he could not quite remember where he had seen it before, but had definitely seen it.  
  
Then they went onto some emotional little reunion and the king grabbed hold of his sword for the first time in a long time I understand. But frankly, this was just too sentimental for my blood lust at the moment.  
  
"Come on Legolas, let me go! I want to kill the little sonofabitch."  
  
"Calm yourself Emily. I shall not let you go no matter how you struggle."  
  
"Damn you!"  
  
The guards that I had previously threatened with castration moved forward and grabbed hold of Lester and started to drag him out the door, obviously it had been decided while I was arguing with Legolas that he was a traitor. The king looked at him puzzled for a moment in his rage.  
  
"Who bloodied the traitor so thoroughly?"  
  
All fingers in the room pointed to me.  
  
"She did it?"  
  
One of the guards then piped up with his opinion on the matter, "A woman scorned is like no other."  
  
Well at least I know where that phrase comes from now...  
  
The guards then carried Lester from the Hall and threw him down the steps. He landed, rolled and then stopped at the bottom, even more hurt then he had been. It was great.  
  
Théoden started down the stairs with sword in hand when Aragorn leapt in front of him and stilled his hand, "No my lord! Let him go. Enough blood has been spilt on his account."  
  
Lester didn't waste the moment, he promptly staggered to his feet and pushed through the growing crowd of town's people.   
  
Aragorn then bent his head and stated, "Hail, Théoden, King!"  
  
Likewise the people of the village answered and then bent down on their knees, when they stood back up as a whole they didn't immediately go about their business.  
  
Obviously the story of what I did to Lester had spread, almost all of them were openly staring and/or pointing at me in awe.  
  
I laughed to myself, even though Lester got away, and growled and bared my teeth at the people. All of them gasped and drew back from me.  
  
Ah, this is what memories are made of.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: I told you it would be different, didn't I? Well I certainly hope that it answered some of your questions and that it wasn't too bloody of violent for anyone. I really apologize for that, but I had to. Normally I am not that blood thirsty.  
  
As you can now see why I am a little worried about this chapter, I really hope that you will leave a review letting me know what you thought about it.  
  
Please?  
  
~A~ 


	30. Babysitter

A/N: I am really glad that you guys enjoyed the last chapter. I didn't get one negative comment on it! You have no idea how good that makes me feel!! All I can say about these next chapters is: It's only beginning....  
  
One more thing and then I am done. I would really like to thank and acknowledge my beta reader, LeopardDance. I really appreciate all that you are doing for me. Thanks bunches.  
  
Okay, well here we go kiddies!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
"Hold still and maybe it wouldn't hurt as much!"  
  
"Shove it. This will hurt no matter how I am standing, sitting of laying; and you know it!"  
  
Aragorn didn't answer; just concentrated on cleaning me up. I wasn't that bad off, but I still needed to be patched up some at least. Lester got the worst of it of course; but the little worm did manage to get me some too. I had some pretty vicious claw marks on my face, neck, and forearms, and I had one black eye from a lucky punch. Other than that, I just had some scratches, bruises and a very volatile temper still.  
  
I sucked in air between my teeth and bit down on my lip. The crap that Aragorn was liberally spreading onto my cuts hurt like hell. I think it was the same stuff that he used last time I needed fixing. You would think I would learn!  
  
I looked over to where Gimli was watching me, chuckling rather merrily, I might add.  
  
"What's your problem?" I growled. "If you didn't notice, Mr. High-and-Mighty here let Lester go while I was winning," I gestured to Aragorn, then shot him a dirty look.  
  
"Aye, I noticed. But I am still enjoying envisioning you tearing into that man again. I never thought that I would see a woman that enraged to take on a full grown man."  
  
I arched an eyebrow and then grimaced at the pain that it caused, "Am I sensing praise?"  
  
He blushed some and then muttered something too low for me to hear properly.  
  
"What was that?" Legolas asked innocently.  
  
"You heard me, you damn elf."  
  
"Aye, I did. But Emily did not."  
  
Gimli cleared his throat and then repeated himself, "You did well, lass. I am very impressed."  
  
Damn, this was good.   
  
I shook off Aragorn, stood up and walked over to where Gimli was sharpening his axe. He saw me coming and was looking at me warily. I completely ignored him and continued on my way. I squatted down and gave him a big hug and then gave him a smacking kiss on each cheek.  
  
"Aw, didn't know you cared."  
  
I then stood up and walked back to Aragorn and sat down again. Aragorn went back to tending my 'wounds', but not before both he and Legolas had a good laugh. I just sat there innocently staring at the floor. When I finally looked over at the Dwarf, I noticed he was still a violent red, and it had been a good ten minutes since my stint. Hmm...  
  
Finally Aragorn stood up and started to straighten up everything and gather his materials.  
  
"Done?"  
  
"Aye. You are now on the mend. Be sure to engage in no vigorous activity."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You took a blow to the head. There is no telling if there could be a relapse."  
  
"Okay, fine. I guess I don't want to be done in by a shiner. By the way, about how long until the swelling goes down?"  
  
"There is no telling, only time will tell."  
  
"Oh goody."  
  
Aragorn walked over to one of the benches lining the great table and plopped down. Gimli already was sitting across from him and Legolas stood behind Aragorn. Right away Aragorn whipped out his pipe and lit up. That was it, I was outa there.  
  
"Well, I'm gone. I happen to love my lungs, so I will let you pollute yours in peace. See ya!"  
  
With that I was out the door. Besides, there was nothing to do in there. Out here, oh boy, let the fun begin.   
  
*~*~*  
  
I was just walking down the front steps to go find some villagers to scare, when I saw Gandalf approaching me. I was going to just walk right by him, but I saw Théoden in the distance staring at a mound of dirt. Man, that boy seriously needs a life...   
  
I was drug out of my thoughts when Gandalf caught my arm and wheeled me around.  
  
"Hey! Watch it! After being in a fist fight you're a bit sore there!"  
  
"My apologies. How are you handling your new found information?"  
  
I sighed, "Well enough. But it still is a major shocker. I mean I came here because I shoved a film canister in my pocket....Wait a minute! I bet I still have it! Home, here I come!"  
  
I turned and was running back up into the Hall before I had even finished speaking. I threw open the doors and raced in, completely ignoring Aragorn's, Legolas's and Gimli's look of surprise. I spotted my backpack in the corner and ran over to it. But, of course knowing my luck, I hit a slick patch on the floor and ended up sliding over to it on my butt. By now I had most of the servants and all of my companions watching, but did I care? Nah.   
  
I hit the wall to end my slide and was clamoring for my bag. When I finally got it open I just turned it upside down and let everything fall all over the floor. Then I was scrabbling through it trying to find the right film canister. Finally I got it into my grasp and rose to my feet and tore over to where Gandalf was watching my antics with amusement.  
  
I handed him the object, "Here! This is it! Now how do I use it to go home?"   
  
He took it from my hand and started to inspect it. "Hmm."  
  
"Hmm what?" I asked excitedly.  
  
He then handed it back to me with a bleak look on his face.  
  
"You cannot use this to return to your home, dear child. I sense no magic on it. Either Wormtongue was lying to you, or Saruman has closed off the connection. It is worthless."  
  
I stared at it for a moment and then hurled it at the wall with as much energy as I had. I then let off a stream of expletives. That had all the servants scurrying. Or maybe it was Gandalf's death glare?  
  
I finally settled down to talk normally, "So you mean that I cannot get home with this? That damn Saruman is not letting me? Or maybe its the damn eyeball that is seriously in need of some eyedrops? Or Santa Clause? Are there are any other bad guys I should know about? I mean how did Saruman know that I was going to try to use it?"  
  
Gandalf paused a moment and then told me something that made my hair stand on end, "Ever since I have met you those few days ago, I have sense a power surrounding you. It is not your own power, obviously. Someone is watching you, and I have been led to believe that it is not for your well-being."  
  
"What!"  
  
"Yes, child, I believe that they are watching you. That is how they knew about your idea."  
  
"Right, okay. Thanks, Gandalf. I think I'm going to go outside for a while," I said with no power in my voice. I was just too stunned. As if it wasn't enough that I was here, I was being spied on too!  
  
I walked outside and down the steps. I then just sat my butt down on the middle of the bottom stair and lowered my head into my arms. If someone wanted to go up the stairs, they damn well could go around me!  
  
I sat like that and then got an idea. It wasn't a very good idea, but it was an idea all the same.  
  
I stood up and started to sing, not caring that people were stopping to watch me. I just wanted to get my message across to whomever was watching me.  
  
"Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
  
Still can't find what keeps me here  
  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
  
I know you're still there.  
  
Watching me wanting me  
  
I can feel you pull me down  
  
Fearing you loving you  
  
I won't let you pull me down.  
  
Hunting you I can smell you-alive  
  
Your heart pounding in my head.  
  
Watching me wanting me  
  
I can feel you pull me down  
  
Saving me raping me  
  
Watching me.  
  
Ahh.  
  
Ahh.  
  
Feel you pull me down.  
  
Ahh.  
  
Ahh.  
  
I won't let you pull me down!"  
  
I finished and then noticed that I had gathered quite a crowd-including the king, Gandalf and the others.  
  
I had the decency to blush, but only that. I just turned on my heel and strode back up the stairs and past Gandalf, the smirking idiot.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I walked over to where the woman that was hell bent on getting past Aragorn earlier, was tending two children. Actually, she wasn't doing much tending, mostly standing back and letting the kids wolf! Jeez, were they a bit hungry?  
  
I flopped down across from the kids and grabbed a plate of my own. I piled it with food, but then didn't feel like eating much anymore.   
  
I glanced up and saw that the little girl, she was about six, had finished eating, although her brother, he looked to be about nine, had not, and was staring at me.  
  
"Hey there, sweetie."  
  
At this, she ducked her head but I noticed the timid smile on her face.  
  
"You know, that was a lot of food that you put away for such a small one. Where did you put it?" I then made a big show of checking under the table and around me. I then walked over to where I was standing behind her, and dropped to my knees and checked under the bench she was sitting on.  
  
"Nope, not there..." I turned to the boy that was sitting beside her, "Did you see where she put all that?"  
  
He just grinned and shook his head.  
  
I then did a pretend double take at his plate, "Dear Lord! You ate even more than she did! I think we are going to have to get some guards in here to roll you two out of here when you are done eating!"  
  
At this I had both of them laughing and giggling openly. I looked away from them and noticed that Gandalf, the king, the woman, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were all smiling themselves and looking at me strangely.  
  
"Hey, just because I can beat the shit out of a man doesn't mean I have no heart."  
  
Almost instantly all six heads bowed in a show of embarrassment. Oh yeah, go Emily!  
  
Suddenly the little girl piped up, "Where's Momma?"  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
I looked to the woman for this answer, but she just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. Okay...obviously the girl was not the only one that didn't know where her mother was.  
  
"Well, hun, she had to go find more food for us. Since you guys came and ate everything if she didn't, we would all starve!" I put on a fake mortified face. "In my eyes, you mother is a saint. No food! What a way to go!"  
  
The girl just started to giggle again, her question forgotten for the moment.  
  
I looked at the woman and say that she was smiling in a relieved way and mouthing, 'thank you'. I just grinned back and winked.  
  
"By the way, I didn't catch you two monsters' names. Mine's Emily."  
  
Finally the boy spoke, "I am Tedúr and this is my sister Freda. It is nice to meet you, Lady Emily."  
  
I cuffed the little guy gently across the top of his head, "Argh! No 'lady'!" I pointed to my black eye, "Does this look like something a 'lady' would have?"  
  
He bowed his head and muttered an apology, but I realized he was fighting off laughter. I noticed he wasn't expecting me to do anything else, so I grabbed him and gave him a noogie.  
  
It was great to watch. The poor kid was screaming like a little girl!  
  
"Gerr off! Gerr off!" he was shrieking. Freda thought this was hilarious, and was sitting there watching laughing and clapping her hands.   
  
I stopped my noogies for a minute, and then reached over and started to tickle her. She started shrieking with laughter and pretty soon Tedúr was tickling me. I ended up on the ground on my back with both kids sprawled out on top of me laughing.  
  
I squirmed out from under them and picked up Freda and helped Tedúr haul himself to his feet, "All right! All right! Let's get you guys settled in for a nap. God knows we all need one."  
  
"You are going to take a nap too, Emily?" asked Gimli.  
  
I widened my eyes and nodded at the kids. All of a sudden they all decided that they should take a nap too. Gandalf even added a pretty convincing stretch and yawn. This was good, maybe the kids would actually want to go to sleep now that they thought the grown-ups were going to. Everyone knows kids hate to take naps.  
  
"Ahh, do we have to?" asked Tedúr.  
  
"Yup, everyone else is. Look even the king Théoden is," I pointed to where the kind was stretched out on a bench. As I had been cajoling the kids into leaving the room, everyone had found a spot to lay down on and were letting forth fake snores. But in Gimli's case, I don't know if they were fake or not.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"There!"  
  
I walked back into the room, quite kid-less this time. I had a bugger of a time getting them to bed, but after I kept telling them that everyone else was going to take a nap they finally settled in. Little Freda had fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow and Tedúr followed suit not long after.  
  
Everyone had abruptly stopped talking the instant I walked into the room, and then seeing that I had no kids in tow, started their conversations again.  
  
"You guys do realize that I owe you one right?"  
  
"Yes, we do. It is not every day that a king will pretend to nap for the sake of two children."  
  
I looked over to the king and grinned, "You big softy, you were having fun, just admit it."  
  
He turned his back on me, but not before I noticed his smile. I looked to the rest of the people in the room and immediately zeroed in on one person.  
  
"Aragorn, put out that damn pipe!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well that's it until next time. I hope you guys really like it. Who would have thought that Emily had a thing for kids, eh? And the plot thickens...  
  
Just so there is not infringement of copyright laws, that song was 'Haunted' by Evanescence. I thought it fit in nicely with the scene.  
  
~A~ 


	31. The Decision

A/N: Once again, I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful reviews. As of right now, I have over four hundred! Can you believe it? I know I sure can't!  
  
I promise this story is going to pick up in the action department and we will learn a bit more about why Emily is actually in Middle-Earth a little later. So hold on to your pants, kiddies, there is still a lot more to go!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I want to dedicate this chapter to Cassie-bear01. Happy birthday, dear. I hope this was a surprise!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Alrighty, on with the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Hallelujah and praise be! I can breath again!"  
  
Needless to say, I finally got Aragorn to put out the pipe, no easy feat might I mind you. That man is addicted to that pipe, or maybe it is what is in it...  
  
I plopped down on one of the benches and started eating with all the rest that happened to be there. For the small amount of people that we first saw when we came into the Hall, there were a lot of people now! I looked across from me to see who I could make conversation with and saw the woman that was with the two kids earlier.  
  
"Howdy."  
  
"Hello. I would sincerely like to thank you for what you did with those two children."  
  
"Hey, don't sweat it. It's odd, kids just seem drawn to me. For the life of me I cannot think of what would have them do that. I mean, most people don't like me to begin with, let alone kids."  
  
"Why would someone not like you? You seem to be very cheerful and at one with the world."  
  
"Uh, sure. But, most people don't like me because I am too opinionated and independent. And why am I telling you all this? I don't even know your name for God's sake and here I am telling you my deepest and darkest secrets!"  
  
"I was wondering when you were going to notice that," piped up Gimli.  
  
I threw him a dirty look and growled, "Shut up if you value your beard. I know for a fact you are a heavy sleeper, so I would be able to shave it off without you knowing about it-until you wake up that is."  
  
He looked at me skeptically and I could just see the wheels turning in his head. Suddenly he paled slightly and looked away.  
  
"Ha! Told ya! Just out of curiosity, might it have something to do with a log, lake, and you not being able to swim? I think that kinda proved to me that you are a heavy sleeper."  
  
He whipped around to face me, but then looked away again. I guess he wasn't going to run the risk of pissing me off. After all, I did have some backing behind my threat.  
  
I looked to the woman in sitting in front of me, thinking I should apologize for ignoring her, but only to see her enjoying our bantering. I cocked an eyebrow at her but that only got her chuckling to become full fledged laughter.   
  
I felt all the eyes in the room on us and blushed slightly. But then I actually looked around me and saw that all the men were actually staring at the woman. I mean yeah, she did have a nice laugh, but then again, I am a woman myself. I dunno, I just didn't think that a laugh warranted all that attention.  
  
'What? Is Emily feeling jealous?'  
  
I leapt to my feet with a slight shriek. Instantly all the people's faces turned to me to see what I was screaming about. I completely ignored them and started to lay into Babes.  
  
"What the hell are you doing! You are not to go through my thoughts! I thought we covered that aspect of our relationship! But, no....Babes the All-Powerful Horse is better than that!"  
  
I stopped to take a breath and then noticed that I had been ranting out loud. Everyone, except the ones that knew about Babes, were looking at me like I was insane.  
  
"Yes, I am talking to my horse that is currently...." I stopped to ask Babes were she was, "...in the stables half way across the town. Do you have a problem with that?" I glared around, but everyone was suddenly busy eating.  
  
I quickly finished my 'conversation' with Babes and sat back down. I looked up when I heard more laughter, only to find the woman was shaking her head and chuckling.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think you are the first woman that the Guard has ever been leery of, if not frightened."  
  
"Yeah well after you beat up a guy, you tend to get a lot more respect."  
  
I fingered the bump on my head and then my black eye; they were getting better-not so tender anymore.  
  
"Oh! By the way, I'm Emily." I stuck out my hand to shake hers, but she just looked at it a minute and then answered, "I am called Éowyn." She then clasped her hand on my forearm and then let go.  
  
"Alrighty. I still can't believe that I forgot to introduce myself. So anyway, why are you here?"  
  
"I am King Théoden's niece."  
  
"Oh, I see. So you guys do the extended family thing?"  
  
"I do not understand your meaning, Lady Emily."  
  
"Woah! Hold up! Just drop the 'lady' bit. That bugs the hell out of me. But, should I be calling you Lady Éowyn?"  
  
"Nay, you have no need. I consider you a friend, and friends have no need for a title."  
  
"Good, because there was a snowball's chance that I would have remembered."  
  
We both turned our attention back to our food then. I mean it wasn't a lack of things to say, but nature was running it's course then-I was hungry! After I had devoured a good portion of the food on my plate, I finally tuned in enough to hear what the others were saying around me.  
  
"You must draw him away from your women and children; ride out to him. You must fight!" Gandalf stated impassioned.   
  
Aragorn added to this before Théoden could say anything. "You have two thousand good men riding north as we speak. Éomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their king."  
  
Théoden sighed, "They will be three hundred leagues from here by now. Éomer cannot help us. I know what it is that you want of me. But I will not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open war."  
  
I just had to add my two cents worth, "Well, if you don't make the first move now, the enemy will instead and then you will only be in a defense position instead of the offense. If that happens, you will be able to do nothing but sit and wait to see what happens next. If I were you, I would want to be the one to instigate the occurence, not have to second guess."  
  
Everyone just stared at me in surprise.  
  
"What? You haven't heard of football?"  
  
Aragorn grinned and then spoke again, "Open war is upon you. Whether you would risk it or not."  
  
"When I last looked, Théoden, not Aragorn, was king of Rohan."  
  
Aragorn had the decency to blush and then started a conversation with Gimli.  
  
"Hmm," I said tiredly, "Good point. But last time I looked, Aragorn wanted to do something instead of waiting around like an old woman-Théoden did not."  
  
I glanced up just in time to see that Théoden's face was turning a satisfying shade of purple. Good, he needed it, the high-handed jerk.  
  
"You dare to call me an old woman!" We now had the attention of the entire Hall.  
  
"Well, yes, I suppose so. But if the shoe fits, wear it."  
  
"I shall have your head for this lack of respect! I shall lop off your head myself!"  
  
I leapt to my feet, just as furious. "Bring it on! It is just like you men to want to lop off a defenseless woman's head. It has barely been a week since I had another ass like yourself," Théoden gasped. "Yes, you heard me, ass, like you want to lop off my head. Only this man was young enough to actually catch me!"  
  
Éowyn moved in-between Théoden and myself and asked, "This man, that threatened to behead you, did he look something like my uncle?"  
  
"Yeah, he did."  
  
Aragorn then added, "Aye, Lady, 'twas your brother, Éomer, that she speaks of."  
  
"Impossible! Éomer would never harm a woman!"  
  
"Very true, he did not harm Emily, but only bristled at her insults."  
  
"I had every right to insult him! He kept me prisoner for three days, without any food or water, might I add!" I defended myself.  
  
"He did not!"  
  
"Yeah, Éowyn, he did. And he was a total ass about it too. He thought I was a spy for Saruman. Can you believe it! Me, a spy? And for Saruman none the less!"  
  
Éowyn started to laugh at this, and Théoden settled down enough that he no longer threatened me with a loss of a limb.  
  
Gandalf walked over to where Théoden was now sitting and asked gently, "What is the king's decision? There is no time to delay."  
  
*~*~*  
  
After we had all finished eating, Théoden had the entire village assemble below the steps to the Hall. It was his decision on what to do that had everyone fidgeting. No on was foolish enough to not be worrying about what the outcome of his decision would be.  
  
One of the guards stepped forward from the ranks and shouted, "By order of the king, the city must empty. We make for the refuge of Helm's Deep. Do not burden yourselves with treasures. Take only what provisions you need."  
  
"Damn," I muttered. I was not the only one.  
  
Immediately the villagers dispersed to begin the packing. They only had until the morning, when we would move out.  
  
The people that were staying in the castle returned there and sought out their beds only after they too were ready for the journey-all except Gimli, Aragorn, Legolas, Gandalf and myself. We followed Gandalf to the stables where he readied Shadowfax.   
  
I gave Babes a glare for her earlier exploits, but she chose to ignore it. I tuned in again just in time to hear Gimli complaining about the king's decision.  
  
"Helm's Deep! They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight. Who will defend them if not their king?"  
  
Aragorn sighed, but he did see the logic in the choice, "He's only doing what he thinks is best for his people. Helm's Deep has saved them in the past."  
  
"That may be true for the past, mind you. There is no guarantee that it will save them, us, now." Legolas nodded his agreement. Aragorn just sighed again.  
  
"There is no way out of that ravine. Théoden is walking into a trap. He thinks he's leading them to safety. What they will get is a massacre. Théoden has a strong will but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohan. He will need you before the end, Aragorn. The people of Rohan will need you. The defenses HAVE to hold," Gandalf said.  
  
It was only too true. Since the king decided to wait for the enemy to make the first move, we were only able to play the defense. There would be no chance to wreak our own vengeance on them. If our defenses fell, so did we. Not a nice thought...  
  
"They will hold," stated Aragorn with feeling.  
  
"They better," I mumbled. Babes just snorted.  
  
Gandalf reached up to Shadowfax and stroked his nose, "The Grey Pilgrim... that's what they used to call me. Three hundred lives of men I've walked this earth and now I have no time. Good luck. My search will not be in vain. Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East."  
  
Gandalf then heaved himself onto Shadowfax's back and without even a touch of his heel, Shadowfax was in a full out gallop. Legolas had to leap aside to avoid being trampled.   
  
Atop Shadowfax, Gandalf cut an imperial picture. He was power. He was wisdom. He was our only hope.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Since I had nothing to pack, all of my stuff was in my backpack again, I just wandered aimlessly around the keep.  
  
Soon I found myself back in the Hall. I was going to cross it and go outside again, but Éowyn was in there and I really didn't want to talk to her right now. I was still kinda sore about her laughing at me for being Éomer's prisoner. Yeah, I know, not very adult of me, but could I help it?   
  
I was just turning to go back the way I came, when I saw Aragorn enter through another door. He came in just in time to see Éowyn take out a sword from a chest and start thrusting and parrying at the air. Aragorn walked up stealthily behind her and blocked her parry when she whipped around.  
  
Even from where I stood, clear across the room, I could see that she was surprised, but she still didn't miss a beat.   
  
"You have some skill with the blade," Aragorn just managed to get out before he had the tip of her sword touching his neck.  
  
"More then just some skill, I would say," I muttered to myself.  
  
Éowyn stepped back and sheathed her sword and said nonchalantly, "Women of this country learned long ago that those without swords may still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain."  
  
Wowza...remind me to keep her on my side!  
  
"What do you fear, my lady?" asked Aragorn with true curiosity.  
  
"A cage," she stated bluntly. "To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."  
  
She sure has a way with words.  
  
"You are a daughter of kings, a shieldmaiden of Rohan." Aragorn then, too, sheathed his knife. "I do not think that will be your fate."  
  
He then bowed to her and walked towards me. Uh-oh, I was caught spying! But, amazingly, he barely looked at me, only nodded as he went past. Can you say distracted. I think Arwen, whoever she is, had better watch out. Maybe she has a bit of competition?  
  
I shrugged and turned to follow Aragorn's path. I needed a bed and I needed one now!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I felt someone shaking me and jerked awake. I looked up to see Éowyn.  
  
"Wha ya wan?"  
  
She just looked at me. I cleared my throat and tried again.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Oh. We must leave."  
  
"What?" I glanced to the window to see that it was still dark out. "Why? It's still dark out."  
  
"Precisely." She didn't say anything else, but just stood up and walked out of my door. Hmm, I need a new wake up call.  
  
I took a few moments to wake up and then followed her. I entered the Hall and saw that the doors were open and villagers were milling here and there at will.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked Gimli when I found him.  
  
"Everyone is just rechecking that they did not leave anything of value. Then we shall be off."  
  
I yawned, "Oh goody."  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Damn, it's a mass exodus."  
  
'Yes, that usually happens when there are that many people going somewhere at once.'  
  
"Thanks Babes, as if I didn't already know that."  
  
'Just thought I ought to help you out.'  
  
I ignored her last comment and looked out behind us. Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, the king and his Guard, and of course me, were out in front of the people and I was craning my neck behind me to see them all. The first thing that I noticed were all the small children running here and there. No one was making too much of an effort to stop them, and some of the kids were getting quite far from the rest of the people.  
  
"Hey, Theoden!"  
  
"Aye?"  
  
"Some of the kids are getting too far away from the rest of the people for it to be safe."  
  
"And you need to tell me...."  
  
"They are your people too, aren't you worried?"  
  
"It is the parents' responsibility to watch after their own young ones. I must concern myself with the adult's safety, not a few children's."  
  
"That is about as twisted as you could possibly get. But what ever works for you. Me, on the other hand, am not going to let this go on." With that, I rode back towards the people.  
  
When I finally got into the midst of the people, I found a man that was struggling to lug along a very long length of rope.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
He looked up at me.  
  
"Let me use that rope for a bit and then you won't have to carry it. And when we get to Helmet's Deep you can have it back all right?"  
  
He thought about it and then said, "It is Helm's Deep, miss." But he did drop the rope and walked away.  
  
I slide off of Babes's back and grabbed the rope. I slide one of the loops of it over my shoulder and staggered at the weight of it. Hmm, well let's see, I need someone strong enough to carry some of this for this to be able to work.  
  
My sight set upon Babes. Perfect!  
  
"Oh Babes," I called in a sing-song voice.  
  
'What?' She answered wearily.  
  
"Get your ass over here if you want to stay with us."  
  
Amazingly, right away she moved over to stand beside me. That's what you call power, baby!  
  
"Thank you. Now hold still."  
  
She did just that too. I tossed one of the ends of the rope over her back, no easy feat. I then caught it and tied a loose loop around Babes's middle.  
  
"There!"  
  
'What did you do?'  
  
"Watch. Hey kids! I have a game for you! Everyone come here!"  
  
Instantly all the kids came running over to me. What can I say? I have the magic of children.  
  
"Are you all ready to play a really fun game?"  
  
There was a very loud chorus of 'aye's.  
  
"Good. Okay, listen closely. The game is to hold onto the rope and follow exactly where the horsy goes and move and neigh like her. All right?"  
  
A huge cheer went up and the kids went racing for the rope. Yeah, I know, not very fun for us. But remember, these kids did not have the Internet, television, or video games. Their idea of fun was to throw rocks at a wall.  
  
'What are you doing Emily!'  
  
"Am I sensing some panic on your part?"  
  
'Yes! I do not like young ones, human young ones even less!'  
  
"Well, just let your maternal instincts kick in."  
  
'I do NOT have maternal instincts.'  
  
'Sure you don't. But you owe me for making a fool of myself when you started to talk to me when we were eating last night."  
  
Babes didn't answer, but she did grumble some more.  
  
I just couldn't let it go, I had to get one more dig in.  
  
"Hey, look! Babes's is Mother Goose!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Yes, I know. It is not one of my better end lines. But you just have to imagine what Babes looks like with close to fifty little kids following her. Come on! It's priceless!  
  
Okay, well this is if for Chapter 31. I will get the next one out post haste, I think.  
  
~A~ 


	32. Hell Froze Over

A/N: Well, I'm back! No doubt about it, none at all! Not too much to say, other than thanks bunches, I absolutely love all of your reviews-as always. Keep 'em coming!  
  
Action is starting in this chapter, but not the BIG action...if ya know what I mean. (*cough* Helmet's Deep *cough*)  
  
Here it is!  
  
*~*~*  
  
'Get this damn thing off me right now!'  
  
I glanced over at Babes and saw that she was fuming. Well, fuming as much as a horse can. Most of the kids had already abandoned her in spite of my efforts to keep them occupied-not that she was complaining...  
  
"Yadda yadda."  
  
'I'm warning you, Emily. I will not-'  
  
"-be held responsible for my actions. Yes, Babes, I know. But as you can see, there are still tikes interested in the game and you don't want to disappoint them, now do you?"  
  
'Need you even ask?'  
  
"Nah, but now you can't say that I never consult with you."  
  
She stopped her grumbling for a moment and nodded, 'True.' She then shook her head violently. 'But that's not the bloody point!'  
  
"Oho! Now, you had better watch your language around the kiddies. Bad form you know."  
  
'You dolt! You are the only one that can hear, understand or even acknowledge me!'  
  
"Are you feeling all alone? Is there no one you can lean on?"  
  
'This is highly amusing, I must assure you.'  
  
"I know. Why else do you think I am doing this? I mean its certainly not like there is anything else to do around here."  
  
'Lover boy sure seems to have found something.'  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Babes nodded her head back towards the others and I turned to look.   
  
"I would say that you have a very valid point, dear girl."  
  
'Why the hell do you have a damn accent all of a sudden?'  
  
"You don't like it, old chap? Just trying it on for size."  
  
'Take it off for God's sake!'  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
'Well, shouldn't we do something about those two?'  
  
I turned to look again, this time Aragorn's and Éowyn's heads were bent even closer. This was a bit off if Aragorn already had a squeeze back home. Suddenly I saw Éowyn reach up to his chest and brush a finger along that ornament I saw when we were all swimming. When she did that, Aragorn kinda gazed off into nothing-ness. Hmm, maybe they aren't beyond help...yet.  
  
"Babes, cover for me!"  
  
'Aye, aye!'  
  
"And I'm acting weird?"  
  
'Shut up and just go!'  
  
"Right-o."  
  
I nonchalantly walked around to the other side of Babes, that way I would be hidden from view if they happened to look my way. I then ducked around the kids that were still following Babes and started to make my way back towards them. I stopped short for a moment, mostly in shock.  
  
Gimli was sitting on the horse that Éowyn was leading! Gimli was alone on a horse! Now, all I need is a plan.  
  
"Sweetness!" I muttered under my breath.  
  
Damn, was I good or was I good? This plan would work to get those two away from each other, Aragorn was looking a bit uncomfortable at the moment, and extract my revenge on Gimli. Revenge for what, hell if I knew. I just wanted some revenge.  
  
I finally got behind Gimli's horse and was just going to start with the 'revenge' when I stopped. What they were talking about almost had me on the ground laughing.  
  
"It's true you don't see many Dwarf women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance," he laughed at the thought, "that they're often mistaken for Dwarf men!"  
  
Whoa! That can't do anything for the women's self esteem.  
  
I glanced over to Aragorn just in time to give his opinion, "It's the beards." He motioned to his chin and grinned.  
  
I started to sputter with laughter, but managed to hold it back just in time.  
  
Gimli obviously didn't hear him, because he just kept lecturing, "And this, in turn, has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf women. And that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground!"  
  
This got Éowyn laughing and Aragorn then joined her. Uh oh, they were enjoying themselves a bit too much I think.  
  
Gimli chuckled, "Which is of course ridiculous-whoa!"  
  
I had wreaked my revenge at last! I had reached over and smacked his horse on it's rump. That got it to almost running and of course Gimli couldn't stay on it's back.  
  
SMACK!  
  
Victory is sweet!  
  
But, could I leave it at that? Nah!  
  
I started to sing just loud enough for the people around me to hear.  
  
"I'm learnin' to fly  
  
But I ain't got wings."  
  
This got me a wide range of laughter. Obviously I was a bit louder than I thought I was. Oopsy...  
  
By that time, Éowyn had walked over to Gimli and helped him to his feet. I could hear him blustering, "It's all right, it's all right. Nobody panic. That was deliberate. It was deliberate."  
  
Yeah right, and I am the Queen of England dancing the Tango...  
  
*~*~*  
  
After I apologized to Gimli for my dastardly deed, (yes, I decided to apologize), I walked back to where Babes was walking, without and kids this time. I was almost walking even with her, when a little girl shyly came up to me.  
  
'Not another child! I cannot take this anymore! You are a cruel, cruel person Emily! I am going to be psychologically harmed by all of this!'   
  
With that, she walked away from the little girl and I, very quickly.  
  
I rolled my eyes at her and bent down so that I was at eye level with the girl, "What can I do for you, darling?"  
  
She mumbled something and then blushed prettily.  
  
"Sorry dear-heart, but I didn't quite make that out."  
  
"Would you sing us another song, milady?" This came out of her mouth in a rush and then she turned a violent shade of red. I glanced over her head and noticed there was a ring of small children all around us.  
  
"A song? Hmm, sure, why not?"  
  
'Because my poor ears are not able to handle it?'  
  
"Shut up Babes. You know, I could start a horsy ride..."  
  
'I got your point.'  
  
"So you would like me to sing you a song, sweety?"  
  
"If it would not in-inconv, in-inconve, if it would not trouble you, milady."  
  
"I would love to sing for you." In other words, I said yes for the second time. I guess you have to lay everything down the first time. These people just don't understand me...  
  
The kids all yelled and cheered. I never thought they were that bored! Anyway, the kids all crowded around me. Now I was in trouble, what should I sing?  
  
Suddenly I was overcome with memories. They were just bombarding me nonstop. Then as suddenly as they started they stopped.  
  
'Go with this one.'  
  
"Babes, what did I tell you about going through my head?"  
  
'You needed me and I gave you my help. Now you can't make me give rides, you owe me.'  
  
"All right. You think this one is good?"  
  
'Knock yourself out, please, and do us all a favor.'  
  
I ignored her and started to sing.  
  
"Every time when I look in the mirror   
  
All these lines on my face getting clearer   
  
The past is gone   
  
it went by, like dusk to dawn   
  
Isn't that the way   
  
Everybody's got the dues in life to pay   
  
I know nobody knows   
  
where it comes and where it goes   
  
I know it's everybody sin   
  
You got to lose to know how to win   
  
Half my life   
  
is books written pages   
  
live and love from fools and   
  
from sages   
  
You know it's true, oh!   
  
All these things come back to you   
  
Sing with me, sing for the years   
  
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears   
  
Sing with me, just for today   
  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away   
  
Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year   
  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear   
  
sing with me, just for today   
  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream until your dreams come true   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream until your dreams come true   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Dream On   
  
Sing with me, sing for the year   
  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear   
  
sing with me, just for today   
  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away   
  
Sing with me, sing for the year   
  
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear   
  
Sing with me, just for today   
  
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away."  
  
I smiled at the kids that were surrounding me, "There, is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
"Aye, milady!" was the chorus.  
  
"Hey, listen! No more of this 'lady' stuff, all right? Just call me Emily."  
  
"Aye, Emily!"  
  
We were making head way!  
  
*~*~*  
  
I was once again riding on Babes's back. What can I say? I'm a tender-foot. A few minutes ago, Théoden sent out a couple of scouts to check the perimeter. My, isn't he the military man?  
  
Babes and I were carrying on a rousing conversation about Théoden's war tactics. Okay, so maybe it wasn't quite so 'rousing' but hell, it was something to talk about with her.  
  
'I still think that he should have stayed where he was. At least that way, they were on a hilltop so they could see far enough away to have warning. And they had a backdoor out of there if things got too rough.'  
  
"Yeah, I know Babes. But you just have to realize that most people don't have the common sense that we do. It is frustrating and I agree with you, we should have stayed put."  
  
Babes was just going to launch into the stupidity aspect of the whole thing when there came a shout from Legolas.  
  
"Orcs!" And with that he ran over the ridge to our left firing arrows.   
  
Aragorn instantly went into battle mode. He swung himself up upon his horse and wheeled it around to Théoden, "Wargs! We are under attack!"  
  
Well, that was just brilliant. I mean could you shout it any louder in the middle of a group of people-instantly it was massive panic. Really smart there, Aragorn.  
  
"All riders to the head of the column!" Théoden cried.  
  
Immediately, all of the men that were mounted, came racing to Théoden and then as a group, they raced over the ridge. Théoden hung back a moment, too make sure everything was going smoothly-or as smoothly as it could as they were under attack here!  
  
I glanced over at Gimli and saw that he was struggling to mount Arod. I wheeled Babes over to him and leapt off to assist him. After a near-hernia, I had Gimli into the saddle.  
  
"Hang on!" I shouted.  
  
With that I smacked Arod and Gimli was off into battle!  
  
I turned around and mounted Babes and was just going to follow him when I thought better of it. I would more than likely just get in the way, besides, I wasn't exactly looking forward to coming face to face with those things again.  
  
I heard Éowyn start to balk at one of Théoden's orders and turned around to see what it was all about.  
  
"But I can fight!"  
  
"No!" Théoden thundered, "You must do this-for me."  
  
They locked eyes for a moment, then Éowyn turned and started firing orders at the people. Théoden stuck around just long enough to make sure she wasn't going to do anything but follow his orders, then he too raced over the ridge and disappeared into battle.  
  
"Hurry Emily!"  
  
"Go! I'll be fine! I'm going to stick around and make sure there are no stragglers!" I called back to Éowyn.   
  
She nodded to show she understood and then started the people racing in the direction of Helm's Deep. I stayed where I was until I was sure that no one was falling behind, then I was just going to start Babes into a gallop when something told me to look behind me.  
  
I glanced pack and almost shit my pants. There behind me were two Wargs with an Orc on each one. These guys were going to head after the people! The Wargs were already drooling at the thought of man flesh and the Orcs were grinning at the thought of the massive slaughter. They hadn't seen me just yet, so I had to do something.  
  
"Babes," I hissed, "Act like you sprained an ankle!"  
  
'What's my motivation?'  
  
"Look behind you!" She gave a high whinny of fright. "Enough motivation for you?"  
  
'Plenty!'  
  
Slowly she started to limp into their view. I started to kick my heels into her sides, making it look like she couldn't go any faster.  
  
I glanced at the Orc riders and saw that they did see us-and were coming straight at us!  
  
"Okay, enough with the acting! Move your ass!"  
  
'Yes ma'am!'  
  
With that, we were off into a full out gallop. I let Babes take full rein, I just made sure that we were going in the opposite direction of all the people.  
  
'How could the guys miss those two? I mean how could you possibly miss them?'  
  
"I do not know Babes, but if we get killed because you were distracted with asking stupid questions, we will never know!"  
  
'It was not a stupid question!'  
  
"Just run, damn it!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
I don't know how long we had been racing across the plains, but each time I looked back, the mounted Orcs were still hot on our heels.  
  
"Can't you go any faster!"  
  
'No! But it will be a cold day in Hell before an Orc will harm me or you!'  
  
"Thanks for the encouragement!" Amazingly, this was send without any sarcasm.  
  
I glanced back again just in time to see the two riders pull their mounts to a halt and started at a slower pace to the left of us. They were giving up!  
  
"Babes! They stopped!"  
  
We ran for a while longer and then Babes too stopped. She had ran so hard that she was heaving horribly.  
  
"Whoa girl, take it easy for a minute."  
  
I slid off her back and stood beside her stroking her neck. When she had finally gotten her breathing back under control, we started to walk back the way we had come.  
  
Since the attack had happened in the middle of the afternoon, and we had been running from the Orcs for quite along time, I judged that it was nearing evening. That wasn't good, I did not want to spend the night out here alone with those things.  
  
We walked for what felt like forever, twilight had fallen, when I heard what sounded like a muffled roar. I glanced over to Babes and saw that she heard it too.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
'Dunno.'  
  
I put a finger to my lips and walked over to the right of us a little ways. I finally noticed that we were on top of a ridge, and all that was separating us from the edge was a rocky outcropping. I peaked around it and my mouth dropped open in shock.   
  
There, marching in front of us, were tens of thousands of Orcs. Actually, these were those Uruk-Hai that I had had a run in with before-the really mean guys.  
  
I glanced to see where they were heading. They were headed in the general direction that we were. They were headed towards Helm's Deep. This was Saruman's Army, this was what we were going to fight against.  
  
"Uh, Babes?"  
  
'Yes?' She was as shocked as I was.  
  
"You know when you said that it would be a cold day in Hell before an Orc harmed us?"  
  
'Yes.'  
  
"I think Hell just froze over."  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Man! That was a long one! I hope you guys are all enjoying the mounting suspense. I have been a little out of it these past days that I have been writing, so this chapter might not be quite up to snuff. Just thought I ought to warn you.  
  
Oh, and for those of you that are wondering, the first snatch of song was 'Learning to Fly' by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The other longer song is 'Dream On' by Aerosmith. Both are totally kick ass songs. I love both of those bands!  
  
Drop me a line with a suggestion, comment, anything at all. I'm anxious to hear from you!  
  
~A~ 


	33. Famous Last Words

A/N: Well, here it is folks. We are finally getting into the kick ass action baby! Can you tell I'm a wee bit excited?  
  
I apologize again if the time line factor of this is a bit off, but I need it this way to work for me. I don't think it's a big thing, but there may be an extra day between the Orc and Warg attack and Helm's Deep. But like I said, I don't think it's a big thing.  
  
Thanks for the reviews and all that other stuff!  
  
Story time!  
  
*~*~*  
  
'What do we do now?'  
  
"Got me."  
  
'My, aren't we helpful...'  
  
"Well excuse me. At the moment I am trying to figure out how to save all our asses-it isn't looking too good."  
  
I was still in shock at seeing such a swarm of those hideous beings. I don't think Babes was feeling to well about it either; she looked a bit green if you ask me, for a horse that is.  
  
"Do you think that the guys at Helmet's Deep know about these things' numbers?"  
  
'It's Helm's Deep, Emily. I don't know. But what I do know is that we should not be wondering about this; we should be moving on.'  
  
"I think that is a good idea. Can you handle it if I am on your back, or are you still too pooped to put?"  
  
'Too tired. You get to walk.'  
  
"Goody."  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Can I ride yet? Pleeeeaaassee? Pretty, pretty please?"  
  
'No, the walking will do you some good.'  
  
"Yeah, it certainly could, but then again, with me walking we aren't making nearly as good time as we could be..."  
  
I think she got my point. She stopped and I heard a short, 'Get on.'  
  
I'm good.  
  
The instant I was seated, she was off running again. Mind you, this was no I'm-so-exhausted-that-I-can-barely-put-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other run, this was a full out man-it-feels-good-to-get-moving-again gallop.  
  
"Ass."  
  
I heard a laugh in my head and then I just ignored her annoying comments. It really did feel good to be moving at a fast clip again. I was still a bit nervous with the Orcs so close by us, but the wind whipping across my face and through my hair quickly dispelled any bad notions.  
  
I leaned over Babes's neck and shouted into her ear, "At this pace, we should be there shortly. Good going!"  
  
'Thanks, but that is only if my heart doesn't rupture first!'  
  
Doing my best 'Waterboy' impression, I pumped my fist in the air and called out, "You can du it!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
Some time during the night, Babes had slowed her headlong rush to a more measured pace. Slowly the rocking motion lulled me into a deep sleep.  
  
Suddenly I was shook most brutally out of it when Babes stopped and snorted loudly.  
  
'We're here.'  
  
I opened my eyes and saw that it was close to dawn; the horizon was stained a blood red. I motioned in the horizon's direction to Babes.  
  
"Think it's a sign?"  
  
'I don't know, but I sure hope not. I'm too young to die! I want to have a family, grow old with someone!'  
  
"I thought you said that you were emotionally scared and that you hated children?"  
  
'Oh. Right. Scratch that. I'm still too young to die though.'  
  
I ignored her and turned and looked back to the where we had come. Just on the horizon, you could make out a dark swarm-the Orcs. They must have stopped to collect themselves for the upcoming battle. If they had not stopped, they would have easily over taken us.  
  
I sighed and looked to the front of us again. There, in all it's glory, was Helm's Deep. It was nestled into the side of a mountain, so it was backed by the rock on three of its sides. There were two enormous walls wrapping around the fourth side. It was a strong fort, but if the walls fell, there was no escape. So in other words, if the enemy got through the walls, we were screwed. Pleasant thought, no?  
  
I scratched Babes behind the ears, "Come on, let's go."  
  
'No wait. I'm tired and hungry. Let's stop and wait here for a little bit. It's highly unlikely that they have any grass in that place. If I'm going to die, I want to die with a full stomach.'  
  
"Well, I guess I could use a bit more sleep too. As of right now, we look like something the cat drug in."  
  
'Speak for yourself.'  
  
But, she just left it at that. She was already stuffing her face for all that it was worth. I shook my head and chuckled. I leaned back in the fragrant grass and got the last bit of shut eye that I would get for quite sometime.  
  
*~*~*  
  
'Emily! Look!'  
  
I immediately sat upright and looked around, "What is it? Are the Orcs on the move again!"  
  
'No, not yet anyway. But look down there.'  
  
I gazed down from the little hill that we were situated on, and sure enough, there was a rider walking his horse towards the stronghold.  
  
"Can you tell who it is?"  
  
'Nope. Should we go see?'  
  
"Yes, lets."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Just as we were getting close enough to make out the rider clearly, the gate of Helm's Deep opened up and the rider was swallowed.  
  
"Damn, come on! Let's see who finally decided to join the party."  
  
With that, Babes broke into her head long run again. Within minutes, we had reached the gates too, but they didn't immediately open like they did before.  
  
'I feel so loved.'  
  
I ignored her and started to shout, "Hey! Hey up there! Open up! Let us in!"  
  
At first I didn't see any movement, but then I saw a head pop up from the top of the wall. Just as soon as I spotted it, it disappeared again. I sat there for a good five minutes before I realize they were not going to open the gates for me.  
  
"What the hell?" I muttered to Babes. I took a deep breath and tried again, "What is wrong with you people? Let me in! I have been chased across the country side with a couple of butt-ugly creatures nipping at my ass and when I finally find a safe place, you won't open the damn doors! For the last time! OPEN THE DAMN DOORS BEFORE I BREAK THEM DOWN!"  
  
Nothing happened.   
  
I was just about to make good of my threat, when the gates swung open.  
  
"About damn time!" I called out.  
  
Babes walked in through the doors with me leading her. Boy, if we were expecting a welcome, we were sorely mistaken. I thought we would get a better welcome if I was walking instead of riding, but I was wrong again.  
  
All of the people were silent as death. Bad analogy, I know, but it was true. They just sat along the wall and stared at us. I was just getting officially creeped out when I heard a shout and saw a hairy flash come flying at me.  
  
"Gimli?" I asked the hair ball as he attached himself to my waist.  
  
"Lass, I thought you were dead! We all did! What happened?"  
  
I peeled the dwarf off from around my midriff when something above me caught my eye. I saw Aragorn and Legolas talking and Legolas handed Aragorn something. They then clasped shoulders and started to walk away.  
  
"What happened to Aragorn? He looks like he was run over by a truck."  
  
"During the battle with the Wargs, we all believed him to be dead. He went over a cliff into a river beneath. Only now has he arrived and proved us wrong. Come, I am sure the Elf has told him that you are-were still missing and he is worried."  
  
"Ah, hear that Babes? They really do love me!"  
  
'Yeah, yeah.' She tossed her head in aggravation that no one was greeting her like they were me.  
  
Gimli then surprised me and walked over to Babes and embraced her lowered head, "I am relieved that you are well, Lady Babes." He stepped back from the stunned horse and grabbed my arm and started pulling me along behind him.  
  
'That was unexpected.'  
  
I laughed at her and continued along in Gimli's wake. I then started to notice that the silence of the people was really surprise at seeing me alive. Yeah! That's me, Miss Unpredictability!   
  
I quickly ran back up to Gimli's side when I noticed I was lagging behind. I caught up to him just as he was struggling to open a couple of massive doors.  
  
"Here, I got it for you!"  
  
I walked quickly up to the offending doors and threw them open with some effort. I walked in and immediately stopped. There in front of me were a whole mess of people-Théoden, Legolas, Aragorn, Éowyn, and countless other military men.  
  
"Uh, if I am interrupting something, I can just come back later."  
  
Instantly there was a great uproar and everyone was racing over to me. Aragorn engulfed me in a hug and Legolas clasped my shoulders with both arms. I noticed Théoden hung back slightly, but he had a massive grin on his face. When Aragorn released me, Éowyn was there to take his place. I noticed she had tears in her eyes.  
  
"Woah! Woah there people!"  
  
They all slowly settled down, but I still saw that everyone present was wearing an idiotic smile.  
  
"I haven't been gone that long!"  
  
"No," answered Éowyn, "But when you did not arrive, we began to worry. The last someone saw of you was when you were racing in the opposite direction with two Orcan riders following you."  
  
"Yeah, I know, not too smart on my part. They were getting pretty close too. But they did eventually stop. Besides, if I hadn't, they would have gotten to the people. They were bent on killing something."  
  
Théoden then spoke up, "Then you have our gratitude. When I was enlightened about your disappearance, I thought that they were chasing you-not that you were drawing them away from my unarmed people. You have my thanks."  
  
I grinned and called out over my shoulder, "Hear that Babes? Our stupidity made us heroes!"  
  
'Your stupidity, it was your idea. But I will happily ride along on your coat-tails.'  
  
I laughed and looked over at Théoden, "She says it was no problem."  
  
He nodded, "Come, we must finish this."  
  
Slowly everyone returned to their previous positions. I followed Éowyn and took a seat next to her.  
  
"Continue, Aragorn. You say a great host you saw?" asked Théoden.  
  
Aragorn nodded gravely, "All of Isengard is emptied."  
  
Théoden sighed, "How many?"  
  
"Ten thousand strong at least."  
  
I had been drifting off with my thoughts, until that last comment caught my attention again.  
  
"You saw them too?" I blurted out.  
  
Again everyone turned their attention to me, but I ignored them.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"The great swarm of those things that are coming our way."  
  
"The Orcs? Aye, I saw them."  
  
"Nah, these weren't Orcs. They were about Legolas's height, but not nearly as good looking." I thought for a minute, "Actually, I think they are like the things that were chasing me that one time."  
  
Immediately Aragorn leapt to his feet, "Uruk-Hai! Were they Uruk-Hai, Emily? I was not close enough to see for myself."  
  
"Yeah I think so. I mean the name sounds familiar. All I know is that these guys are really big and really ugly."  
  
"Then it is worse then we thought. It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the world of men. They will be here by nightfall." Stated Aragorn in a tired voice.  
  
"Yeah except there you are wrong. Sure they will be here by nightfall, but they are not totally bent on killing only men. Don't forget the Elves and the Dwarves." I mentioned.  
  
Théoden shook his head sadly, "Let them come." He got up and walked away from out little gathering.  
  
I heard one of the guards say, "We shall never make it."  
  
Éowyn automatically said, "We will. We will all make it."  
  
"Famous last words," I muttered.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Okay, I lied. So this is not where the action starts, but it is leading up to is. I also know that this chapter wasn't terribly funny, but I have a feeling that the next chapter will be out shortly. Not only am I starting to get into this story again, but I have my own personal slave driver. I won't mention names, you know who you are! Lol.  
  
Sorry this is so short, but what can I say. I did get it out six days after the last chapter. I would say that is pretty damn good for me.  
  
By the way, I do not own 'The Waterboy' and if you did notice this, the 'du' was spelled like that on purpose. If you have seen the movie, then you know the pronunciation that I was going for.  
  
Hope you liked it.  
  
~A~ 


	34. Fine Line Between Courage and Madness

A/N: Sorry the last one was so short. I just figured out that I shouldn't have stopped it as it was, so if the uptake on this chapter is a but hay-wire, I'm sorry.  
  
Can you believe it? I am typing this chapter the day after I posted the last chapter. Man, I am moving now! I am getting to the point where I don't really care about how many reviews I get. I mean don't get me wrong, I really love to read them, but I don't need a certain amount of reviews before I update again. I'm just not that kind of person.  
  
And if you are wondering why I am updating so quickly, it is both in part of the slave driver snapping her whip above my head and we are getting into the action. I'm so excited to get into the action, but we are still in the prepping mode of it. We will get there shortly though, I promise!  
  
Phew! That was a long one! But here is the next installment!  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Why do I get the idea that I am supposed to follow them, or something?" I asked myself.  
  
Éowyn solved that problem for me, "Well, did Lord Aragorn not motion you to follow?"  
  
I rolled my eyes up to the heavens and turned to start explaining about sarcasm when I saw Éowyn was laughing at me. She was kidding! Will these things never cease to amaze me.  
  
I laughed and jogged over to where Gimli and Legolas were following Aragorn out the doors. I finally caught up and fell into step beside Legolas.  
  
"Hey, Blondie. What's going on?" I breathed. I really like this thing about the Elven hearing. I just barely had to form the words and he heard me like I was shouting in his ear. It was great.  
  
He nodded his head to where Théoden was giving orders to a guy called Gamling. He then put a finger to his lips. All right, fine, I get the point. I wasn't supposed to say anything. I can do that.  
  
"We will need to get the women, children, and old men into the caves early enough to allow us time enough to prepare."  
  
Okay, that riled me. But I guess I could see the sense in it, some anyway.  
  
"I want every man and strong lad able to bear arms to be ready for battle by nightfall," he was telling Gamling.  
  
This was too much for even me, I had to say something.  
  
"Are you kidding? You are going to have children out there fighting those, those, those, THINGS! Are you off your rocker?"  
  
Legolas tried to clap a hand over my mouth, but he missed and I slipped out of his reach. He couldn't reach me unless he made a lunge for it, and I doubted he would do that.  
  
"There you are wrong, Lady Emily," he said coldly. "They will not be children, but strong boys."  
  
"Oh, right. How could I have possibly missed that difference," I scoffed.  
  
"I will not have a woman questioning my methods."  
  
"Fine, I will lay off that. But, where is your medical care?"  
  
"Medical care?"   
  
"The place where they can patch up the gaping holes in your men?"  
  
"We do not need it. No foe has ever breached the Deeping Wall."  
  
"Right, but these Uruk-Hai, as you call them, are not normal foes. You need somewhere to take your men when they are hurt, you don't have enough men just to let them die on the battle field. If you have a medic unit, then the men can be patched up and sent out again. It's as simple as that."  
  
"Aye, it is a good idea, I grant it that. But, I do not have enough men to spare for this." He started to turn away from me.  
  
I threw my arms up in the air and took a deep breath. I was just on this side of losing whatever patience I had left. I reached over and took Théoden's arm just above the elbow, "Follow me."  
  
I drew him over to the edge of the balcony, "Look down there. What do you see?"  
  
"I see nothing but women and children."  
  
"Able-bodied women and children."  
  
"You cannot be serious! That is preposterous!"  
  
"No, what I think is preposterous, is that you will send young boys out with swords, but you will not allow grown women the use of some water and bandages."  
  
He was silent for a moment, "A point you have made. But who will lead these women?"  
  
"You're looking at her."  
  
He turned to me and raised an eyebrow, "This goes against everything I believe in, but we have little choice. You shall be the leader, they are your responsibility."  
  
Théoden then turned away from me and continued on down the causeway. Aragorn gave me a slightly disapproving look for butting in, Legolas just sighed and rolled his eyes, but Gimli grinned and whispered, "Good for you, lassie!" They then followed in Théoden's wake.  
  
Alrighty then, down to business. We didn't have that much time, so we had to act fast.  
  
I pulled myself up onto the balcony wall, and grabbed onto one of the banner posts for balance. I already had some of the women's attention just for standing there, but not all of them.  
  
"Hey ladies! If you would be so kind as to gather here, I have some news for you! Come on, come on, don't be shy! Let's go!"  
  
I waited a few moments to let the women gather. I was amazed at the numbers that appeared. There were easily as many women as there were men in the fort.   
  
"And Théoden was going to lock them in the caves," I muttered to myself.  
  
I snapped out of my thoughts and took a deep breath, "All right, ladies. Are we all here? Okay, good. Well I was just talking to your king and I had some incite into what is going to happen tonight. It seems that we are all going to be locked down in the caves to await our fate, while the men and boys fight for us. Sound good to you?"  
  
Immediately there were shouts of outrage at the thought of having their young sons fighting.  
  
"Right. I thought not. Well, as it seems, there is nothing we can do about the men and boys fighting, but we certainly can help them!"  
  
A woman below me called out, "How can we help them? We are only women!" There was a chorus of agreement.  
  
"Ah, but there you are wrong! Yes, we are women, but did you all hear what I did to that scum-sucker Les-Wormtongue?"  
  
There was another great shout and many applause. I bowed formally and continued on with my speech, "But, I thought I was only a woman?"  
  
Immediately there was laughter and applause again.  
  
"Now, here is my plan. I believe that we are all able-bodied women, and the ones that are no longer in the prime of life, could easily take care of the younger children. Am I right here?" Applause. "Since you almost all have lived on a farm, you all have had to take care of your men-folk when they have been injured. Right?" There were loud shouts of agreement. "So, I can safely say that all of you have had some type of run in with medical attention. I have spoken with King Théoden and he has informed me that there is to be no medical attention tonight. I propose that we should be the medical attention!"  
  
There were less enthusiastic replies, but they were still listening.  
  
"I can hear that you are not excited at this prospect. But, did you know that if your husband, son, brother, father, you get the idea, falls in battle, that is it. No more, he will be left there to die."  
  
There were mutterings in the crowd and a great amount of stirring. Ah, so I did reach them.  
  
"I know we can do this, if we only take the chance."  
  
Another woman called out, "How do you know this?"  
  
Suddenly another voice answered the question, another voice that was right beside me. I looked over and there was Éowyn standing on the wall beside me.  
  
"It shall work because both Emily and I believe it will. If you are not with us, we still will do this. It shall only be more difficult then it would be with your assistance."  
  
"Well you heard the lady," I called out. "If you are not with us, we will still do it. So you can help or sit in the caves wondering if you will ever see your men-folk again!" I paused and then launched my question.  
  
"Are you with us?! Will you help?!"  
  
There were some shouts of agreement, but not enough.  
  
"What? I can't hear you! Are you going to sit and wait or help?!"  
  
"HELP!"  
  
"All right!" I pumped my fist in the air. "Now that we got this figured out, you need to peel off into groups. All of the older women in one group, the middle aged in one, the young women in another, the older girls in one more, and the young children in another. Éowyn and I will be down in a moment to inform you of your duties. Let's move people, we don't have that much time!"  
  
I turned from the women and jumped down from the wall, Éowyn was right behind me. I brushed the light sheen of sweat off from my forehead and took a deep breath. I looked over to where the guys were following the King around and saw them all staring at me. I waved and turned away, but I still hear Gimli's shout, "That's the stuff, lassie!"  
  
I offered my arm to Éowyn, "Shall we?"  
  
She laughed and nodded.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"All right, did we get all of them?" I asked Éowyn.  
  
She thought a moment, and then started to rattle off the duties that we had assigned. "The old women will take the children over to that section of the courtyard and keep them entertained until it is time to go to the caves. The middle aged women shall be in charge of the actual medicine and the stitching. The young women shall take care of the men that are not badly hurt, but only need, how did you say it, patching up. And the older girls shall be the 'go fors' and get the others anything they might require."  
  
I mulled this over for a moment and then nodded, "Good, really good. I believe this will go smoothly. But, I think we need to get them moving now; I don't think we have that much time and it will begin."  
  
"Aye."  
  
I walked over to an empty wagon and leapt up into the box of it. I let out a piercing whistle and started to clap and shout. Finally I had all of the women's attention.  
  
"Alrighty then, do you all have your duties? Do you all understand them?" There was a loud 'Aye!' "Good, now, since we do not have that much time until the battle will begin, I propose we all start to prepare now. All of the older girls and young women should start hauling water, blankets, bandages, everything you can think of down into the caves. All you older women, take the children down into the caves and start building up some fires, but leave the doors open other wise you will be smoked out. We are going to need a ton of boiling water tonight to sterilize everything! And I mean a lot! You guys can all be off, I need to speak to the women in charge of the medicine though."  
  
Right away, all of the women began to move off to fulfill their orders. It was amazing really how the women immediately took to me like they did. I thought I would have to fight them to get them to go against what they were taught. Women's Rights movements here we come!  
  
I jumped off the wagon so I could speak face to face with the women. "Okay, ladies, I know I dumped a lot of responsibility on you guys, but I don't think it can really be helped." They all nodded in agreement. "One last thing and I believe you can get down to the prepping, okay? Anyway, I need to know if you guys have any herbs of plants that you use for medicine and what the stock level is. If we are low, there is a slim chance that we might be able to get more, but I think we will just have to work around it. This way, we will realize what we are missing early enough so you can think of ways to get around that. Other wise, we could have a matter of life and death on our hands and one of you might not be sure what to use. Got it?"  
  
A slightly older women stepped forth and said, "Back home, I was the one that grew the healing herbs for the surgeon, Ramir. He never really told me what they were for, but you could always inquire as to it now. He is right over there, shinning his sword." She pointed to a grizzled man, sitting on the bottom step.  
  
I couldn't believe it, Théoden had a surgeon and he was making him fight! He should be doing what he did best! Sewing body parts back on, not removing them from Orcs!  
  
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, "Right-o, why don't you guys go get started with the preparations. I will come and check on you shortly. I need to have a word with your king."  
  
With this, they all moved off to get ready for the battle. I motioned Éowyn over to me, "Why don't you make sure everything is moving smoothly? I need to go have a chat with Théoden."  
  
She nodded, "I believe the last time I saw him, he was walking the walls over there." She pointed over to my left.  
  
"Thanks!" With that, I jogged off.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Um, excuse me, King Théoden, but can I have a word with you?"   
  
"Can it not wait, Emily?"  
  
"Nope, I have a lot of stuff that I have to do in a very short time. I gotta talk to you now!"  
  
"I shall be with you shortly, Gamling. Continue without me."  
  
We both walked a little ways away, "Okay. Just a few minutes ago, one of the women informed me that you have the surgeon, Ramir here, but you have him fighting. Don't you think that is kinda, well, stupid, no offense to you of course."  
  
"I take no offense. I was not informed that he was with us. I thought he was killed with the Wargs. Apparently I was mistaken. You are here to inquire about his services?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean I'm not a surgeon by any means and I don't think any of the women are trained as such. If he was to help us, it would be a great help. What do you say? Can he give us a hand instead of fighting?"  
  
"Aye, if you must. But you shall not steal any more of my men away from the walls, is that clear. You have your women, you must deal with that."  
  
"My, aren't you a bright ray of sunshine. But yeah, thanks bunches."  
  
"You are welcome, Emily. I must return to more pressing matters." He bowed his head at me and walked away.  
  
"Okay, down to business," I muttered.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"So, I hear you are a surgeon?"  
  
The man looked up from his sword and the looked back down again. "Aye, you heard correctly. You are the one in charge of the women?"  
  
"Yep, that's me. So anyway, since you are a surgeon, I thought you might be better off helping us instead of lobbing off heads. What do you say to that?"  
  
"You are implying that I should abandon my post to work with a gaggle of women?"  
  
"Yeah, that's about it. Oh! And before I forget, Théoden agrees with my logic, so you are stuck doing this whether you like it or not, so let's not make this difficult, 'kay?"  
  
He sighed, "If it is my king's wish, I shall grant it."  
  
"Glad to hear it!" I slapped him on the back.  
  
"You are a very strange woman. You bloody a man, with no qualms, but then you are worried about our welfare. I do not understand you, and I have never seen a woman with a bruised face like yours."  
  
I laughed at this and fingered my fading shiner, "Well, buddy, I would worry if you did understand me. Since it's settled, if you would be so kind as to come down to the caves you can check it out and make sure that we have everything that you would need for tonight. Like I told the women, if there is something else you need, there is a slim chance that we could get it for you, but you should be prepared to work around it just in case. So come on already!"  
  
With that we were headed towards the caves.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Okay, so this is the list of everything that we don't have?"  
  
"Aye, most of that we can do without, but there are two that we shall need, I can feel it. The ones that look like little purple flowers and the mint root."  
  
"Right, can you show me what they look like?"  
  
He dug around in some pouches and extracted a small clump of purple wilted flowers and a few leaves of the mint root.  
  
"And that is all we have?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Man, we are screwed."  
  
"I do not know of your term, 'screwed', but if it means that difficulties are short in coming, I agree with you."  
  
Suddenly the soldiers started to herd the old women and children down into the caves with us. Since we were already almost completely prepped for the upcoming battle it wasn't a big deal, but if just meant that we had that much less time.  
  
One of the soldiers shouted at the women, "The men must all report to the armory. Say your good-byes now!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
I had gone to find the guys while all the emotions were running rampant down in the caves. I'm an emotional person, so if I see someone crying, I'm not long to follow them.  
  
"Hey, guys, what's shaking?"  
  
Aragorn was inspecting a beaten up old sword, he stared at it in disgust and threw it back into the pile of others.  
  
"Farmer, farriers, stable boys. These are no soldiers." He motioned to the men and boys that were surrounding us. Yeah, it didn't look very good.  
  
"Most have seen too many winters," Gimli stated.  
  
"Or too few," added Legolas.  
  
"I'm getting the feeling that everyone is thinking that the glass is half empty. By the way, the reason I am here needs to be answered. That didn't make any sense, but just go with it," I said to their puzzled looks. "I need to know how long until we are getting dosed in Orc blood-and I need to know now."   
  
(A/N: Once again I am going out on a limb and using hours for time.)  
  
Aragorn looked at me with narrowed eyes, "What is the reason?"  
  
"Call it curiosity."  
  
"I would say two to three hours; and that is with much hope."  
  
"All right, I gotta go now then," I muttered to myself.  
  
"What was that?" asked Legolas.  
  
I ignored him and just walked away still deep in thought. Even though I did ignore them, they still followed me. I stopped when I got outside again and started to look into the distance.  
  
"Ah, okay, that's where he said I could find the plants," I was looking off in the distance to a small copse of trees. It was risky; the Orc army wasn't that far from it.  
  
Aragorn clapped a hand on my shoulder, "You shall not go."  
  
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "Wanna bet?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
After I had finally talked Aragorn and Gimli to release their death hold on me, I then had to deal with Legolas giving me the evil eye. At least he didn't resort to bodily force, yet.  
  
"I'm going whether you like it or not. I was lucky twice now when it comes to Orcs, I can do it again. Like they saw, three is charm!"  
  
"I still do not like it."  
  
"It's not your guys' decision to make. I am going and the longer we argue, the more time we waste and the more riskier it becomes. By the way, can I use your knife, Aragorn? I'm going to need it.  
  
He sighed and took the knife out of his boot and handed it to me.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
With that I turned and gave a piercing whistle. Sure enough here came Babes.  
  
'You rang?'  
  
"Ready to play hero again?"  
  
I could see that she had been pampered beyond belief by the guys in the stables.  
  
'I think I can handle it.'  
  
I walked over and swung up onto her back. "See ya in a few," I said to the guys.  
  
"Be careful, lassie."  
  
"You know I will, Gimli."  
  
I looked over to where the gates were; there were two guards just looking at me.  
  
"Put it this way guys, I am going out those gates whether you like it or not. Now open them for me so I don't have to waste the time of breaking them open."  
  
Immediately they complied but I heard one of them say to the other, "She is either very courageous or quite mad."  
  
I laughed and as Babes walked by them, I said, "It's amazing how often those two go hand-in hand."  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Uh oh! We have hero Emily again! Can you tell I'm having fun with the whole macho bit? I know it can get a bit old, but I promise after the battle, she will go back to being her normal sarcastic self. It's the whole excitement of the battle that is making me think all heroic like.  
  
I just made up the purple flowers and the mint root. I have no idea if they even exist or if they have any medical value. Just remember, this is pure fiction!  
  
Okay, all my readers, I need some help here! In the next one of two chapters, I am going to need a bunch of moral boosting songs. I know what you all are thinking, but it's not going to be the whole song. I would appreciate if you guys could just send me the best snippet of the song and the name of it and author. That way I can have a lot of songs, but not take about ten pages to do them all.  
  
Thanks bunches!  
  
~A~ 


	35. Brave and Reckless

A/N: Hey all! I'm back with the next oh-so exciting chapter! Isn't that just great? Can you tell I'm a bit hyper?  
  
I have found a new love in the music world-The Beatles! So be prepared!  
  
Another thing, I should let you guys all know now, so you don't wonder later on, I am going to be out of town for a couple of weeks. Yes, you all know what this means. No updates for quite a while. But, as soon as I get home, I promise to hurry up and start moving with the next update. I hope this will make it up a bit, but we are finally going to be at the very beginning of the battle of Helm's Deep and I intend to include all those songs too. Just thought I should let you know, because the length of the chapter could be a bit misleading in that aspect.  
  
Sorry again, but life rears its ugly head!  
  
Here's the story!  
  
*~*~*  
  
'You know, I agree with them, you are mad.'  
  
"I'm starting to agree with them myself."  
  
Babes and I were sitting right outside the gates, collecting ourselves. Now that we were actually outside the relative safety of the fortress, that copse of trees looked to be quite a ways off.  
  
I looked over in the direction the Orcs were coming from; it wouldn't be long now.  
  
"C'mon Babes, we don't have much time!"  
  
I didn't even get a snarky comment from her, she just took off in a dead run. I heard a faint noise and glanced back at the wall tops. The people were cheering us on. Oh yeah baby!  
  
*~*~*  
  
It really didn't take that long to make it to our destination; I was surprised. But then again, Babes did not want to be outside of the fortress; yeah that would hurry someone.  
  
'Hurry up, we're here.'  
  
I looked up from where I had been studying my hands and saw that we were just on this side of the bunch of trees.  
  
"I think Ramir meant that we had to go into the trees to find the plants."  
  
'Oh, great. Now we are getting technical.'  
  
"Fine, I will go in and you can wait out here. Be a look-out or whatever, I really don't care."  
  
'Look-out? As in being out here alone with a butt-load of Orcs coming our way? I think I will stay with you, moral support and all.'  
  
"Thought you would see it my way."  
  
'Just hurry up, will you?'  
  
*~*~*  
  
There were a lot more trees in that little copse then I originally thought. The plants that I was supposed to find were supposed to be in-between the roots of a specific kind of tree that Ramir told me was supposed to be here. I supposedly couldn't find it.  
  
"See it Babes?"  
  
'Not yet, but we had better hurry up. Other wise we are going to have those Orcs chewing on our butts pretty soon.'  
  
"Thanks for that wonderful picture you just gave me."  
  
'I think I found some!'  
  
I let out a shriek of happiness and went running towards her. Needless to say, the search had taken much longer than I had thought.  
  
I finally reached her and sure enough, there were the mint root! Right away I bent down and started chopping some of the plants off. Damn, am I glad that I remembered to ask Aragorn for his knife!  
  
"Keep looking for those purple flowers!" I called to Babes over my shoulder.  
  
'Already on it.'  
  
I had just finished stuffing the leather bag to the brim with mint root, when I heard Babes's whinny of fright. I stood up, dropped the bag's cord around my neck, and started running towards her as fast as I could.  
  
"Babes! Babes!" I shouted in her direction, but I wasn't getting an answering reply.  
  
Suddenly I burst out of the trees and stopped dead in my tracks.  
  
"Jesus Martha," I breathed.  
  
There in front of me was a sight to behold. Babes was racing towards me with about a million Orcs firing arrows and in hot pursuit of her. What she was doing outside of the trees, I don't know. I would have to ask her later when our very lives were not in danger.  
  
Finally it occurred to me to start running too; Babes was almost on top of me as it was. Almost instantly she was beside me, pulling ahead. I mean, duh! She does have four legs.  
  
'Get on!'  
  
"I'm trying!"  
  
It was true. I was trying to get onto her back, but let me tell you, that is no easy feat to get onto a moving horse's back. Trust me on this.  
  
"I can't do it!"  
  
'You sure as hell better!'  
  
I tried again and just succeeded in tripping and slowing us both down.  
  
"I can't!"  
  
I heard something that sounded like a cross between a sigh and a curse word.   
  
'Get on my bloody back!'  
  
I wasn't going to try again, I mean its not like I could have done it anyway, but the murderous look in her eyes had me leaping onto her back again. Just as I was going to start sliding off like I had previously been doing, I felt something shove hard against my butt and I was on! Sure, I was laying across her back on my stomach, but that is a small technical difficulty.  
  
After an amazing amount of squirming by me and cussing by Babes, I was sitting correctly and we were flying across the plains. Since she was moving so quickly, we almost instantly were out of range of the Orcan arrows. Almost being the key word. Babes had managed to acquire a particularly nasty gash on her hind quarters; an arrow had just missed her. From her pace, I didn't think that she even noticed it, so I sure as hell wasn't going to mention it to her. She would find out soon enough.  
  
I bent down over Babes's neck and tried to make myself as stream line as possible. Abruptly Babes came to a stop. Considering I was hanging over her neck like I was, its surprising that I didn't go ass over teakettle on that one. I wasn't thrown, but the bag full of mint root came up and slapped me across the face. For those who don't know this, leather hurts! I growled at it and shoved it inside of my tunic-like tee-shirt.  
  
"Whatcha see?"  
  
'You should tell me.'  
  
I was just going to say something nasty when I actually focused on the objects in the distance. I had to keep pulling my hair out of my face, the wind was pushing it right across it. When I finally had a clear line of vision, I saw a whole, well, platoon of people entering Helm's Deep. They were in perfectly formed ranks; soldiers.  
  
"Who the hell are those guys?"  
  
Babes was just going to make a comment, when the wind shifted; it was now coming directly at us. She shifted slightly and then went still, she snorted and shook her head.  
  
"What is it? Who are they? Don't leave me hanging here!"  
  
She snorted again and said, 'Elves.'  
  
"What? Explain yourself!"  
  
'Those people going into Helm's Deep are Elves, from Lothlorien to be precise.'  
  
"You have got to be kidding!"  
  
'Nope-'  
  
She was going to say more, but right then arrows started to rain down around us. The Orcs were in range again.  
  
I glanced behind me just as Babes took off again and had to do a double take. The little copse of trees that we were in just a few moments before was no more now. The Orcs had completely destroyed it. Notta.  
  
I just shook my head sadly and faced around again. I sighed and leaned over Babes's neck; I wasn't worried about being hit, Babes could easily outrun and out maneuver the Ors.  
  
"Let's get back." I patted her on the neck and she increased her speed.  
  
*~*~*  
  
We finally reached Helm's Deep just as they were once again closing the gates in our faces. I sighed again and took in a deep breath to start shouting, but the gates sprung open before I could.  
  
"That's more like it," I muttered.  
  
We were just going to enter when I looked behind us again. The Orcs were moving incredibly quickly, give them ten minutes and they were going to be all over us. I glanced at the sky and finally noticed that the sun had long since dipped behind the horizon and some nasty storm clouds. I had no idea when those popped up, but they were there and they looked like they meant business. When I realized what this meant, I gulped; the fight would be at night in the rain. Goody.  
  
"Let's move it, Babes. We don't have much time anymore!"  
  
She didn't even bother to reply, she just started running into the gates.  
  
"Whoa!"  
  
Just inside of the gates, was the platoon that we had seen earlier. I was going to tell Babes to slow down, but she just shoved her way through them. I just held on; what more could I do?  
  
We finally reached the steps for the Hornburg just as Legolas clasped shoulders with the lead Elf and went to stand behind them. I was a bit curious as to whom the Elf was, but at the moment I was trying to get Babes to slow down. Don't get me wrong, she was trying to slow down, but she couldn't find purchase on the stones-in the process of trying to regain her footing, she almost threw me.  
  
Everyone saw us coming at last and flung themselves out of the way. It was a near-miss, believe me. When I finally was sitting securely upon her back again, I nodded at the king, Gimli, and Aragorn. I was just looking around for where Legolas ran off to, when I saw him murmuring something to the leader-Elf. I took a closer look and almost dropped my teeth.  
  
"Haldir!"  
  
He looked up when he heard his name called and broke into a grin, "Lady Emily! It is a pleasant surprise to see you once again."  
  
"Likewise, believe me. How is Maydenia doing?"  
  
At this his grin became a true smile, "We were wed not four weeks ago, we are expecting out first young one come spring."  
  
"Congratulations! Cigars all around!" Everyone just looked at me. "Uh, never mind. Oh! I forgot! Where's Ramir? I got the stuff that he needed; but the Orcs were munching on my butt the whole way." I glanced at Babes's hind quarters, "They did get a nice bite of Babes here."  
  
Théoden just shook hi head at my jabbering, "Ramir is in the caves, preparing I believe he said. I am truly amazed at all that you have done, Emily. The women are ready for the worst and have all that they need. I am very pleased with all that you have accomplished."  
  
"Ah, 'twas nothing." I blushed slightly. "Well, I think I had better head down to the caves. I gotta get everyone ready and give Ramir the herbs he wanted. By the way, you guys had better get ready too. I would guess we have about ten minutes and the Orcs are going to be all over us." With that I nodded once to everyone again and Babes took off up the stairs. Talk about a dramatic exit.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I hopped off Babes's back and ran into the caves' entrance. Immediately I had to stop and move to the side to make room for all the bustling people that were streaming in and out of the doorway. Ramir sure knew how to handle a group of people; everyone was working quickly and efficiently. We had some hope left!  
  
I got up onto my tip-toes, thinking that I might be able to spot him over everyone else's heads-it didn't work. I sighed in frustration and did the only thing that I could think of.  
  
I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted with all my strength, "RAMIR!"  
  
Instantly there was silence. Finally I spotted him standing off the side in the back of the cave trying to get my attention. I then noticed that everyone was staring at me, so I tried to resurrect the situation.  
  
Still shouting, I said, "UM, THANKS! YA'LL CAN GO BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING!"  
  
There were quite a few mutters and chuckles, but for the most part everyone took my advice and got back to their tasks. We had precious little time as it was, not nearly enough for my stupidity. Damn...  
  
I started to push my way through to him. I heard quite a few people start cussing me out until they actually saw it was me, then it was 'Sorry I am in your way milady.' Ah, I love power.  
  
Finally I got to him and threw him the little leather bag that had been hanging around my neck.  
  
"Here's the mint root that you wanted. I was unable to get the little purple flowers though. Was attacked by the Uruk-Hai and all. That kinda took my mind of the search."  
  
'Emily! Where are you damn it!'  
  
I chuckled at this; obviously Babes didn't like the close quarters with all the people.  
  
'I'm down in the caves,' I mind-sent back. I didn't want to take the chance that these people thought I was crazy. The whole fact of talking out loud to my non-present horse, wouldn't exactly inspire them to follow me.  
  
Suddenly loud cries of alarm came from the people that were by the doors of the caves. I whipped around and unsheathed my sword, if not rather clumsily, and ran towards the doors. My first thought was that something of the Uruk-Hai nature had gotten in. How wrong I was...  
  
There, shoving her way through the gathering people, was none other than Babes herself.  
  
I stopped in my tracks and pretty much had to pick up my jaw from the floor. I know how much she hates being around a lot of people and being indoors; what the hell was she doing in here?  
  
"What the hell are you doing in here!" I shouted. Can't saw that I don't speak my thoughts...  
  
She walked over to Ramir, opened her mouth, and spit something into his outstreatched hand. I totally grossed out. Here was poor Ramir, holding a handful of soggy, green stuff. He just looked horrified.  
  
"What the hell is that?"   
  
'Your missing little purple flowers. Why else do you think I wandered out of the trees? I have told you before that I hate the idea of dying young and you damn well know I am not suicidal.'  
  
"Wow."  
  
Ramir was just about to drop that bunch of stuff on the floor when I shouted out, "Don't! Those are the purple flowers! I assume that you have been keeping them in your mouth until you found them before the Orc attack?" I directed this last question at Babes.  
  
'You know it.'  
  
I nodded and turned back to Ramir, "Sorry they are so soggy though. I don't think Babes could do anything about that. Will they still work at all, or was it all for nothing?"  
  
Ramir looked at the mush again, but with a completely different expression this time. Now he looked overjoyed. Strange man...  
  
"No, this is perfect. I have to steep the plant in water, it matters not that they are already damp. Thank you, Lady Babes."  
  
With that he nodded and walked away from both of us. Almost instantly when he turned to leave Babes turned tail and was headed towards the door at a fast clip. Ha! I knew it wouldn't last long. I tried to follow in her wake, but I was too slow. The crowd swallowed her up before I even got moving.  
  
I tried to walk through to the doors, but it was a futile effort. There were just too many people that had that same idea. Also, with the Orcs, Uruk-Hai, whatever the hell they call them, just outside, we did not have the time to be messing around in here.   
  
I looked around me and spotted exactly what I needed-a barrel! No, I'm still sane, stay with me here. I walked over and clambered up onto the barrel and re-cupped my hands around my mouth.  
  
"LEND ME YOUR EARS, PEOPLE! LADIES! OH, SORRY! AND GENTLEMEN!" There were men in the caves too at the moment. Oops, didn't really see them there. Sorry 'bout that!  
  
I finally had their attention, so I stopped shouting. It wasn't doing anything or anyone any good, so what's the point, right? I know this wasn't getting me out of the caves just yet, but I was hoping if I could organize these guys a bit more I would be able to.  
  
"Okay people, this is it. They are just outside, so this is what we have been preparing for. But, before I start with my long-winded pep talk, I think I am going to give everyone a chance to say good-bye, good luck, and hope that you don't get eaten. Go ahead, I'll wait."  
  
At last it had dawned on me what the men were down here for. Besides, they had to get up onto the walls, we were fighting a war here!  
  
The whole parting bit took a while longer than I had initially thought. By the time the last guy left for the walls, almost everyone was all teary eyed and sniffling, me included.   
  
I sniffed and rubbed my nose on my arm. Yes, disgusting, but also very economical.  
  
"Ladies, I have watched you all today, and let me tell you what I have seen has amazed me. Each and everyone of you has risen above this occasion with grace and efficiency. This is so much more than I had ever hoped to achieve. I just want to say that if this thing turns for the worse tonight, it has been an honor to know each and every one of you."  
  
I had to break off here for a moment, while everyone gathered herself and finished clapping at my words. It really was a heartwarming moment, if not a bit corny.  
  
"Now, there is not much more time for sentimentality. We have to go kick some Orc ass!" Insert very loud, and very enthusiastic cheers here. Geez... "All right, here we go! All of the children and elderly need to get back as far into the caves as humanly possible. It is both for the safety of them and also to keep them out of our workspace. The women that are in charge of the medicines, you are all going to sit tight here and wait. You are not to go out of these caves under any circumstances. You are way too important to lose. The younger girls need to stick close to the women and get anything they ask for. I don't want to hear any complaints. If they ask, you get! Now, I would like to have a word with the young women here. The rest of you can move off to your stations. And by all means people, good luck and God-speed!"  
  
I jumped off the barrel and faced the small group of women that were waiting for me. There couldn't have been more than fifteen of them altogether. This was going to be the tough part.  
  
"Okay girls, I need to ask you guys some questions. Hopefully you will be up to the task at hand, because God knows I cannot do this on my own."  
  
They nodded and looked a bit anxious. Good.  
  
"Do any of you have any good sewing skills?"  
  
All of them nodded their heads. Damn it, I keep forgetting that this is one of those times in history where all women know how to sew. Stupid!  
  
"Right. Just checking. Anyway, this is going to sound strange, but do any of you have any skills with a weapon? Step forward if you do."  
  
At this, only three of the girls did. Two quickly and the other one rather timidly, this wasn't going to work.  
  
"All right, thank you for your time, I need to talk privately with these three." The group of girls walked off, whispering and glancing over their shoulders.  
  
I turned to face the three young women before me, "Would each of you be so kind as to tell me your names?"  
  
The first one stepped forward again and said, "Rassä, milady."  
  
I looked her over with approval. She was medium height, so as not to stick out too much. Rather average build and mousy brown hair. Perfect, she was also rather confident about herself.  
  
"Next," I nodded towards the blonde.  
  
"My name is Sienna," she dipped a slight curtsy.   
  
Hmm, interesting. She was about the same height as Rassä, but she was much more slender. But, like her predecessor, she was eager to please. That I could certainly work with.  
  
"Now you, dear," I softened my words toward the last girl, because, well, frankly, she looked terrified.  
  
"I am called Nria, milady."  
  
She said this with a slight tremor in her voice. This was not good, I need someone that was strong and willing to face some danger, not a mouse. But, maybe I could work with this.  
  
I studied her. There wasn't much to look at, but she was a pretty little thing. She was both short and slender, with long brown hair and terrified brown eyes. Hmm...  
  
"Okay, Rassä, Sienna, Nria, why I wanted to know that is because what is the point of having a hospital without a medic?  
  
Rassä then asked, "Milady, what is a 'medic'?"  
  
Damn, I keep forgetting these people don't know anything!  
  
"A medic is someone that will go out onto the battlefield and bring the wounded to the hospital. I need some helpers out there tonight. There cannot only be one medic, I need you all to help me. But, keep in mind that you may see someone you know or love out there die. I need you to keep going no matter what. Once out there, there is absolutely no stopping. Stopping means death to you and many more men. Do you all understand?"  
  
All three nodded, but Nria a bit more hesitantly.  
  
"Now, who will help me bear this responsibility?"  
  
"I would be honored, milady," Rassä stated with the air or a queen.  
  
"As would I, dear lady," Sienna stated with as much grace.  
  
I looked to Nria and saw that she was visibly shaken. Thinking quickly, I said the next thing that popped into my head.  
  
"You are not suited for this, are you Nria?" I was a smooth one.  
  
She sighed and said, "I am not milady. I am sorry that I cannot serve you, but I have not a brave heart."  
  
"That is all right. But what you could do, since you do have some training with a sword, is you could guard the door to the caves. I don't think you will be needed, but that extra precaution bit is a good idea all the same. What do you say?  
  
As I said this, I saw her face visibly brighten. I smiled before she could say anything and started to talk again, "I know this may not seem the greatest of use for one of our swords-women, but if the Uruk-Hai manage to breach the wall, well as you know we are screwed. So if that does happen, it will be better to have someone guarding the wounded and defenseless. You have a great responsibility, even if it is a menial task. Will you take it?"  
  
"Aye, with relish, milady." With that, she curtsied and ran over to where her mother was. I just shook my head and smiled at her turned back.  
  
I once again faced the two that would be my fellow medics, I hoped.  
  
"I want both of you to know what you are about to take upon yourselves. You will be going out into the battle by yourself. There will be no one to cover your back, no one to watch out of you, no one to rely on other than your own self. We carry no shields, as they would get in the way of us tending the wounded. We wear no armor since it is so heavy and we need to move quickly. We are utterly alone. Will you still accept this task that I have laid before you?"  
  
Aragorn would be proud of that little speech there. In the back of my mind I felt Babes's presence and I could tell that she was tickled pink. Weird horse...  
  
Rassä stepped forward and looked directly into my eyes as she stated, "I shall stand by you, Lady Emily." She bowed her head and then backed away a few steps.   
  
Good, one down, one to go.  
  
I looked at Sienna and saw there was a large amount of doubt in her eyes, but also, just inside that shadow of a doubt, I saw determination and a large portion of courage. She visibly straightened herself, cleared her throat and in a ringing voice said, "I shall follow your very orders and by my life or death I shall assist these brave men that fight tonight."  
  
I smiled widely at the two young women, that tonight with me, shall risk their lives for a cause that they believe in. Man, was I good with a speech or what? I think at this point, I was feeling so good about myself I could have talked a bear out of its skin.  
  
"Great, you guys are life savers. Truly you are and going to be. But, I gotta head out to the walls, so be up there in just a few minutes. Take a few minutes to see to the people you care for, just in case mind you."  
  
They nodded and took off right away.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I was just walking out of the caves and ran smack into Nria.  
  
"Whoa there! Sorry 'bout that."  
  
She right away curtsied, "No, milady. That was my fault. I just wanted to talk to you before you leave for the walls."  
  
"That's where I am headed right now. You just caught me. What did you want to speak with me about?"  
  
She reached into her pocket and pulled out four strips of vibrant yellow fabric. She handed them to me and I took them, though a bit puzzled as to what they were for. I raise a questioning brow and she immediately started to explain.  
  
"I thought that since you are going to be on the battlefield, that you should have some kind of identification. I know a lady of your standards will not need it, but I would never forgive myself if some ill befell you and I did not mention my suggestion."  
  
"Hell no! That is the best damn idea that I have heard in a very long time! Here, tie it to my upper arm." I handed her the four strips back.  
  
She did as I asked and then stepped back, beaming, "I shall wait for Rassä and Sienna and give them these. Take this other one."  
  
I was once again puzzled, "What's it for? There are only three of us."  
  
'I beg your pardon! If you are going out for blood and glory I sure as hell am going with you!'  
  
'Sorry Babes.'  
  
'You are forgiven, I think.'  
  
I snapped back to reality just in time to catch Nria's last words, "Hmm, can you repeat that?"  
  
"I said the other is for your horse, the Lady Babes. I thought she would like to accompany you. Was I wrong in that assumption?"  
  
"Nope, if I didn't take her with she would chew me up and spit me out."  
  
'Damn straight.'  
  
*~*~*  
  
I finally made it out of the Hornburg only to be amazed at the amount of rain that was pouring down. It was pitch black, which made visibility zero, but with the rain, it was more like at negative one. All one could see in the distance was the torches of the advancing Orc army. They were very, very close.  
  
I raced up the steps onto the wall and just about passed Legolas and Gimli. I just caught the end of what Gimli said before I started laughing at Legolas's response.  
  
"Would you like me to describe it to you? Or would you like me to get you a box?"  
  
I walked over and slapped Legolas on the shoulder, "Legolas, buddy, Gimli here would need a hell of a lot more than a box." I winked at Gimli to show no hard feelings and he grinned back.  
  
Suddenly the Uruk-Hai stopped advancing and started to bang their spears against the ground. They had a pretty steady rhythm and there were just so many of them. I could see that quite a few of the men were being intimidated. In fact, the young boy that was beside me was shaking so bad I thought he would shake down his portion of the wall.  
  
I bent down and spoke in his ear, "If you start to feel intimidated by an enemy, try shouting at them. It helps you feel better."  
  
"Truly, milady?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"But, what should I shout?"  
  
I leaned down and whispered into his ear.  
  
He stopped shaking a bit and smiled timidly, "Thank you, milady. You do not know the extent that you have comforted me."  
  
"Not a problem."  
  
Now, what should I do about the rest of the men. God, I wish they would stop that infernal pounding! It was kinda familiar, though. Suddenly it dawned on me! It was the beat of a song!  
  
I started to sing at the top of my lungs.  
  
"Buddy you're a boy make a big noise   
  
Playin' in the streets gonna' be a big man some day   
  
You got mud on yo' face   
  
You big disgrace   
  
Kickin' your can all over the place   
  
Singin'   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Buddy you're a young man hard man   
  
Shoutin' in the street gonna' take on the world some day   
  
You got blood on yo' face   
  
You big disgrace   
  
Wavin' your banner all over the place   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Singin'   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Buddy you're an old man poor man   
  
Pleadin' with your eyes gonna' make you some peace some day   
  
You got mud on yo' face   
  
You big disgrace   
  
Somebody better put you back into your place   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Singin'   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Everybody   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
We will, we will rock you   
  
Alright"  
  
I could still see that the guys were unsure of themselves, even though quite a few of them had joined in the chorus of the song. I just started to belt out bits of whatever song I could remember; they were all just running together.  
  
"Well I won't back down, no I won't back down   
  
You can stand me up at the gates of hell   
  
But I won't back down   
  
Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around (1)  
  
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down   
  
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down   
  
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out   
  
Hey I will stand my ground   
  
And I won't back down!  
  
  
  
Because...  
  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane!(2)  
  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane!  
  
And...  
  
I see your motives inside   
  
decisions to hide   
  
Back off I'll take you on   
  
Headstrong to take on anyone   
  
I know that you are wrong (3)  
  
Headstrong we're Headstrong   
  
Back off I'll take you on   
  
Headstrong to take on anyone   
  
I know that you are wrong   
  
This is not where you belong!  
  
Because...   
  
We are the champions - my friends   
  
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end (4)  
  
We are the champions   
  
We are the champions   
  
No time for losers   
  
'Cause we are the champions - of the world!  
  
So...  
  
Stand up and Cheer  
  
Stand up and Cheer  
  
For Dear old Rohan  
  
For Today We Raise  
  
The Red and White(5)  
  
Above the Rest  
  
RAH-RAH-RAH!  
  
Our Men Are Fighting  
  
And We're Bound To Win the Fray  
  
We've Got The Team  
  
We've Got the Steam  
  
For This is Dear Old  
  
Rohan's Day!"  
  
As I had been singing, I had also been walking along the walls. Partly because I wanted all the men to hear me, partly because I wanted to just move around. I am not a stationary person. Suddenly a small, but strong voice rang out.  
  
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY!?!"  
  
Immediately all of the men turned to look at the small and very red faced boy that I had talked to earlier. Although he was blushing horribly, he was also beaming.  
  
Ah, that's my boy.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: See, it was long! This is probably the longest chapter I have ever written. I have sacrificed a lot to get this out before I leave town. You guys owe me!  
  
I numbered the little snippets of song so I can thank everyone easier. I don't know if it is going to format or not, but I do know the numbers will be in the songs.  
  
The full and first song: 'We Will Rock You'-Queen. Suggested by: ANNOYING BRAT, Kady Rilla Wholi, and Jen  
  
(1): 'I Won't Back Down'-Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers. Suggested by: Amwise Gamgee  
  
(2): 'Rock You Like A Hurricane-The Scorpions. Suggested by:  
  
(3): 'Headstrong'-Trapt. Suggested by: julie  
  
(4): 'We Are the Champions'-Queen. Suggested by: StarryStarryNight  
  
(5): Fight song for Western Kentucky, a photography college. Suggested by: StarryStarryNight gave me the lyrics, but Wraith also suggested a college fight song.   
  
You guys have no idea how much I appreciate how you have helped me. I know I could not use every song everyone suggested, but I read each and every one. Also, each of these was one I was already thinking of, these people just cemented my thoughts.  
  
I will post again as soon as possible,  
  
~A~ 


	36. Break My Heart

A/N: Sorry for the long time in updating. Well, here it is, and I hope I captured the battle correctly. If I didn't, I'm sure I will be hearing about it, right?  
  
Thank you so much for all of those reviews. I am finally over 600! Praise be and Hallelujah! Enjoy the story folks!  
  
*~*~*  
  
For a short time I had succeeded in raising all the men's spirits. But, for some odd reason, the Orcs just didn't help much in that aspect. Odd...  
  
I had taken a place slightly behind Aragorn on top of the walls. At first he didn't see me, but as soon as he did, oh boy...  
  
"Emily! What are you doing here? You are not to be upon the wall at this time! You could be killed! You cannot even wield a sword!"  
  
"Oh, right. Oh well. I mean it's not like I'm going to be able to help the wounded if I have to stay down in the courtyard and wait for them to fall off the walls. I don't think they will need my help much then, being dead and all!"  
  
I had been getting progressively more and more worked up and I finished my spiel at a shriek. Aragorn looked taken aback, but he also looked like he would listen to my reasoning now.  
  
"My apologies. But, remember, I shall not be able to watch and protect you while you are here. None will even can. You will have to protect yourself and I do not think you are capable of that."  
  
"Yeah," I answered. "I know I can't, but if I don't at least try, these men will not receive add until they are placed in their graves. They need me and my place is up here helping them. I don't expect you to watch out for me and yourself at the same time. All I ask is that you don't try to keep me from my duty and I won't keep your from yours. Deal?"  
  
I stuck out my hand to shake his and slowly he did. That was when he noticed the band around my upper arm.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
"The other girls that are going to be running around out here have them too. These are so the wounded know who to head towards for help. Nria figured that we needed some kind of identification to the men. Smart girl, if you ask me."  
  
"Aye, very smart. I shall pass along your words."  
  
"Thanks. Aragorn?"  
  
"Aye, Emily?"  
  
"Be careful tonight, all right? I don't want to have to pick up your parts and mail them to your Arwen."  
  
"Neither do I wish that upon you. I shall be careful. You also."  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
With that I started to sidle my way along the wall. I caught sight of Rassä and Sienna walking along below me. I raced over to the stairs and ran down them. I got to the bottom just as they reached it, we almost ran into each other it was so close.  
  
"All right, ladies. This is it? Swords?"  
  
Both of them raised their sheathed swords, Sienna rather reluctantly.  
  
"Good. Rassä, you head down to those cliffs and hang around there." I pointed to the cliffs on the opposite side of us. They were farthest from the keep, but I figured that if anyone could handle that, Rassä could. Sienna on the other hand...  
  
"Sienna, you stick around the keep."  
  
She nodded and then gulped.  
  
"Hey, you will be just fine. I'll be moving between both your stations with Babes. She is going to be here to help haul the heavier men. Any questions?"  
  
They shook their heads and stood there nervously. I could see they were really uptight and worried about the outcome of the night. I clasped both of their shoulders and squeezed them lightly, "I'm going to check on Nria again and then I will be down here. Good luck you two."  
  
I turned on my heel and sprinted up the keep steps.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I found Nria right where I told her to be; but I was not expecting the look on her face. It was the look of utter despair.   
  
"What in the world is wrong?! I mean, for God's sake, the battle hasn't even started and you are falling apart already? Honestly!" Maybe I was a bit harsh here, but I was wound as tightly as everyone else.  
  
"Lady Emily!"  
  
"Drop the lady, I really don't think I can handle that right now."  
  
She tried again, "Emily. The men are saying we shall all be slain this night!"  
  
"Smart men," I muttered and then regretted it. I looked up to see Nria looking at me questioningly, unshed tears shinning in her eyes. "Never mind what I or the men said. You just stay right here and take care of the men that we bring you. Make sure you get them down into the caves. Then, if worse comes to worse, you guard these doors with your very life. No other women in those caves other than Éowyn can wield a sword. You fall and they all are dead. Got it?"  
  
She didn't say a word and nodded. She was utterly terrified and my little 'speech' didn't help that one bit. I grabbed both of her shoulders and shook her gently.  
  
"Hey. We will make it. We just have to believe. You stay here and do your job, and everything will be just fine."  
  
I gave her a quick hug and then pushed myself away from her. "I gotta get my butt moving. Good luck, Nria. I will see you in the morning, alive and in one piece." I winked at her and then started towards the door again.  
  
I had just reached them when I heard a very soft voice, "You too Emily, you too."  
  
I grinned and was just going to say something, when I heard a sharp shout and then nothing.  
  
Absolutely nothing.  
  
This cannot be good.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I skidded to a halt just as I would have run into Babes. She had positioned herself just below the keep steps to make sure she wouldn't have missed me.  
  
"Whoa there!"  
  
'I could say the same. Where have you been? Something's going on. Aragorn just shouted and then that's it.'  
  
"Righto. So you have no idea what's going on?"  
  
'Nope. By the way, where the hell have you been?!'  
  
"I knew that was coming."  
  
'Just answer.'  
  
"Inside, talking to Nria. Poor girl's falling apart on me. What about you?"  
  
'I was actually being helpful. I got both Arod and Hasufel to help out like the other two-leggers that you recruited.'  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
'No, I just felt like saying that. It's actually squirrels that are helping them. Idiot.'  
  
As we had been bickering at each other, we had been walking along. We reached the wall steps and stopped a moment.  
  
"So Arod and Hasufel are helping Rassä and Sienna?"  
  
'Respectively.'  
  
"Great! Thanks."  
  
Babes didn't get to answer me, for at that very moment, the ground started to quake beneath us. The Uruk-Hai had let lose a battle cry that shattered the night.  
  
Babes reared up on her hind legs and whinnied at the disturbance.  
  
'They are charging!'  
  
Instantly the archers all around us let loose a volley of arrows. I had my fingers crossed that each of those shafts found an Uruk-Hai heart.  
  
Babes grabbed the collar of my tunic of my teeth and slammed me into the wall just as a return volley of arrows landed around us, striking many, killing more.  
  
I turned to Babes, "It's started."  
  
*~*~*  
  
I think back to that night and most of it is a blur. I saw one death after another. Death did not care whom it stole that night, old men, boys, young men, Uruk-Hai. It no longer mattered.  
  
If anyone was as busy as Death, it was Babes and I. Just as that first wave of arrows reached our ranks, we were out on the battle field-looking over our shoulders, praying, and saving all within reach.  
  
I looked down through the roiling bodies and saw a brief glimpse of yellow. Rassä and Sienna were doing their jobs well, I proud of them. But, this was no time to be thinking, only acting.  
  
I saw a young boy take an arrow in his thigh and he fell. I raced over to him as I shrieked in my mind, 'Babes! I have another one! Get over here!'  
  
I turned around to see where she was, only to see her trying to get a man up onto her back by herself.. Another man saw her struggle and raced over to help her; finally they managed to throw the man over her back, and then Babes took off for the keep. Since I saw there was no more room for my boy, I didn't bother calling to her again. I did the only thing I could.  
  
I reached down and grabbed him in a fireman's carry. He screamed in pain and thankfully lost consciousness. He was a lot heavier than he looked. I staggered with the weight of him and started towards the keep.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, I reached the steps. Now was the fun part, I had to get up those and to the caves with the boy still slung over my shoulders. Yeah, well this would be interesting to say the least.  
  
I took each step at a time and then just as I was three from the top, I heard a scream behind me. I glanced back and stopped in horror. There, behind me was a man with an arrow coming out of his back. He had thrown himself in the path of the arrow that was meant for me. He tried to form a word, but only blood bubbled out. He tried again and then toppled backwards down the steps, dead.  
  
I was in shock. I staggered up the rest of the steps and into the keep. I got to the open cave doors and sagged against the wall.  
  
"Nria," I whispered. I tried again, "Nria. Nria. Nria! NRIA!" I finally screamed. She came running out of the caves and stopped in astonishment.  
  
I guess I must have looked awful. The boy's blood had run down over my shoulder, soaking my hair and shirt through. I was still horrified at what that poor man had done for me. This was not the time to be looking at me and not helping me out.  
  
"Get this kid off me! Now damn it!" I added when she still didn't move. She rushed over and grabbed him and stumbled when she received his full weight. I didn't even wait to see what happened to the poor guy, I just took off at a dead sprint for the doors.   
  
I was not going to be useless!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Eventually the Uruk-Hai started to make it over the walls. Because of this, more and more men were falling on the walls; they needed me up there.  
  
One small problem, even with all my bravado with Aragorn earlier, I was actually terrified to go up there and face them again. That just didn't really appeal to me for some reason.  
  
Finally, when I saw still yet another man fall under the sword of an Uruk-Hai, I gathered enough courage to get my ass up on that wall.   
  
I ran up the stairs and started to look around for a man that was still alive, but needed help. Yeah, right. All I could see was swords, blood and Uruk-Hai.  
  
I grabbed my sword, but had to battle with the sheath first before I could start hacking Uruk-Hai. Luckily everyone around me was busy saving their own butts, so they didn't notice my grace. Finally I defeated the sheath and got my sword out. I started to swing that baby around me at anything that even resembled Uruk-Hai.  
  
I think I must have killed or at least maimed some, because not only was I covered in the boy's blood, but in Orc blood. I was completely taken over with blood lust, I just really didn't care what I got anymore as long as it was tall, dark and horribly ugly.  
  
Suddenly I saw Aragorn just a few feet in front of me, even dirtier than I was, shouting at Legolas. I saw Legolas draw an arrow and shoot and right away shot another one. I had no idea what he was shooting at, but all at once my world was turned brutally upside down.  
  
The wall had literally exploded under my feet, catapulting me violently into the air. I landed hard on the wall again. I just lay where I fell for a moment, completely stunned. Finally I realized I could very easily be trampled. I sat up and stared in absolute, uninhibited terror.  
  
The Uruk-Hai had blown apart the wall and were streaming through the gash. They had gotten through the wall. We were doomed!  
  
I staggered to my feet and gasped in pain. I looked down and saw that I had a nasty cut along my leg and my right knee was tender. I reached down and prodded it and almost fainted with pain. It was already my bad knee and I think I just screwed it up even worse. I balanced on my left leg and used my hands to shake my right leg back and forth. The pain exploded, but I didn't see my lower leg wiggling. That was good. This means that the ligament in my knee wasn't completely torn. If it was, the only way to fix it is with surgery and I highly doubt that there is any 'good', as in good from my time, surgeon in Middle Earth. At worst, the knee was only sprained. I would live.  
  
I heard something and looked up. I was just in time to see a volley of arrows take down some of the Orcs streaming through. It was like trying to empty a lake with a teaspoon. Théoden was also shouting something about 'bracing the gates', but there was just too much chaos around me to hear him clearly. Suddenly I heard Aragorn roar something that I was guessing was Elvish, but the solider next to me clarified it for me.  
  
"Pull back to the keep! On the king's order, back to the keep!"  
  
Righto, it wasn't like I was going to hang around here if I didn't have to.  
  
I glanced back to Aragorn only to see him headed towards the keep, Gimli in tow kicking and screaming. I had to smirk at that, I would give the dwarf hell for a while.  
  
I whipped around just as I heard a cry of pain behind me. There I saw Haldir grasping his arm in pain while another Uruk-Hai raised his sword above the oblivious Haldir's head. It was a death blow.  
  
Even before I thought about my actions, I threw myself at Haldir just in time. The Orc's aim was skewed so the sword only sunk into Haldir's shoulder instead of his head as it was meant. I grabbed the nearest item, an arrow, and shoved it into the things open mouth. It coughed and then fell backward, stone dead. Latter, I would look back at that with amazement at both my stupidity and blood-thirstiness.  
  
I grabbed Haldir by his good arm and threw it over my shoulder. We made quite a pair limping and hobbling along the wall, stabbing and slicing as we went. Once Haldir started to slip into a faint from lose of blood, but I slapped his face and shouted at him, "Maydenia would skewer me if she knew that I let you die! Get your Elven ass moving before I am forced to kick it into my time!"  
  
I think I actually saw a smirk on his face, but my attention was quickly ripped away. We were battling for our very lives as it was.  
  
Finally I once again reached the keep steps and started to clamber up them. Once I actually fell to my knees, but the pain in my right had me quickly on my feet again. Haldir was making as much of an effort as I was, if not more.   
  
Obviously someone told the guys that we were making a late entrance, because almost before I could blink, I had Gimli covering my back as Aragorn was practically carrying me into the keep. I looked over and saw that Legolas was treating Haldir to the same treatment.  
  
Aragorn got me inside of the keep and dumped me on one of the benches. I had just sat down when three of the women came racing over to me, laden with bandages and water.   
  
They wouldn't leave until I was cleaned up, so what else could I do? I only drew the line when they were about to wrap my knee. Since I had already injured it in track during high school, I knew what to do-the women didn't. Simple decision to make on who was doing the wrapping.  
  
I grabbed the bandage and wrapped it around the knee as tightly as I could with it bent-had to be able to move after all. I finally got the bandage in some resemblance of a wrap and got to my feet. There were men down in the caves that needed help and unfortunatly there were not nearly enough women for the job. They needed every spare hand they could get-me in other words.  
  
No one noticed my departure since as soon as the women saw I had everything under control, they had moved onto Haldir with all due haste. They were clucking and cooing like a group of mother hens. Now I have dirt on both the Dwarf and Elf!  
  
As I was navigating the steps down to the caves, I couldn't help wondering where Nria was. I seem to remember as I was fighting off the women, I had caught glimpses of both Rassä and Sienna, but no Nria. Odd...  
  
Seeing as it wasn't on the top of my list as of now, I pushed the thought of Nria to the back of my mind when I finally reached the caves. Every available space was taken up by an injured man. I had no idea three of us had brought so many of those men in here. I looked around, hoping to find my boy, but I didn't see him, although I did see Éowyn.  
  
I headed over to her, "Hey, Éowyn! Can I help here? She whipped around and raced towards me. After she treated me to a bone-crushing hug, she decided to answer my question.  
  
She lowered her voice and I saw her face cloud over, "We are losing more than we are saving. I believe the Orcan arrows were poisoned. Too many of the women are trying to save others to help me. I do not like to let the men pass," here her voice broke. "Pass alone. I have been sitting with them, talking, singing, anything to keep their minds off themselves. Will you help me?"  
  
I didn't even pause, "Absolutely."  
  
This entire night was backwards to me, I was thinking as I made my way over to the first 'terminal' man. I never would have thought Éowyn was so tender-hearted. I know it sounds mean, but she has always come off as one of those 'kick your ass' warrior maidens. I was glad to find that she had a heart. As weird as it sounds, it was a comfort to know that I wasn't the only one to get emotional over all of these senseless deaths.  
  
I sat down quietly next to the man and looked over to him. He was chalk-white and he was having difficulty breathing, it was rattling noisily in his chest. He had maybe a couple of hours left. It was so sad to see this, but I had to believe that it was better to pass here then in the cold, wet battlefield.  
  
He had opened his eyes at my movement. I saw that he had opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off before he was able.  
  
"Nah, you don't have to say anything. I know exactly what you were thinking. You feel like you need to stand and call me 'lady' and all that gentlemanly stuff. Right?"  
  
He smiled softly and nodded, but once again I started to talk before him.  
  
"Well, I don't think you are really in the position to do so. After all, I am covered in blood, dirt and I don't even want to know what, and you are laid up at the moment."  
  
He did give me a wavering smile at this.  
  
I continued, "You really are a very brave man to go out there against such numbers. I only was gathering the men that were wounded because they were so brave. I am honored to even sit beside you. I just want you do know that."  
  
This time I saw tears in his eyes. Again he opened his mouth, but I felt I should let him speak.  
  
Very faintly, as though on a breeze, he murmured, "Sing."  
  
I could do nothing but oblige, so I sat there singing old nursery rhymes to a dying man in the middle of the night. It tore my heart in two.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: I know this is kinda a cliff-hanger, but I just felt this was a good point to stop at. The next chapter will be up sooner than this one made an appearance.  
  
I want to thank each and every one of my reviewers. Your patience with me has been astounding. Thank you so very much!  
  
Until next time,  
  
~A~ 


	37. A Wilted Blossom

A/N: I want to apologize for the horrible duration that it has taken to get this up. I really don't know what is happening to me. I know exactly what is going to happen in this story but for the life of me I cannot get myself to sit down and churn it out. It's a bloody conspiracy!  
  
On a better note, I have so many reviews I can hardly read them all!   
  
Okay, I lied. I have read each and every one of them at least twice! Twice!  
  
I'm about to get off my soap box and give you guys the chapter you all so greatly deserve, but I just need to say this.  
  
EIGHT DAYS UNTIL THE RETURN OF THE KING!  
  
I also want to mention that this chapter contains some subject matter that is not a very comfortable subject for many, myself included. I shall try to make sure that it is vague, but you will still be able to tell what it is. I just felt I should give you all a warning.  
  
I'm now finished. Here is the great and wondrous (I hope) chapter.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I just about leapt out of my skin.  
  
I jerked up and saw that Éowyn was standing over me. She was the one that had shaken me from my troubled sleep. I glanced around and saw that not a whole lot had changed since I dosed off. The only thing that had changed was the man I was watching over was no longer with me.  
  
I gasped and brought my hand up to his forehead only to be met with cold flesh. He was really gone, and I had slept through it. Disgusted with myself, hot tears coursed down my face. One of the most important moments of my life and I had slept right through it.  
  
"'Twas not your fault," I soft voice said behind me.  
  
"Yeah, it kinda was. I slept through a man's death. I pretty much was drooling on his chest and he died. DIED!" I screamed at an alarmed Éowyn. "Don't even say it. I'm fine. Just leave me be. Please." I ended in a whisper.  
  
With a backward look she did as I bid and left me with my misery.   
  
Misery doesn't always love company.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A fear-filled shout pulled me back from the brink of nothing. I had been staring at the man's empty body for I don't know how long. If that shout had come but a moment later, I believe that I would have been unreachable.   
  
I jerked upright and looked around. Everywhere was a mass panic. Not only where the women abandoning the wounded, they were herding like cattle towards the back of the caves. I grabbed a woman as she ran by and demanded to know, "what the hell was going on."  
  
"The Uruk-Hai are breaking in! We must flee into the hills!"  
  
She then wrestled herself from my grip and was lost in the crowd. Okay, apparently we could get out of here through the little crack in the wall. Uh, not gonna happen here.  
  
I started to push towards the doors. I practically had to body serf my way up there. I raced up there and shoved open the doors. All around me was more panic.   
  
The men were racing to bar the front doors-benches, tables, hell if someone stood still long enough they would end up propped up against the door.  
  
Suddenly Gimli came flying at me, trying to shove me back into the caves.  
  
"Lass! Get yerself back where 'tis safe!"  
  
"Not bloody likely, dwarf. Now let me go so I can help," I said all this in a low voice. Gimli looked up at me with wonder and then backed off like I asked.  
  
"We can use your help barring the doors."  
  
"Righto."  
  
*~*~*  
  
There was little to no time to think, only act. Even though, Aragorn still managed to find time to have what looked like one hell of a serious discussion with Théoden.  
  
His eyes suddenly became bright with a crazed light. "My men! To me!" he ordered.  
  
I was just at the point where I was debating whether or not to join the men, but Legolas took that decision right out of my hands.  
  
"Stay out of the way, little one," he said with a push as he ran by.  
  
Little one my ass.  
  
Although I did heed his advice, I was close enough to hear Théoden issue the order to gather horses and ride out into the Uruk-Hai with him. I always did think he was a bit suicidal...  
  
Almost instantly all of the men were tripping over their own feet to make it to the stables, (which was conveniently connected to the fortress). I used that moment of semi-peace to make contact with Babes.  
  
'How are you doing?' I thought to her.  
  
'As well as can be expected. You?'  
  
'Same. Did you hear what is going on?'  
  
'No, but I think I should know.'  
  
'Most assuredly. Listen, when all the men come into the stables, make yourself as unobtrusive as possible. They plan to ride out and meet the Uruk-Hai and I am worried they may decide to use you since not all of the men have horses of their own.'  
  
'Thanks for the heads up. Here they come!'  
  
There was a pause then all of a sudden my head almost exploded with the force of her words.  
  
'One of them has me! Help, Emily!'  
  
She was terrified and her terror was quickly rubbing off on me.  
  
'Take it easy! Start limping or something. You're good at that sort of thing. Just do something to make them think that they can't use you since you aren't any good or something like that! Just do not leave that stable!'  
  
This time the pause was much, much longer. I was just about to race out into that stable when I heard her again.  
  
'Okay, they're gone. It was a close one. They had me at the doors and then just suddenly left. I have no idea what I did.'  
  
'Me either, but just stay there. I'll be out to see you as soon as I possibly can. Just don't do anything stupid.'  
  
'I won't, but the same goes for you too.'  
  
'Gotcha. Over and out.'  
  
Just then the men started to return with their hard earned horses from the looks of it. The horses' eyes were rolling and a couple of them were frothing at the mouth. The men were dripping from their exertion.   
  
Wisely I staid out of their way. They milled around for a few moments, until Théoden entered, and they then fell silent. I glanced out of the window far up on the wall while he was going through his little spiel. As I watched, the first rays of sunlight entered through the slit. It was then that Gandalf's words echoed in my head.  
  
'Look to my coming at the first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east.'  
  
I was wrenched from thoughts when a tremendous noise rattled the very stones I stood upon.  
  
"Yes. Yes! The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last time!" cried Théoden. "Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deed awake. Now for wraith! Now for ruin! And a red dawn!" He took a deep breath and let loose, "FORTH EORLINGAS!"  
  
With that, all of the men gathered around him burst into a charge and raced out the door, leaving me alone. I ran after them and stopped at the doors just in time.  
  
As they galloped out of the keep, the men were cutting down anything that moved around them. Amazingly the Uruk-Hai were following them right out of the courtyard. As soon as I was sure I wasn't going to be spotted, I started to slink out the door.  
  
I was in full sunshine when I saw a silhouette blocking some of the light. I stared and it slowly formed into Gandalf. I heard him say something and another rider rode up beside him. Suddenly the hilltop was infiltrated with riders. They were everywhere and then they started to charge down the side of the hill. They came in a tidal wave.   
  
"Is this for real or is someone screwing with my brain?" I asked no on in particular. But, some one answered.  
  
I heard a groan and a cough behind me. I slowly turned around, fully expected to have to face down an Orc. I wasn't prepared to find a battered and broken Nria.  
  
"Oh my God!" I breathed.  
  
She was lying doubled over off to the side of the two doors. I raced over to her and gasped at the amount of blood around her. I grabbed her shoulder and she shrieked in terror.  
  
"Easy. Easy, there. It's me, Emily. You're okay. You are going to be fine."  
  
She stopped struggling and let me roll her over. Instantly I was ready to retract my statement. She was not okay. She was very far from it. Not only was her entire body a mass of scratches, some deeper than others, and bruises, she had a massive gash in her side. This was when I saw the finger marks marring her neck.  
  
I reached up and gently traced them with my fingers. They were much to big to be made by a normal man.  
  
"Uruk-Hai," I said in disgust.  
  
Since she wasn't very big, I reached under her. I was just getting ready to pick her up when she finally spoke.  
  
"Nay, do not. Emily, I beg of you, leave me. I am no longer worth it."  
  
"What? What do you mean?" I just ignored her and picked her up anyway. I walked inside the keep again. I had to get the blood flow to stop. By the looks of it she had already lost way too much to be healthy.  
  
I made it just inside the doors when I sank down to the floor with Nria cradled in my arms.  
  
I suddenly felt something and stopped in my tracks. I had noticed the blood that was seeping into my front from her side, but I hadn't noticed the blood that was running down my arms. The blood that was running down her legs from under her dress.  
  
"Oh no. Oh God, no! Nria, did they-- Did they, hurt, you more than you show?" I said as gently as I could.  
  
She did nothing but weakly turned her face away from me.  
  
"Forgive me. I fought them. I truly did," her voice was getting weaker and weaker with each breath.  
  
"Nria. Oh, Nria. Hang on just for a little longer. It doesn't matter. We are going to fix you right up and then everything is going to be just fine."  
  
In my eyes, Nria was nothing more than a smudge of color. The tears finally spilled over and swept down over my cheeks. Even if my mind didn't want to acknowledge it, I knew in my heart that Nria did not have much longer.  
  
I cradled her bruised face in my hands and kissed her forehead. I started to murmur and croon into her ear. I have no idea how long this went on, but before long I heard a shuddering breath and a little gasp.   
  
"Nria! Oh, Nria! No! NO!"  
  
Before I even knew what I was doing, I was rocking her body back and forth, weeping and wailing for all the world to hear. She had passed, her young life had been brutally ripped away from her grasp. She deserved so much more.  
  
I slowly pulled myself away from her and wiped my cheeks. I brought up a hand and gently closed her sightless eyes. I slowly set her down and walked over and grabbed a blanket that was thrown in the corner. I drug my feet back to where she was lying and covered her-head to toe. I then tucked the ends around her and slowly rose above her.  
  
Without looking back at her still form, I walked out the doors into the sunlight that would never warm me again. I completely ignored everything that was around me, I just walked right past the fallen bodies. I kept walking until I reached the gates of the keep. I paused a moment and then kept right on going. Suddenly I broke into a run almost as if I was trying to out run the past events.   
  
I dodged my way through and around the last few remaining battles and just sprinted for all I was worth towards the brightening horizon.   
  
If only I could outrun my grief. If only...If only...  
  
I heard a shout somewhere off to my left, but it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. Because of me, a young girl would never again see the sun rise, dance in the rain, see a rainbow...love. She would never love again.  
  
This thought spurred me on more. Without warning I was joined by another beside me. I glanced over and saw Babes was keeping pace with me. How she got out of the stables I shall never know, at this point in time I really didn't care. She ran with me for a little while and then issued two words.  
  
'Get on.'  
  
Without a sound I swung myself up onto her back and we were off. She ran on the very breeze. Somehow she managed to tap some of my stamina, for it actually felt as if I was the one running, but at a much faster pace then reality would grant.  
  
Soon Babes was racing back and forth, bucking and leaping. She was doing exactly what I wish I was able to do. She was exhausting both of us for my sake. She was a true friend.  
  
Finally we had reached the end of both of ours stamina. I slid to the ground and landed on my knees. I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes. My eyes were burning but I refused to let anymore tears fall. It was time for action. I would no longer take what came to me, I was going to be in charge! It was my life!  
  
I jerked as I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Aragorn looking down at me. Behind him I noticed both Legolas and Gimli, Théoden and Gandalf on their horses.  
  
"I have a reason for acting seven kinds of fool," I muttered. "Nria-Nria is-" I choked. I just couldn't finish. Even though I knew it was true I still didn't want to accept it as the truth.  
  
"Hush. We know. 'Twas not your fault. She died valiantly. She gave her life to save her people. You cannot deny her the honor of that, now can you?"   
  
I shook my head and took a deep breath. It then dawned on me that I hadn't seen Rassä nor Sienna for a very long time.  
  
"What about Sienna and Rassä? Are they all right? How are they?" I asked urgently.  
  
"Calm yerself, lassie. They fair fine," came Gimli's voice from behind Legolas.  
  
"Good."  
  
Aragorn grabbed my arm and hefted me to my feet, "Now we have the most unpleasant task to fulfill. Come, we must inform the families and bury the dead."  
  
*~*~*  
  
I shed more tears telling the poor families that their loved ones were not coming back that night, then I had ever in my entire life. It was sapping all the strength from me, but I still found enough deep inside to help with dragging the dead Uruk-Hai outside the keep to be burned.  
  
I was deep in thought when suddenly one of the 'dead' Uruk-Hai grabbed me around my upper arm and began to press a dirk into my throat. No one was near me, so I was completely on my own. He was near death so he did not have his full strength, but he still had enough to make it a life and death contest of wills.  
  
I struggled with him and he beat me upside the head. He then said something foul and I was just using the last vestiges of my power to keep the deadly point from my throat when he abruptly let go. I staggered and fell back when Aragorn came running up to me. I glanced over and saw that an arrow was protruding out of the Uruk-Hai's neck.  
  
"Emily! Emily! Are you unhurt?"  
  
I tried to say something, but all that came out was a squeak. I tried again actually formed a sentence.  
  
"I feel like shit."  
  
"That is my Emily. Come, let us get you back into the keep."  
  
"The thing had a hidden weapon," I said stupidly.  
  
"Aye, aye he did."  
  
He led me like a young child and I let him. It felt good to let someone else take the reigns for a while.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Amazingly I had dozed off for a little while. Éowyn once again was the one to awaken me.  
  
"Come. We are ready."  
  
She wouldn't say anything else, no matter how I asked. I figured what the hell and followed. After all that I had been through, I could handle anything else fate threw my way.  
  
I walked out onto the terrace and stopped in my tracks. Every live being from Helm's Deep was standing out in front of the broken wall. All around was freshly tilled ground. It was a graveyard. A freaking graveyard and this was to be the funeral.  
  
I swallowed audibly and went down to join the people. I found Nria's dear mother and both of us cried on each other's shoulders.  
  
I was drying my eyes again when I noticed a small yellow blossom along the wall. Somehow it had managed not to be trampled in the battle. I slowly made my way through the crowd over to it and plucked it from its rocky crevice.  
  
I cradled it in both of my hands and made my way back to Nria's last resting place. Once there I opened the cup of my hands and let the small flower float onto the freshly turned earth.  
  
"For you, dearheart. The bravest girl I have ever known."  
  
*~*~*  
  
The rest of the afternoon and the ensuring night passed in a blur of anger and tears. Before I even knew it, it was once again morning and we were preparing to leave.  
  
The sky was darkened by both the smoke from the blazing Uruk-Hai and I like to think it was picking up the moods of the people in Helm's Deep.  
  
In a daze all of us packed and readied everything for the journey to only God knows where. Eventually I found Gandalf just as we were mounting our horses and saying good-bye.  
  
"Where are we headed now?" I asked, not really caring, just asking anyway for the sake of it.  
  
He didn't reply, just continued with his "so long"'s and "hope to see you soon"'s.  
  
It was not until we had left the keep and crested the hill. There we, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Gandalf and I, paused.  
  
He said in a tired voice, "Sauron's wraith will be terrible, his retribution swift. The battle for Helm's Deep is over. The battle for Middle-Earth is about to begin. All our hopes now lie with two little Hobbits. Somewhere in the wilderness. We now head for Isenguard, the home of Saruman."  
  
"Good," I said. "I have a bone to pick with him. That is, right after I firmly plant my foot up his ass."  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, there you have it. Another highly emotional chapter. I promise they will get more light and fluffy, but then again you have to look at what happens in the story. Speaking of which, I don't think I will be updating again until I can go see 'The Return of the King.' I would much rather keep this with the movie instead of the books. I think you guys will just visualize it better. So hang onto your socks!  
  
~A~ 


	38. Bomb Threat

A/N: So sorry about the impossible delay, but not only did life once again interfere, but I couldn't find a decent transcript to 'The Return of the King.' Since my story has finally reached that far, I was having a bit of a problem and then there were those scary readers that were threatening me with bodily harm if I didn't update. Yeah...  
  
But, anyway, this chapter has seen me take quite a few liberties. Not only have a changed some characters, but I have also changed some building architecture and all that fun stuff. There are some characters in here that weren't in the movie and vise versa, I think. But, anyway, review and tell me what you think of my changes. I have so many ideas!  
  
*~*~*  
  
We had been riding for quite some time now, but I was numb to all that was around me. I couldn't help but remembering Nria's mother's face as her daughter's body was lowered into the ground, the look on Nria's face at her passing. If I had any more heartstrings to strum, they were now in tatters.  
  
I was once again sitting on Babes, following the others through some kind of damn forest. Why am I always the follower?   
  
Babes stumbled and threw me out of my thoughts.  
  
"Watch it there. I would like to stay up here and I really don't think you could use a broken leg right now."  
  
She just took the remark in stride. I was so upset, I was losing my nasty attitude. I couldn't even pull off a sarcastic remark with the one element that it had to have-sarcasm! What the hell is happening to me?  
  
As I was mulling over this new found catastrophe, we were traveling closer and closer to one hell of an ugly building. Seriously, this thing was huge, at least thirty stories, but it was a straight tower. I mean who does that? You can't even call it art-deco, only completely ugly.  
  
I had sunk so far into my self misery, I barely heard the shouted remark directed at us. I whipped my head and looked around blearily. There, I think I did hear something that time...  
  
"Welcome, my Lords, to Isengard!"  
  
'What the hell is 'Isengard'?'  
  
'I think we are looking at it, Babes,' I sent back to her. I just didn't feel like talking much anymore.  
  
'Emily, girl, listen to me.'  
  
'Yes, you know best,' I thought tiredly.  
  
'At this moment, I'm the only one that does! I mean for God's sake, I'm a horse and I have more brains than you. You need to pull yourself together! Nria died for what she believed in! Do you realize that she would rip off your leg and beat you over the head with it if she saw how you were now? Get over it and move on. You cannot spend the rest of your life grieving for something you had absolutely no control over!'  
  
'Thanks Babes, I really do appreciate this. I just need some more time to think-'  
  
'Bull shit!'  
  
With that she threw me off her back and into the water around us. I didn't even know she was standing in any water until I was doing a belly flop. Talk about a rude awakening, eh?  
  
I came up sputtering and shrieking, "What the hell was that for? Good God! What the hell is wrong with you, you pile of walking dog food? I can't even grieve, you are constantly making a friggin' pest of yourself. Take a hint, it's practically hitting you in the forehead. I don't want to talk to anyone!"  
  
'Too late.'  
  
Can anyone else hear the smirk in her voice?  
  
"Wha-oh. He, hi guys. Guys. Guys! Merry! Pippin! Get your asses over here and give me a hug!"  
  
Those two little guys didn't stand a chance, I had them in a couple of bear hugs before they even finished closing their mouths at my little tirade.  
  
"How are you? Are you hurt? I'm so gonna kill those things that took you! Are you hungry? Wet? Tired? Pippin, are you getting a cold? How are you?"  
  
I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and glanced up to see Gandalf smiling at me, "If you let them breath, Emily child, they may be able to answer your inquiries."  
  
"Oh, right. So, how are you?"  
  
"We are fine, Emily. How are you fairing? Aragorn had just finished telling us about your, uh, escapades," Pippin said.  
  
"Pippin! We are not to mention that to her!" hissed Merry.  
  
I quieted a moment and then sighed, "You mean Helm's Deep?" At their nods, I continued. "Yeah, talk about a trip. But, seriously, I'm okay. Let's just say my voice of reason just finished kicking my ass. So, I guess, all is good."  
  
Babes was right. I couldn't spend the rest of my life mourning Nria. She has passed to a better place. There is nothing I could or still can do, all that is left is to continue living. But, don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I will forget her, far from it, believe me. She will be remembered!  
  
I came out of my thoughts when Babes bumped my shoulder and gestured to my left. I glanced over just in time to see Pippin start wadding through the water over to a curious glowing. I followed at a distance.  
  
He bent down and lifted a faintly purple-ish glowing orb from the water and stared into the center. Deep inside of me, I could feel this unexplainable pulling sensation. I was just about to reach for it, when Gandalf broke through my reverie.  
  
"Peregrin Took. I'll take that, my lad."  
  
He was shaken as he handed it up to Gandalf and then much to my curiosity, Gandalf would not touch it directly. He grabbed it from Pippin using his cloak and immediately wrapped it up and set it in his lap. Odd...  
  
"What the...!" I trailed off. That was the exact moment that I finally noticed the very large, very alive tree that was talking to Gandalf.  
  
All eyes turned towards me.  
  
"It's a, a, tree!" I said pointing.   
  
'If it has a trunk and leaves, that's what you would usually call them.'  
  
"Shut up Babes."  
  
Merry edged over to me and explained who Treebeard was before I made more of an idiot of myself than I already was. As he was talking to me, I was looking up at the tower and couldn't help noticing the odd balcony/window thingy maybe thirty feet above us.  
  
That was when I saw someone else was watching me watching the balcony. That is no simple someone--!  
  
Lester. Wormtongue. Roadkill.  
  
He saw me looking at him and raced inside, slamming the doors as he went. Actually, he slammed them so hard, they leapt back open with the force.   
  
At the sound, everyone looked up and I managed to sputter out, "It was Lester! I swear to God it was!"  
  
"Aye, child. I believe you. This is the lair of Saruman. Wormtongue, or Lester as you call him, is in his employ. He is the one that issued the orders for Merry and Pippin's abduction."  
  
"Seriously?" I asked solemnly.  
  
"Seriously."  
  
"They are dead men."  
  
Gandalf grinned and went back to his conversation with the talking tree. I backed up a few paces, quite a feat with water up to my knees, and started to look around me.  
  
After about ten minutes I had a pretty good idea of a hell of a revenge. Muhaha, pure and simple.  
  
"Hey Merry!" I called from where I was standing atop one of the fallen boulders. I hopped down and made my way over to him. "You wouldn't happen to have a bottle, some lamp oil and a cloth here, would you?"  
  
He looked at me, "What will you be making?"  
  
I gave him an evil grin, "Utter chaos."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Finally we managed to find the necessary supplies-that took a while, let me tell you. I kept looking up to the balcony doors, if those shut, my plan was ruined. So far so good, if only my luck will hold out a little bit longer.  
  
I plopped down on a nearby rock and set to work making my chaos element. Within minutes I had everyone's complete attention, even that talking tree's.  
  
First, I filled the empty wine bottle, (how that got here, I don't know), half full with lamp oil, then I twisted the handkerchief that Pippin gave me into one long strip. Okay, now one more step and then show time! I worked the cloth into the bottle until about three inches was hanging out of the neck of the bottle.   
  
I gently set the bottle down on the rock and went over to Babes's saddle bags.  
  
"Do I still have those matches in here?"  
  
'Dunno. I hope so. I think I have a pretty good idea of what you are doing though.'  
  
I laughed and continued digging. Finally I found the wrinkled and crumbled matches at the very bottom of the pack. There was virtually nothing left of the pack itself and maybe four of the matches were still usable. This was the tricky part.  
  
I went back over to the bottle and climbed up onto the boulder with it. Nah, I had to make sure I was accurate. I climbed back down and then went in search of a stone that was roughly the same weight. After a rather long but fruitful search, I found one. I then walked back to the boulder and climbed up again.  
  
I stood there and looked up at the balcony. Okay, now I had to be quick. Both of those men were fairly intelligent, I'll give them that. I have to be quick so they don't know what I am doing, until it is done and over with. Then they better know what I am doing!  
  
As quickly as I could, I hefted the rock and let it fly. It flew up through the air and into the doors with a resounding crash. Good I could make it. Then, I reached down, grabbed a match and flicked my thumb over it. Thank God for sulpher tipped matches! I lit the cloth at the end of the bottle, waited a few seconds until it caught and then let 'er rip!  
  
If you hadn't guess already, I made a bomb and threw it up into Isengard.   
  
Go me!  
  
But anyway, it took the same path the rock had taken. It made it through the wide open doors and exploded into a fiery cloud. Immediately the air was filled with the screams of Lester and who I guessed to be Saruman.   
  
I know the bomb more than likely caused no bodily damage, but one can wish. Besides, at least now they know that I will not stop at beating the shit out of them. Dual purpose you know.  
  
Actually, I don't condone bombs. I think they are one of the worst things a person could use, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  
  
I jumped back off the rock and glanced over to Gimli who was laughing like a mad man.  
  
"That's me girl!"  
  
Wasn't he the one that didn't like me?  
  
"What was that?" Pippin asked in wonder.  
  
"That my friend is called a bomb. Or, in other words, complete chaos."  
  
*~*~*  
  
My fame with the people of Middle-Earth was growing very, very quickly. It was absolutely crazy. We were traveling with the Rohannian people back to Edoras, their hometown. Every night that we stopped to camp, more children and elderly people would come to just see the amazing Emily, the men would come to thank me for my "prowess on the battlefield," and the women would all come to congratulate me on the men congratulating me. It was enough to turn a person's head.  
  
I wasn't the only one that was getting so much attention. Babes was getting endless 'yes/no' questions, once the people had finally realized she was intelligent to answer them. One stomp on the ground was yes, two no. She was absolutely loving it. Amazingly, with one very perceptive child asking the questions, Babes managed to spell out some of my more embarrassing moments. Actually, this did nothing but further our fame since everyone loved the idea of a 'hero' with flaws. It was crazy. I think I already said that though...  
  
After almost a week of this, we had finally reached Edoras. As soon as we crested the final hill, everyone started cheering and racing towards it. Surprisingly, the city was left untouched.   
  
Babes and I walked through the gates and saw the mad rush to the houses. The children were once again gathered in groups, playing whatever they play here. The women were already rushing to get vegetables from the gardens, laundry done, name it, they were doing it. The men were all clustered at the blacksmith's, getting their swords sharpened, armor fit, mainly slapping each other on the shoulder and congratulating him on being manly.  
  
Even though it was a much different homecoming than I would have expected, it still was a welcome sight for both Babes and I. I had whole-heartedly expected a solemn procession, the people once again grieving for their dead now that they were home.  
  
'See, you could take a lesson. I don't think anyone is wallowing in grief.'  
  
"Babes, have I told you how much I appreciate you?" I asked while rubbing her neck.  
  
'I never tire of hearing it.'  
  
I laughed and started walking up to the Golden Hall, as these people call it.  
  
"Take it easy!" I called back to her.  
  
'You too. Wonder what kind of feed they have...' she said to herself more than to me.  
  
Always the horse.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I had found Éowyn almost right after I entered the Hall and she had lead me to a room where I could crash. When I finally woke up again, it was dark outside and Éowyn was trying her damnedest to wake me up.  
  
"Emily, come! You must awaken! There is a gathering tonight and you must be in attendance."  
  
"Love to, but can't," I mumbled into my pillow. "Don't have anything to wear. Everything covered in nasty crap."  
  
"I know, that is why I took the liberty to choose something from my own clothing for you. I know you do not care for dresses, but there is naught to choose from but those."  
  
As she had been talking I sat up and swung my feet over the side of the bed. I was rubbing my eyes and trying to make some semblance of order out of my hair when I heard the word 'dress.' I groaned and whined, "Do I have to?"  
  
"Aye," she said with a grin.  
  
"Damn."  
  
*~*~*  
  
I had to hand it to Éowyn. Dresses weren't really that bad to tell you the truth.  
  
She had managed to turn me into a princess. Well, a princess without all that royal crap about her. The dress was a confection of the softest pale blue wool that I have ever felt. It reached all the way down to the floor and flowed and tightened in all the right places. I looked good, if I do say so myself. My hair had finally been convinced to lay flat and Éowyn had managed to coax a few well-placed braids in it. I looked really good.  
  
If I looked really good, Eowyn looked absolutely amazing. Not only was she always gorgeous no matter what she did, but she seemed to glow tonight. It was a good sign of what was to come.  
  
I took one more look in the mirror, then I turned to Eowyn and presented my arm, "Shall we milady?"  
  
"Aye, milady."  
  
We both started laughing.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Our laughter did not last long.   
  
We reached the great hall and saw that it was filled with men. That was not what stopped our gaiety, it was the looks on their faces. It looked like they were attending a funeral; sadly, to many it was. This was the first time that many of these people had gotten a chance to mourn the ones that were lost at Helm's Deep.  
  
We quietly moved through the people until we were standing next to Théoden. I was just going to go find my own seat somewhere-I didn't think I should be so disrespectful to sit next to the king. I was just walking away when I heard Théoden call to me.  
  
"Nay, Emily. I would be honored for you to sit with my niece and I."  
  
"Well, hell. Don't that beat all," I muttered.  
  
I went back and took a vacant seat and watched as a group of five women moved around the room giving and filling cups. They came to me and I was going to refuse, I'm not a big drinker mind you, but something about the woman's eyes or the look in them stopped me.  
  
Finally, everyone had a drink and was quiet, waiting for Théoden to say something. He stood and raised his cup, all followed his lead.  
  
"Tonight we remember those who gave their blood to defend this country." He held his cup a moment longer and then called out in his booming voice, "Hail the victorious dead!"  
  
Everyone then drank deeply from his or her cup. I took a bit of a sip and then saw Éowyn looking at me. I just looked back and then I saw her mouth, "Sing."  
  
I just stared for a minute and then followed her orders.  
  
I started softly, just barely audible.  
  
"Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913,   
  
made his great grandchildren believe you could live to a hundred and three   
  
a hundred and three is forever when you're just a little kid so   
  
Cyrus Jones lived forever   
  
Gravedigger   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
Gravedigger   
  
Muriel Stonewall 1903 to 1954,   
  
she lost both of her babies in the second great war   
  
now you should never have to watch your only children lowered in the ground   
  
I mean you should   
  
never have to bury your own babies."  
  
As I sang this last verse, I sought Nria's mother and our eyes met. I could see the tears corsing down her cheeks and almost felt my control snap. Not yet...   
  
"Gravedigger   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
Gravedigger   
  
Ring around the rosy   
  
pocket full of posies   
  
ashes to ashes   
  
we all fall down.   
  
Gravedigger   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
oh Gravedigger   
  
Little Mikey Carson, '67 to '75   
  
he rode his bike like the devil until the day he died.   
  
When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze   
  
oh, 1940 to 1992.   
  
Gravedigger,   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
Oh, Gravedigger   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
I can feel the rain   
  
I can feel the rain   
  
Gravedigger   
  
Gravedigger   
  
when you dig my grave   
  
could you make it shallow   
  
so that I can feel the rain   
  
Gravedigger."   
  
I slowly drifted off and then noticed that not a single eye in the great hall was dry. Not only did I sing a song in tribute to the dead, but I now totally depressed everyone else. Damn it!  
  
I started singing again, this one had to do something.  
  
"I'm coming round to open the blinds   
  
you can't hide here any longer.   
  
My God, you need to rinse those puffy eyes   
  
you can't lie still any longer.   
  
And yes, they'll ask where you've been,   
  
and you'll have to tell them, again and again.   
  
And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day,   
  
but I promise you, you'll see the sun again.   
  
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness,   
  
and I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
Come on, take my hand,   
  
we're going for a walk, I know you can.   
  
You can wear anything, as long as it's not black.   
  
Please don't mourn forever, she's not coming back.   
  
And yes, they'll ask where you've been.   
  
And you'll have to tell them, again and again.   
  
And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day,   
  
but I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness   
  
and I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
And I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
Do you remember telling me you'd found the sweetest thing of all?   
  
You said that one day of this was worth dying for.   
  
So be thankful you knew her at all,   
  
but it's no more.   
  
And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day,   
  
but I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
And you're asking me why pains the only way to happiness,   
  
and I promise you you'll see the sun again.   
  
And I promise you you'll see the sun again."  
  
I finished that song and got the cheers and applause that I was shooting for. Although many people still were crying, I was hoping that those were tears of joy that they had finally found their release.  
  
What can I say? Always the optimist.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, I am once again a writing fiend! Aren't you all so incredibly proud of me?  
  
The first song was 'Gravedigger' by Dave Matthews. The second was 'See the Sun' by Dido (gotta love her, eh?).  
  
I just want to add that I do not agree with bombing no matter what, but as I/Emily said, it was more of a scare tactic than anything. I also don't believe that makes it any better, but don't you think it was about sometime that someone bombed Isengard? It was just too good to pass up.  
  
Toodles until next time, and hopefully that won't be three months from now.  
  
~A~ 


	39. Terrified Flight

A/N: Man, this is really starting to piss me off! I have all of these fantastic ideas for where this story could go, but I am just too damn lazy to actually sit down and pound them out onto the computer! This just really isn't working for me.  
  
I also have about fifty million things going on in my life right now, so no fear! I did not forget this story and its really not likely that I ever will. I mean holy cow! I have over seven hundred reviews! And to think, this whole idea came when I went running one day...  
  
Story time!  
  
*~*~*  
  
These Rohannians sure as hell could party!  
  
I had been winding through the ever-growing crowd of drunk people for the past hour and a half. Quite frankly, it was getting a bit old. I mean you can only take so many men vomiting practically on your shoes and equally drunk men trying to cop a feel. My hand hurt from dealing out so many slugs for getting too close.  
  
I was also getting sick of Éowyn calf-eyeing Aragorn. Every time I looked over at her she was either talking to him or looking at him with devotion in her gaze. I was about to go the way of some of the formerly mentioned drunk men-and I'm not interested in groping anyone.  
  
I was walking towards the door, when I happened to pass by a group of men, who, amazingly were managing to talk about the city's defense while being smashed. If that isn't admirable, I don't know what is...  
  
Just as I passed, I heard one of them say, "We need not worry ourselves with the forces of Sauron. He would not dare to attack the Rohannians!"  
  
I just could not help myself. I stopped and turned to them, "Oh, that's right, Helm's Deep was just a horrible misunderstanding. All the men that were killed was really no big deal. Sauron just had wrong directions. I mean everyone knows that Rohannians shit roses, who would want to deal with that?"  
  
They just sat there staring at me, mouths agape. Then one managed to find his voice, "You dare to speak to your betters, woman? I shall have your tongue for that!" He started to stand, but I got to him before he could get anywhere.  
  
"Woman, eh? So now, after saving probably half of the asses in this room, I am just a lowly woman? I bet my right hand that I and all the women in this room are worth at least two of you. Sauron doesn't care if you are the Queen of England at a tea party, he is going to come after you, your family, even your damn dog! He does not care! Nothing, and I enunciate this very clearly, nothing will stop him, least of all you, a worthless coward getting sloshed. So do not talk to me about betters." With that I walked out of the room, followed by the women's applause. I had gotten progressively louder as I was ranting and the entire room heard me by the time I was finished.  
  
Actually, luckily for me, since it was so late, there really were not that many people left in the hall. Otherwise, I have a feeling I would have gotten one hell of an ass whooping for what I had said. The price for an opinion these days...  
  
I hadn't seen any of the guys for quite a while now, not even the Hobbits. But then again, they were probably going the way of the other men, getting drunk off their asses. Oh well, I wasn't going to be the one with the killer hang over tomorrow.  
  
Just the thought of sharing a corridor with all the drunk skunks was enough to turn a stomach of steel, so instead of turning left, to my room, I headed right. I happened to walk by the so-called 'laundry room.' I saw a pair of leggings and swiped them up. I wasn't staying in this dress any longer than I had to!  
  
Soon I came to a long winding staircase. I was guessing that it lead to the roof, or the balcony, hey, if it lead outside I was happy. I had to get outside, the walls were starting to stifle me.  
  
I slowly climbed the stairs, the leggings clutched in my hands, and low and behold, there was a balcony/ledge thingy. I went to the edge and looked down, just to see how far up I actually was. I gave a very girly shriek and leapt back. Yeah, I was that far up.   
  
I just stood there watching the stars twinkling, gazing out into nothingness, twisting the pants around my left wrist. A light breeze picked up and blew my dress and my hair around me. I glanced around and took off the dress and replaced it with the leggings and undershirt I had had on to begin with.  
  
I finished and seeing that no one else was around, I walked over to the overhang of the roof and started to climb up it. I was feeling a bit reckless, so after I finally hauled myself up and over the edge, I sat only about six feet from the edge. Up here, the breeze had turned itself into a wind, but it helped with my emotions. I had started to feel way to trapped down there will all the people celebrating. I never was much of a party person.  
  
I sitting there just letting idle thoughts wash over me when it finally hit me, if I would scoot down the last six feet, all of this could be done and over with. I wouldn't have to worry about Sauron, or Saruman, or the Orcs, or the guys, or Frodo, or Sam, or, or, or...  
  
I just wasn't really thinking clearly and with all that had been happening lately, I think I was getting depressed. No, you think... But even when I realized I had no real urge to slide down the last few feet, I couldn't break my fascination with the edge. It was almost like there was something or someone actually pushing me to make that final move.  
  
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and started to sing under my breath to gain control of myself again.  
  
"Please come now I think I'm falling   
  
I'm holding on to all I think is safe   
  
It seems I found the road to nowhere   
  
And I'm trying to escape   
  
I yelled back when I heard thunder   
  
But I'm down to one last breath   
  
And with it let me say   
  
Let me say   
  
Hold me now   
  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking   
  
That maybe six feet   
  
Ain't so far down   
  
I'm looking down now that it's over   
  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes   
  
I thought I found the road to somewhere   
  
Somewhere in His grace   
  
I cried out heaven save me   
  
But I'm down to one last breath   
  
And with it let me say   
  
Let me say   
  
Hold me now   
  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking   
  
That maybe six feet   
  
Ain't so far down   
  
Sad eyes follow me   
  
But I still believe there's something left for me   
  
So please come stay with me   
  
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me   
  
For you and me   
  
For you and me   
  
Hold me now   
  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking."  
  
It was a bit creepy how much this related to me right now, but it also had an amazing comforting effect. Just as the last note faded, a cloaked and hooded figure came into my line of view. He, and I'm assuming here, walked to the low wall and just stood staring out into the night.  
  
Then, he spoke to me, "It is not safe up there, Emily. You may fall."  
  
I jerked and then just rolled my eyes, "Legolas, you have no idea how close I was."  
  
He turned slightly and then smiled thinly, "Aye, I do. Elf ears."  
  
"Oh, right."  
  
You idiot! Of course he would have heard you singing, he's a bloody elf!  
  
"So..." I said to break the silence.  
  
"So..." he repeated with laughter in his voice.  
  
"Dude, you are not helping right now. What are you doing up here, anyway?"  
  
"The same thing that you are, thinking," he said but with no laughter this time.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts."  
  
He turned fully and looked quizzically at me, "Penny? I do not grasp your meaning."  
  
I sighed, "Never mind, just tell me what you are thinking about, elf boy."  
  
"Sauron. The Hobbits. Middle-Earth."  
  
"That works..."  
  
We stayed like that for a long time, sharing a companionable silence while both lost in different but strangely the same thoughts.  
  
Suddenly I smelled the faint scent of smoke and Aragorn moved up to stand beside Legolas.  
  
"Put out the pipe, Ranger."  
  
He jerked and looked up at me. I waggled my fingers at him, "Hi. Don't ask."  
  
He just nodded slowly and turned back around. We fell back into silence again.  
  
I felt that weird pulling again. It was deep inside of me, but instead of telling me only to fall off the roof by myself, it was telling me I should take the other two with me. I was horrified with my thoughts and was just going to have a serious heart-to-heart with myself when I heard Legolas.  
  
"The stars are veiled."  
  
I looked up to see what he was talking about when I felt a thickness covering me. I blinked and cleared my throat, but it was still there. Weird...  
  
"Something stirs in the East...A sleepless malice."  
  
Aragorn and Legolas turned and looked at each other then at me. I really paid no attention because of the heaviness that was covering me, consuming me.  
  
Just as Legolas spoke I knew what was happening.  
  
"The Eye of the enemy is moving."  
  
Sauron was here!  
  
We stayed and looked at each other a moment longer before we all broke and ran. I rolled to my right and swung down from the roof. I landed hard and managed to scrap my knee badly but I was up and moving again. Legolas and Aragorn were close on my heels.  
  
At first I didn't even realize where I was rushing to, but then it hit me where I had to be. The Hobbits' room. I mean I know they had Gandalf rooming with them, but I had a gut instinct that whatever was happening, he had no clue.  
  
Finally after much winding around and racing through the corridors, we made it to their room. Legolas and Aragorn elbowed past me and shoved their way into the room and found Pippin writhing on the floor in pain, clutching the funky glass orb. I knew there was a reason that I had a bad feeling about it.   
  
Aragorn reached over and snatched it out of his hands and then immediately fell to his knees gasping. Legolas was holding him upright, but was smart enough to touch the Palantir.   
  
As I was watching in shock, I felt a little voice at the back of my mind whining at me to go and grab Aragorn's dagger and plunge it into his back. I shook my head and looked to where Aragorn was holding the orb in pain. Then, I knew what I had to do.  
  
I strode over to him and grabbed it and held on tight. Dimly I heard Gandalf's voice shouting at me to let go, but I refused, I knew who that voice was finally.  
  
It was Sauron and it was coming from the orb.  
  
'KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!'  
  
It thundered in my mind, bouncing off the crevices and amplifying more and more. I had sunk to my knees and was huddling in a ball to protect the orb from any reaching hands.  
  
'YOU ARE TO FUFILL YOUR QUEST. KILL THE HALFLINGS! KILL THE WIZARD! KILL ALL THAT ARE IN YOUR WAY! YOU ARE NOTHING! DO AS I BID! DO IT NOW!'  
  
He screamed the last command in my mind. I saw that I was rushing towards a giant fiery eye on top of a tower. I saw a long knife magically appear in my hand and then I was back in the room. I was huddled with the orb still, with the voice thundering in my inner ear, but I refused to move.  
  
'MOVE! KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM YOU WORTHLESS WOMAN!'  
  
I got shakily to my feet, with the Palantir under my arm and the knife in my hand.  
  
"I will NOT!" I screamed.  
  
Instantly it felt as if my head would shatter into a million of pieces. My feet started moving on their own, in the direction of a terrified Merry. I could see the horror in his face and he was slowly backing away from me.  
  
I looked deep into his eyes and could see that he thought he was finished. With my last reserve of strength, I turned the knife in my hand so it was pointing at my own chest instead of Merry's. With one last look I started the knife in a downward plunge towards my heart.  
  
The world went black.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Slowly the world spun back into focus and I noticed I was propped up on the wall. I looked around in a daze and saw that everyone was looking at me with fear. Gandalf reached down and smoothed my hair from my face and looked deep into my eyes.  
  
"She has returned."  
  
"Would anyone mind telling me exactly what happened here?"  
  
Pippin stepped forward slightly and explained in a shaky voice, "A knife appeared in your hand and you started to approach Merry. Then there was this gleam in your eyes, they had clouded over, but deep inside you could see it. There was this gleam and then you turned the knife on yourself. Just before you would have plunged it into your breast, the knife shattered and you were flung against the wall. A wind appeared and a scream was audible, then you awakened."  
  
"So I have only been out a few minutes?" I asked groggily.  
  
"Aye, child. You were under the spell of Sauron. He found you here," Gandalf said.  
  
By now, I was feeling fine so I stood up and leaned against the wall. I was a bit shaky and disoriented but all right. Go me...  
  
Then what he said registered in my mind, "What do you mean, 'found me here'?" I demanded.  
  
Gandalf sighed wearily and sank down onto his bed, "Sauron has a hold upon you, child. He can trace you at will."  
  
"So you mean that he knows where I am at all times and he knows what I'm doing? What I'm seeing?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Oh, God," I moaned. I cupped my hands in my head and then jerked upright again.  
  
"Oh, God!" I repeated. "I have to get out of here!"  
  
"Child, he can find you anywhere," Gandalf said, misunderstanding my meaning.  
  
"No, you idiot! I know that! I mean that he knows what you guys are doing! What you are planning. With the thingy!"   
  
They all just looked at me.  
  
"The Ring, you dumbasses!"  
  
Every eye widened with realization. Shit, we were in trouble.  
  
I started for the door and brushed past Aragorn as he tried to block my path. I had to get my stuff together and get out of here as soon as possible.  
  
'Babes! Get yourself together! We are outta here in three minutes!'  
  
'Yeah, I kinda figured. I heard everything. You scared the hell out of me there, Emily.'  
  
I just raised and eyebrow and broke into a run. The longer I stayed here, the more danger I put everyone in.  
  
*~*~*  
  
I was standing on the steps of the keep, trying to explain to the king why I had to leave when I felt that heaviness again.  
  
"Oh, shit," I moaned. "It's coming back!"  
  
I wheeled around and raced to where Babes was standing. I leapt onto her and I just managed to yell back, "Take care, everyone!" before we were off galloping.  
  
The gates opened just as we reached them and squeezed through. Babes was moving for all she was worth and I was leaning down, clutching her mane with tears leaking out of my eyes, wondering what was going to happen now.  
  
It didn't look good, at the moment I was trying to outrun an enemy that was deep inside of me.  
  
Nope, not good at all.  
  
*~*~*  
  
A/N: There! I finished. This time it only took me two months to update. I just wanna warn everyone, I am having a hell of a time getting this story out, so it could be a while before the next chapter. I will try very, very hard though. I just seem to be hitting a bit of a road block.  
  
The song was "One Last Breath" by Creed. Someone told me it was about a man thinking about suicide, so I kinda thought it fit the moment. Emily is going to come out of her emotional slump eventually, but I just have to work at it, otherwise she would end up a manic depressant!  
  
Happy Easter to everyone that celebrates! (Think of this as a present)  
  
~A~ 


	40. Told You So

A/N: Well, this is just a wee bit awkward, don'cha think? Here I am, once again three months or so from my last update. Well, I really just can't help it, I mean hell, I do have a life that has really bad timing.  
  
I had a hell of a revelation just a few days ago. I seriously have been planning on a sequel for this story, all the original characters again. But, this time I'm thinking I'm gonna steer clear of the Lord of the Rings. Instead I am thinking Emily, Babes and Harry Potter! Good, bad, throw me in a closet for a billion years for even suggesting it? Let me know.   
  
A lot of people caught my little typo/dumbass moment. I think I successfully redeem myself here though, but once again you will have to let me know. I know this has taken a long time to appear, but I have been suffering from writer's block...again (huge surprise, eh?)  
  
Enjoy!  
  
From my guess, which clearly it was since I didn't have a watch, it was about noon when Babes and I finally stopped the frantic flight to take a bit of a breather. Damn, I get wordy when I am tired. But we really were, Babes could barely stand and I was going to be lucky if I could sit anytime in the next week.  
  
Babes jerked me out of my reverie when she asked, 'So, I was just thinking that since I was the one that was running for the last night or so I kinda figured I would get to know where the hell we are going?!' Obviously, she gets wordy too when she is tired...  
  
I looked up from my perch on the ground and shrugged. How was I possibly going to explain this to her. Me, Emily the crazy women's lib movement starter type person, was being possessed by Sauron. Hell of a conversation-starter.  
  
'Emily? Emily, talk to me here. Why are you blushing and not looking at me? What's going on? Why aren't you talking to me? Is it just because of that little Sauron mishap back there? Come on, damnit, talk to me already!'  
  
I was just going to attack her to make her shut up, when one of her comments caught my attention.  
  
"What the hell! You knew about that! Wait! If you call that a 'little mishap' you have serious mental issues. Coming from me, you know that is serious," I muttered at her.  
  
She sighed, 'Well, it is no wonder that I knew about it. I mean not only were you screaming loud enough for them to hear you in Lothlorien, but we do have this mind path.'  
  
I was momentarily sidetracked, "I was screaming?"  
  
'Most definitely.'  
  
"Damn."  
  
'To say the least.'  
  
I ran a hand through my dirty and snarled hair and scowled. Here I was, once again I might add, out in the middle of nowhere with a talking horse. My life has really reached its peak.  
  
'I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.'  
  
"I am terribly ecstatic for you."  
  
I figured since I was just sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself, I could at least try and do something constructive. I started to take in my surroundings and what I had thought to take along with us when we started this crazed flight. What I saw wasn't good.  
  
Not only did we not have any food, water, clothing or shelter, I had also neglected to bring along my sword. Even though I still didn't have a clue how to use the damn thing, I at least knew what end was sharp. Hey, that had to be some help in the long run.  
  
I put my head in my hands and sighed again. I was getting very good at that. "Babes, I really don't know what we are going to do this time. I have a feeling, call it a hunch, we are completely lost and are going to die in a matter of days."  
  
'Thank you, Captain Obvious.'  
  
"You are really not helping right now," I glared at her. "Do you have any idea what we can do? I feel really bad about running out on the Rohannians like I did. I mean, they did throw a hell of a party when they wanted to."  
  
'Okay, I wasn't going to say anything to you. I was just going to humor you, but this is really starting to piss me off. They are called the Rohirrim. Not the 'Rohannians', but the Rohirrim. Say it with me. Come on, say it damnit!'  
  
I repeated the word a few times until she was finally satisfied. God, did I feel like an ass.  
  
'You are one.'  
  
"And you are a horse, I wouldn't be talking."  
  
After we finally stopped bitching at each other, we agreed to stop long enough to catch some sleep. Trust me, we were planning on taking up where we had left off in the morning.  
  
I was lying on my back with my hands folded behind my head staring up at the night sky. 'What was I going to do now?' I asked myself. Here I was, out in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know anyone other than Babes and the guys and none of them could help me.   
  
I sighed and rolled over on my side, in the process finding a root with my spine. I stifled a groan and looked over to where Babes had stationed herself. I really didn't deserve her friendship. I sighed again and tried to get a hold of myself. Since when had I become so melancholy?  
  
I couldn't go to where there were people; I didn't want them to go through the same ordeal that Merry had to. I must have scared the bejeezus out of him. I grinned at the thought...  
  
But back to other things. I was endangering anyone that I came into contact with, that included Babes also. Maybe, just maybe, I should take off right now. I know she would be hurt, but I wouldn't have to worry about endangering anyone anymore. I would be looking out for numero uno.  
  
I was mulling the idea over, trying to find the loop hole. It sounded like a really good idea; suddenly I found the so-called loop hole. I would miss her. I would miss Babes a lot. I would miss her stupid comments, her snarky attitude, her companionship, her loyalty. Ah, hell, I would just miss her, period.  
  
'Damn straight you would.'  
  
I started violently and looked over to where she was standing. She wasn't looking at me, but she continued to talk to me.  
  
'You would miss me, but not for that long. I would hunt you down and kick your ass. Remember, I have four legs. That's a lot of ass kicking power. You are not getting rid of me at all. Now, do I make myself clear?'  
  
I looked at her sheepishly. Her little speech had moved me deeply. I had an undying friendship with her and she was not prepared to let me throw it all away.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," I said with a grin. "But what are we going to do now? I mean, where are we going to go?"  
  
'I'm not sure. In the morning you can spin around in a circle and pick a direction. That's where we will go.'  
  
"Hey! Why am I the one that has to do the spinning?"  
  
'Because I said so and it is incredibly difficult to spin with four legs.'  
  
I laughed at the mental picture and asked, "Fine, but what are we going to use to defend ourselves? I forgot my sword."  
  
'Idiot. I dunno, I s'pose we can find you a stick to carry. Besides, if all else fails, I am bad-ass enough for the both of us.'  
  
I just scowled at her and rolled over.  
  
Both Babes and I were so tired that we slept well past our dawn wake up call. Both of us claimed that we would wake up then no matter what and would wake the other one. Yeah, well, we both screwed up royally.  
  
By my guess, it was around noon when I finally roused myself to the land of the living. At least I had the satisfaction of waking up Babes.  
  
I marched over to her, rather stiffly I might add, and roughly shoved my shoulder up against her. This successfully threw off her balance and she had to stumble around for a few moments until she regained it again.  
  
'What the hell! Whad'a miss? What did I miss?'  
  
"Our wake up call, jack ass."  
  
'I resent that. I will have you know that I am a purebred that comes from a very long line of very distinguished ancestors. I do not apprec-oh shit! I slept late!'  
  
"At this point, I am not going to say anything, though I so desperately want to."  
  
'Thanks. So, which way are we going, mon capitain?'  
  
I looked at her in surprise, "Where did you pick up that? I didn't know you could speak French."  
  
'Can't really. Got it out of your memories. Scary, those things.'  
  
"Thank you, Master Yoda," I rolled my eyes. Right, the direction.  
  
I took a deep breath and madly started to spin in a circle. Finally, after I had almost barked my shin against innumerable objects, I was facing a direction slightly to the left of where Babes was. But then again, I was so dizzy I could barely tell up from down, ass from hand.  
  
"Righto, so that is the direction."  
  
Babes snorted inelegantly, 'Unless you want to try that again?'  
  
"Yup, definitely where we are going," I said quickly.  
  
Babes just laughed at me. Again.  
  
During the next two days, not much of interest happened to us. Babes walked, I rode and occasionally walked. We saw grass, rocks, distant trees, rocks, rolling hills, rocks, boulders, rocks and you guessed it: rocks.  
  
Both of us were bored to tears. I think I was just about ready to start sobbing into Babes's mane, when something she said caught my attention.  
  
'Well, look at that. Didn't actually think that the spinning would work. We actually got somewhere.'  
  
I shot upward, almost over her neck in fact.  
  
'Easy there, tiger.'  
  
"What do you mean we are actually somewhere?"  
  
She gestured with her head, 'Look straight ahead and a little to the right of that crest over there. See that oddly shaped shadow?'  
  
I nodded, "Who knew my spinning would find a shadow."  
  
'No, you dumbass. That oddly shaped shadow is none other than Minas Tirith, the White City. We are in Gondor.'  
  
"No shit?"  
  
'I shit you not.'  
  
I giggled at the absurdity of the comment and leaned low over her neck, "Well let's go visit."  
  
'Please, let's.'  
  
With that, Babes took off in a full-fledged gallop, with me whooping on her back. That has got to be the headiest rush, to be flying headlong over the ground with the wind whipping in your face. It makes you feel alive.  
  
I was almost completely caught up in the bliss of the ride, but not so much that I missed the shadowy shapes swooping low over some other shadowy shapes. My, I am articulate.  
  
I tugged gently on Babes's mane, but she just ignored me. I tugged a bit harder and heard her snap, 'What?'  
  
Since the wind would have tossed all of my words back at me, I reverted to mindspeak.  
  
'See those shapes up ahead? Are they anything to worry about? I have this gut-feeling that we should slow down and think this through before we barge in.'  
  
'Nah, they are just riders, patrolling or something like that.'  
  
'All right, I could buy that, but what about the shapes in the sky?'  
  
'Low clouds.'  
  
'That low?' I asked incredulously.  
  
'Hey, have you lived here your whole life? No, I didn't think so. I know what the weather patterns can be, and those shapes are definitely clouds. Don't worry so much.'  
  
I shrugged. Fine, if Miss Pissy Pants wanted total control, I would give it to her. All that kept running through my head was, "I am in complete control."  
  
Famous last words.  
  
I brought my attention back to the present, just as we were going to crest the steep rise before Minas Tirith. At the top, we would be able to see the entire city and the city would be able to see us. Let's see if they open their gates faster than Rohan!  
  
I leaned over Babes in anticipation of what was to come. We practically flew over the rise and were half way down the other side before it registered what was happening around us.  
  
A group of maybe thirty to forty riders were hauling ass towards the city's gates. It didn't help the fact any that these men were being attacked by Babes's 'low clouds.' The clouds were actually these butt-ugly dragon type things with mouthfuls of very sharp teeth.  
  
I whispered to Babes, "Somehow I just don't think that 'I told you so' is going to cut it."  
  
She just shook her head and watched as the action around us unfolded. Luckily, all of the participants were too wrapped up in themselves to pay much attention to us, which was a good thing.   
  
The flying monsters kept sweeping through the ranks of the soldiers; completely obliterating five or so at a go. It was horrifying to watch, the fact that we couldn't help the men made the fact even worse.  
  
Suddenly a rider clothed in white burst forth from the city gates and galloped to the rescue. He raised his staff above his head and a blinding light blazed forth, knocking into the demons. The monsters fell back, allowing the riders to race towards the gates and the safety of the city.  
  
As soon as the last rider disappeared through the gates, I slid off Babes's back and looked her in the eye.  
  
"Was that..." I started to form the question.  
  
'Most assuredly,' came the reply.  
  
"How did he get here ahead of us."  
  
'Well, considering the whole 'getting lost' part of our adventure didn't help in the speed department.'  
  
"Point taken. But don't you think-watch out!" I screamed. Just in time too, for the monsters had finally noticed our presence on the hill and were closing in for the kill. One of them had dived for Babes and just narrowly missed her. Even though they had missed her the first time, they weren't giving up. They were already wheeling around for round two.  
  
With speed that impressed even me, I leapt on Babes again and we were off. If I thought we were moving fast before, it is really amazing what a mouth full of teeth nipping at your heels will do for your speed.  
  
"Go for the gates! Go for the gates!" I shrieked at her.  
  
She went barreling down the hill at the city for all she was worth. I glanced back over my shoulder just in time to see a foot rake an inch or so over my head. Babes gave a whinny of fright but just kept on running.  
  
We were getting close enough to the walls that the monsters weren't able to wheel around quite as fast. 'We are going to make it!' I thought jubilantly.  
  
Just as I was finishing the thought, my world was thrown upside down violently. Before I even really knew what was going on, I was flying through the air. I landed hard on my left shoulder and managed a sloppy rolling.  
  
I slowly staggered to my feet to find out what had happened. I turned around to where Babes was, to see her on her back, feet flailing in the air. She managed to right herself as I watched and scrambled to her feet.  
  
'Run! Run, Emily! Go, for God's sake! Make for the city!'  
  
Instead of following her advice, I ran for her.  
  
"What happened?" I screamed as I dodged flying monsters.  
  
Right before my eyes, one of them slammed into Babes, throwing her on her side.  
  
'My leg! It won't work! Run! Get out of here!'  
  
"Not with out you damnit! Did Starsky ever leave Hutch? No!"  
  
She staggered to her feet again and screamed in pain and fear.  
  
"I'm coming! Oh, hold on!"  
  
I was running for all I was worth. Most of the monsters' attention was focused on Babes, so I got through without much notice. I had almost reached her when I was seized around the waist and hoisted painfully into the air.  
  
I gasped at the painful squeezing and looked down to see the ground dropping away from my feet at a sickening speed and even worse, saw a scaly foot enclosed around my waist.  
  
I started screaming for all I was worth, but we just kept climbing. I actually thought that it was just going to keep on rising forever, but that thought was abruptly shattered.  
  
It dropped me.  
  
All I remember was the terrible feeling of losing my stomach over and over again as I plummeted towards the hard, unforgiving earth, when everything went black.  
  
I have two theories on what happened. One: I fainted, like a complete coward, at the thought of hitting the ground. Or two: One of the monsters managed, through miraculous circumstances, to hit me while I was flying through the air, successfully knocking me unconscious.  
  
Personally, I'm shooting for theory number two.  
  
A/N: All right! That should be it! I made a conscious effort to make this chapter a bit more light and humorous. I really hope that I succeeded. This story was just getting too damn depressing.  
  
Anyway, I don't have too much to say, but I really do want some feedback on the Harry Potter/Emily thing. Drop me a line, I wanna know!  
  
A 


	41. Why Me?

A/N: I'm really sorry this has taken so impossibly long for me to update. Don't worry, I have absolutely no intention of abandoning this story, I am gunna see it through. I just had really, really bad writer's block. Just keep in mind that I am seriously gunna screw with Tolkien's timeline.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear my excuses, just on to the story right?

-

I had my eyes squeezed shut and my body tensed up. I think I had finally prepared myself for the bone-cracking and hopefully brain-numbing impact that was about to take place.

Yeah, pretty sure that never happened.

I could feel the once-whistling wind whipping by my ears become a dull roar, then a soft moan, then barely a whisper. I slowly opened my eyes and saw nothing but deep blue sky.

'What the f-'

I never got the chance to finish that oh-so-appropriate statement for at that moment Babes decided to make herself heard.

'Yeah, that's right. Start moaning about yourself there, bucko. Take a look at your faithful and very loving companion.'

I slowly moved my head to the left and damn near screamed.

Miraculously, (what else could you call it?), I was levitating about three feet from the ground and Babes was floating about six feet up, engulfed in a bright white light.

She gave me this look and said, 'Hey, I'm not gunna argue. My leg is working again.'

Okay, I did scream, but it was more of a statement/question. One that will never be reiterated again.

'My sentiments exactly.'

'So totally not helping there, dear. How the hell do we get down?'

'Last time I checked, my species, the frickin' horse, did not have any experience with flying!'

"Now, now," a gentle voice said. "Flying would involve movement. You are merely hovering."

'With style.'

I rolled my eyes.

"Babes, shut up. Gandalf, quite playing your freaky-deaky mind games and just get me the hell down."

-

After Gandalf finally finished chuckling enough to safely get us down again, Babes and I were led into Minas Tirith and what we thought would be some kick back and relax time. Or at least I thought it would be, Babes just couldn't keep her proverbial mouth shut.

She had been taken to the stables

'So, oh-wise-one, explain to me again why we are in the middle of a city when you wanted to get away from everyone?'

'Shut up,' I mind growled back to her. Still not sure how that is possible…

All I would get in return is a maniacal cackle and five minutes later the same question. Yes, Babes the talking horse was rubbing this moment in my face for all she was worth. As if my world could get even more topsy-turvy.

Finally I just told her to shove it where the sun don't shine and went to bed. Yes, it was only about one or two-ish in the afternoon, but after almost coming face-to-face with my maker earlier today, I was very ready for bed.

But not the dreams.

Every time I would feel myself begin to sink into the plush feather mattress and start drifting off into never-never land, I would be jerked awake with the thought of Sauron's possession. Talk about a definite sleep killer…

I tossed and turned in that bed until I thought I would quite successfully go mad. It must have been almost midnight, ten hours of restlessness later, that I figured screw it and got up again. Even though it was the middle of the night, I figured there must be at least something to occupy me until everyone else joined the world of the waking.

I slowly snuck out of the boarding house-type establishment and started to wander the streets. Yes, I know, really intelligent, a young woman roaming the streets in the middle of the night, alone. It would probably just be easier to tape a note to my head, "Yes, please rape me."

I decided to take my chances anyway. I had almost lost all nerve a couple of times when I thought I heard footsteps following me. I just blew it off as nothing more but my imagination.

I wandered those streets for what felt like forever, but was nothing more but an hour and maybe a half. That damn bell-ringer sure can get annoying. Yes, the really do yell out in the middle of the night, "Two o'clock and all is well." Some people…

Some how, by miraculous means is what I'm thinking, I managed to find myself at the very pinnacle of Minas Tirith. Yep, that bit ole chunk of rock at the very tip, I was right up there. But then again, it had taken forever.

After I got off the streets of the lower levels, I had to climb a butt-load of stairs. No wonder all these people are in such good shape. The medieval Stair-Master at your service. But, yes, anyway, I had managed to get up to that very pinnacle and was just standing there, letting the breeze and crisp night air roll over me.

It was an amazingly free feeling. It honestly felt like I could safely let all of my worries go sailing off with that breeze, never to be seen or heard from again. It finally felt like I wasn't the one in charge, I could blame someone else if it all didn't turn out right in the end.

It was right there I felt like giving up.

Think about it. I had not done a single damn thing. The only thing that I did that was even remotely memorable was when I was drawn to the Ring.

Then again, that possession by Sauron does rank pretty high on the list of creepy shit. Talk about a great party trick…

But in all honesty, I did not know what I had done for the whole, mission, quest, thing. I had been nothing more but a bump on a log. I had done nothing but tie other people down.

It was completely disheartening.

I leaned down on the ledge at the very tip of the rock and rested by head in my hands.

What was I supposed to do?

-

I sat like that, unmoving for what felt like an eternity. I slowly, methodically, went through every stage of my journey in this realm. Everything from being tied to that damn tree, to getting dropped thousands of feet by some nameless creature. Try as I might, none of it made any sense to me. Something was telling me that I had a higher purpose to being in Middle-Earth, but either I was too blind or too stupid to see it. I could not figure out why I had been sent here.

I slowly raised my head and looked to the dark shape looming on the horizon: Mount Doom.

"Be safe, Frodo, Sam. Even though you are so small, you carry the world upon you. Please, be safe," I offered up in a half-prayer.

I sighed and looked at the looming sun, how it stained everything it touched a deep rose color. Kinda like me in a way, everything I came into contact with was forever changed, tainted. It was not a happy thought.

I sighed deeply and I looked down into the streets below. Here and there shutters were being thrown open, doors cracked, chimneys began bellowing smoke, people began waking up.

A new day was upon me, and I still didn't know what to make of that last ones.

I quietly began humming. Then, glancing around to make sure no one was near, which they weren't, I began singing to myself. Ever so slowly, I began to gain volume until I was singing my heart out into that rising sun.

"Are these times contagious  
I've never been this bored before  
Is this the prize I've waited for?  
Now as the hours passing  
There's nothing left here to insure  
I long to find the messenger.

Have I got a long way to run  
Have I got a long way to run  
Yeah, I run…"

Someone grabbed my hand as I was singing, damn near scared me to death. My voice wavered as I looked down to see non-other than a very serious Pippin at my side, hand in death grip, staring at the same sun I was.

"Please," he whispered during the short moment of silence. "Keep singing."

Not one for being a party-pooper, I plowed on with the strangely fitting song.

"Is there a cure among us?  
From this processed sanity?  
I weaken with each voice that sings  
In this world of purchase  
I'm gonna buy back memories  
To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run  
Have I got a long way to run  
Yeah, I run.  
Yeah, I run.

Have I got a long way?  
Have I got a long way?  
Have I got a long way to run?  
Have I got a long way to run?

Yeah I run  
Have I got a long way to run?  
Yeah I run  
Have I got a long way to run?  
Yeah I run  
Have I got a long way to run?  
Yeah I run  
Have I got a long way to run?"

Finally it drew to a close and I stared down at the small but wizened being beside me.

Without saying a word, he explained himself as best he could. He looked at me, then out again into the distance, out to Mount Doom. Then, as I watched, a lone tear trickled down his face, tracing a path down his cheek. He looked at me and gave me a soft, watery, and more adult smile than I have ever seen.

Peregrin Took had been forced to grow up more than he ever thought in this short time. He had been cruelly torn from his home and thrust into this quest from Hell. He had overcome all this fear and grief for his friends, and he could still smile.

Slowly I sank to my knees in front of him. I turned towards him and looked him straight in the eye.

"They will come back. I know it."

He sighed and said, as though speaking to a young and quite demented child, "Emily, you have no way of knowing these things."

In Pippin's own way, he was trying to console me. We both knew that the odds had stacked so high against us that it was a nearly impossible feat to overcome them.

"Pippin," I said. "I know this because I will personally kill them if they do not."

-

A/N: There, now you know that I have not forgotten you. Yes, I know its not terribly long, but it is a turning point. No longer is Emily thinking of the Hobbits as care-free children. She has seen that they have been forced to grow up, as has she. She has faced her demons and pushed most of them behind her.

Even if you don't agree with me, I think that this is the turning point.

Talk about exciting…

By the way, the song was "Run" by Collective Soul. Gotta love it.

A


	42. Cod Piece?

Well, amazingly after three years...I'm back! Needless to say I had a minor case of writer's block. But, I think I have gotten past that. I really do have to say that I appreciate all of your reviews. I'm a horrible person, but for that three years with no update, I was still checking reviews. Talk about a steady trickle. It was inspiring.

One more thing before I get into the story, I do have to warn everyone that my writing style could have changed, but I am sincerely going to try to keep Emily as true to the story as possible.

Onwards!

---

About an hour after my singing, Pipping decided to call it a night. We had spent almost all of the time in complete silence. The only exception was the few times one of us would start hiccuping and blame it on the dust, the smog, a passing butterfly being inhaled.

Neither of us wanted to admit that every time we thought about the current situation the only course of action was to cry. There was just no stopping it. Even for my heroic and slightly idiotic statement earlier about what I would do if Frodo and Sam failed, I too had my doubts.

They were so small and the Eye was so big. Mordor was so big. The entire frickin' problem they were facing was so unbelievably big. 

I took one more look at the fiery night's sky and pushed off from the balcony.

'Are you OK?'

I jerked, then relaxed, "Yeah. I am. I think so anyway. I'm just getting so tired."

'Honey, you don't have four legs. You haven't been running for all mercy because of some flying monkeys every time you turn around. I have probably run four Boston marathons since I've met you, all because of you.'

"Ah, shucks. How the hell do you know what a Boston marathon is? Let alone how to calculate a hundred and four miles?"

'Your head is a scary, scary place.'

"Tell me about it. Just know that you aren't the one that gets to deal with it at night."

'Wanna bet?'

"Not really. 'Night Babes."

'G'night Emily.'

I was getting to the point where I was just too tired to think anymore. It wasn't that I was depressed, just more really tired with everything that had to be dealt with. That, and I still wasn't sleeping well. The whole red-fiery-eye-in-desperate-need-of-Visine-in-dreams-thing really kinda sucks.

I finally reached my room. I took a look down the long hall and could just see the red glow from the sky.

I sighed and pushed through the door.

---

Suddenly, a loud noise filled the room. I woke up so fast that I jerked right out of bed and fell to the floor. After much cursing, I managed to untangle myself from the bed clothes.

'Man, why do I have to be out here in the stables when all the good stuff happens?'

"Are you that bored that me falling out of bed is considered good stuff?"

'Don't flatter yourself. Something's going on at the city gates and I'm way the hell up here in the stables.'

"If you're way the hell up there in the stables, how do you know that something's going on. Babes, do you have wings and just failed to mention them."

'Amazingly, horses like to talk. Not a lot, mind you. But just enough to find out what saddles are in fashion, what grain is the best for slimming you down, which stallion is available, what mare had a foal and now just totally looks like a cow...' Babes trailed off. Finally, she sighed, 'Wow, you really are an idiot. If you listen to that noise that scared you from your much-needed beauty rest, you'll find out.'

I listened and finally could make out what was being shouted. Something about "Father-mire," soldiers being home and city being lost.

"Oh, sounds like someone's home."

'Oh indeed. Dumbass.'

I opened my mouth to snap back, but clicked it shut again as the sound of running feet rumbled by my door. I cracked open the door and eased my head through. Luckily, my reflexes hadn't suffered from my rude awakening because I was able to yank it back again before it was removed from my possession. There were so many people crowding their way through the hall it was a miracle that I had even gotten the door opened in the first place.

"Well, that way seems to be out."

'Damn skippy.'

I rolled my eyes and wandered out to the balcony to see if I could make out what was going on below. Apparently I didn't rank very high on the guest list since my room was in a building pretty close to the main gate. I guess the higher up your building was on the spiraling road, the higher your rank. My building was only two spirals up. The frickin' stable was four up. Something Babes made abundantly clear to me last night. Over and over and over again.

I reached the railing of the balcony and still couldn't see anything. The road was swarming with people and I could see a bunch of them were clustered around the front gate and what looked like a group of men on horses. I grabbed onto the trellis next to the railing and hoisted myself up until I was standing on the edge. Nope, still nothing.

I shook the trellis a bit and it looked somewhat sturdy enough. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders and swung over onto it. I figured that I could use it as a ladder and Spider Man my way down. The trellis wasn't nearly as steady as I thought.

Immediately, my foot broke through some of the lattice-work. Then my other foot. So basically, I was just hanging by my hands two stories above the ground hoping that the rest wouldn't give way. With a screech reminiscent of a cat being boiled alive, the trellis pulled away from the building and slammed down onto the street. Or more specifically, on top of me. 

I ignored the risk of being trampled and just laid there. Finally, a couple of younger boys ran right over the trellis. Not necessarily trampling me, but these kids weren't tiny. I leapt to my feet and started screeching at them.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys? I'm laying here. How the hell did you not see me? I mean honestly! Honestly!"

I glanced around at the group of people that had gathered. I couldn't see the kids anymore, they'd melted into the crowd. I stood there rubbing my calf with one of my feet and trying to find something witty to say when I heard one of the women in the crowd.

"'Tis the woman who came from Rohan. I've heard that she is not right in the head. Talks to animals, she does. And then, claims that they answer back to her. Best keep the young ones away, I fear that she may eat my Tyrhine."

I stared at her open-mouthed, "Lady, unless Tyrhine is a Big Mac, you don't have anything to worry about. My God!"

The group gasped and a couple of the women screamed. A man quickly reached out and grabbed one of the kids running by, "Make haste to the smithy," he ordered the boy. "Tell Big Macgillian that he is being hunted this night!"

"Jesus frickin' Martha! Are you people kidding me! Are you frickin' kidding me! I am NOT a cannibal. I can't belie--"

Babes chose that moment to butt in, 'Emily, get your ass down to those gates now. They just brought the new horses in and they are muttering about 'halflings' and little people. Two of them. Heading into the hills.'

I yelped and the people surrounding me stared even harder, "What? My horse just ordered me to get the gates. What the hell are you still looking at?"

With that, I made a mad sprint to the gates.

---

And by mad dash, I mean slowing squeezing between people and threatening others with gruesome bodily harm unless they part the way. After threatening to eat some people's children, the way basically parted for me like the Red Sea.

Even though I wasn't fighting my way through anymore, I still managed to come barreling through to the clearing by the gate and fall rather gracelessly flat on my face. I stumbled again to my feet, "What'd I miss? What'd I miss?"

I swear my jaw hit the dusty ground with enough force to crack the cobblestones.

"How can this be? How can you---. They told me that you---." I swallowed and tried again. "Boromir?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, the Boromir look-a-like's gaze shot to me and he scowled. Faster than I could comprehend the situation, I found both of his fists firmly planted on my collar and my body slammed up against the neighboring wall.

"How dare you! How dare you make fun at my brother's expense. I shall see you hung for your tongue."

I was so scared that I was in danger of peeing myself, but that still didn't stop my god-aweful tongue, "Are you sure you aren't Boromir? That's a pretty Boromir-esque reaction. Or is that just how all men react? Good grief. With all the practice I'm getting being slammed into walls, pretty soon I'm just going to be able to melt into them."

I know I didn't make much sense, but I was getting so angry that I could barely function anymore. Finally, I saw that I wasn't getting a decent reaction, I did the only other thing a girl could do. I slammed my right foot into the crook of his two legs. And promptly screamed.

The man actually dropped me, but I don't know if that was out of pity for me or because I was shrieking loud enough to make his ears bleed.

After what was probably about ten minutes and thirty ruptured eardrums, I managed to make coherant speech.

"When. Did. You. Guys. Start. Wearing. Nut. Cups? I think I broke my foot. I can't feel my foot!"

Then the man did something that I'll never forget. He looked down at my prone form and knocked his knuckles against his crotch.

Clang. Clang.

He grinned, "Tis steel."

---

Well, I know that not a whole lot happened this chapter, but I was more or less testing out my legs again. Seeing how I slipped back into character. I'd appreciate the feedback. You know what to do.

(Waggles eyebrows suggestively)

A


	43. Hari Kari

…..Uh, hi again? Well this time it only took me a little over a year to update. If I keep going at this rate, my next update with me in about four months or so. Ha. I just want to take moment to say that I really appreciate you guys sticking with me for as long as you have. This year will mark my sixth year writing this story. If I do say so myself, I think I've come a long ways.

---

"…Emily?....."

"Child, wake up."

'Are you really going to do this? I mean, c'mon. You stubbed your freakin' toe. You act as though an orc shish-kabbobed the sucker for you.'

I groaned and tried to open my eyes. Then, ever so slowly, I attempted the world's stupidest move.

I sat up.

I let out a sound somewhere between a tea pot boiling and a buck elephant's mating call.

"Oh, good. You are awake. Now then. Carry on, Faramir," I heard from somewhere above me. From someone that sounded suspiciously like Gandalf.

I finally successfully managed to open my eyes and was greeted by six different faces staring down at me from above.

"What happened?" I managed to choke out as I attempted to sit up again. I'm quite proud to say that I didn't give off a mating call this time.

The Boromir-look-a-like muttered, "You fainted."

"Wha-at?!"

"You fainted from a stubbing of the toe."

I finally managed to stand on one foot, hopping around rather hopelessly. I was just going to go at the nut-cup wearing mad-man, when I felt a small hand steady me.

"Are you all right, Emily?"

I looked down into Pippin's concerned eyes and sighed. I guess I would save the mad-crazy ninja moves for another day. That man better watch it. Who wears a nut-cup in this day and age?

I started glancing around, expecting the Monty Python players to appear at any given moment and launch into song and dance.

"That would just about figure too," I muttered to myself.

'You're doing it again.'

I jerked my head up and looked around, "What? Huh? What am I doing again?"

'Talking out loud to me, moron.'

"Oops."

Once again, I had managed to command the attention of those around me. It wasn't the good attention either. It was the attention that other parents give the child in the kindergarten class who is sitting in the corner eating the paste. As with those lucky parents, all you could see in any of the peoples' faces was, "I'm so thankful that's not me." Or "I'm so glad I never dropped my child on his head that hard."

God damn it.

I finally focused my attention on Pippen, but he was already distracted. Faramir, whom I took to be the man who had such delusions of grandeur about his genitalia, was staring at Pippen so intently, I was afraid that Pippen was about to be eaten.

"Whoa there, pard'ner," I said as I shifted myself in front of Pippin. "It's one thing to use your genitalia as a weapon of mass destruction, but actually attacking someone who is half your size it just plain bad form."

Just then, Gandalf decided to pipe up, "Faramir? This is not the first Halfling to have crossed your path?"

Faramir just gave a slight shake of his head, "No."

I was on him like white on rice.

I had managed to catch him by surprise, so I actually managed to slam him back against the wall before I had too many swords pointing at my head.

"That's all you have to say to that question?! 'No.' No? NO! Who the hell do you think you are? Seriously, who the hell do you think you are? You had better spill some beans or some other food stuff fast before I gut you with my fingernails!"

I'm quite proud to say that it took four fully grown men to peel me off Faramir.

Once I was effectively subdued, (one of the men felt it necessary to sit on me), Pippen joined the conversation.

"You've seen Frodo and Sam?"

"Good God, Pippin. As if you really had to ask that question after I just went all freaky on him…" I just sighed. Captain Obvious, that one.

"Where was this? When? Answer me, Faramir!"

For a moment, I thought Gandalf was going to take a page out of my book. Apparently, Faramir thought the same thing and finally spilled those beans I was so desperate to get at.

"In Ithilien, not two days ago. Gandalf, they've taken the road to the Morgul Vale."

"Who-da-what-ta?"

'Shut up! I'm trying to listen!'

"You shut up. I'm trying to listen too!"

The man sitting on me shifted around to give me a funny look.

"What? My horse wasn't leaving me alone."

He stood up and backed away very slowly.

I tuned in just long enough to overhear Gandalf commanding Faramir to tell him everything. I leapt to my feet, (once again shrieking), and attempted to shuffle after them as fast as my one and a half working feet would go. I made it about three feet, before Gandalf spun around.

"You have caused enough of a delay! Go!"

And then he made a shooing motion.

A shooing motion.

"Well fine! I'll just go be important elsewhere! See if I care! I don't need to hear about your uber-important details about if Frodo and Sam are still alive!"

I waited about six point four seconds after they had rounded the first bend before I started after them.

---

"How many freaking spirals do they have in here?" I puffed out between gasps.

'A lot. If you hadn't noticed. I believe my final count was fifty six.'

"You know, arrogance is not becoming. It's a good way to be turned into glue in fact."

'Oh pssshaw. You're just jealous that it only took me twelve minutes to make it all the way up and back down to the gate. It' s been what? An hour since you started?'

I said something very un-ladylike.

Babes just laughed.

Why do I feel about as threatening as a midget with a feather some days?

I turned my attention to the massive doors in front of me. As Babes had said, it only took me an hour, but I had finally managed to reach the top of the city. I crossed the courtyard to a bench in front of a dying, white tree and flopped down. I laid there for what must have been about a half hour and had even managed to dose off for a bit when I heard raised voices floating through the citadel's windows.

"I will not yield the river and Pelennor unfought! Osgiliath must be retaken!"

I sat upright and none-too-stealthily attempted to overhear more. That got some disapproving looks from the guards. I smirked and scooted closer to the building.

The voices had faded again and all I heard was faint murmurings. I tried to listen for a while longer, but wasn't hearing much more. I had just stood up to begin my walk back down the city to my building, when the door of the citadel crashed open.

Faramir stepped into the opening and then turned. Over his shoulder he called, "If I should return, think better of me, father."

At that he started walking again. I think he was too far away, but I heard the faint reply from who I very intelligently assumed was his father.

"That will depend on the manner of your return."

That's when I put together the fact that Boromir had once mentioned that his father was the steward of Gondor. I was in Gondor. Faramir just called the man holding court in the citadel "father." Faramir was Boromir's brother.

Wow, and I thought my family had issues.

---

After Faramir's departure, I hung around the courtyard a little while longer. I had been in Middle Earth for I don't even know how long, and I was feeling deprived of my shows. This was as close to Springer as I was getting for quite some time. I walked a little across the space and stared out towards Mount Doom.

Suddenly, some movement in the valley caught my attention. There was a small settlement down there that I had never noticed before. I shaded my eyes against the sun and squinted. I could just barely make out many tiny figures racing around down there. I stared a while longer until I gave myself a splitting headache, but I was still not able to make out what those figures were.

'They're orcs.'

My eyes widened in disbelief.

"This close to the city? Really?"

'You really are naive sometimes, aren't you? Just over those ridge of mountains is Mordor. That's where all the orcs come from. Where they come from in there, I'm not sure. But frankly, I doubt it involves a cabbage patch.'

I snorted back laughter at that one.

"Why are they letting the orcs get so close?"

'Did you seriously not comprehend any of the conversation you just overheard? My God, dear. You are a blonde in disguise.'

I stopped a moment and thought back to the exchange between Faramir and his father. Then, as if on cue, I heard the rattling of harnesses from below me. I looked down into the streets of the city and saw what looked like a long procession of men heading towards the city gates.

"You don't mean…." I trailed off in disbelief.

'Yes. I mean just that. Faramir's committing Hari Kari. But, without the cool fighter jet.'

I set off at as close to a run as I could manage.

---

I skidded around the last corner and finally came within view of the city gate. All of the men were clustered around it, looking more like terrified boys than men. Hell, some of them weren't more than boys. I noticed the street was littered with white blossoms. The whole city had turned out to see the last of their soldiers. The citizens were letting their soldiers kill themselves.

'Emily! You have to do something!'

"I know, Babes! I know. But what can I do?"

'Find Gandalf!'

But, oh, that was easier said than done. I started brutally shoving people out of my way, but there were so many of them, I couldn't get anywhere close to the gate. After getting more than a few elbows back in my face, I gave up that route and started looking for something to climb up on.

"Please let me find something," I muttered as I looked around frantically. "Hell, I'll even take a trellis at this point. Anything!"

Finally, I spotted a cluster of boxes that were leaning up against a building. It looked like some drunken giant got tired of playing with his Tinker Toys, the way they were scattered about, but at this point, I was not concerned with my own safety. I had to try to save Boromir's brother.

I clambered up on the boxes as high as I could go and started screaming my head off for Gandalf. The noise of the crowd was too much though. I could see Gandalf furiously gesturing to Faramir and shaking his head emphatically, but apparently he was too wrapped up in what he was doing to pay me any attention. I stopped screaming and just watched while Faramir brushed Gandalf off and dejectedly gestured for the city gates to be opened.

Just then, someone on a higher balcony dropped a blossom and it floated to the ground in front of me. As it settled, a song came to mind and I started singing it as loudly as I could. Just as I figured, people closest to me stopped talking. Soon more and more people were silent as they listened to my song.

"Been given twenty four hours  
To tie up loose ends  
To make amends.  
His eyes said it all  
I started to fall  
And the silence deafened.  
Head spinning 'round  
No time to sit down.  
Just wanted to  
Run and run and run.  
Be careful they say  
Don't wish life away,  
Now I've one day.

And I can't believe  
How I've been wasting my time

In twenty four hours they'll be  
Laying flowers  
On my life, it's over tonight.  
I'm not messing, no, I  
Need your blessing  
And your promise to live free.  
Please do it for me.

Is there a heaven, a hell?  
And will I come back,  
Who can tell?  
Now I can see  
What matters to me.  
It's as clear as crystal.  
The places I've been.  
The people I've seen.  
Plans that I made,  
Start to fade.  
The sun's setting gold,  
Thought I would grow old.  
It wasn't to be.

And I can't believe  
How I've been wasting my time.

In eighteen hours they'll be  
Laying flowers  
On my life, it's over tonight.  
I'm not messing, no, I  
Need your blessing.  
And your promise to live free.  
Please do it for me.

In thirteen hours they'll be  
Laying flowers  
On my life, it's over tonight.  
I'm not messing, no, I  
Need your blessing.  
And your promise to live free.  
Please do it for me.

I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it.  
All that I said, I meant it, I meant it.

And I can't believe  
How much I've wasted my time.

In just eight hours they'll be  
Laying flowers  
On my life, it's over tonight.  
I'm not messing, no, I  
Need your blessing.  
And your promise to live free  
Please do it for me.

In just one hour they'll be  
Laying flowers  
On my life, it's over tonight.  
I'm not messing, no, I  
Need your blessing.  
And your promise to live free.  
Please do it for me."

As the last note slowly faded, no one in the crowd moved. No one spoke.

"No one expects you to be your brother, Faramir," I said. "You are your own man. Do not throw your life away."

Even from this distance, I could see the tears on Faramir's face as he turned to me. He met my eyes for what felt like the longest moment of my life.

"Yes. They do."

And with that, he wheeled his horse around and thundered out the gates.

'Hmph. He's just slightly disillusioned.'

"Thanks Babes," I sighed as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

---

Well, I didn't end this one on quite as happy of a note, but this was not a happy moment in the movie. I'm sorry that the chapters really aren't covering much ground anymore, but I feel that I need to be as thorough as I am to really represent how Emily is coping with these situations.

The song I used was "24" by Jem.

You know what to do.

A


End file.
